"We are all gods now." "body"

"She sat on the peony flowers on the linoleum, crying and laughing like a real Buddha."-Sun Pin's Body.

Author Xie Danru

Photography Izz

1.

"She sat on the peony flowers on the linoleum, crying and laughing like a real Buddha."-Sun Pin's Body.

Author Xie Danru

Photography Izz

1.

I haven't read Sun Pin's works for some time. Because after reading it, I can't help but want to write something. During that time, I read and wrote several articles in a row, but I always felt a little empty after writing.

In particular, many ideas often pop up after writing, completely overturning what was written before. I don't know if this is an afterthought. In short, it was this sudden idea that made me embarrassed and annoyed. I once doubted the words I had written.

Is it objective, in-depth and comprehensive? These are three aspects that I often think about after writing. Therefore, this is why I can't help but push it to the author every time I finish writing, hoping to get comments. After all, I am worried about whether my feelings are too subjective, too shallow and too one-sided.

If a book is lucky enough to be read by some people just because of my personal reasons, and more books are found, I am happy to see it. However, at the same time, I am also worried that it will be a great sin for me to let some people who have not read this book be influenced by me to dislike it, and then miss such a book worth reading, even a book that is helpful and influential to me.

Although, this is probably my personal subjective assumption, I take myself too seriously. I should believe that everyone has the ability to think independently, have their own opinions and judgments, and be able to make the right choice. However, I am still a little worried, not because of anything else, just like my feelings before and after writing are so different that I can't help but doubt this different interpretation, let alone others.

So I am always afraid to say something that is not in the book, because the book only says part of the content, and my feelings are probably just my personal feelings.

Therefore, if possible, I hope that every reader can open every book he "meets" as much as possible and turn it over, not just to see what others think. This is also my attitude towards writing after reading or commenting on books and essays. I hope that through my voice, people who are fortunate enough to meet my words can find such an author and such a book.

I dare not make any promises. For example, it may affect your life, it will help you open it, and you will like it and everything after reading it.

This is also because I love reading. I know that when I find a book, especially a book I like, it feels like two people who have never met before, but it seems that I have known each other for a long time. For lonely people, bosom friends are hard to find and precious.

Reading is not lonely, but people are easy to be lonely. So, if you feel lonely, you can try reading a book.

The ancients did not deceive me. "The book has its own golden house, and the book has its own Yan Ruyu."

2.

I finished reading the novel Death the day before yesterday, and I didn't get up the courage to write anything until today.

In fact, I wrote a long paragraph on the day I finished reading this novel, but I quickly overturned what I had written and deleted it one by one.

The first feeling may be the most real or the most superficial.

What is written without careful consideration, although there are occasional excellent works, is still a minority. As many people say, the muse of inspiration, although it can really make the finishing point sometimes, is not enough for a long-term writer. After all, inspiration is hard to come by.

In other words, it was a coincidence that I opened the book.

At first, I planned to read Sun Pin again every once in a while. I read several articles in a row during that time, which left me a profound "sequela": after deep thinking, I found that my knowledge was really superficial, and I only cared about venting my feelings, and even later I felt a sense of lack and powerlessness in expressing myself for the sake of expression.

I'm afraid of this feeling. How can I put it? It's a bit like "Jiang Lang ran out of talent", or he met a bottleneck himself, and then suddenly realized that he was so lacking, all kinds of scarcity-what he wrote was boring, boring and emotionless.

Once a person is in this situation, if he forcibly outputs it again, then what he writes will naturally not be satisfactory, even himself.

So, I chickened out, and I was scared. Because of self-doubt, I am also afraid that others will not like Sun Pin's works.

After a long time, I finally figured it out In fact, this is just "much ado about nothing".

Right and wrong, right and wrong, subjective or objective, true or false, which is in charge?

Just like an interview with director Ang Lee some time ago, he said, "What moves you in the novel, and then you do what you want to do in the form of movies. There is an unwritten rule in our industry that you are either loyal to a novel, or make a bad movie, or ruin a novel and make a good movie. "

I think it is common to write book reviews. Be loyal to a novel, write something that is not like a book review or even a review, just fragments, copy and paste; Destroy a novel, sublimate and deepen it, raise people's expectations, and finally achieve something beyond the novel.

I naturally want novels or novels, book reviews or book reviews.

However, I also know that many people actually have the habit of seeing the scenery they want to see through the eyes of others.

Look at the "waist seal" first, see who the recommender is, read the introduction, read the book review, read the score, understand a lot of information derived from it, and then decide whether to read this book. Because, it will decide your own judgment and decision: whether it is worth watching or not, whether it is necessary to read it.

I naturally don't want this result when I write these things. What I want more is for everyone to discuss and share their views together after reading the original text, so that each other can have a broader vision and more perspectives to look at the original text and what they might want to express. It doesn't matter whether it's accurate or not, as Bernard Shaw said:

"You have an apple, I have an apple, exchange with each other, and each of us has an apple; But you have an idea, and I have an idea. If we exchange ideas with each other, we will all have two ideas, or even more. "

Therefore, this is another expectation of my book review. I hope so. I hope so.

Faced with such "fans", I will naturally worry about whether I said something wrong. I even wondered if the other party ignored me because I said "the article doesn't matter", so I had to read it carefully.

After reading the text, I really found that what I said might be too light.

It's been a long time, and it's hard to put it down!

3.

After reading Death, what impressed me the most was what Yang Deqing said to Chang Yong with all his strength: "We are all gods now."

This sentence is like a prophecy, like a curse, and at the same time, it is more like madness.

Why not people, not men and women, but gods. What is a god? What is the difference between the gods here?

I once read a sentence about "God": "Fear, piety, savior produces God."

The gods in Yang Deqing's mouth are relatively simple. They are just two people in hell. They need God's help and need to be gods to survive. God is more like life and life itself.

Live like a god, live like a god, and live well.

Why do they need this? What kind of environment and experience made them embark on this path? Why can't they live like ordinary people and have a good life?

What does "body" have to do with these? What is a "body"?

"Only when you are possessed by a god and become a corpse will others fear you from the heart, and someone will come to you to tell your fortune and treat you as a god."

The premise of becoming a corpse is to become a horse. "Ma Bi represents God to exorcise ghosts and evil spirits, and the people who play Ma Bi are generally the lowest people."

Because from ancient times to now, people believe that unclean things can often resist other unclean monsters, and only those with unclean buttocks can suppress those more evil things.

This is a part of Nuo culture preserved locally. After Buddhism was introduced into China in the north, the local ancient Nuo culture evolved into a competitive society to meet the gods. In order to show their devotion to the gods, and for the unimpeded relationship between man and god, local people need several horses for every party.

Ma Bi will perform the possession of the gods in the meeting with the gods. Ma Bi, who is possessed by gods, is naturally different from ordinary people, so in performances, Ma Bi often uses some self-mutilation methods to show that she is really possessed by gods. "Wearing a stick" is one of them.

However, this craft is basically lost now. "No one wants to do this, and everyone dares not look."

However, for Yang Deqing and Chang Yong, this is an opportunity. Even if the horse wants to hurt itself, it must fight for its life.

"This is like a live dog, and even men and women can't tell life from death."

In the final analysis, we have no choice in order to survive.

"How hard is it to survive?"

4.

Chang Yong was called Chang Ying before he was one and a half years old.

Now when she is one and a half years old, she has a serious illness and a high fever burns her eyes. Chang Ying's parents were frightened by raising a blind man. Besides, they were all working in a lead mine at that time, and they didn't have much time to take care of a blind person. So, in the end, they made a decision to throw away Chang Ying.

Finally, Chang Ying's grandfather, an old worker who works as a wrench in a hardware factory, took Chang Ying in. And renamed her Chang Yong. Since then, Chang Ying has disappeared from this world, along with everything about Chang Ying.

"Since the childhood, my grandfather only kept her short hair and wore boys' clothes. My grandfather shaped a man's body for her, just like a golden body for a bodhisattva, and then locked her deeply in this body. "

Grandpa did this naturally to protect her:

"What good fate can a helpless blind girl have in this world? As long as you are not raped, you are lucky. Besides being raped, she may be robbed, stolen or even killed. As long as others know that she is a woman or blind, she can't escape sooner or later. No one will treat her like a human being. "

"The only way to make a blind woman live is to castrate her daughter and let a woman become a man to live in this world."

All this is like a "survival rule" of Chabo Street in Jiaocheng County, the survival rule of blind girls.

Even so, it's not enough.

Grandpa is old after all. Before he died, she had to learn the art of eating. For a blind person, the best skill is fortune telling.

"The blind can't see. Because they can't see, people think that the blind are more like psychics between people and ghosts. It seems that fortune telling will be more accurate than normal people. "

As a result, the ancient business of fortune telling has also given blind people all over the world a bowl of rice to eat.

One day, grandpa disappeared.

No one has seen the old man since then.

Grandpa's savings for Chang Yong are limited after all, not to mention a few dollars. Even if there is more money, there will be nothing. In order to survive, Chang Yong had to start a fortune-telling business. However, even so, it is still difficult to support, and she has almost no business.

"Although Grandpa taught her to tell fortune and play divination, as long as no one came to see her, she couldn't open a shop." In addition, "why do others believe what you say?"

Then, "fortune tellers are generally uneducated and knowledgeable people, and people who go to the hospital desperately." Besides, it's not up to you to decide how much money you have.

In desperation, Chang Yong had to support himself in order not to starve to death. She began to look for food on the rubbish heap. Every night at eleven o'clock or twelve o'clock, it is estimated that every household is going to fall asleep. She started to go out and walked to the garbage dump outside the city.

"She is a fortuneteller, looking for garbage to eat here? Almost like interacting with insects, cats and dogs, even people can't get in. However, in this county, who can really treat her like a person? She is nothing, not a fairy, not even a person, not even a bug. She is just a sore in this county, lying there fair and square. "

"Why did Grandpa take a blind man in the first place? Why did he have to let her live?"

She can't figure it out, but to live is to live for living itself, and to live for anything other than living. For grandpa, for myself, for living.

5.

Yang Deqing lost his parents when he was a teenager. In order to find a stutterer, he climbed to his neighbor's house to steal something, and was caught by his neighbor and almost killed.

From then on, Yang Deqing stole less and began to support himself. Whoever has a funeral will be invited to carry the coffin and hold the virgin.

So, Yang Deqing also calculate Ceng a bowl of rice to eat the dead.

One day, Yang Deqing helped at the funeral. The main family specially killed a pig to entertain the mourners. No one can carry two pieces of bloody pork, so the owner asked Yang Deqing to take it to the kitchen. Yang Deqing went in for a long time and didn't come out. His family sent someone to see if the boy was stealing raw pork. The man stood at the door and froze.

"Yang Deqing took off his pants to his heels and poked a piece of pork with his bare ass ..."

Just as a ceremony in his life was about to be completed, it was suddenly interrupted.

From then on, the mourners were afraid to hire him. As long as women of all ages in the county see him from a distance, they will turn around and run. Even the 80-year-old woman has a mouthful of teeth.

Not only that, they also want to save the bitches, hens and sows that Yang Deqing met. Other features of Yang Deqing seem to have degenerated and disappeared. ...

In order to survive, Yang Deqing began to steal again, and sometimes he picked manure for farmers during the busy farming season.

One night, Chang Yong went out to look for garbage to eat as usual. At this time, there are three men sitting on the side of the road to enjoy the cool. One of the three men is Yang Deqing.

Yang Deqing can't stand this impulse. In order to find out whether Chang Yong is a man or a woman, he followed Chang Yong all the way to her door.

In the end, he got his wish and learned that Chang Yong was a woman, and his evil thoughts revived. However, at this moment, he suddenly found himself dying.

"It suddenly occurred to him that he was dragged out of pork, and it was probably at that time that he couldn't do it. He was castrated. "

However, when they met the two brothers in the street the next day, they were asked whether the blind man was a man or a woman, but Yang Deqing told them it was a man.

About three months later, Yang Deqing decided to visit Chang Yong in one night. During this time, he stayed up all night to help people harvest corn in the fields. Holding a few dollars in his hand, he bought two pounds of cake and walked to Chang Yong's house in the dark.

"He always thinks of the garbage Chang Yong carried that night. Yes, a blind man, helpless, what does he live on? Worse than him. At least he has eyes, can see and can work. He will also think of her peeing behind his back and her trembling legs from time to time. At that time, how deep her fear should be ... "

However, this time, he seems to have fallen into a trap.

Chang Yong is pregnant.

The child was definitely not Yang Deqing's, but in the end he didn't say it.

However, the child can't be born.

"I can't give birth to this child, you help me. Everyone else knows that I am a woman. If I can't live, I have to die. "

At this point, the fate of two people seems to be linked together.

"The blood in her body flows into his body through her hand. They seem to be forged by blood, and it seems that they can never be separated. "

Since then, the two have lived together.

"Chang Yong is here, he is a person, because she is weaker and more lonely than him, and she needs him. He needs her. "

6.

Yang Deqing and Chang Yong, two castrated people, their respective disabilities have gone deep into the bone marrow.

One is a castrated man and the other is a castrated woman. He wants to be a man and she wants to be a woman. They are two creatures who lost their sex in the crowd. They are real relatives in this world.

That's two people, two lives, no, grandpa should be added, and the child who died young.

In order to survive, to live for themselves, instead of living like dogs and insects, when they know that they are going to see God, they know that this is their only chance.

"If we really succeed in this year's meeting, it really makes people feel that we are possessed by God, then we will live out, you know? It's not that we can earn a few dollars, but that no one will dare to look down on us and treat us as dogs and bugs in the future. Even people who are not superstitious should be afraid of the gods. "

"The long-term benefits of being a horse are the worst people, but if you think it over, this is our only chance. Don't abuse yourself once and we will never escape from our own hell. Don't you want to really live as a person? "

Yang Deqing said these words to Chang Yong, so he didn't say them to himself! Escape from your own hell and really live as a person.

Chang Yong agreed. Finally, after the ceremony of "wearing a staff" was completed, they really became a person in the heavy snow-a four-legged person, wandering between demigods and ghosts.

Everything seems to be developing in the expected direction. That sentence "We are all gods now." After that, they became a new species.

At this point, Chang Yong, like a phoenix, got his wish and became a layman bodhisattva. She helps people and people support her.

"She sat on the peony flowers on the linoleum, crying and laughing like a real Buddha."

Yang Deqing, on the other hand, started putting sticks, hanging spears, spitting fire and other appalling performances everywhere.

They know that they are not gods, and their bodies know that they are more like monsters, monsters that others need and fear.

After they have a certain amount of money, they also want to escape to a deserted place. However, they all need an audience to survive. They live by acting, so they can't escape to a deserted place, and they can't survive.

In fact, the story should end here. What needs such a monster more is actually not the people in the county, but themselves.

However, this is not over yet.

After a similar "sacred", he is a man and she is a woman. However, Yang Deqing died and died on Chang Yong's kang. He escaped from his own hell.

Soon, Chang Yong went to her own hell. Because of a demolition, she chose "self-crossing".

"We finally rushed out of our own hell with our own strength. You are, so am I, how nice, we didn't starve to death, nor were we killed. "

Yes, Grandpa was right, and so was Yang Deqing:

"After all the hardships, everyone will meet again and hug each other."

Yes, Grandpa, Yang Deqing or Chang Yong, they are serious, persistent and strong people living in this world.

They are not gods after all, but they live to be gods, their own gods. God does not cross people, but people cross themselves. They made their own living and rushed out of their own hell on their own. Finally, they are all gods.