Stealing color and turning disaster into pleasure: abstain from color for a year and a month, and gradually realize an epiphany [4]

Continue with the third chapter of this article.

In the past, when I was free, I always felt that it was not difficult to quit color. As long as I master the core points, it is natural to quit masturbation, which should be something that everyone can do. However, after reading some cases and persuading my friends around me, I suddenly found that it is really impossible for everyone to give up prostitution completely. Abstinence is a systematic thing and a "second-rate" thing. The first step, of course, is to give up a series of substantive sexual habits such as masturbation. The second step is to break off sexual relations. The third step is to temper a series of negative thoughts. The fourth step is to externalize into doing things. All this has been done, and it is only at the peak of professional abstinence. If we go further, we will reach the metaphysical ontological category. These steps are more difficult than other steps, but the scope of influence on life has increased exponentially. Many people always complain that there is no improvement after quitting color, which is probably because the practice of quitting color is still relatively elementary. But these times are intertwined and vary from person to person. Some people may have to do the third step before they can do the first step, while others may do the first step before moving on to the third step. ...

Why did you write these first? Of course it has something to do with the topic. The so-called "sudden failure after long-term abstinence" in the title is actually what happened in the first step, that is, sudden failure after abstaining from masturbation for hundreds of days or years. In fact, there are many quitters in the bar. The fuse for their sudden breaking of abstinence can be varied, but it can also be attributed to one thing: mass production has undergone qualitative changes, and the wall of abstinence finally built has been gradually corroded by various habits during the calm and stable period of abstinence, and finally collapsed. As far as the physical damage caused by a break is concerned, the damage is actually very small, but the most terrible thing is the psychological "collapse" caused by this break and the re-emergence of the "pornographic circuit" in the brain. Now discuss these two things separately and add subtitles.

Psychological "Collapse" —— Building self-confidence in one's personality

Probably everyone is born with a weakness. When everyone's personality is established, with the growth of age, they will build their self-confidence on external things more and more unconsciously. These external things may be: attractive heterosexual partners, special skills, money or social status and so on. The biggest feature of this self-confidence is that when the external things disappear, it will collapse. It is a pity that those abstainers, after hundreds of days of success in abstaining from color, have become quite persistent in the matter of "success in abstaining from color" Therefore, when the wall of abstinence collapses, their confidence in abstinence, or their entire personal design, also collapses. In fact, as an ordinary person, everyone's confidence will collapse at this time, but our mentality of quick success and instant benefit can't see the longer-term development after the collapse of confidence, so we repeatedly sink in short-term failures. Everyone will say that we should think dialectically, think positively from the bad side and see the bad side from the good side. But when setbacks do come, we should reflect: are we optimistic about the worst? Or is our so-called optimism about whether it is good or not just a short-term comfort to ourselves?

Those abstinence friends who have been unable to find abstinence after a sudden failure and have repeatedly failed, the first question to ask themselves is: Have you really been confident in your personality?

True self-confidence should be that you still have firm confidence in yourself in the face of setbacks, rather than being complacent when you succeed and being defeated when you are frustrated.

After a long-term failure to quit color, confidence is lost, and the determination to quit color is not raised at all, which leads to a mess in actual combat. This is the reason why it is impossible to quit color again. Therefore, it is particularly important to rebuild self-confidence. Among them, we should attach great importance to "Xu Li". Let's be specific.

First of all, it is necessary to build self-confidence step by step. We can't give full play to people's subjective initiative blindly. First of all, we should respect objective laws. For example, after the first failure, the abstainer will make a new "poison oath" to ensure the last break. However, the objective law is that for most people, breaking the precepts is doomed to be broken again. If you set yourself a higher goal at this time, when you fail again and again, you will only become less confident and quit in despair. I suggest starting with the simplest: punishment.

Buy a better notebook, record the time of breaking the precepts, reflect on it, and then punish yourself. This punishment can be: not eating for a day. When you write down this punishment, you must do everything possible. This is much simpler than quitting color for hundreds of days, because all you need is short-term tenacity and not too strong temptation (maybe it is difficult to eat food). There seems to be nothing special about it. The most important thing is that when you do it, you will regain your confidence.

Next, we should reflect on why we have succeeded in quitting color before, and what are the merits, such as persisting in exercising, studying, practicing formulas every day, going to bed early and getting up early, and so on. , and record them in the notebook. No matter how you resist, you should continue to stick to these habits. When you can keep these habits, your self-confidence will be accumulated again.

But if we only maintain the above, it is still possible to break the precepts continuously. At this time, a test comes, that is: do you doubt yourself, doubt these once useful color stopping methods, and want to switch to other color stopping methods? Once I have this idea, I will pause. It's not that there is anything wrong with the idea itself, but that the idea contains a potential logic: I don't want to insist, I feel so miserable at present, and I want to quit color in a relaxed way. However, the core influencing factor of abstinence lies in one's determination, not the method. When you give up the original abstinence method and continue to pursue the so-called "simple abstinence method", the determination to abstain from abstinence is gone, and the result is often: after trying all the methods, you still can't get out of the strange circle and break through the bottleneck.

When these good habits can be adhered to, you must write them down in your notebook every day and give yourself a spiritual "call"-for example, you can definitely quit color again; You can do it. Wait a minute. In this way, when you see the record changing day by day, a sense of sureness arises spontaneously, and the shadow shrouded by failure begins to be broken by you.

Then, it's time to start the next important step-enriching your life. After breaking the precepts, people often lose confidence and easily become lifeless or irritable, but at this time, the more they want to do the opposite. There are many ways to enrich your life, such as setting goals and working hard for them, reading more books and so on. But the point is still: expensive, unchanged. Only by doing it seriously can we feel truly practical and calm. In fact, no matter which period, the most needed emotional factor for abstinence from color is "harmony", and the emotional factor is not something we want to have, but only responds to the predecessors' saying that "we get what we do", which is not only applicable to the material world, but also to people's mental state.

About enriching my life, I will talk more about a few things I have done well. The first is to calm down and study or study hard; Second, be patient with parents, accumulate and develop constantly, and be more and more filial to parents; Third, communicate with friends more. The warmth from family and friends is important for abstinence. If a song is used to describe the mentality of quitting friends after breaking the precepts, I think of the most popular "cool" at present, and the warmth of family and friendship is like another old song-"Warm". When you can treat your family and friends calmly, that kind of warmth is like a ray of light in the eternal night, which can dispel all the lascivious darkness at once.

When you can live a complete life, your self-confidence has accumulated a lot, and it is only a matter of time before you break through the strange circle. However, if you want to further improve your self-discipline ability, so as to quit color more stably, you must "build confidence in your personality."

Personally, I like a saying that a person's life contains three "dimensions", namely length, width and depth. Length is the length of life, you can't control too much. As the saying goes, there is no difference between young and old on the road to death. But on the whole, we all want to live longer, at least have our own original life, otherwise we won't give up color and keep healthy. Let's talk about breadth, that is, how to make life more exciting. The breadth of life is closely related to the material world. We can broaden our life by studying and traveling, avoiding color and preserving health, making our life more colorful and enriching our social experience and so on. This is exactly what we want to say: read thousands of books and take Wan Li Road. The accumulation of self-confidence I mentioned above is actually a short article on "broadening the width of life", the essence of which is to expand from the narrow pattern of addicted prostitution to a new width of life.

In order to further build self-confidence in one's personality, we should start from improving the depth of life. To improve the depth of life, the most effective and passive "method" is frustration and pain. Take a closer look at those who have really made achievements in history. They experienced hardships and setbacks that non-human beings could bear before finally witnessing the truth of life, such as Wang Yangming's enlightenment in Longchang, Zeng Guofan's self-cultivation achievements and the experiences of enlightenment masters. Most of us don't need enlightenment, at least let our psychological age move from childish to mature, and build up deep confidence in our personality. And this can only be achieved if it is hit by setbacks. Therefore, temporary abstinence failure is not a bad thing, but a lesson for real abstainers that they did not learn in childhood. When the pit of inner inferiority is opened by the failure of abstinence, only real warriors can dare to face it. Dear abstainers who have failed temporarily, you should believe in yourself, affirm yourself and cultivate deeper confidence in yourself!

When you really get through the trough and write down your experiences to inspire others, is abstinence really a failure?

Reconstruction of pornographic circuits in the brain

Let's talk about another aspect after the sudden failure of long-term abstinence-the re-establishment of pornographic circuits in the brain

Why did we find it so difficult when we first quit color? In fact, a large part of it is due to physiological reasons. Chinese medicine has long said: deficiency leads to hyperactivity. In the west, people think that the persistent addiction to pornography has formed a "pornographic" cycle in the brain, and everything will be associated with pornography first, that is, "addiction" is very heavy. This is actually very easy to understand. For example, if we often do something, such as singing, then we will be very sensitive to all kinds of sounds. Therefore, many people who are seriously addicted to pornography will associate everything with pornography. This is also the reason why it is more difficult for drug addicts to quit, because their cycle is deeply rooted, and it is really difficult to completely break that cycle without a few years of abstinence.

Back to the topic, first of all, I want to start with the "color-stopping and stable period". Why do you feel relaxed after entering the stable period of withdrawal, and you can solve the battle with a little observation? In fact, it is the "erotic circuit" in the brain that is slowly abandoned, so there are few evil thoughts and it is easy to get rid of them. Why is it difficult to get rid of evil thoughts at the peak of abstinence? My personal opinion is that this is actually the result of the struggle between good and evil in the body. When the kidney qi slowly nourishes, and the Chinese medicine: the kidney is connected with the brain, at this time the body will enter a state of no sex, so it begins to mobilize the kidney qi to clear the original erotic circuit. At this time, good and evil began to confront each other, which was manifested in the unprecedented desire and hard-to-break thinking in the subjective feeling. And why does the desire to successfully pass the peak of abstinence go calm? In fact, this cycle has been cleared. Therefore, after each abstinence peak, the difficulty of abstinence will decrease in turn.

When the abstinence period is suddenly interrupted, the cycle will be "activated" again, so the difficulty of abstinence begins to increase gradually. Once it is broken, the pornographic cycle will be awakened, and when it is constantly broken, the pornographic cycle will begin to thrive again. At this time, the difficulty of abstinence can be imagined, and it is often intensified to continue abstinence, thus falling into a deeper cycle. And every time I quit color again, when the circulation in my brain is cleared, the unprecedented desire actually exceeds the time when my couple quit color. If I don't have the determination to quit color at this time and have been feeling sorry for myself, how can I not fail to quit color? What's more, after falling into a powerful cycle of negative energy, some abstainers became traitors to abstinence and began a more degenerate life.

[The painful battle of abstinence-the first three peaks of abstinence]

Having said the above theory about "re-establishment of pornographic circuits", it's time to talk about actual combat.

Generally, the first three days after breaking the precepts are the time when the desire is strongest, and it is also the time when continuous breaking of precepts and broken cans are most likely to occur. About 20 days, there will be a second time when the desire is strong; In a month or two (in short, 100 days), there will be a third time when the desire is strong. Why are there so many abstinence peaks after long-term abstinence failure? The reasons are the above two: the loss of confidence (determination) in abstinence and the re-establishment of pornographic circuits in the brain. In fact, there are other reasons, such as frustration after breaking the precepts, being alone all the time, and so on. Here are just a few examples.

What is the key point of breakthrough after a long-term failure to quit color? The answer is, if you only break the ring once after a long-term failure, then the key point of breakthrough is about 20 days, a month's peak; If the broken jar falls into inertia after failure, then the key point of breakthrough is the first three days of breaking the ring peak.

In fact, after reading some cases and my own experience that I can't break through in a month, I understand the struggle and discomfort of these abstinence friends at the peak of abstinence, so I won't describe the pain here. Let me extract a passage from a abstinence friend:

"When I quit color for more than 60 days, I once had a very serious desire. From morning till night, my desire is not fade away and I can't even sleep. "

Strictly speaking, the monk's abstinence is not a sudden and long-term failure. His situation is very similar to that after a sudden and long-term failure. Once he breaks through the abstinence peak in the first three days or so, and the pornographic circuit in his brain is eliminated to a certain extent, he will usher in the strongest abstinence peak. Of course, the date is not strictly divided, but the actual abstinence at the peak of abstinence is certain and inevitable. It is good to meet the peak of abstinence, because it is a new world of abstinence, but it is often difficult to break through because of repeated desires. Here I recommend you to read another article about Lust, Caution, which is a supplement. The name is: some points and experiences from lust, caution to breakthrough day.

On how to break through this period of time, the article talked about many points that I think are critical. Here I added a core point: chanting the formula (or Buddha's name) desperately or even crazily.

I suggest that this kind of abstainers must recite the formula whenever they have time within one month after abstinence. If there is a counting standard, it is about 6000 Buddhist names or 1500 precepts (read all four sentences). Only this amount can ensure our vigilance in our spare time and improve our understanding of brainlessness. If there are specific principles … there are no principles, you can only get them by doing them. If you can really do it, you will naturally understand. Besides, it's great to quit friends who can really meet this standard, because at least you have broken through your own inertia.

[Give yourself some encouragement and get out of the depressed psychological state]

During the postgraduate entrance examination, many students unconsciously learned to play mobile phones. At the end of the day, they feel that they are affected too much, feel depressed and have no confidence. Slowly, these students will start to "force themselves", strictly limit how many hours they must study, and put their mobile phones in the dormitory. But over time, they found that the learning efficiency was very low, the learning motivation was seriously insufficient, and the whole person was very tired. This phenomenon is very common, and I have a deep understanding of it myself. When I learned to learn, I found that I couldn't go on learning. At this time, my first reaction was to "force myself". Later, after listening to a teacher's words, I suddenly realized. His general meaning is as follows:

"Every time the human brain learns something (especially those things that it is not actively interested in), there is an upper limit. When learning exceeds that level, it is difficult for the brain to accept the input of new things, so at this time we will unconsciously take out our mobile phones to play. Is it really attractive? Actually, it is not. It's the brain that protects itself. At this time, our students turned around and forced themselves to instill learning content. This will only lead to two possibilities: one is that they can't learn how to learn, and the other is that new things have been learned and old things are out of date. "

After listening to his words, I remembered the part where my abstinence friend failed for a long time.

Actually, there are some rules about abstinence. For example, once you quit, it is basically a continuous abstinence. Many abstainers tend to feel more and more insecure. The more they quit, the more they turn around and "force themselves", complaining that they are useless and feel sorry for themselves, making their mentality more and more depressed and unable to get out of the strange circle. Therefore, it can also be seen that abstinence is indeed a systematic thing, and often most abstainers are not so rich in life experience, and there are not many experiences of "trying to do one thing for a long time but failing", so the emotional management of it is blind, and it is a bit helpless under blindness.

After hundreds of days of abstinence failure, many people have collapsed inside. As we all know, abstinence for hundreds of days is a historic success in itself. Even if there will be continuous violations later, once the state is adjusted, it is not difficult to quit for hundreds of days. Many abstainers always feel that they are back before liberation after failure. In fact, neither the consciousness of abstinence nor the degree of physical recovery has returned to before liberation.

After a sudden failure, don't subconsciously equate yourself with yourself at the beginning of abstinence, and feel that you have regressed to a new person at the beginning. In fact, in the practice of color abstinence, the down cycle is absolutely crucial, and you learn far more in the down cycle than in the up cycle. What is it to stop color for hundreds of days at a time? In any case, we can only sum up those basic points, such as studying and exercising every day. But what we learn from failure is more valuable knowledge of abstinence-adjusting emotions, accepting failure, rebuilding deeper self-confidence and so on. In addition, after failure, calm down and read the article about abstinence, and you will have a deeper understanding of those "basic points". As ChristianRandPhillips wrote in the article "Caution", failure is the most beautiful scenery on the road to success, and it is failure that makes you stronger step by step.

[Improve learning efficiency and attach importance to "output" training]

A friend who suddenly failed after a long period of abstinence has an easy shortcoming, that is, he is bored with abstinence articles, and it is difficult to calm down and read abstinence articles. However, to put it bluntly, the "7788 consciousness" after breaking the precepts is itself a kind of ignorance.

The so-called understanding of 7788 is actually a theoretical understanding in a strict sense. For example, I have memorized all the mathematical formulas. So, if I understand the theory, or if I remember the mathematical formula, can I really solve the problem? The answer is: don't say that I have memorized the formula, but I have memorized the derivation of the formula (the principle expounded in the analogy abstinence article), and even I have mastered the answers to many questions (the analogy has mastered the attack routine of demons), and I can't do any problems (comparable to the peak period of abstinence). There is no doubt about this analogy. After 20 18, I tasted it.

However, our magic test of abstinence is not a competitive test between people like postgraduate entrance examination, so we should test some people to death under the topic, and abstinence is more about "I deal with me."

I deal with myself. One of them wants to degenerate and indulge me, and the other wants to fight back. Only by learning to arm the side that wants to fight back can we compete with the demons. Speaking of this, some abstainers may think that the other me should be "mindfulness awareness", but it is not. When I realized that I had not handed over my evil thoughts, it was already a battle between "I want to fight back" and my demons. However, it is worth noting that the consciousness of subduing evil thoughts is completely hung, and "I deal with me" will experience certain pain and suffering. Having said that, we can also insert a conclusion: we must practice hard to stop thinking, so it will be easier and easier to stop thinking.

How can we arm "I want to fight back"? The most direct way is to learn, as the saying goes: learning improves consciousness, and consciousness reduces evil.

As for learning, many details I have explored by myself are written in the post "Some points and experiences from the early stage of lust, caution to breaking through the day". What needs to be added here is the wonderful way to improve learning efficiency-output training. After learning so many articles about abstinence and reading abstinence notes repeatedly every day, I still can't have more experience. You can try this method.

Output training, as the name implies, is to output what you have learned and summarize and refine it. There are several ways: the first is to answer the question of abstaining from friends; The second is to write about abstinence, as I am doing now.

I didn't intend to write so much, but when I wrote it, I had a lot of fragmentary ideas about abstinence. In this way, my article can not only help those suitable abstinence friends, but also summarize and refine my own thoughts on abstinence articles. Many abstainers will thank my article. In fact, I have the same attitude towards their encouragement and support. It is precisely because of the enthusiastic reply and support of every abstainer that I can write articles again and again and find such a good way to improve my learning efficiency. I am deeply grateful to you here! !

Answering the question of abstinence is not bad, but the key is that you should think patiently and then give the answer, so as to mobilize your original abstinence thoughts to the greatest extent and help abstinence friends more specifically. Personally, I prefer to answer the questions in teacher Fei Xiang's post. On the one hand, it is to help quit friends, on the other hand, it is to improve yourself. On the other hand, if my answer is wrong or not detailed, Mr. Feixiang will supplement it accordingly. I suggest you try this method. After patiently and seriously helping abstainers answer questions, the key points are: summing up and refining. Collect the answers you think you have answered well on a PPT or WORD, and then accumulate them for about a month to sort them out. It is very important to summarize and refine, as a postgraduate teacher said: "The key is not how many questions you have done, but how many summaries you have made."

The sudden failure after long-term abstinence is really a blow, but it also shows the imperfection of abstinence consciousness.

We should thank ourselves who are still working hard after failure, and stand up again after failure to truly become strong.

I believe that every abstainer is an indomitable person in life, so he chose the road of abstinence. Then, since he has chosen, he must "don't forget your active mind, so that he can be forever".

Remember: there is only one kind of failure, and that is the person who gives up before success. Dear friends, come on!