Reading Jiang Xue has reached middle age, and that kind of shock contains profound meaning.

In the autumn of 805 AD, a middle-aged man sat in a carriage and drove slowly along the south road. His face was a little sad, and his lonely figure was shrouded in a huge shadow, which was Chang 'an, the largest capital in the world at that time. 10 years ago, he walked into Chang 'an alone, and stood out from the crowd of "thirty-year-old Ming Jing, fifty-year-old scholar" in the year of weak crown. After no. 1. 10 years, people will come to Chang 'an alone, and this time it is still "walking alone, walking alone quietly". Before the age of 30, he was the winner of life sought after by thousands of people. After the age of 30, he is a lonely prodigal son who has been wandering for half his life. He is Liu Zongyuan. There are no birds on a hundred mountains, no footprints on a thousand roads, a boat, a bamboo cloak, and an old man fishing in the cold Jiang Xue. In middle age, he wrote himself four words: 10 million lonely people (there are no birds in the mountains), 10,000 lonely people (1,000 footpaths without footprints), a lonely person (a boat, a bamboo cloak) and a lonely person (an old man fishing on the cold river-snow). 0 1 Liu Zongyuan was born in the Liu family in Hedong, a noble family that has been passed down for hundreds of years, but by the time Liu Zongyuan was born, his family had gradually declined. I have been an idle courtier since the Five or Six Dynasties. The glory of the past made Liu Zongyuan brilliant, but it also made him bear a heavy burden. Especially after his father died and entered middle age, as the most famous eldest son in the family, he understood more: there is a kind of loneliness that can only be borne by one person. A middle-aged man is a father, a son and a husband ... The identities are constantly superimposed, and the personal part is squeezed infinitely. What's more, Liu Zongyuan became famous young and shouldered the responsibilities and expectations of a whole family early. So at this stage, he put all his energy into his career. However, unexpected events happened. In 805, Tang Shunzong, who appreciated Liu Zongyuan, was forced to abdicate due to illness. Liu Zongyuan's reformists suffered a crushing defeat in the power struggle. They just turned 30 and got a chance to make a big impact, but they were wiped out overnight. When people reach middle age, their career collapses and their ideals are shattered, which is a tragedy in itself. But what makes Liu Zongyuan more miserable is that because of his guilt, his people have suffered a lot. In the Tang dynasty, which paid attention to family background, this was obviously a stain that could not be easily erased. As a result, he suddenly changed from the "star of tomorrow" at home to the "star of Sangmen". In the face of the complaints and censures of his relatives, he silently wrote the following words: Zongyuan didn't care about the teachings of his late father, so that he got into a great disaster and survived his death ... sin benefited greatly, and the world could not tolerate it. We can see that the young man who said that "sex is wild and cannot be destroyed" has lost all his edge in the process of middle age. When you reach middle age, you can live for everyone, but it's hard to live high. You will find that your grievances need to be digested by yourself, and your story need not be told to everyone. Few people really understand you. I can only choose to swallow my teeth and face all the hardships arranged by fate alone. Dismissal, ok; Be demoted and leave. This is Liu Zongyuan's choice, as long as there is breath, it is good not to bring trouble to the family. Some people say that the loneliness of middle-aged people has a persistent attribute. But if there is no one to rely on, who is willing to choose a person's persistence. Suddenly thought of a sentence: adults just forbear, just busy with adult affairs, just pretending to be strong to bear the burden of age. Adults will also get hurt ... 02 people reach middle age, and Liu Zongyuan's life has some indelible regrets besides his career. Just when he was in his prime, his wife Yang died in childbirth. He had a romantic relationship with his childhood and once lived in a humble room for Qi Mei. She accompanied him through the struggle of his youth, but failed to share any glory in his life. In his Chronicle of the Dead Wife Hongnong Yang, he missed his wife's virtue, gentleness and thoughtfulness infinitely, and made an oath that "death is the same, and it belongs to this room". Even years after his wife died, he still didn't get married. Some people say that Liu Zongyuan, as a "criminal officer", has too many shackles. But don't forget, after his wife died, he was once a very important person. Coupled with the reputation of the Liu family, I am afraid that people who want to marry him have already stepped into the threshold of the Liu family. Remarriage, no, no. Once I tasted the vast sea, I felt that the water in other places was pale; Once you have experienced the clouds in Wushan, you feel that the clouds elsewhere are eclipsed. This may be the loneliest appearance of a person in love. In middle age, people have experienced the beauty of love and can bear the loss, but it is difficult to meet someone who will never forget. However, even if there are too many disappointments in life, life will continue. Lack of housewives at home, moved to Wan Li. I'm isolated and uninterested. That year, his mother died, and the only one under his knee died of illness. He became a real loner. When people reach middle age, no one is around to be caring and attentive. In the eyes of others, your life must be quite a failure, right? Not to mention the eternal responsibility of China people to "carry on the family line", which is still the fetters of many people. Even if Liu Zongyuan didn't want to remarry, his people began to help him plan "mistresses". In the end, Liu Zongyuan chose to compromise and spend the rest of his life with an ordinary civilian woman. People often say that it is not the person you love the most, but the right person who will accompany you to the end. The emotions of middle-aged people are mostly covered with thick moss by secular life. * * * may not all die out, but it is not as easy to bloom as it was when it was young. Middle-aged people look mature and invincible, but who has carefully observed their inner loneliness and loneliness? Writer Jane? Love says: people only gradually understand when they are in middle age. Some people meet in life, and vicissitudes leave a sigh. Like fireworks, a moment of brilliance is followed by a long silence. I have wronged myself and obeyed others, and there are too many disappointments when I agree with myself. This is probably the loneliness of middle-aged people, not seeking a happy reunion. Facing their true feelings, the greatest loneliness of middle-aged people is not love. But knowing what love is, I have to bury myself in front of reality. In August15, AD 03, 43-year-old Liu Zongyuan returned to Chang 'an by letter. He thought that even if he could not restore his high position and wealth, it would be a good thing to have a * * * affair with those bosom friends he knew when he was young. But I didn't expect another sudden power struggle to wait for him. This time, those friends who have been able to communicate occasionally will find it difficult to meet again, and this time, * * * will lead to a cosmopolitan society. Some goodbye, but there won't be any more. The only thing that is fortunate is that this time he inexplicably fell into a place and never had to live a wandering life in his early years. As a party official, people don't have to be the same as before, because the "guilty body" avoided him and his reputation gradually recovered. However, Liu Zongyuan was more lonely at this time. Unlike those who strive for fame and fortune, Liu Zongyuan wants to realize his political ambition: to serve as an official and benefit one party. The excitement around us is probably just the hustle and bustle of some people who are desperate for profits. All the old friends who used to be like-minded have separated, and he doesn't want to associate with these "new friends" anymore, but he still has a big family waiting for him to maintain his life, especially after his second marriage, he still has two sons and two daughters. When people reach middle age, they long for mountains and rivers, but at the same time they have to face daily necessities. Middle age is no longer as simple and unreserved as it was when it was young, but more for reality and interests. Some people you don't want to make friends with, but you have to smile; There are some things you don't want to do, but you have to struggle. If a person's loneliness can be a choice, then the loneliness of a group of people is the greatest helplessness of middle-aged people. ▼ In 819, Liu Zongyuan died in Liuzhou at the age of 47. In the distant capital, Tang Xianzong has just promulgated the imperial edict of amnesty, but Liu Zongyuan will never be able to return to Chang 'an for the rest of his life, which is a prosperous time for him. There are no birds flying over those mountains, and there are no traces of people in those paths. A boat, a bamboo cloak. An old man was fishing in the cold river snow. Known as the loneliest poem in history, Jiang Xue has become the truest portrayal of Liu Zongyuan's middle age: there are thousands of gestures in life, but middle age alone makes him lonely. Zhang Ailing wrote in Half-Life: When people reach middle age, they often feel lonely, because when they open their eyes, they are surrounded by people who depend on them, but there is no one to rely on. When people reach middle age, who will tolerate your willfulness and understand your bitterness? Night after night, open your eyes, and the rest may only be accompanied by loneliness. Lonely middle-aged people may be ordinary, but they have the power to surpass ordinary people; They are brave and fearless, just to create a safe haven for those who love them.