Funny Fortune Teller _ Funny Fortune Teller Video

Humor is a gift, a strength, or a civilization created by human beings in the face of common life difficulties. I collected some funny jokes for you. Come and have a look with me.

A series of funny jokes

1) Facing the enemy's gun, Wen Tianxiang insisted on saying no (no wonder the Southern Song Dynasty was going to perish, and the other side had modern weapons). Yesterday I went to Xtep with my classmates and bought a pair of shoes. I asked my buddy what it felt like to wear them, and he said with a smile, Xtep is an extraordinary feeling! I was knocked down by the door frame as soon as I went out!

2) In class, the teacher asked the students to judge right and wrong on the spot. Teacher:? Xiao Lin, please judge. ? Kobayashi:? I think the answer should be? A mistake? . ? Teacher:? Why, Xiao Lin? Because Xiaoyan in front replied? Is that correct? But you didn't ask her to sit down. ?

3) There is a teacher who has a special marking method. One day, he was distributing the finished paper. Send it to the classmate who did well in the exam, and then send it to him. Students who do well in the exam will put it on the table for him. Students who don't do well in the exam will give it to him on the ground. It's finished, and there are still three papers left. He said that these papers will be buried at a fixed point tonight, and the excavation site will be notified separately. ......

4) Once the teacher asked the students to talk about their feelings about the exam. I saw a classmate write: Part I: Part II Year after year: Make-up exams are questioned by us every year: You have to pay.

5) In Chinese class, the teacher asked everyone to speak? One by one? Format idioms, such as? Monopolistic? . The painter's son:? One stroke, one painting. ? The captain's son: one wave is not flat, and another is rising. ? Son of a real estate agent:? One room, one living room, one kitchen and one bathroom. ?

6) After graduation, I went to teach in a girls' school. Because there are few young male teachers, I always thought that I would be very popular as a pure man. In the first class, a female student forgot to bring her textbook. I asked her to stand up and ask other students how to punish her. They said in unison with tacit understanding:? The teacher kissed her! ? Everyone is waiting to see my reaction. I glanced at that classmate and had to answer:? You can't punish the teacher! ?

7) There is a boy in the class who wants to ask him for 50 yuan because his friend owes him money, but he doesn't know how to talk because of his good friend relationship, so he plans to write and tell him. But after thinking for a long time, I still didn't know how to say it, so I asked. Later, I suggested that he say it directly, and he decided to write a note saying it would be faster. I was really laughing when I saw the note written by that classmate. The content is as follows: Li Ge, I have been worried for a long time, and I don't know how you are recently! Look! Today, the weather is sunny, the autumn is crisp and the flowers are in full bloom. White clouds are floating in the wind, and the warm sunshine reflects the earth. Green grass is like flowers and willows, the mountains are high and the water is long, the floating light is golden, the static shadow is heavy, the moon is thousands of miles away, and the spring and autumn are bright and clear. ......

This is a kind of sorrow that all mankind must know, but it is not as known as people who have been poor together. Freshman girl, until Yang's children, didn't grow up, grew up in the inner room, and no one knew her. Sophomore girls have other ladies in his court, 3,000 are rare and beautiful, but his favor of 3,000 is concentrated on one body. Junior girls must fold the flowers straight, don't wait for the flowers to be spent before folding the branches! There are not many senior girls in autumn, and they have long failed. Freshman boys tried to straighten the brim of their hats and scratched their heads at the end of the world. Sophomore boy, full of Song Yu feelings, very slim. At that time, junior boys shared flowers with me, but now they don't even have half. Senior three boys advise you not to wake up alone. There should be some drunken flowers. However, before she started walking towards us, we called a thousand times and urged her for a thousand times, but she still hid half of her face behind her guitar from us. My ex-girlfriends had to abandon me and Bolt from yesterday, and today it hurts my heart even more. ......

9) I am so handsome. The girls in the next class always look at me in class. I picked up a dollar. I've been looking for my police uncle for a day. I ran out of toilet paper, so I had to sit in the toilet and wait for my mother to get off work. I am not happy today. I didn't want to cross the road in class and accidentally knocked off a car. One day I went to look for the car. I sit at the same table and don't talk to me in class. I sent a red scarf across the street and was hit by a train. Aliens attacked the earth. I'm sewing pants for Superman.

10) Don't be sorry. The teacher provided it? Excellent? environment My neck ached, I shook it, and I accidentally meowed. See if the students next door have written the class name and seat number to avoid being detained. If you cheat, what are the reasons for cheating? Because the weather is very good today. I'm in a good mood today. Do it by the way. The classmate has already thrown away the answer, so I'm sorry I didn't copy it. Afraid that classmates can't write, gather together? Opportunity education? Just a moment, please. Train yourself to see? Fine print? Speed. Test your eyesight. I get constipated if I don't do it. Strengthen the ability to assist memory. Practice writing. Training instant explosive power. This teacher teaches so badly that he forces his students to cheat! (So students cheat, the teacher should review! ......

1 1) M: We have been in love for half a year now. Is it love? W: Not really. Man: What, isn't it hot enough? W: Not enough, just one focus.

12) Don't explain in front of me, because explanation is shielding, shielding is dishonesty, and dishonesty is lack of cleaning.

13) "once a classmate fell asleep, which was nothing, but a classmate felt sorry for him and helped him snore, so he arrested the sleeping classmate."

14) In Chinese class, the teacher taught us to be filial, let our parents be caring and attentive, and asked them whether the day's work was smooth and whether they were tired. The next day, the teacher asked the students to report their parents' reactions. A classmate said, "My parents said," Tell me how much money you are short of. Another classmate said, "I'm really unlucky!" " My parents asked me, "Did you send out your report card today? 』」

One day, I went to the kindergarten to pick up my son. As soon as I entered the classroom door, I saw my son wearing a white handkerchief and a plastic stethoscope hanging around his neck. On the table next to him, there is a medical lumbar disc with several syringes in it. Look at that posture, obviously in kindergarten, obviously in hospital. ......

16) The teacher said: Everything will expand when heated. ? The student said:? Well, teacher, aren't people living in the tropics expanding?

17) In high school, my deskmate loved to fart. Once, a stench floated by. I asked him: did you poison the girl at the front table again and say:? That's not his smell. ?

Funny humor jokes boutique.

1) Mom said my IQ is just how high it is, and I don't know. I only know that I am a very lethal person. Many people have been hurt because of me. Some of them lost hope in life, and some even committed suicide. So I have always suspected that I have a potential superpower, and this superpower has had a particularly strong effect on my teacher for some reason. I remember the first teacher who died because of me. At that time, I was in the first grade of primary school, and my teacher took us to the wild for a natural practice class. Seeing the spring breeze blowing green and the willows sprouting branches, the teacher couldn't help thinking of a question, so he asked, Students, do you know how to tell the wind direction? I know! ? A little girl in my class answered and picked up a tree from the ground. ......

2) One night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night. I sent a short message to a friend and a sister. Depressed, chat with me for a while. ? Soon, my sister wrote back: Okay, what do you want to talk about? The topic is up to you! ? I thought about it and answered happily. Then let's talk about something heavier, like your weight! ? After a silence, the sisters replied with a short message, which read:? This is too heavy, let's talk about something superficial, such as your IQ! ! ! ? A friend asked her boyfriend in the Department of Botany:? Today is my birthday! Why don't you send me flowers? What boy replied:? Don't you know that flowers are the genitals of plants? Why do we have to cut off their genitals? ......

3) A philosophy teacher only got one question in the mid-term exam. Is this the topic? What is courage? Just as everyone was thinking hard about how to write something, a classmate handed in his paper. He didn't write a word! But he only wrote five words? This is courage! ? Absolutely! The teacher gave him full marks. But it must be in the back. Finally, the final exam. The teacher still only takes one exam. What's the topic this time? This is the topic, please answer it? Isn't that a strange question? Everyone still can't write, but the students handed in their papers quickly. What did he write this time? He wrote it? This is the answer, please be angry with the teacher, but just scream in embarrassment:? Boy, that's great! Come here, I have two questions for you, if you answer them. ......

4) Rehearse the textbook drama Thunderstorm in the class, in which Lu Dahai has a line? These three things without bones! ? The one who played Lu Dahai in rehearsal blurted out: These three things without skulls! ? Everyone was taken aback and then burst out laughing.

5) Since the telephone was installed in the dormitory, telephone pranks have been popular for some time. One day, beauty Xiao C was reading alone in the dormitory. Suddenly, the phone rang. Xiao C raised the phone and fed it a few times, but the other party never answered. At five o'clock in the afternoon, a similar call came again, which was the fifth time that day. Little c couldn't help it anymore: bah! ****! At noon the next day, everyone was eating in the dormitory when the phone rang again. Little c mentioned it first. ****! If you don't talk, I'll be rude! ? Just a standard sexy male voice came from the opposite side: hello, miss! This is the telephone service center. We apologize for the system failure that affected some of your calls yesterday. Now we have eliminated the fault, but we still need your help to carry out the following test. ? ......

6) Xiao Fang, who has always been careless, works in the campus library, helping to clean and water the flowers. She always spills the books beside her when watering the flowers, and it takes about a week before things get a little better. One day, she was carefully watering a pot of bright flamingo flowers, but she saw the head teacher of the library standing by and staring at her. She thought the teacher would praise her for being more and more careful, so the teacher said to Xiao Fang with a straight face. You are watering the plastic flowers now! ! ?

7) The teacher writes couplets: the country enriches the people, the family enriches the people, and the country enriches the people. Class Committee's couplet: the sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, and the world is magnificent! My bottom line is: fuck you, fuck you! The result was kicked out of the classroom.

8) What is the most important thing in college life? For childe? The most important thing? That's eating! What should I do after eating? Pull! What about when you're done? Eat > Ok? Much like a garbage transfer station, childe eats rice in the campus canteen. To tell you the truth, the son is a shameless old sparrow in the university, and people have nicknamed him? Idiot? . Yes! Some people don't understand that this free meal is also a meal! Where is the best place to eat on campus? Do you have to ask? The first choice is that the meals of dormitory roommates are the best. Otherwise, it is better to be a distant relative than a close neighbor! The son told everyone that one semester, he rubbed my roommate's rice, and the son rubbed it for several months. Impossible, right? ......

9) In class, my deskmate told me a lot about how his girlfriend Wenjing abandoned him, which was really wronged. But his chatter made the teacher unbearable, shouting: you are not quiet, I need to be quiet! ? My deskmate caught fire and stood up. I quickly jumped up and said, there is no quiet, quiet, but you have to calm down! ! ?

10) at the art festival, we are going to do a horrible group dance, which requires intense and difficult movements such as squatting quickly and lifting our legs high. As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after practicing for a few days. Some of them were covered in bruises, and some muscles pulled my right leg badly, which didn't work at all! I go to class on the third floor today. God, I just lift my right leg step by step. The most exasperating thing is that I heard two girls whispering behind me as I walked: schools in big cities are more formal, but in our hometown, polio patients can't go to school at all! ! ?

1 1)HKUST has a student who will graduate in his senior year soon, and he has no job or girlfriend. So he went to tell a fortune. ? You, will be down and out until you are forty? As soon as the students' eyes lit up, they thought there would be a turn for the better, so they asked, Then what? Then you got used to this kind of life?

12) College students always like new and exciting things. Like playing cards, if you lose, you have to shout? I am a pig? Or holding a telephone pole and shouting? Is my illness cured? Something like that You see, there are many creative dormitories in Shantou University playing cards. Whoever loses will go to the back hill alone in the middle of the night to copy the inscriptions of ten tombstones! The most terrible thing is that the next morning everyone went up the mountain to find a tombstone to proofread! ! As a result, after a semester, I didn't recite a few English words, but I learned the inscription on Houshan by heart. More importantly, everyone's level of literature and calligraphy has been greatly improved, and many people even learned to use Xiao Zhuan as a signature document.

13) In high school politics class, the teacher:? Zhang Mazi, where are these people? A word came from the back corner: three people. Fight for the beauty in college!

14) In history class, a student dozed off openly in class. The teacher woke him up and asked him to answer questions. ? Who is the author of The Art of War by Sun Tzu? Whisper:? Only the grandson knows. Who is the author of Tao Te Ching? The students answered in the old-fashioned way. I don't know. ?

15) The teacher talked about biodiversity in class! Halfway through, I asked the names of two students who had been talking. The students started without answering the teacher: if they can't even answer their own names, it is mental retardation, which belongs to a kind of biodiversity.

16) one day, the Chinese teacher stood on the podium and called the roll and suddenly said to us: Oh, what a sumptuous meal! ? We asked:? What a rich teacher: There are rice (rice), vegetables (vegetables), porridge (porridge), soup (soup) and fish (fish)! Dinner is ready! ?

Classic humorous jokes.

1) "One day, the teacher asked the whole class to collect three sentences and publish them the next day. When Xiao Ming came home, he went to ask his mother, sister and brother. Mom is cooking: "Fuck off! I am busy! My sister is listening to the walkman: "As long as I like it, why not?" My brother is watching TV: "invincible iron, gold and steel." The next day, when the teacher asked Xiaoming ... Xiaoming said, "Fuck off! I am busy! Teacher: How can you talk to the teacher like that? Xiao Ming: As long as I like it, why not? Teacher: What are you? 」......"

2) "When I was a freshman, someone cheated on the monthly exam in our school. At that time, a math problem we tested was a proof problem. Because the proof is difficult to write, no one pays much attention. A poor classmate made a cheat sheet, which happened to have proof questions on it. But he couldn't finish the exam, so he didn't write the proof. So when he collected the test paper. Sticking a cheat sheet on this topic ... As a result, he got a high score and became a campus legend ... Once, in order to let students fully understand the meaning of charity, the teacher gave an example. If a donkey struggles uphill with a heavy burden and its owner is still whipping it desperately, I will go up and stop it. Bede, what kind of virtue do you think this embodies? Bede quickly said: brotherly love. ? "

3) The first gathering of the university was held in the zoo. The common reason is: only here can I feel that I am blocked or personally blocked?

4) On this day, the bell rang for a long time, and seven or eight students didn't come. As usual, the old professor called the roll and the students answered them one by one? Arrive? . When he called. Qin Ming? When? Nobody answered. The old professor called three times in a row? Qin Ming? Still no one answered. He raised his head slightly, looked at the class carefully from behind his reading glasses, and then said in surprise, is this person very unpopular? I don't even have a friend. ?

5) The teacher asked Xiao Ming questions in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word. Teacher: Xiaoming? Teacher: Xiaoming Teacher: Xiaoming! What's the matter with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know! Xiao Ming: Zhi ~

6) One day in class, the teacher was teaching how much four times four equals, but Meng Xiao didn't go to class! The teacher said angrily. Let me ask you, how many dreams are four times four? I don't know. Go home and ask your parents! ? The teacher severely criticized Meng Xiao. After school, Meng Xiao went home and asked his mother (Otto's mother):? Mom, what's four times four? Mom didn't hear me and said, cook a bowl of rice. ? Meng Xiao then asked his father (Otto's father):? Dad, what's four times four? Dad just woke up and said, how comfortable! ? Meng Xiao didn't ask his brother. He happened to answer the phone and said, You piss me off! ? The next day, Meng Xiao went to school. The teacher asked yesterday's question again, and Meng Xiao said, Cook a bowl of rice. ? ......

7) The Chinese teacher asked several senior three students: Many of you are talking about it? Pour paste? Who can explain this word to me? A classmate thought for a moment and said, Come if you want, or make trouble. ? The teacher gave a snow smile. That's a scoundrel! ? Another theory: You don't want to talk to me. Everyone doesn't want to talk to me. ? Another happiness of the teacher: Mahjong language! ? The other scrambled to say:? Don't want to do good things, dare not do bad things, and do things best. ? The teacher shook his head. Especially muddy! ? Is the fourth place: a person is down and out in the rivers and lakes (paste) and has to escape (smash). ? The teacher's eyes lit up: this sentence is good, because he used homophonic rhetoric! ?

8) "A monitor sleeps in class and asks his classmates to call him after class. The students played practical jokes. Get up, class is over! The monitor rubbed his eyes: Stand up! At this time, I saw more than a dozen students standing up sleepily and saying, "thank you, teacher!" "

9) Once I was tutoring a junior high school student, I found the following horrible words in his English textbook: Dad died (bus), my brother died (yes), and my sister died (mis? ) ...... Death ray (school)

10) The school organizes math exams and allows students to use calculators. In the examination room, the students are studying hard and working out all kinds of problems with calculators. Then suddenly there was an exclamation from a corner of the examination room. God, why did I bring the remote control home! ? The school organizes math exams and allows students to use calculators. In the examination room, the students are studying hard and working out all kinds of problems with calculators. Then suddenly there was an exclamation from a corner of the examination room. God, why did I bring the remote control home! ? In the adult education class, students are required to think carefully and answer the following questions: What would you do if I told you for sure that the earth would be destroyed in six months and all life would disappear? After a few minutes of thinking, a student raised his hand. ? What would you do? The student answered quickly. I will ask my mother-in-law to move in with us. Really? Living with my mother-in-law is what I want to do most, because it will be the longest and most difficult six months in my life. ?

1 1) In the dormitory of college students at night, students often talk about their ideal partners at night. One summer night, the air was sultry and abnormal, and it was difficult for a boy to fall asleep in the male dormitory. Let me help you talk about the requirements for your future girlfriend. Xiao Yang is a very cheerful handsome boy and is very popular with girls. He said proudly, as for me, I'm looking for someone who is 1.6 meters tall, slim and handsome. ? Xiao Wu is not very handsome, but he is the president of the school's literary society. He said slowly, well, I don't ask much of my girlfriend, as long as I match her, have a gentle personality and have long bright hair. ? Xiao Wang is a man with little literary talent and not handsome enough, but he is good at flattering. He sighed and said, well, I have the lowest requirements for my girlfriend, as long as it doesn't affect the city. ? ......

12) In a large kindergarten class, the teacher asked the children to ask questions, and everyone asked the next one. A child kept his hand in the air, but when it was his turn to ask questions, he put it down. The teacher asked him: What's the matter? You waited so long, why did you put your hand down when it was your turn to speak? The child replied: it's too late, it's already wet. ?

13) I went back to the dormitory after the evening self-study. Lu Yu was a fairy mm, so I followed. I always wanted to strike up a conversation, but I didn't have the courage to go forward until fairy mm was about to enter the girls' building. I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to ask mm loudly: Excuse me, classmate, are you a woman? Later, I enjoyed the eyes of the fairy mm for two years.

14) Summer is hot and stuffy. Fortunately, the bathroom in the girls' building faces the boys' building, because the dormitory opposite is occupied by girls. As a result, the binoculars in the stationery store near the college were out of stock. Girls are not stupid, and soon, the department store curtains near the college are out of stock. College leaders expressed their concerns. In the second semester, all the girls across the street moved out, and all the girls in the hospital lived in the newly-built girls' dormitory area. However, after the new girls' dormitory area, there is a new boys' dormitory area that will be completed soon. So, a few days later, posters were posted in front of the nearby shops: we have a new batch of advanced telescopes and extra-thick curtains, and the prices are favorable.

15) On a hot summer day, a teacher dozed off in class. When he woke up, he was embarrassed and coaxed the students into saying, I just dreamed of Duke Zhou. ? The next day, the students also fell asleep in class. Seeing that he was angry, the teacher knocked the students awake with a ruler and blamed him for not sleeping in class. The students argued: I also went to see Duke Zhou. ? Mr. Wang asked angrily: What did Duke Zhou tell you? A:? Duke Zhou said, I didn't see you yesterday. ?

16) In the middle of class, the teacher walked beside Xiaoming. ? Xiaoming, why don't you listen carefully? The teacher asked. What are you doing? Xiao Ming looked up and answered? Teacher, I am writing a motto. Really? The teacher picked up Xiao Ming's exercise book. I saw it read: motto: I swear I will finish my homework on time in the future. If I don't finish it on time, I'll never swear again. Xiao Ming

17) one's deceased father grind, computer specialized course. After the exam bell rang, I was bending my head to do the paper. Suddenly, the head of the computer department rushed in with a blue face, searched everyone's papers, and then declared the exam invalid and took it again the next afternoon. I was surprised to be told that the standard answers were printed on the back of the test questions. That night, the school leaders went to the news broadcast. The next day, take the exam again. Look at the newspaper, or yesterday's problem! Suddenly, I fainted.

18) The teacher assigned homework. ? Exercise 4, we do this. ? Suddenly I heard several boys shouting: Teacher, there is still one question left unanswered. Set another one. ? The teacher was overjoyed and thought that we were finally looking forward to the day of active learning. So he smiled and said, well, add something. ? As soon as the bell rang, all the boys ran to the lottery betting station and said as they ran. Our teacher is really wonderful. Now we even have a special number. ?