20 funniest jokes

1. I felt sore feet when I went out for a walk today. I looked down and found that I had stepped on a lemon.

An old man went to see a doctor and told him that there was something wrong with his stomach. The doctor asked him, "Is your stool regular?" "Very regular, defecate on time at eight o'clock every morning." "Then what's your question?" "The problem is that I don't get up until nine o'clock every morning."

When I was a child, my mother taught me to use chopsticks. She will hit me if she can't learn for a long time. Now that I'm grown up, I teach my mother how to use a mobile phone, but she can't learn for a long time and still hit me.

When I was shopping, the security guard at the door called me, "Wait a minute, what's in your bulging clothes?" I lifted my coat angrily and shouted, "it's meat, it's meat!" My own. "

5. Elephant: Ant, what are you talking about? Do you think it's great that you have many relatives? Look at you! Look at those dishes you ordered. They are too petty. Don't hate hearing it. I ordered a meal that will last you several years.

6. A friend of mine told a fortune last year that he was doomed to be lucky this year and would be deeply hurt by a woman who suddenly appeared. Yesterday, he was hit by an aunt riding an electric car at the corner, and he is still lying in the hospital.

7. Once I got acute gastroenteritis and went to the hospital. It was a terrible pain. My dad came to see me and told me anxiously that this hospital can't even connect to a wifi.

8. Today, my mother and I went to a party. Before I went, my mother taught me to be sweet when I went out. I said that if I used to see other people's children grow up, I would praise them for being so beautiful. If I were really ugly, I would praise them for being so tall. As a result, many people praised me for growing so tall after dinner.

9. The woman next door seems to finally realize the importance of finding a boyfriend, because her signature is changed to: Actually, it is very important to have a boyfriend. At least when the water pipe at home bursts, you can hand me a wrench.

10, the teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution. Make the lunch box blue.

1 1. One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

12. Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

13. When relatives from their hometown come to Beijing to eat in high-end restaurants, they will be charged an extra service fee of 15%. The waiter's service attitude is very good, sending fruit to tremella soup to send souvenirs. Relatives happily asked the waiter what else you sent. The waiter said with a big smile, "We'll see you out later."

14, a life tip that teaches you to easily turn a sofa into a sofa bed: just forget your wife's birthday.

15, the mouse is particularly depressed without a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.

16, a group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were shocked. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, small sample, what a fucking retrogression!

17, a girl came to the class. She introduced herself: "I may not be the smartest, I may not be the most beautiful, I may not be the best, I may not be the most humorous." Everyone in the class praised her modesty. After class, I saw her name and realized that her name was Wei.

18, the electric car in the community was stolen. I angered the property: "What's the use of monitoring!" The security guard said weakly, "Let ... let you have a last look at the electric car?"

19, one of my colleagues is allergic to mutton, and his face swells when he eats mutton, so everyone takes him with him every time he eats mutton skewers. The more swollen his face is, the more authentic his mutton is.

20. I said to my husband, "It is said that if two people stay together for a long time, there will be a husband and wife. Where do you think we are like? " The husband nodded: "The breasts are the most similar."