Susan Forward's Reading Notes in The Family of Origin (Second Edition)

From birth, the first thing we face is family relations. Everyone's growth path is branded with the brand of being born in a family, just as the line in the TV series Ode to Joy says: "One's family is one's destiny."

Since we can't decide to be born, and we didn't happen to be born in an ideal family environment, how can we correct the influence of our family background?

As a world-renowned psychotherapist, Susan Forward gave the perfect answer in the book "Home of Origin"-that is, draw a clear line and be the best of yourself. As long as you are willing to stay awake and conscious and take the first step of change, the next step will naturally come.

The authors of this book are Susan Forward and Craig Barker.

Susan Forward is an internationally renowned psychotherapist, speaker and writer, and she has written Obsession: How to Love and Be Loved Normally, The Devil of Money, Emotional Blackmail and so on. In addition, she is a member of the British Psychological Association and holds two master's degrees in counseling psychology and clinical psychology.

Craig Barker, another author of this book, is a film writer and producer. He wrote articles for many American magazines and newspapers, discussed human behavior, and co-authored many works with Susan Forward.

Reading Home of Origin can help us grow in the following aspects:

1, know the cage of love. Every child carries the genes of the lineage family, which, to a certain extent, shape our character and attitude towards life, and then affect the whole life. "Poisonous" parents always weave a seemingly beautiful cage in the name of love to lock their children's lives. This is not true love, but a cancer in children.

2. Being born in a family is not our final destination. Being born in a family is our background color, but it is not the destination of life. Happiness or misfortune is not fate, but in our own hands.

3. Learn true love and know yourself. If you are unfortunately in a "toxic" parent-child relationship, what you need to do is to establish a good boundary between yourself and your family, and stop putting your parents' affairs and emotions on yourself. In interpersonal relationships, only by learning to connect with others in a healthy way, without inferiority and hardship, and establishing clear interpersonal boundaries, can we rebuild a stable and independent self-identity.

Finally, we extracted five classic famous sentences from the book to share with you, hoping to inspire you:

1, the act of love will nourish you and make you have a healthy mood. When someone loves you, you will feel accepted, cared for, cherished and respected. True love brings warmth, joy, peace and stability of mind and inner peace.

2. The biggest difference between a healthy family system and a toxic family system lies in how much freedom family members have as individuals to express their ideas. A healthy family values individuality, personal responsibility and independence, and encourages children to develop their satisfaction and self-esteem.

3. Research shows that corporal punishment is not an effective means, even if it is to punish certain bad behaviors of children. Its deterrent effect is only temporary, and the psychological, emotional and physical harm caused by physical abuse far exceeds its short-term restraint effect.

Eliminating the negative influence of parents on you is a step-by-step process. But in the end, your inner strength will be released, the self you have hidden for many years will be liberated, and you will find the loving and unique person you should have become.

We can forgive our parents for hurting us, but it should be after clearing our emotions, not before. In the face of our own experience, we need to vent our anger first, mourn that we have never longed for fatherly love and maternal love for a long time, and should not weaken and obliterate the harm we have suffered. Many times, forgiving and forgetting means pretending that nothing happened.