What is the marriage custom of Xuanhua?

Marriage customs in Xuanhua District, Zhangjiakou, China ~

The custom of choosing a spouse is to marry a woman and a man. In Xuanhua people's mind, the most popular marriage epistemology is spouse. No matter men or women, as long as they reach the age of eighteen or nineteen, someone is bound to propose, "a woman asks a hundred questions." When children reach a certain age, parents will prepare for their children's marriage. Prepare supplies or bride price for son and dowry for daughter. In the traditional concept of marriage, the family is suitable, the appearance is suitable, and the age is the same, so the animal sign cannot be the basis of marriage. People with matching looks have a higher marriage rate, but there is another opposite theory, that is, "perfect match", that is, men can find beautiful women with talent, followed by men's looks. When some beautiful women find an ugly man, "perfect match" finds a footnote. At the same age, most people agree that men are older than women, and 3-5 years older is not too big. However, many men are older than women 10 years old, which is also recognized by the people. Xuanhua people also talk about "little son-in-law", and a few men marry older women. There is also a folk custom that "junior girls hold gold bricks", and this junior marriage is also recognized. The folk custom that "a woman is five years older than her mother" is also deeply rooted. If a man marries a woman five years older than himself, it is regarded as an abnormal marriage. The genus is irrefutable, which accounts for a large proportion in marriage customs, such as "pigs can't go to the end" and "white horses are green cows". This matter has been widely circulated among the people. In the old society, marriage was absolutely impossible. After liberation, there are still residues in the subconscious. "Parents' life, the theory of matchmaker" is the first in marriage. Everyone who came from the old days knows that most marriages that parents don't agree with can't get their parents' blessing. Similarly, many marriages of "the fate of parents, the theory of matchmakers" make children unhappy and bring bad consequences. "Marry a chicken with a dog", "A good woman doesn't marry two men" and "A good horse doesn't have two saddles". For a long time, the concept that men are superior to women is still reflected in all aspects. For example, a dead woman is not allowed to remarry and a woman is a widow. Every time she meets Qing Ji, she must avoid it. If she remarries, it will be called "Erguotou". In some places, if she takes a second wife, the bride will ride a donkey backwards. If the family is poor and can't get a wife or looks too bad, it is difficult to choose a spouse by changing relatives. The son of A is changed to the daughter of B, and the daughter of B is remarried to the son of A, and the bride price and dowry ceremony after marriage are simple. This custom of changing relatives is still reserved in some remote areas. In the old society, there was a marriage of "pro-marriage plus pro-marriage". For example, an aunt's son married an aunt's daughter and her aunt became a woman. "Auntie and Cousins", Auntie's children are all married, and Auntie is a woman. However, menstruation is a woman, which is taboo. This kind of marriage is considered as "blood reflux". The custom of "inserting the door backwards" A woman has no children, and a man goes to the woman's house to open an account and ask for a son-in-law. When the man goes to the woman's house, he occupies a subordinate position, and the first child born takes the mother's surname. Another widower put the door in the widow's house, calling it "recruiting every family." Marriage is rampant in the mainland. After the market economy, some local traffickers returned to their old jobs, and the trafficked women fell into the "fire pit" again. There are illegal cohabitation and de facto marriage outside marriage, and some women voluntarily lower themselves to a subordinate position, only coveting the prosperity in front of them. These revived decadent marriages are being managed by relevant departments. In modern divorce cases, the proportion of women filing for divorce has surpassed that of men, which shows the progress of social civilization and the degree of women's ideological emancipation. Most people don't praise children's divorce or parents' divorce, but it's time to leave is also recognized by most people. Xuanhua people have different tolerance for premarital, marital and extramarital sex in different periods. In old China, if a child had premarital sex, it was considered a serious violation of the law. The light ones were swept out of the house, and the heavy ones were cut off and even cornered. I think premarital sex is a disgrace to my family. In the 1950s, the tolerance of this premarital sex was eased, and the main purpose of treatment was to minimize the damage to the family reputation. In the 1970s, children's premarital sex was still considered disgraceful. The treatment is to get married as soon as possible, or leave, have an abortion, etc. In the past, pregnant women without licenses were looked down upon. After the promulgation of the new marriage law, "getting a license" has legal protection, and people no longer pay attention to the long time of doing things, but care about the long time of getting a license. People no longer reject the intervention of third parties. The survey results show that people who are dissatisfied with marriage sympathize with "intervention"; People who are satisfied with their marriage are very disgusted with those who "step in".

In the old society, there were certain procedures for Ming media to marry. First of all, the matchmaker should propose marriage and fix it. With the consent of both parents, the birthdays of both men and women are written on red paper and sent to each other by the matchmaker. This is called "opening a red sticker". After the red stickers are delivered, everyone should put each other's birthday under their own chef and wait to be scolded. If there is an abnormal mutation in the family within three to five days, the relatives are injured, the family property is stolen, the family is broken, the dog is lost, and the cat is lost. It is considered that the gods do not allow children to get married. If there are no problems in three to five days, they can get married. At the same time, please ask fortune tellers to "marry" their children, such as whether they are in the zodiac. "Pigs and monkeys can't get married" means that pigs and monkeys can't get married; "Sheep and mice shed tears", that is, sheep and mice are worried. In addition to the zodiac, it depends on the fate of both men and women. There are five kinds of fate, namely, "Jin Mu fire and water", "Jin Kemu, wood and soil, earth and water, fire and water, fire and gold", namely, "people with wood life can't find people with wood life, people with water life can't find people with water life, and people with fire life can't find people with water life. That is, "gold produces water, water raises wood, wood makes a fire, and soil produces gold." "Upon inquiry, the marriage party thinks that being in-laws and husbands is an ideal marriage. People who get in the way rarely get in the way, but they can barely get married, and those who get married can't get married. " Changing the big post is called "big decision" by the people. Make a big decision and have a wedding. Both parties should prepare their own engagement gifts. Most of the gifts prepared by men are jewelry, seafood, snack boxes, tea cakes and so on. Most of the gifts prepared by the woman's family are stationery, shoes, hats, wallets and other male products. If it suits you, send jewelry in person as a basis for engagement. Marriage is established after engagement, and marriage is irreversible after engagement. After liberation, the marriage negotiation procedure was simplified, especially the free love broke the marriage situation with the matchmaker as the link. In the emerging process of marriage and love, the matchmaker only plays a certain intermediary role, even a foil. The matchmaker no longer plays a leading role in the success of marriage.

Engagement is to establish a marriage relationship. After the engagement, the young man became the fiance, and the young woman became the daughter-in-law who never went through the door. In the past, the date of marriage was usually decided by the man's family. The man asked Yin and Yang for divination and chose auspicious day to get married. Then the matchmaker told the woman and asked her family for permission. If the woman has no opinion, the wedding date is fixed. If the woman's family has an opinion, the matchmaker will report to the man's family and re-select the wedding date. Most of Xuanhua's wedding dates are "three, six and nine". That is, grade three, thirteen, twenty-three, six, sixteen, twenty-six, nine, nineteen and twenty-nine. This custom holds that "369, good luck". The month of the wedding is optional, and most rural areas choose to get married in the slack season, not in the first month or leap month; City people hold elections every two months, which means "yes-men", but they don't get married in the twelfth month, leap month, Mid-Autumn Festival or Spring Festival. The wedding date is determined according to the lunar calendar.