Listen, I want to hear it. Say you want to hear it.

Recently, I was reading Yang Shitou's Crossing the River by Touching the Stones, and I was slightly moved to see that "people only listen to what they want to hear".

"People only hear what they want to hear" is actually a reflexive action of three views.

Stone said in the book: A fortune teller once said that I was a military commander in my last life (hehe, I don't know whether to guard the imperial tomb or the frontier). It seems that nearly two-thirds of my previous military career was really full of thorns, wind, frost, rain and snow. It seems that this is fate. Just like in Chrysanthemum Terrace, the lyrics I can remember are "... whose country, the sound of horseshoes, my uniform, the roaring vicissitudes ..."

The reflection of the three views only listens to what he wants to hear, just like a foodie. No matter what others say, he can hear things related to eating.

In addition to three-view reflex listening, I want to listen, and there should be selective deafness.

If you don't want to hear more about what you know and know, you will automatically ignore it;

If it is difficult to distinguish gossip, right and wrong, true and false that have nothing to do with your work and study, directly block it;

Avoid things and rumors that you are not interested in.

Selective deafness, on the good side, is to concentrate and not participate in gossip; On the negative side, what you hear is limited and you are suspected of disrespecting the speaker.

Is "people only hear what they want to hear" the right way to listen?

It can be seen from Gordon's research that "listening to what I want to hear" can be classified into the third level. Is this really an efficient listener?

In this regard, I think it is very important to know your personal preferences and attitudes. In your major and interest field, you can do "people will only hear what they want to hear"; In non-professional and uninterested fields, my idea is that "what I want to hear must be useful to me, and what I don't want to hear is not necessarily useless."

Knowing how to listen and what to listen to is more technical than listening. I always feel that emotional intelligence is high or not, mainly in this respect. Look at Bo Huang and Wang Han, which are vivid textbooks with high emotional appeal.

Everyone will listen to what you can say. You should not only have high emotional intelligence, but also have strong observation, be able to do what you like, and grasp each other's psychology and their own way of speaking and discretion. These are really difficult for me who can't chat.

Ruan Qi, the author of "The Science of Devil Dating", put forward four suggestions: 1, ask less and talk more, talk more about yourself; 2. State the facts objectively; 3. express feelings appropriately; 4. Seriously evaluate each other. Although these four points were found in Ruan Qi's "Guide to Men's and Women's Communication", they are equally applicable to daily life and work environment.

Communication = listening+speaking.

More sincerity, less routine.

Above, I wish you a happy weekend.