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Tiaokouzhun is a stand-up comedy adapted by Degang Guo based on the story of Pan Yang in the traditional storytelling Yang Jiajiang. It mainly tells an interesting story: Qiping County ordered Kou Zhun to be transferred to Beijing to try two Pan Yang cases.

Name: Diao Kouzhun

Type: Crosstalk

Performance: Degang Guo

Complete crosstalk text:

Curved mouth (full version)

There are several props on the stage. One is this fan. You look like a fan, but in our hands, sometimes you may not be a fan. This is a dung fork. Crosstalk can't be said. What happened? We want to buy dozens of fans here a month. Because our actors here have both this civilization and this semi-animal. As soon as I came on stage, a dozen came here. Oh, this one is broken, too. It's expensive to pick up. No fans, no fans. Storytelling means that you don't depend on a fan. The story told today is very close to everyone, Song Dynasty. If there is an old man in your family, you can ask him. You must find the one who is alive. When did this happen? Northern Song Dynasty. Something big happened inside, and a lawsuit was filed. Generally speaking, this lawsuit is a rebellious thing. And this lawsuit is different from ordinary lawsuits. There was a battle between two ministers in Chaoerli: Pan, the commander-in-chief of the military and horses, was called to North Road, and Ma, the son of the overlord Chitose, was called. The two families fought. Because of what? It's a long story just because Jiang Xinliang, the king of the Northland, called a serial battle table to win the brilliant Gankun of the Great Song Dynasty. On the one hand, Pan Renmei is the governor of Hokuriku, on the other hand, he is the father-in-law of the emperor. Why the emperor's father-in-law? Because his daughter gave it to the emperor. Wow, this empress is as beautiful as flowers and jade. Nothing is more beautiful than this. The emperor liked it very much, and he was powerful in the palace. Pan Renmei's identity is different from other immortals, so he vented his personal grievances in front of the two armies and secretly hurt Yang Jiajiang. When Yang Jiajiang left, he was seven wolves and eight tigers. Finally, he basically died in front of the two armies, leaving only Liulang Yang to climb Yanmenguan at night and go back to Tokyo to save Imperial Shape. The emperor came to the prelude book, saying that your father-in-law Pan Hong and Pan Renmei had harmed our Laoyang family. When I told you this, it caused a sensation in my heart. Paixitai's suggestion told Liu Yulai to try the case. This case of first instance doesn't matter. Obviously, a bowl of water is uneven. To whom? To the emperor, of course. This road is the Queen of the West Palace, Pan Saihua, and behind her is the emperor. A lot of gold and silver treasures were sent, and Liu Yushi was very surprised when he saw them. 22,000 gold, 22,000 silver, and gold pony jumping around. How much is this? Give money slowly, just don't give money. I have to face the emperor in this lawsuit. I am an official of the royal family. So when they got to the court, the plaintiff and the defendant came up without even asking: Come on! Seal off Yang Liulang. Someone came and rubbed his shoulder, put his arm around him and tied Yang Liulang up. Tie the plaintiff in the first class first, and then copy the fire label. Come on, hit forty more. When the fire sign is dropped, people are like wolves. After receiving the fire sign, there will be trouble. One of them came out from under the court. who is it? Eight Kings and Chitose Zhao Fangde. I'm really anxious. I have a golden mace in my hand, and there is a hollow face inside. This golden mace was left by the old emperor, who can use it to fight. This thing is very valuable (refers to the broken fan in your hand). You can see all this. There is an organ secret. It can count. When I came to the court, I asked Liu Yu and Xitai for advice. Without saying anything, I held my octahedral mace in my hand. Bang! I smashed my temple at once. It was such a big pit at that time. Liu Yu is good at discovering. Oh, these eyes are not small. Not pretty. I will die in a rage, and the dead body will fall to the ground. People lie down. In the past, people wore robes with big sleeves and a gift list floated out of their sleeves. Eight sovereign holding, happy, hehe, this is a gift list written by Nishinomiya empress Pan Saihua. With this gift list, this West Pacific proposal died in vain. Take the things to the golden palace. Come, your majesty, look at this, ah, look at this, look at this. The emperor looked at it, alas, this, this can't be said, there are many things that can't be clearly stated in one or two sentences. It is inevitable that a man's wife is not virtuous and his son is unfilial. I'm still a bitch. You go back and I'll talk to her. That's what persuaded the Eight Heavenly Kings not to do it. Let's look around the court to find out which water is as clear as a mirror. When you come to try this case, you should get to the bottom of Pan Yang's case. Civil servants and military commanders didn't dare to promise. Two powerful families are too powerful. One is the father-in-law of the Eight Kings, and the other is the father-in-law of the Emperor. Who dares to care? In addition, as a warning, a man died in court with a big hole in his head. Our brains are probably not so strong that we dare not take up this quarrel. Finally, the Prime Minister, Zhao, Eight Kings and Chitose searched the official records at night. What are the official records? In the past, this official department was equivalent to the current organization department, and these cadres' files are all here. Eight kings are restless at the age of 10, so come with this great prime minister and stop here. Let's see if there are any honest officials in the Song Dynasty in China. I took this book and patted it. Look at this, Mr. Wang. I don't know about that. Please have a look. The prime minister accepted it, and my eyes were useless. After reading it for three days and nights, I finally found one: there is a Qipin 'ao in Xiakou County, Shanxi Province, whose surname is Zhong Ping, Kou Zhun. This advocate is great. He worked as a county magistrate in Guxia County for nine years. In the past, the county magistrate changed once every three years and became an official for three years. I was afraid that you would have your own network in the local area, so I asked you to change places. It was nice to stay here in Yunnan for three years, but I went to Baodi County, Tianjin. I am a stranger, so I have to. But this gentleman has been staying for three years, and the old surname is reluctant to let him go. Great, this fairy, stay. I stayed for another session, and then I stayed for another session. It was a great event at that time to meet the magistrate for nine years. This man is an honest official. Tell the emperor that he wants to see him. A gold medal was awarded, and Cui Chengcui, the eunuch in charge of the gold medal, was ordered to bring the imperial gold medal to Guxia County, Shaanxi Province, asking for a gold medal. On this road, Cui Chengcui tried his best to make a fortune. Think about it, from the capital Tokyo, all the way to the city, officials of all sizes can see that he is the second emperor. Let's go, come from afar to meet Gao Ying. We have everything ready for you here, one car at a time. When it comes to gold, it's not silver. It's all gold bullion. Just this once, eat this Cui Cheng, this face, it's time to gain weight. Behind him, there is a mule team, followed by more than a dozen cars, all pulling gold and silver treasures. Cui Cheng was very happy to see me in Guxia County. Ha ha ha ha ha. I made a lot of money along the way. Lord Kou, who came to the county, is the one I want to transfer the gold medal. He gave me something, so wait. Build a building five miles from the city. Tell the herald to go. Go and tell Lord Kou. Our family sent a message to wait for him here and ask him to pick me up quickly. Check, yes. The herald drove the horse to Guxia County. Once in the county, it is not a big city. But it looks like an orderly cart, and the people next to it live and work in peace. The herald nodded yes. It seems that this fairy has two down sons. I asked, where is this county government? He was told to go east and then turn north. All right, bring the horse. Came to the door and stopped the horse. Hey, I said, is there anyone in the yamen? Kou Zhun, the county magistrate of Qipin County, listen: Now the imperial envoy has set up a mansion five miles away from the city and ordered you to meet the imperial envoy. Did you hear that? I shouted three times in a row, and no one picked a quarrel. Well, it's older here. Turn over from the horse and fix the horse. Look at this door, there is one left. You can look in along the gate, there is no one in the yard. Look around. It's shabby. I took two steps and came in to have a look. As soon as this courtyard came in, what exotic flowers and plants were planted in the courtyards on both sides? He doesn't have radish, celery, eggplant and Chinese cabbage here. Heart said the county government changed the vegetable garden. Look at the four signs inside to avoid silence. The paint is all gone, and there are no words or colors. There are only four signs left. The herald wondered, oh, these four big fly swatter. Where did everyone go? This is ... where's your master? Nobody's here. Turned around and came out again. Look for it at the entrance of the yamen. Oh, it's a little old. Why? Where is everyone? Someone didn't? Just then, a man came from here, carrying a small basket and dressed like a businessman. Walking and shouting: buy peanuts and melon seeds! Peanut seeds! Selling melon seeds. Hey, come here, come here. Okay, buy melon seeds? Come here, come here, come here. Hey, look, there are some spices and some original ones. What do you want to eat? I don't eat anything. Let me ask you something. Is this your county yamen? Yes, this is the county government of our Guxia County. Turn a blind eye to the county? Guxia county. Is his lordship still there? Here it is. I've been shouting for a long time. Why doesn't anyone pay attention to me? Listen, listen, you're not from here. Are you from the province? I come from Beijing. Ouch, yo, yo, yo I tell you, the master is in the back, and there is nothing in front, and there is no lawsuit. He lives in a small room behind him. There are only his father and son, one is the master Kou, and the other is the little boy Kou. You can't hear him when you call him. My master has nothing to do recently. A few days ago, several incidents happened in Dongguan, our country. My master went to have a look. He has just come back, and he may be tired these two days. Oh, how do you know so many details? I am the second in command of this yamen. Huh? The head of the second yamen, locally speaking, is the second emperor. Why do you still sell melon seeds? What happened? What's the matter with insufficient food? No, we are. Our master is poor, and we can't help it. Sell some melon seeds and earn some money to support your master. Huh? I said, what about your master's salary and money? The people are poor, and the master spends all his money on them. You don't know, I have been an immortal for three years. Three years later, the immortal was leaving the people, and I stayed for another term. I have been a magistrate for nine years. Earlier, our grandfather's family took advantage of it. When he became an official, he spent all his money on the old people. So all of us have to come out and do a little business to support our master. Just then, a scavenger crossed the street. The second boss looks very happy. Did you get a look at him? That's the biggest one. Uh, this way, this way. Big head is picking up dung. Take the basket. What is this? When the errand comes, go to the front and put the basket aside. Oh, here comes the errand. Don't move, you are pulling a horse. It is interesting for the Herald to see this master. There are a group of vendors in the yamen. You can pick it up later. I have something to tell you, you know. Now, we accompany the eunuch Cui Chengcui, who is in charge of the inner court, to show our loyalty to Mr. Cui, and to preach the imperial edict and transfer your master to Beijing. He has a big question to ask. Tell your master that an imperial envoy has put down his residence five miles from the city and told him to see him. Did you hear that? Ok, just a moment, please. We'll let you know when we get in. Leave the dung basket at the door, the big head will go in, and the yard will be several floors behind. Master Kou is studying in the house at the moment. Big head standing at the door: what's going on! Come on in, don't do such a thing. Sir, Shanxi people have a little accent. I have been an official since I came here. In order to get in touch with the people, I should learn some Putonghua, which is neither old nor authentic. Then I didn't finish my hometown dialect, and I couldn't speak Mandarin well, which was embarrassing. Come on in. As soon as the curtain was removed, Big Head came in and greeted the master. Ah, big head, what's the matter? Didn't you pick up feces today? I picked it up with my master. I picked up half a basket. Then pick it up. Don't delay business. Master told you that I can't go today, but I am here today. In the city, people say it is in Beijing. There is a visitor from Tokyo, the eunuch in charge. I don't remember my last name. The imperial edict gold medal came all the way to see you. Five miles from the city, the building is ready for you. Look, let's go. Ah, there is a visitor from the imperial city. He came to see me from Beijing. It is said that we have to meet him. Of course, I'm here on business. You have to fight for the imperial edict gold medal. Then I have to think about it. Master Kou looks at his clothes from top to bottom. He wears a gauze cap on his head, but there is a gauze cap without wings. What's the matter? It's been too long. It's been nine years, and it's almost leaking At least that's how you dress. I'm wearing this formal dress. I've been in office for nine years. This is its nine years. The front and back patches are long gone, and my body is broken. What if it breaks down? I'll mend it, break it again, and then there will be a piece of cloth. The connection between the cloth and the thread failed, and then the thread could not be hung up, so I picked up the broken ground, tied it with a rope and pulled it a little. Everything is on sale except patches. There is a jade belt around the waist. This jade belt is different from others. There are goods on the edge of the eight Qiao seven belts, all of which are pearl jadeite. This is good. He broke the top edge and wrapped some hemp rope. Did he see the big steamer for steaming steamed bread? He was afraid of running out, so he tied it with a rope. He didn't exchange this for that. These shoes are under your feet. They open their mouths at the front and at the back. They are called earth eaters. Sometimes when you go out, you can tie it with a rope near the entrance of the yamen and just go back and forth. Master sat here and thought, alas, this imperial envoy has come and asked me to see him. I should meet him. Five miles from the city, lay down the house, and go back and forth for ten miles. Can I still buy these boots? I don't want to be afraid that he will be unhappy. On second thought, he came to me to make sure he was okay. He can't go back because I didn't pick him up. He can't explain it when he goes back. Big head, tell him his lordship is busy. He has something to meet at the yamen. If it's okay, just go home. Master, you are too bold. You are from Beijing. It doesn't matter where you come from. The owner's shoes can't walk. Tell him. Hey, turn around and come out. The second boss is chatting with the herald at the entrance of yamen. How can our host be so good? Just then, the big head came out: herald. What's the matter? Are you going or not? Come on. Our host says he is busy now. Go back and tell the adults to come if you want, or go back if you don't want. Ah! ? Stop talking nonsense! I wear it on my head and neck. Dare I talk nonsense? That's what I said. Oh, don't run. I'm telling you, wait for me. Hey, wait for me. Turn over and get on the horse and whip the horse back to the city. Cui Dezhong is waiting here: What's the matter, monkey? Did you get it? Did you bring anything? I didn't see it, but I saw a dung collector selling melon seeds. I'm telling you, people say something Yamen came to see me. It doesn't matter. Let's go back. Oh! Good monkey! Tear his face off one by one. He's going crazy! Ah, our home is here, and Emperor No.2 is afraid to answer it! No answer, no answer, let's go back. Oh, wait a minute. We can't talk about it when we get back. Go back and ask, your majesty, I'm back. I'm back. How's it going? I haven't seen it. Why didn't you see it? He didn't come to pick me up. You have to kill me. Oh, look, this crop is getting older. Then let's go. Let's put our things back. Let's go see him. I was loyal to Cui and beat my whip to the county government. Turn over and dismount. Someone is calling. Kick inside, kick inside, kick inside, it doesn't take much time. Adult Lulu came out and came to him politely: Kou, Qipin, Guxia County, Shaanxi Province, see your adult. Look up and let me see. The eunuch looked up and said, "This master is very handsome. He is about forty years old. Three beards are wearing a gold ingot hat, clothes selling soup and a hemp ring around his waist. Look at these two shoes, eunuch. Well, you can't pick me up. You will die if you don't take ten steps." Go in. Follow him in. Code after code, code after code, finally came inside, came to master Kou's study. There is no door. This is a half-drawn cotton curtain. When it is lifted here, when an imperial envoy comes, you should drill it first. This still needs to be drilled, but it's amazing that I haven't drilled this in Beijing. When I went in, I saw that the room was very shabby. There are books on both walls, and there is a broken table and three legs here, with a pile of half bricks in it. Oh, what should I do? Come on, my Lord, you sit here. Sit here. Look, there is a long bench, which is quite inside. The eunuch said to me, pull it out. Just about to pull out Kou Zhun. Stop him! Don't move! You can't move. Take a look first. Look at this stool carefully. There are legs on one side and no legs on the other. Cut a hole in the wall and it went into the hole. You can't take this out. Take it out and sit underground. Ah, what is your honor doing here? Here's the thing. You have the imperial edict. Open the imperial edict and lift the emperor Zhao Yue to Fengtian. The important thing is to transfer Kou to the capital and wish to thank him. Minister Kou Zhun thanked Lord Long En. Stand up with the imperial edict and pay tribute to it in the lobby. Pay tribute to it with a gold medal. The two sides settled down. When Lord Kou saw the family coming, he had to fetch some water for people to drink. Cohen, where have you been? Kouan! Call Juan. Kouan is the master's extremely bookish, and the 12-year-old boy is smart and capable. The curtain came in, my Lord. Cohen, um, we have a visitor at home. A tourist came to Beijing. This is a business trip. Go and make a pot of tea. There is a guest at home who wants to boil a pot of water. The child stood here motionless. There are people at home. Go and make a pot of tea. Go ahead, there's someone at home. Go and make a pot of tea. Just asking for money? Bring money. Didn't I give you money yesterday? Here, it's not even enough to pay the bill. How can I get there without money? How can I tell the water store? Tell him there's someone at home and I'll pay him later. Not yet. It's been over a year. How can I meet people? Me. Let's go, children don't understand. It's embarrassing for a child to come out. Take a pot. It doesn't even have a handle. Damn it, why are you here? And tea water. I'm too embarrassed to ask for it. I still want to sell it. What should I do? Where can I find tea? I looked up and saw a straw hat hanging on the wall. This straw hat was from Dai Lai in those days. Sometimes it's too hot to wear when farming, so I take it off and hang it on the wall when I finish my work. I usually don't pick them when the wind blows and the sun shines. Sometimes they get wet when it rains, and the sun dries the next day. It has weathered for many years and stayed there. The child is very naughty. As soon as he reached out and took it off, he felt crisp here. Pull out the next lap, rub it, put it in the pot and bring it back with boiling water. As soon as the child entered the room, it was ridiculous. He looked at Cui's loyalty and burst into bursts. Cui Dezhong wondered, forget it, whatever, pour a glass of water, be thirsty, hurry up. Don't worry, pick up your clothes and clean this bowl. When you hold this pot, wow, look at this color. It is really yellow. Bring it here. I brought it to your eunuch, right, right, right. It is said that vinegar is produced in Shanxi, which is really unusual. What is this? It is salty and astringent. Hey, what kind of tea is this? Call the child. What kind of tea is this? You drink yours. Don't ask. No, what kind of tea is this? This, tea smashing. Ah, what? Circle the tea. Make it clear. Circle the tea. If you tear off a straw hat, you can't just circle tea. It tastes really bad, and it's here Hey, I said Lord Kou. Oh, your majesty. Now, there is such a case in the inner edge. The other is Marshal Ma of Pan, a soldier named Bei Lu who was called by the ruler, and his family, the hereditary old son of Ma, Bawang and Chitose. Their two families are in a lawsuit. Long live the emperor. Let you try this case. Dare you go? I don't think highly of this fairy. He is too poor to live forever. How much money to give them when they arrive in Beijing, their lives will be gone, and their heads will be gone. I don't think highly of him. Dare to go? Dare to go. Huh? Yes, you, such a big official in Beijing, no one dares to go. Dare you go? I dare go. All right. But I can't leave yet. Why can't you leave? I have been here for so many years, although I have not disturbed the people, but I owe the people a sum of money, and I can't leave until I pay it off. It annoys me when I see it. I have seen so many masters here, and none is poorer than you. How much is it to kill? Five hundred and twenty silver is enough. All right, I'll tell you something. There is a little eunuch next to you. Give me fifty taels of silver. That's good. Chip in and send it to him. This is fifty taels for you. Oh, well, I'll give you the money when I get up later. No, no,no. I donated this to you. Then I thank you. Thirty taels have been paid off, and the remaining twenty taels will be distributed to the three chief officers. Ok, ok, I'll go with you when tomorrow is over. You're leaving tomorrow. Are you going to wear this dress to see the emperor? Huh? What happened? This is not good. You came to Beijing to see the emperor! You wear this patched skirt. Don't you have anything without patches? Yes Put it on. Those without patches have holes. Give it back. Give it back. This is not bad, this is not to reveal this. Okay, okay, okay, well, then, you go home, and we'll go tomorrow. The next day, Lord Kou arranged everything, bid farewell to the chief of Class Three, and prepared to go to Beijing to see the holy monk. I haven't left yet, but outside the yamen, people gathered around and wouldn't let me go. Lord kou! Lord Kou, you can't leave! You can't leave! Cui is always puzzled. I have met many people and officials, but I have never seen such officials today. I have to check it out. Come out with Master Kou and stand on the steps of the yamen. Wow, the whole street is crowded with people. The common people came with tears in their eyes. Lord Kou, Lord Kou, you can't leave. You have been with us for nine years. You have suffered. It's simple. We are getting better and better. Where can you go? Please allow us to pay tribute to you. Oh, guys, it wasn't my idea. Long live the Lord, he has an imperial decree to transfer me. I have something to do in Beijing An old lady came out: Lord Kou, Lord Kou. I have to thank you. Without you, my wife who lost her parents would die in the street. Being a big official in Beijing is a good thing, that's all. Come early and come late. You can't come back early this morning and late at night. It's a long journey. Huh? Can't come back? The old lady lowered her head and wiped her tears. Master Kou's tears also came down. A young man squeezed into the crowd and took a big plate with more than 20 bunches of hawthorn and Sugar-Coated Berry in it. Lord Kou, Lord Kou, I have nothing else. This is my craft. You have to take these. Take them with you and digest your food on the way. Master Kou, you see, I have nothing to digest, and I haven't eaten much recently. Take it to the capital and give it to the emperor. This is a solution. Then put it away. Turning around, a monitor came over and took all the hawthorn. A few people came over, dressed in gorgeous clothes, holding plates with gold ingots and silver bars, all of which were propped up. My Lord, there is nothing else. Over the years, you have spent all your salary for our people in Guxia County. We must return the money to you when you leave this time. You have to accept it anyway. Alas, Lord Kou is practicing shaking hands, which can't be done. I thought it was my duty to be an official to give money to the people. How can I bring it when I leave? Just then, someone came and said we were tailors. We made you a suit overnight. Here are some pairs of shoes to make you a pair of shoes. Nothing else. There used to be a saying: When the official is gone, take off his gauze cap. Leave us all your shoes and clothes, and we'll hang them on the city gate. Later officials must know that there was an honest official here when they came. Someone came and changed all the clothes and shoes for Lord Kou. Kou Zhun's tears came down: Oh, well, fellow villagers, there is nothing else for Kou Zhun to go to Beijing this time. I risked my life to try this Pan Yang case. If I have time, I will go back to Guxia County and see my hometown again. Today, everyone here is worshipped by Kou Zhun. Then he threw away his clothes and knelt down. People let out a cry and immediately all knelt down. Cui, who stood by, said with tears streaming down her face: What is this called? I have traveled all over the world and have never seen anything like this. It seems that Kou Zhun's case in Beijing will definitely be tried. Kou stood up and bowed to the crowd. Turn over and get on the horse and run to Beijing. This trip down, in the evening to judge the ghost Pan Hong.