Crosstalk fortune-telling formula _ Crosstalk fortune-telling formula daquan

Anti-language comedy words are anti-language

Crosstalk text counterpart Crosstalk Anyway Performer: Ma Zhongjie

A: Crosstalk is a language art,

B: That's right.

A: Crosstalk actors pay attention to speaking, learning and singing. What a good crosstalk performer! He is good at telling long jokes, short jokes, one-liners and others.

B: This is the basic skill of crosstalk performers.

A: Crosstalk performers should be smart. When I have a brainwave, I have to say it myself,

B: Right, right, right.

A: Watch your language, too.

B: Yes.

A: I like you.

B: I'm especially suitable for it.

A: What's appropriate? These lips are like shoes!

Is it that thick?

A: It is not appropriate to say crosstalk with your mouth.

B: who is not suitable? I'm telling you, you're smart.

A: Yes.

You have a clean mouth.

A: You.

B: Say anything!

A: Don't brag. I will test you in front of teachers and colleagues. Anyway, let's talk.

What do you mean, anyway?

A: I say a word, you turn it over and say it again. Being able to say it is smart!

B: We can try.

A: I'll be right there. My desk.

B: Yes. . . . . .

My desk.

My desk.

Well, how can you be so stupid? When I say my desk, you must say I have a sub-desk.

Oh, I see.

I see! Let's get started. From head to toe! See how you react!

B: No problem!

A: My head.

B: I'm stupid, I'm stupid!

A: My forehead,

B: I have no brain!

A: My eyebrows.

I have no eyes!

A: My eyes.

I am a pig's eye. What a pity!

My nose.

My nose.

My nose is broken.

I measure my nose. Why should I measure him?

I did it!

B: Yes. . . . . . I bite you!

Why did you bite me?

B: How to translate this word!

What do you mean?

You have to say a lot.

A: Oh, tell me more. All right! I have teeth in my stomach.

I took another bite of my tooth. I'm a monster! Can you change the words?

A: Don't talk? Report the characters in the novel first!

What is a novel?

Answer: Just report the names in Journey to the West.

B: Come on!

I am Tang Sanlu.

B: My name is Lu.

A: I am Zhu Bajie.

I am a pig.

A: I'm Friar Sand.

B: I'm Sanzang. How can I be three more monks?

I'm Monkey Sun.

B: I'm a monkey grandson! Say something nice!

A: Yes, let's go to the garden and sign up for the flowers.

Go to the garden? That's good.

But before I go to the garden, I have a request.

B: What requirements!

A: It's faster than just now. It's time to act.

B: I can do it with my actions, right? (Take part in armor and walk around the stage like a couple)

A: What! I mean, when you visit the garden, you should point these two fingers at your nose. It's beautiful, right?

No problem, I am the most beautiful person!

Then let's start now.

B: OK.

I go shopping in the garden.

I go shopping in the garden.

A: I'm Peony.

B: I'm Peony.

I am a peony flower.

B: I'm Peony.

I'm Molly.

I am jasmine.

I am a dog's tail flower

I am a dog with a flower tail.

Spring Festival couplets —— Biography of Li Deyang and Zhang Shouchen

A: You artists are really knowledgeable.

B how can you tell?

A: I listened to your drum lyrics, which are quite civilized and contain a lot of knowledge. But crosstalk is almost there!

B You'd better not look down on our artists. If you are really knowledgeable, let's talk again and again, shall we?

A: Oh, we were paired here once, but that's no good!

B: Why not?

A: I'll do the first half later, but if you don't deserve the first half, it's obvious that I love you and I won't miss it.

B hey! You know, I don't deserve the bottom line!

You are older than me. I want to make you angry, which is not appropriate!

Stop. Aren't you afraid that I can't reach the bottom line? All right, I'll take the top one and you take the bottom one, okay?

Ouch! Of course it's safer than what I sell online. But you have to tell me, how many copies do you have to pay today?

B what?

A I have to have a score in my heart!

B: Oh, what you mean is very common. You often say that the first half of me should be "a loyal minister's heirloom".

A: My bottom line is "poetry and calligraphy are passed down from generation to generation".

B: I went out to "take advantage of business sources".

I am the icing on the cake of successful management.

B "Business is booming all over the world".

A "the financial resources are wide and reach the Three Rivers".

B "This is a solid and glorious branch."

A root is deep and leafy.

B "Heaven speaks well".

A sentence "the official is reinstated for good luck." How's it going? What was your answer?

B is vulgar. That's it, two words.

Qualified.

B doesn't count

Garber is right!

These are common on the street. Who can't compare with them? We need something hard, profound and fresh.

A, fresh things are ok, but it doesn't count if you want to make up!

Why am I making this up? I don't scare people with quatrains either, because we have seen more, seen more, and have a smart mind, which is meaningful to me.

A: Then let's pull the thread and see how it works. You can make a question!

B You are really "ice from Shui Han to water".

A Don't worry, "shine on you is better than blue".

Where did this come from?

A Xunzi's "persuasion" is handy, appropriate and ingenious.

B I is talking about "why private rooms are so big".

A: I mean "not many flowers".

B "It used to be difficult for the sea to touch water."

An "eternal amber".

Silkworms in spring weave until they die.

Candles cry the wick away every night.

B "Abalone boss stinks".

A "Lan Zhi's room smells good".

Who smells good?

Who stinks?

B Where did you order incense?

I don't stink at all.

B I'm not talking about you. Don't be a snake.

You say I'm not afraid, why shattered glass!

B You're picking up the fur fence by the river-superfluous! (homophonic)

A: You have a horse spoon in your arms-Sheng Xin!

B is still right!

How about a?

This is a small test. Listen to this couplet again. "If Manqian is transformed into a funny ladder, people's wisdom will be enlightened."

How can I say this?

Yi Manqian is Dong Fangshuo, an ancient musician, funny and eloquent. The crosstalk we are talking about is like the incarnation of Dong Fangshuo. Therefore, it is "like Manqian incarnating a funny ladder to open people's wisdom".

Listen to the next couplet, "If Jin Duo is reincarnated in the Western Heaven, he sings generously to wake up the world".

B: This is the next step.

A: This means that you drummers are like Jia Fuxi, a scattered Woodenhead who tells stories and touches people's hearts. Therefore, it is "like Jin Duo reborn in the west, singing generously to awaken the world".

B interesting. Let's eat something suitable for both tastes.

A: Yes, it's vulgar without hurting elegance.

B Then listen to this: "Hot Noodles Tea".

A I'm interested in cold rice soup.

My hot tea burned my mouth.

A My cold rice soup can dispel the summer heat.

B Listen to this again: "japonica rice porridge".

A I'm interested in "Gaba cuisine".

B, why is there gabalai?

A "stewed rice porridge" is from Beijing, and my "Gabalai" is Wei from Tianjin.

B I can put sugar in rice porridge.

I can put Chili sauce in this ga Baleri.

B hey! Listen to this again: "Maya Jujube".

A I'm interested in "pig excrement beans".

B "Horses eat horse teeth and dates".

A "sheep gnaws horns and onions." Let's not always talk about food!

B Then find the solar terms. Even two years older overnight.

A "Five classes are divided into two years". I was right. The horizontal batch is "New Year's Eve". What's the big deal? Do you have anything new?

B Listen to this: "May and a half is not half".

What does A say?

On the fifteenth day of February in the lunar calendar, although it is half a month, it can be seen that the moon is a garden, so it is called "fifteen and a half is not half".

A: Yes. Listen to this: "The year that ended in 2009".

B what do you say?

A Every December 30th is New Year's Eve, and it ends on the 29th, but there is still one day before the 30th. This is called "the end of 2009".

B is it a little early to catch the twelfth lunar month?

A ... This is a big step forward!

B Listen to this: "5: 00 and 2: 30 in the morning".

A I was right: "Mid-Autumn Festival in August in Sanqiu".

B "February vernal equinox, August autumnal equinox, day and night are neither long nor short".

A sentence "Moisten for three years, then moisten for five years, and there is no mistake between Yin and Yang".

B ok!

Needless to say, it is called "not far, although lost!"

B Look at the sour energy. Where else!

A: Say you chose it.

B "every day is sunny." .

Jiahao! Sounds confusing!

B that's hard. Yes!

A what?

B: It's word separation, isn't it a big day? The sun and the moon are bright, and good words add January to read Lang. Using these three words to form a couplet is "bright sun and bright moon."

A ok! Listen to the next couplet: "the old wood withered in front of the rocks, and this wood is firewood."

B what do you say?

Jiashan stone misses the rock, the ancient wood misses the stem, and the upper wood misses the firewood. This is called "the old wood withered before the rock, and this wood is firewood."

B it's really reasonable. I have been here for several months.

A I have mountains, stones and wood here. This is called "not far!"

Here we go again! Say something that matches the place names in Beijing.

A place name can also be paired?

B Then why not? Su Dongpo once said: "The world is speechless."

Then you go!

B You listen to Sichuan Camp. Do you have this place name?

A Yes, that's not right!

B that depends on whether you are familiar with the place names in Beijing!

Familiar place names are not necessarily right. You can contact "Sichuan Yinger", and I am right about "Shaanxi Lane".

B "One Foot Street".

A Is there such a place?

B Yes, it's at the western end of Xie Jieyang Meizhu.

A I'm interested in "Half Hutong".

Where is b?

Food market.

B yes. Listen to this song "Zhenjiang Shangkaner".

A I'm interested in Suzhou downhill.

My three place names add up to a couplet, "Shangkan in Zhenjiang, Yingyi Street, Sichuan".

A: Together, it means "Shaanxi Lane, Half Hutong, Suzhou Downhill".

B good. This is the bottom line. Listen to this again: "Black Pagoda Temple does not see Black Pagoda".

There is no white cloud in Baiyun Temple.

B "Why are all Balizhuang Balizhuang?" .

A "three stores are more than three?" .

B "There is no silk to make honey in the beekeeping lane at the mouth of silkworm pond".

How can a "torch field Lama Hutong blow smoke?" .

B "Three Views on Heather at Xiaowangzhuang Li Shang Station".

A changed the name of Tianjin again. Listen to "gulou west sells salt water in front of Dahongqiao".

All right, all right! That's really something

A Is there anything good?

B Listen to this "little mouse stealing hot bean jelly".

A "Short insects wrap around short sorghum" I was right.

B "Han Wa Dang Wen Longevity".

A song "Zhou copper casts wealth and good fortune".

B "green palm with hemp leaves on the roadside"

A "Lotus Pink Boxing in the Pool".

B "What do you want?" .

Answer: "Lotus in the pool saves powder boxing, so who will be beaten?" .

B "Tucheng turned into the soil around the city".

A "golden mirror, golden melting mirror is golden".

B "Tong Mo grinds ink and splashes ink." .

A sentence "Add coal to Mei, and coal explodes to Mei's eyebrows".

B I have something to say here.

A I can solve it, too.

I, Tong Mo, am a very fond of reading. His son Bandu studied in ancient times. Tong Mo is grinding ink with one hand and trying to eat it with the other. Inadvertently, the ink spilled out and the white bread turned into black briquettes. So it's "Tong Mo grinding ink and splashing ink".

This is Xiang Mei adding coal to the stove. There is coal explosion in coal. "bang!" The explosive cinder is falling on Xiangmei's eyebrows, so it is called "adding coal to Mei and exploding Xiangmei's eyebrows".

B: What if you want to jump into your eyes?

A she's wearing glasses! This can't be true.

B this time, let's solve the problem first. I say one thing: I have a boy. I call him a young man. He cut down the paulownia of the buttonwood tree in the yard with a bamboo pole. He is very happy.

A: Why do you say that?

This is a couplet: "The boy hits the tung tree, the tung tree falls, and the boy is happy to fall".

A: I have to say a few words to Er Lian first. I am a little girl in our community. I call her a girl. She likes to chew duck head, but it's too salty. This is your bottom line. "The girl gnaws at the duck head, the duck head is salty, and the girl is too salty".

B look at this effort!

A: You take out the one at the bottom of the closet.

Listen again: "A goat touches its horn on the mountain".

A "Buffalo enters the water, and the water overflows the waist of the buffalo".

B "Dogs walk with clubs in the snow".

A song "Chicken Stepping on Frost Bridge and Bamboo Leaves III"

B "Chicken and dog cross the frost bridge, plum blossom line bamboo leaves".

A sentence "Hou Ma treads on snow, bergamot matches citron".

B "Planting bamboo shoots in front of the hall".

A song "Planting Flowers and Elder Branches behind the Temple".

B I can change the word.

A I can also change words.

B My bamboo shoots are not bamboo shoots, they are damaged.

My branches are not flowers, but knowledge.

B what do you say?

You go first.

There is a teacher who teaches at home. There is a tender bamboo in the yard. Mr. b has always been good at shaking, and he accidentally damaged his bamboo! Such a "Mr. Zhu in front of the hall-loss".

That gentleman's hand is broken! This is a temple for monks. The young monk loves to grow flowers, so he planted a flower field behind the temple. How nice! My brother told the elder about it, and the elder said, I already know! This is called "the elder who planted flowers behind the temple-knowing".

The elder is easy to talk to. "Who will wear the lotus flowers picked by monks in Hanoi?"

A: "Who is the persimmon master bought in the market?" .

B sucks!

A can of drink sugar! Is there anything good?

Listen to this, "Nanda people March north, March east and fight west".

The shopkeeper sells summer cloth in spring and harvests it in autumn and winter.

B I come from east, west, north and south.

A I'm in spring, summer, autumn and winter.

B "Students look at the eaves of one two three four five six seven eight nine X".

A: What's the matter?

The children counted the tiles on the eaves.

oh I told "fortune teller, A, B, D, E, G, Xin, Ren".

B "The geese fly north, flap their wings and fly south, and the east and west fans fly up and down".

A "The car in the back will go up and down in about two laps".

B: I'm Beiyan and Nanfei.

A: I'm going the other way.

B I is a two-winged creature-

I have about two rounds-

B, my door is up and down-

I'm going up and down here-up and down is up and down, up and down is up and down. It's called "although it's not far!"

Here we go again! Don't be complacent, there are still difficulties! "Buddha offers Buddha, Buddha extends Buddha, Buddha takes Buddha, Buddha loves Buddha, and Buddha praises Buddha's fragrance."

Is this a pair or a tongue twister?

Tongue twister. Why? What's going on here?

What is "bergamot offering Buddha"?

B I'm talking about the living Buddha Lama in Tibet, and my bergamot is the kind sold in fruit shops. The living Buddha has been collected, smells delicious and likes it very much. This is called "Buddha gives Buddha, Buddha extends bergamot, Buddha holds bergamot, Buddha loves bergamot, and Buddha praises bergamot's fragrance".

A Listen to the next couplet. "The corns feed the chickens, the corns open, the corns stare at the corns, the chickens don't eat the corns, and the corns stink".

B Is this where you talked?

A yes!

Is your corns chicken's eyes?

A feeds chickens with eyes, so how many chickens are there! This is a pedicure's corns.

B: Good!

Can a chicken be satisfied with this kind of corns? The chicken opened its eyes to see what it wanted to eat, and then looked at its mouth. Ahem! Smelly! This is called "corn is fed to the chicken, the chicken opens the corns, the chicken looks at the corns, the chicken doesn't eat the corns, and the corns stink".

Simply put, let's have another pair of absolutes. If you can match them, I will take you there.

A: If I can match it, it's not absolute!

Don't be a teenager. Listen, "Zhumen stinks with wine and meat".

There is a frozen bone on the road. This is called absolute! This is a poem by Du Fu.

B I know, we now use the meaning of these two sentences and say a pair.

This can be personal, you say the first part:

B "Uncle Kuo, go to the restaurant, have fun, guess fists and order food, be proud, be very proud!"

A: I'm sorry. "Poor people, walking on the dam, sad and angry, ouch!" " Ouch! Ouch! "

What is this?

A, take the big one!