Zou Fan: I have depression, so I will die.

Inadvertently through Zhihu, I saw this news.

Zou Fan, whose real name is Ma Jie, female, born in 1990s, is a college student in Nanjing. 12 She hanged herself in the early morning of March. On March 18, Weibo sent it through the time machine. "I have depression, so I will die. There is no important reason. You don't have to care about my leaving. Bye. " (The above is from Baidu Encyclopedia)

At that moment, I suddenly felt that depression was so close to me and so far away from me. I have read books on psychology: everyone needs a psychiatrist, and everyone has a disease, heavy or light.

In fact, it is easy to think that a girl who is sad for the rain has just left ... "Will it be sad if the rain has been hiding all her life?" Say to your left hand: Take what your right hand gave you.

But sometimes, I even envy this feeling.

It seems that nothing has ever caused me great mood swings. I'm not interested in anything. I don't like laughing. I don't like crying. I don't like reading, eating, sleeping, shopping, traveling and everything around me. ...

But I can accept all this, and I can face it calmly. I can laugh when I should and cry when I should. ...

I once envied poets, and I envied them for having such a sensitive heart; I envy those who can strive for a metaphysical goal, even if it is a mistake; I envy those who have their own hobbies. I envy that they can clap their breasts and say, I love Paula.

I can't. I don't know why. There doesn't seem to be much emotion. Like a snake, a cold-blooded animal ... it's really hard for me to find something or someone I really like and love.

How I wish I could cry because I lost a game, make a hullabaloo about because my friend cheated me, and how I wish I was not so indifferent, for everything …

Have a meal. It's gone. Because of family ties.

The world is really annoying. Just because we were born ...

I want to have a belief. First, I can pin everything on it, on the Buddha, or on God, or on God ... It doesn't matter. Living like this day after day is really boring. As you can imagine, there is no feeling of mood swings.

Maybe you have such a person around you.

Silence, or talkative, or withdrawn, or outgoing optimism. Have their own ideas, mild obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and anxiety. I am a hopeless lonely patient, and I am a person who goes home at night after eating.

This is "walking rice". Maybe, we are each other, maybe, you haven't realized, maybe, he is the brother lying on the bed next to me. ...

I don't know. I don't know whether to live or die. It might be better.

I don't know what to do, but I know that if you are sad, just cry ... I know there is always a small corner in this world that can accommodate you. I know that if one day you feel that the night is too hard, you must wait until the sun comes out. ...

As for bringing food, since it's decided, let's go. I believe maybe you will get rid of it. Have a nice trip! ! !