Express distinctive humorous stories in Chinese.

"The new diva" sang rock and roll at the top of her lungs in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change …" The bookworm who was reading suddenly looked up and asked in surprise: "Isn't the toilet empty?" The male bathhouse and the female bathhouse in the school walk through the same door, so students of the opposite sex often meet them, which is quite embarrassing. One day, the bookworm walked to the door and happened to meet a junior who came out listlessly. The bookworm dodged to say hello and said, "Are there many people inside?" Once, I had dinner with my friends in a restaurant. We sat there waiting for the waiter to serve us. After a while, a beggar brought a bowl to my friend's back and touched it gently, imagining that he wanted money. My friend was chatting with me, thinking that the waiter had brought the rice, so he didn't turn around and put the rice bowl in the beggar's hand in front of him. We were all stupefied at that time, and the beggar wanted to cry even more (he never thought it was also a job grab) ~ ~ When I was in college, a buddy of mine met a beautiful woman on campus, and it was love at first sight, and she was emotional every day. One day at noon, I went out to eat with him, and a beautiful woman passed by. My buddy immediately pulled me behind and saw a beautiful woman enter a noodle restaurant, and we also sat in it. I advised my buddy: "Senior year, hurry up ~" So he got up the courage, stepped forward and blushed and asked: "What's your name, classmate?" The beauty looked at my buddy blankly: "My name is beef noodles." Dude was stupid, and I was laughing! Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang an ancestor?" Mother said, "Because' ancestor' is the name of the deceased." Tong Tong said: "Will those dead grandmothers be called' fresh milk'?" A brother in the past dormitory suddenly sat up at 4 am and shouted, "Get up quickly, you are late for class!" " "Then two people immediately get up and wear good clothes. I was playing pc at that time. 7 One night after eating my favorite bitter gourd, she said, "XXX (my mother's name), make me some bitter gourd and die for me ..." At that time, she probably yelled loudly. My mother, who slept in another cupboard, heard it. The next morning, after she interrogated me angrily, she gave me a crazy meal ... It can be said that she was hanged ... Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! ! ! ! ! 9. A classmate likes to smoke while defecating. He just came out of the toilet and said to us loudly, "Ah, it's so cool to smoke and shit." 10 Before he returned to the dormitory, his first sentence always asked, "Did anyone call me ... 1 1 Once, he quarreled with his roommate in the dormitory, and he said that he couldn't beat me and hit me. The whole dormitory 1 second is silent and then laughs wildly! 12 ate something bad once when I was a child, and wrote a sick note to the teacher the next day: "Teacher, I ate something bad yesterday and my stomach was upset. I got up in the morning and threw up. . . "Cold, I don't know what the teacher thinks. 13 Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured soup and ran out of tissues. Cousin shouted, "Hurry up, hurry up, go to the toilet paper and get something at the same table at 14." I bent down to pick it up, stepped on it with my foot, and when I stepped on it, I became angry: "Dare to step on my foot? ! "15 When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The whole class suddenly got cold ~ ~16 Once a foreign teacher showed Mandarin while giving a lecture in a big classroom. I wanted to give him a face and praise his standard of Mandarin, but it turned out to be your standard. It is so common and cold that everyone laughs at me. 17 and MM in front of the booth selling soybean milk fried dough sticks, I shouted, "boss, I want a bean paste." MM laughed. 18 Even the high school Chinese teacher said in class, "You are the result of a dead cat meeting a blind mouse. . . Full of laughter! 19 When I was in the third grade, a classmate invited us to dinner on my birthday night. When I got home, I said to my mother, "Mom, my classmate invited me to dinner today!" " There were so many people in the restaurant that I shouted: boss, a pepper without seasoning. . . . The waiter also loudly repeated: 1 1 table, add a pepper without seasoning! ! ! . . . 2 1 I: That's our physics teacher. . . Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. . . My mother said to me before going out to play mahjong, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine. ~ ~ ~ 23 One day I went out to buy things! " Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky! Then a word popped out of her mouth: "alas, this green frog flies so low!" I feel dizzy. I always make such mistakes ... because I talk a lot. Once I was reading a text in junior high school, XX wandered in the corridor, and I was reading XX in the corridor ... The teacher blushed. In high school, I went out to play with my classmates. There is a China Everbright Bank next to the school, which has just opened, so the brand is still hung with red cloth ... But the cloth is hung on Chinese characters, blocking the words ... I read it as "China Everbright Bank" ... The students are crazy with laughter, and I can't hold my head for several years! 25 A person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: Drinking too much wine will lead to more ... 26 Once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?" He replied, "Don't use your name! ~ ~ ~ ~ "27 Buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five Jin. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: No, I gave my grandmother a quick response on the 28th: A few days ago, you were sitting on the bus and the driver of 252 suddenly braked. Your center of gravity is unstable and you rush out and ask the driver, "What can I do for you?" Dear students: Although the instructor is really busy, when you see me in the toilet, please don't say to me, "Instructor, you are so busy, come to the toilet yourself!" It was very hot for 30 days, but the school was out of power. From day to night 10, our girls' dormitory is very quiet, everyone enjoys the cool on the balcony, but the boys' dormitory is very lively. After a commotion, the boys seem to have reached a certain understanding, only to hear organized cries from the opposite corridor: "scream, scream, we are going to scream!" " About 10 minutes later, the school actually called, and there was a cheer from the opposite side, and the dormitory area became calm. It was not until the evening 1 1 lights out time that the boys began to shout neatly, "delay, delay, we will delay!" " The school, which has always been harsh, actually agreed to the unreasonable demands of this group of people and extended the call time for the first time. Just as we were about to have a rest, something happened that I will never forget. Perhaps the boys were too excited, because their usual impossible demands were actually realized by the school, so there came a more organized and majestic voice from the opposite boys' dormitory, .............: "Women ... women ... we want women! ! !" 3 1 tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying! My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. A high school classmate (a boy) among 33 students walked into the noodle restaurant and shook his hair: "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" " After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? 34. Once my classmate's mother called me, I said "he's not here" before, but I wanted to say "he's out" this time, and the result was: "he's gone". In high school, everyone was given a badge. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . . 36. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "Your skin is so good, why do you still use soothing treasure?" "37. A classmate of my dormitory's high school classmate called. He said who he was looking for, but I said I wasn't there. Then he said thank you. 38. Someone came to my aunt's house before and just came in. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea! ""39. Our company has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, you can take me!" " I laughed until I got off ~! 40. In college, a classmate quarreled with me and was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, he got up and shouted: You vbv, I have a friend named Yi Hui, and one day his boyfriend proposed to her. He sent her a package with a ring and a roll of tape in it. She finally dug out the tape recorder that had been useless for n years, and it barely worked. Then her boyfriend's low and resentful voice sounded on the tape recorder: "Wait for Yi Hui in a thousand years, wait for Yi Hui." In a hospital, the patient said to the doctor, "I tell you, I am actually a female pilot." The doctor smiled and said, "What's that on your leg?" The patient looked around mysteriously and said, "that's my exclusive weapon, which is specially used for hitting planes." The fortune teller caught a man and said, "You will step on shit tomorrow." One man said, "I can't step on it when I stand upside down." A man's wife died. When cleaning up his wife's body, he cut her off for fear of loneliness in the future. After returning home, he searched for a long time and couldn't find a hiding place. Finally, he put it in the pot. His son was hungry when he came home from school. When he saw * * * in the pot, he scrambled to eat and caught a sparrow. The next day, the man opened the pot and found that * * * was gone.