Emotional prose with touching scenes and memories of the past

After washing, I plan to go out for a walk and relax at night. By the way, take Aya (my sister's child) to play and do some shopping. After all, I have been locked in my room for too long. The TV is broken, the network cable is not installed, and there are no books. Besides eating and sleeping, I have to listen to the endless quarrels between my mother and Ayun (the man who is pestering my mother). I am afraid of this life, lonely and decadent, and I hate this "family" atmosphere, which is contradictory, depressing and embarrassing. Besides, Aya is a lively child. My sister took him out to share the burden of her parents-in-law. She can only stay here because of her work. We stay indoors all day and often quarrel, which will naturally affect our children.

If you want to sort out your diary at night, just enter it directly into the computer and then destroy the handwritten manuscript, so as not to be afraid that someone will open it all day. Mom suddenly said that she would go back to her hometown and all her luggage was packed. She and Ayun are having trouble these days and asked me to take her. I asked her what she was going back to do, but she didn't say anything, mainly to go back and see the unoccupied house or arrange some formalities. Just when I was ready, I went home with her. I drive an old car, but I drive a new one. I haven't opened it many times since I bought it. He always drives a car to play mahjong, but the workers don't do it and the customers don't pick it up. Married and rich, what did mother do when she brought him back? No money, no food, lazy cooking and gambling all day. No wonder his mother always scolds him. In this respect, I think Feng, like me, has a grudge against his mother more or less, but he absolutely hates Ayun. He destroyed our home.

When I got home, it was not all dark. The first time to see if the door has been damaged or touched, after all, the house has been stolen twice in the last month. Alas! Really, it is a good thing to have an old man at home, and it is a blessing for parents to be alive. At least you can stay at home, so that people don't have wild desires, and maybe you can hold the children in the future. It's just that everyone has gone now, and when the lights go out, there is nothing left, leaving his hard home and children who don't understand the world. Now fields are cultivated, trees are cut down and houses are pried open. Without a father, it is really cheaper than mud. It's really not easy to miss dad. Parents died young, relatives and friends denied him, neighbors bullied him, children were young, and were troubled by old diseases ... I really misjudged him for twenty years. I said he was selfish, beating people, shabby, negative and wordy ... A few months ago, I hurried home and saw only a corpse, a cold corpse, and he could never hear my voice again. Even if I shout my voice out, he can't scold me anymore, even if I say I don't want to study ... he didn't leave a word, and he didn't regard him as an unfilial son when he died. I didn't apologize to my father, and I couldn't repay him at all.

In the evening, we open the doors and windows to get some air, then make the bed, boil water and watch TV in the hall. We turn on the TV loud and turn on the lights in all the rooms to let the neighbors know that there are people living here and there is life. There are six porcelain pots on the balcony, planted with pricklless cactus, daffodils, chrysanthemums, epiphyllum and shallots. Because I never forget to water and fertilize every time I go home, it has not withered yet, but it looks lush, but it has never lost to the lush weeds in front of and behind the house. At this time, the moon has appeared from the top of the mountain in the east. Except for the distant mountains, it is as deep as ink. The road and the stone river are as white as jade, and the clouds are dyed white with a little yellow. The village became hazy, dotted with sporadic dim lights. The wind is rustling, the water is trickling, the dog barks three or two times, and the frog chirps one after another. Without the noise of the day, without the noise of the downtown, I feel cool and quiet at the moment. At about fifteen o'clock, the moon rises in Ran Ran, round and bright. Time flies, things have changed, leaving Gu Yue to reflect on today's people. Looking up at the bright moon, the past beats my thoughts like a flood, and all my thoughts, regrets and sighs can't help coming.

……

The moon is empty, the clouds are gone, and the whole world is in the final silence. Everyone is asleep, the lights are out, and the dog is silent. We are also tired. Mom made me two packs of cereal for dinner, told me to drink and go to bed early, and I have to collect firewood tomorrow. We turned off the TV and kept a hall light to drive away the fear at night. Even so, I have been unable to sleep for a long time. As soon as I close my eyes, I think of my father, what he has suffered in this life, what I should do and what the future of this family will be like.

It's been decades, and he's married in disorder, how much he's paid and how much he's thought about our family. He once said that his greatest skill in this life is to marry a family-oriented wife and have two good children. He once said that the person he was most worried about was his mother. If he stops yelling like this, who will take care of her with high blood pressure What he wants more is that I can go to college. This is his lifelong wish, and it is also his promise to laugh at others ... but these things have not been realized by God. Dad left with resentment, and we all felt guilty. Dad hasn't told me his experience, where our land is, and who is the grave that I worship with every year ... Too suddenly, we didn't take good care of dad, and God took away his unfinished wish. -what to do, what to do with this family. I was wrong. There was a good book to read, but it was delayed by procrastination and laziness. Finally, I skipped school twice under the impact of a little entrepreneurial idea, and finally told the teacher directly that I was going to drop out of school. It's just that my mother and school stopped me from studying for the time being. I never dropped out of school. Maybe I really answered the fortune teller's words, "There are regular college students in your family. If you don't want it, I'll tear up my fortune-telling paper! " . However, I am obviously struggling now. Think about it. At that time, I was very determined to quit school, saying that my situation was enough to be expelled from school. I really want to run away from school. Later, when I left without saying goodbye, the teacher sent a mass message saying that I was missing, which caused a lot of trouble in the city. How can I save face? Put these aside first. I am far behind in my studies. I've been slow these days and can't keep up with the progress. In addition, I have always been unsociable, withdrawn and inferior ... It is said that I am going anyway, and I can't die without losing face, otherwise I really have nothing. But I really can't grasp it. I once promised, but now I want to change my mind. Why am I so immature? Why does God want me to be crazy several times? I don't want others to treat me differently. I don't want others to think I'm different. They don't know me. But what can I do if I don't go back to school? I once said that the entrepreneurial flame has long been extinguished, and I am willing to work all my life, and the idea of living a normal life is also disillusioned. I am still naive, even if I have money, I won't do it. I am still too naive to say that I am far away from the splendor in my normal life. Are you doing this for me? This family has been in disrepair for a long time. No one lives in the hometown and others bully it. Less than you think, you must stand up, be desperate, put down your face, be full of energy and work hard. You have to fight for your home! Fulfill dad's last wish, drive the car to the door and show it to those who look down on us ... All this, all this! Dad, you can't see. ...