The company's funny jokes and phrases

1. Make a funny remark and use your head.

The general manager of the company is on a business trip abroad. When he is done, he will be dragged around by the driver. The purpose of connecting flight is to buy some gifts for my wife. It has become a habit for the general manager to buy some gifts for his wife every time he goes out.

In a fashion shop, the general manager took a fancy to a women's pajamas, pink and sexy, 360 yuan. After paying the money, the general manager felt a little regretful. The reason is that the salesperson did not issue an invoice for "office supplies". This embarrassed the general manager. How does he go back to the finance department for reimbursement? On the way back, he sat in the car and thought about it all the time.

When the garage reached a crossroads, it suddenly saw an old farmer driving a group of pigs. The general manager suddenly had a brainwave and said to the driver, "I bought a pajamas for your sister-in-law, but I can't explain it when I get back to work." Just make a note and say that he accidentally killed a sow of the farmer on the road and compensated 360 yuan. "

The matter ended like this, but the driver felt uncomfortable: your wife was wearing pajamas, and the money she spent was reimbursed by the government, but this responsibility was pushed to me, and I became a big head. How can this be true!

Finally, one day, the driver took a piece of paper for the general manager to sign. It reads: "On a certain day, I drove to a certain section and accidentally killed a farmer's sow to compensate 320 yuan."

The general manager took the note and thought for a moment. He signed his name with a stroke of the pen.

A few days later, the general manager went on a business trip to other places, finished his business, and asked the driver to drag him around in order to buy a gift for his wife. In a jewelry store, the general manager took a fancy to a pair of earrings made in 850 yuan. After paying the money, the salesperson of the jewelry store refused to issue an invoice for "office supplies".

When the general manager goes back, ask the driver to type a note the same as last time. But this time, the general manager changed a word on the note and changed "killing a sow" to "killing an old sow".

Two deputy general managers and nearly 10 middle-level cadres have learned the news that the general manager's car killed the sow. So, today is Deputy General Manager Li, tomorrow is Deputy General Manager Wang, the day after tomorrow is Planning Department, and the day after tomorrow is Director Lai of Safety Office ... Sometimes, someone will write down "Kill a sow" or "Kill an old sow" and let the general manager sign it.

So, the general manager called a meeting of all the cadres in the company to study this problem. After fully carrying forward democracy, they studied and promulgated the regulations of * * company on cadres going out to kill sows.

The regulations clearly emphasize that the general manager can kill 12 pigs every year, including no more than 6 old sows, and the deputy general manager can kill 6 pigs and no more than 3 old sows every year. Middle-level cadres can kill three pigs every year, of which the old sow can only kill 1 pig. Ordinary employees are not allowed to kill pigs when they go out. Where the index is exceeded, the expenses shall not be accounted for and reimbursed.

2. Very interesting sentences A: Very interesting sentences

1, problems that can be solved with money are not problems, but the problem is that I am poor.

The chicken's resistance is to make its meat unpalatable.

My greatest skill is to use cheap things and expensive effects. Such as cameras, microphones, and yourself.

4, listen to your words, hang the southeast branch.

I used to believe that I could turn my life into a joke, but now I just hope not to turn my life into a case.

You can't believe any news until it is officially denied.

7. "If your wife and your lover fell into the water at the same time, would you like to find a plump one or a petite one?" "I still can't find anyone who can't swim."

8, the population is heavy, it is planned to ban coke and drink syrup.

Don't you know that you didn't do anything except dream about what I was doing and I was busy?

10, don't use a honey trap on me, or I'll play along.

1 1. The fortune teller said that I would meet a woman who was important to my life when I was eighty. Her name is Meng Po.

12, I feel sad every time I see you eating pork. It's the same root What's the hurry?

13, I hate Qin Shihuang. He burned the book, but he didn't finish it.

14, "Uncle policeman, I lost my bag" "Don't worry, it's on me" "Then give it back to me!"

15, there is a man alive and he is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died.

16, I am in a bad mood today I just want to say four sentences, including the first two, that's all.

17, I saw a couple making out on the road. So I ran to the boy and said, Brother, today's sister is not as beautiful as yesterday. ...

18, fleshy, don't hit your legs or chest if you can!

19, time is like cleavage, squeeze it, there will always be!

I want to be a man and marry a good woman like me in my next life.

3. Give me some humorous sentences. Lu's wisdom

When defending Kansai with heavy punches, Zheng Tu, who was far away waiting for Jin Lao's father and daughter, won the time for Jin Lao's father and daughter to go home. After killing someone, pretend to be dead first. Buy yourself time to escape.

He is not only profound in wisdom, but also humorous. Just after the hair was cut in Wutai Mountain, the monk recited the dialogue with the young monk while he was sleeping, and carried the humor to the end. The following is the original novel: According to legend, Lu returned to the meditation bed in the jungle Buddhist field and fell asleep. Two Zen monks on his upper and lower shoulders pushed him up and said, "I can't help it. If you want to become a monk, why don't you learn to meditate? " Shen Zhi said, "What does sleeping at home have to do with you?" Zen yizi said, "Good!" Shen Zhi said with bare sleeves, "You can eat tuanyu at home. What are you talking about? " Zen He Zi said: "But it is bitter!" Shen Zhi service road: "Tuanyu is big, fat, sweet and delicious, so it is' bitter'." Shoulder-to-shoulder Zen and Yizi ignored him and let him sleep by himself. Where can there be humor without wisdom?

3. Go to Suoguo Temple to cook and collect a bunch of local ruffians, so that they can respect, fear and worship him.

4. Lin Chong was stabbed with Cangzhou and followed quietly all the way.

5. Seeing through the darkness of officialdom is smarter than anyone else. He doesn't want to be hugged, but his heart has turned to dust. He is the home of everyone's brotherhood. After Fang La was captured alive, he didn't become a monk or an official, and he didn't want to be an abbot of famous mountains and rivers. He just found a body. It turns out to be right. None of the Liangshan heroes who came back to China in rags came to a good end.

He is indeed a man of profound wisdom, but his appearance and living habits are rude.

4. Say some funny sentences 1. Whoever loves you again in the future will get a slap in the face. If he doesn't fight back, then he really loves you.

The real society ruined my chance to be a good person! There are many people holding hands in the street. How many of them are getting married? Men would rather be strong and enviable than weak and pitiful! The only thing in the world that can go up without effort is age! 6. Other people's money and wealth are things outside their bodies. 7. The biggest tragedy in life: the beauty is dying and the hero is bald. 8. Who told me that Nokia can smash walnuts? Now the screen is black. 9. As the saying goes, people are jealous of talents, but they are not as stupid as people. 10. I believe that the poorest thing is begging, and there will be a day when you die. 1 1. I'm not the kind of person who hits people when they're down. I just closed the well. 12. Wool, who can say that I am not cheerful? Let's fight first. 13. There is one of the scariest books in the world, which is the marriage certificate 14. Making money is as hard as catching dew, but spending money is as fast as running water. A little market network 15. In a word, funny signature: I'm not Youlemei, I'm just dichlorvos. Do you want to hold me in your hand? 16. Now I'll tell you my wedding day. In the audition. 17. Although the bird is small, it really plays all over the sky. 18. Stealing food is not my fault, but the loneliness of my mouth. 19. Life is a play, and we are all Oscar winners. 20. Not all stars shine, but light bulbs also shine. 2 1. Sister Lin didn't die of illness, but actually fell from the sky and died. 22. God didn't take special care of me, nor abandoned me, just playing with me. 23. At least I wear glasses, so how can I flirt with a good woman? 24. Making money is like digging with a needle, and spending money is like seeping into the ground. 25. Give you a little sunshine and you will be brilliant. Give you some charcoal and you can make a bomb. 26. Love what I don't love and kick what I don't love to death. 27. I am a special person. I am an ordinary person, so I am a particularly ordinary person. 28. The highest level of cuckolding is a belt that has been repeatedly worn. 29. Life is like a news broadcast, and you can't escape by changing the channel. I used to like her broad mind, but it was just an airport! 3 1. doesn't know much about music, so sometimes it's unreliable and sometimes it's out of tune. Because I love you wholeheartedly, I can only give you up mercilessly. 33. Fat, why are you always so attached to me? 34. Growing old together is more than dyeing a hair and knocking out a few teeth. 35. It may not be the enemy or your son who shits on your head. 36. The face is a thing apart, but is it necessary? Money is a must, and you must take it. 37. Even if my heart is the liver and lungs of a donkey, it is enough to feed the dog's stomach. 38. Before I touched the flowers and twisted the grass, I was already pulled out by others. 39. The lady is an unexplored Bikachu. A gentleman is a wolf in wool. 40. A funny personality signature: Cucumber must be filmed, and life must be short without regret. 4 1. There are so many brain-dead people in the world, but you have become the best among them. 42. Who is the future girlfriend I am in love with now? Thank you for stealing my partner and letting me know that he is putting on airs. 44. Take your complaints out in the sun every day, and you won't be short of calcium. 45. Wechat is so awesome that it is difficult to make a mobile phone into a walkie-talkie. 46. I want to be your eyes, because then you won't be afraid of the night. 47. It's only now that I discovered that streaking was bold when I was a child. 48. Life is too short to be sexy, and a hard life needs no explanation. 49. There is a song called "You are my eyes". Why do I feel blind many times? 50. If you mess with me again, I'll beat you into clouds with a meteor. 5 1. The mountain is not high and the tree is spiritual; Life is like an angry bird. There are always a few pigs laughing when they fail. 53. Confucius said that in a threesome, there must be my wife. Choose a beautiful one to marry.

(Hehe, they are all searched online)

5. Humorous short sentences Who has humorous sentences?

The woman is ugly, can't get married, and wants to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car. Twenty years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess," Give me a glass of water. The pig said to the stewardess like a parrot, "Give me a glass of water." "The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig, "you are so stupid, I can fly." "A puppy climbed onto your table and climbed to the top of a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the dog licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The dog said, look who is cruel! When you were walking on the road, a bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach! A couple are having fun by the river on Valentine's Day. It's a little cold. The woman felt very cold and said to the man, honey, it's really cold tonight. Then he looked at the boy. The man hesitated and said; Yes, fortunately, I wore two clothes. '

A manager goes to work in the company. .. the secretary found that the manager's pants were unzipped. So he said to the manager; Manager, your garage door is not closed properly. The manager looked at it and quickly asked the secretary; Did you see that car? ? The secretary thought for a moment and replied, I didn't see the car. It sees two tires. A farmer's daughter was too ugly to marry, so the farmer had to let her go to the corn field to be a scarecrow. As a result, when she got there, she not only scared away the crows, but even scared three crows to send back the corn they had stolen before.

6. Who can give some classic funny sentences? If an idiot can fly, my company is an airport.

All men are created equal, except those who get married.

Can we go somewhere for a drink and make friends? Or should I give you my wallet?

I think as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.

If you need advice or opinions, we will provide them for free; If you need the correct answer, please pay extra.

In the past, when the alarm clock rang, I often had the problem of patting it before going back to sleep, but since I put three mousetraps next to the alarm clock, my problem has been eradicated.

If Beethoven is the father of symphony, does it mean that Beethoven's father is a master of symphony?

I have done many stupid things, but I don't care at all. My friends call it self-confidence.

The Association for the Blind sincerely advises you: Never drink and drive.

I think I should go to lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed a hundred milliliters of lard.

Experiment with two bugs. The one in the whiskey died, which proves that there are no bugs in the stomach when drinking whiskey.

My creativity is indescribable, my working ability is indescribable and my writing ability is indescribable.

If Bill Gates can get one yuan every time he restarts his computer, he will be rich.