How can we overcome the fear of marriage?

"Marriage phobia" is a persistent, abnormal and unfounded fear and worry about marriage or intimate relationship. People who are afraid of getting married will also like or love a person, but when the other person shows his love, he may shrink back and be afraid of entering an intimate relationship. This phobia is often related to a series of personality traits or neurosis, and closely related to social factors.

Because most phobias are caused by society, such as social phobia, there is no description of marital phobia in DSM-5. Psychological disorders are different from psychological problems. Psychological problems are some problems that everyone will always encounter. Marriage phobia should belong to the category of psychological problems in most cases.

But for any phobia, the symptoms vary from person to person. These symptoms usually include extreme anxiety, fear and any physical reaction related to panic, such as shortness of breath, arrhythmia, sweating, hyperhidrosis, nausea, dry mouth, nausea, inability to express words or sentences, dry mouth and trembling.

It is generally believed that fear comes from external events (that is, traumatic events) and internal tendencies (that is, heredity). Many specific phobias can be traced back to specific triggering events, especially early traumatic experiences. Fear of marriage People often experience emotional trauma or have the shadow of the breakdown of marriage between parents and friends. Therefore, they have no confidence in running a marriage or relationship.

In addition, from the social point of view, in the traditional society, marriage is not as independent and simplified as the combination of men and women now, but has gone through a very complicated process such as matchmaker, parents, fortune telling, gift giving, banquets and ceremonies. It includes not only biological and economic factors, but also cultural factors related to the family line, destiny belief, family matching and so on. Girls who live freely in their parents' homes face a more severe test after marriage. The combination of the two sides is not necessarily the result of love. This is a "family-oriented" marriage form, and the risk of marriage is shared by the family. Now, people no longer pay attention to family interests, but start from the perspective of "individual standard" On the other hand, more freedom of choice means that individuals have to bear the consequences and responsibilities of independent choice.

"Today, anyone who intends to establish a close relationship with another person must participate in risk calculation and must judge the possibility of happiness and security." (Giddens)

Due to the increase of the risk cost of marriage in modern society, it is bound to affect people's psychology of choosing marriage. In addition to being afraid of extramarital affairs caused by emotional trauma, from the woman's point of view, the main concerns are: the future mother-in-law problem, the balance between family and career, and the loss of personal charm after marriage; In addition, with the independence of women, economic issues are also taken into account. From the man's point of view, he may worry that the cost of marriage is too high, he can't afford it for a while, and he will lose his freedom after marriage. Or the object of communication can't meet their ideal expectations, and they are afraid that after the object of future expectations appears, they can't remain loyal to their current lover. The rising divorce rate has also affected people's confidence in marriage. However, this fear also reflects people's cautious attitude towards marriage from another side.

Commenting on the Japanese drama Tianyan, commentator Huang Tongtong wrote in his blog, "In such a boring and boring marriage, why do women stick to the mire beside a man who treats his wife as a refrigerator, opens it when necessary, and doesn't repair it when it breaks down?" In addition, Li Ao also summed up the benefits of men not getting married. However, there is always a kind of psychology: I am afraid that my married life will become boring and trivial, and I have to look at people's faces. Married life is not as exciting as single life.

There are also many "fear of marriage" among the glamour stars who are not married. It is said that Ruby Lin was influenced by his father who suffered in his marriage.

As for the consequences of fear of marriage, everyone will always have more or less hesitation and anxiety before entering intimate relationships. But in this society, unmarried has not become the mainstream, and it will not have much impact on social stability. However, for individuals, the fear of marriage will affect their happiness. But on the other hand, fear itself also reveals that there is something wrong with itself or the relationship itself. If "fear of marriage people" want to get married and become "fear of marriage people", it is necessary to find out the reasons for their "fear of marriage", improve themselves before getting married, let them grow up and be prepared for their shortcomings, so that they will not be troubled by entering marriage in the future. For those "fear of marriage people" who are related to their personal growth experience and personality, such as those whose parents are not harmonious in marriage or who grew up in a single-parent family, we should try our best to eliminate obstacles in interpersonal communication, learn to love and establish close relationships with each other. After entering marriage, we should also learn how to manage marriage and how to get along with husband and wife. Let marriage be the continuation and sublimation of love. Of course, in a pluralistic era, if you are neither afraid nor yearning for married life, then there is nothing wrong with an open unmarried person.