Educational advantages of single-parent families

In recent years, with the increase of single-parent families, people pay more attention to the education of children in single-parent families. However, the current related research seems to show an obvious tendency, that is, to exaggerate the "problems" of children in single-parent families, and even to say that children in single-parent families are useless. For example, some people think that children in single-parent families are "indifferent in interpersonal communication consciousness, passive in communication tendency, abnormal in communication psychology, low in understanding and acceptance, low in communication level, lacking in communication and cooperation ability and poor in social development". Some people say that children in single-parent families are "moody and moody, with poor quality, which is manifested in their lack of consciousness and independence in learning and doing things, and their sloppy, stubborn, uncontrollable and bohemian behavior". They even say that their cognitive ability to distinguish things, memory, thinking and imagination is very poor. Most people don't care about the group, don't like to participate in group activities, and are unsociable and indifferent. "They don't respect teachers, bully classmates, lie and cheat, and they are out of control." It is believed that children in single-parent families "mainly show inferiority, withdrawn personality, poor self-control, weak will, love to lie, cheat, indifference and anxiety." Some researchers even link the children of single-parent families with crimes, and come to the conclusion that "most of the juvenile problems come from single-parent families" and "family breakdown has a direct causal relationship with juvenile crimes". Some people say: "Investigation shows that 80% of the juvenile delinquents come from single-parent families", while others say: "90% of the juvenile problems come from single-parent families: in the ultra-juvenile crimes, the children of single-parent families actually account for 90%." Some researchers talked about "how to avoid the personality defects of single-parent children" in the interview. It seems that children from single-parent families must have "personality defects".

Although the original intention of these "research results" is "good for children", its objective effect is to have a negative impact on children in single-parent families. For example, some schools even refuse children from their own families to attend school on the grounds that "in real life, 80% of' problem students' are children from single-parent families". Huaxi Daily reported continuously that "a foreign language school in Sichuan refused to admit students whose parents were divorced, and asked all parents of students attending the school to sign an agreement with the school that students could not divorce during their school days. If parents divorce, students have to transfer ",which has attracted the attention of dozens of media all over the country.

Therefore, it is necessary to re-examine the education of children from single-parent families. We find that the influence of single-parent families on children is complex and multifaceted. As far as children's education is concerned, single-parent families have both disadvantages and advantages, which means that single-parent families have their educational advantages.

The history of Chinese and foreign education shows that the success of children from single-parent families is a phenomenon that cannot be ignored in history. In other words, single-parent families have not only negative factors, but also positive factors for children to become talents.

In the history of our country, an important educational phenomenon is that widows raise orphans, that is, children from single-parent families become talents. Outstanding figures in single-parent families are at least: Confucius (who lost his father at the age of 2), Mencius (who lost his father at an early age), Zhang Heng (who lost his father at an early age), Wang Chong (who lost his father at an early age), Ji Kang (who lost his father at an early age), Tao Yuanming (who lost his father at the age of 7) and Huineng, the ancestor of Zen Buddhism (who lost his father at the age of 2) (1. Fan Zhongyan (two-year-old lost his father) Genghis Khan (eight-year-old lost his father) Among modern and contemporary writers, there are also many who came from single-parent families, such as Lu Xun, Hu Shi, Yu Dafu, Ba Jin, Lao She, Mao Dun, Ding Ling, Tian Han, Xia Yan, Sha Ting, Lu Yin, Lu Ling and Qian Mu. They all lost their fathers at an early age and were raised by widowed mothers. Xiaohong lost her mother at the age of seven, and her grandfather brought her up. When Zhu Xiang was a child, his parents died and he was raised by his brother. Feng Zhi lost his mother at the age of nine, and Xiaojun lost his mother for seven months and grew up eating hundreds of mouthfuls of milk.

The same is true abroad: Sakyamuni, Muhammad, Jesus, Ali Stouder, Copernicus (10 lost his father), Newton (posthumous child), Martin? Luther (who lost his father at an early age), Maxwell (who lost his father at the age of 9), Schopenhauer (17), Byron (who lost his father at the age of 3), Andersen (who lost his father at an early age), Brothers Grimm (who lost his father at an early age), Mark Twain (12) and Emerson (who lost his father at an early age) Hawthorne (who lost his father at an early age), Gorky (who lost his father at the age of 4), Chaplin (whose parents divorced at the age of 1 3), Mendeleev (who lost his father at the age of 13), Camus (who lost his father at the age of 1 3), Sartre (who lost his father at the age of 2) and Yasunari Kawabata (who lost his mother at the age of 3).

This tells us that children from single-parent families will not become "problem of juvenile" or even commit crimes as some researchers think today, but there are many excellent people. For them, single-parent families have played a positive role and become a favorable factor for their success.

The educational advantages of single-parent families are first manifested in that such families allow children to face adversity and grow up in adversity.

Life has its ups and downs. Generally speaking, prosperity means happiness, and adversity means misfortune and even pain. But as far as human growth and development are concerned, prosperity and adversity actually have their own meanings. It can even be said that many qualities of people are more easily formed in adversity. For example, Zhuge Liang, people all know that Zhuge was cautious all his life. Of course, he is not only cautious, but also has extraordinary persistence and self-control. Why does he have such a personality characteristic? Some researchers believe that this is related to his life experience. Zhuge Liang lost his mother and father in his early years, and it was in the adversity of life that he developed his cautious character. At the same time, it is difficult for a young man who can rely on family strength to do it overnight, which requires him to have extraordinary perseverance and self-control.

The same is often true of successful people in various fields in modern times. In other words, they are not in prosperity but in adversity to form qualities conducive to their success.

According to relevant data, quite a few rich people in the early days of American capitalism were born in single-parent families. The top ten richest people in Hong Kong mostly came from poor families when they were young. Many people lost their fathers or divorced their parents when they were young. The living environment of their childhood objectively formed their self-motivated personality. Because there is no one to rely on, the consciousness of self-reliance and autonomy formed earlier. Li Ka-shing, for example, lost his father when he was a child and his family was poor. His mother gets up early and is greedy for the dark, and works hard at home to do housework and raise children. Under the education of his mother, he developed the qualities of hard work, self-improvement and perseverance. This is an important factor in his future success. Ceng Xianzi is similar to Li Ka-shing. He also lost his father when he was young and developed a hard-working character. Japanese Kōnosuke Matsushita also lost his father at the age of thirteen.

The same is true in politics. For example, American President Lincoln lost his mother when he was young, and his father was a lumberjack. His poor family deprived him of the opportunity to receive higher education. But he taught himself and later became a great politician in American history.

Winston? Churchill once said: "Famous people are usually the products of unhappy childhood. Without relentless persistence in the goal and infinite natural wisdom, great undertakings can rarely be achieved. For this persistence and wisdom, the strong depression of childhood environment, unfortunate grief, contempt and ridicule are all necessary. " He mainly refers to politicians. Churchill himself was born in an abnormal family: his mother remarried for the first time and his stepfather was only two weeks older than Churchill; The second time I remarried, my stepfather was three years younger than Churchill.

It is found that as many as 665,438+0% British prime ministers suffered the death of one of their parents in childhood, so it is considered that the lack of "normal emotion" in childhood stimulated the growth of unusual ambition, or in a sense, it was the cause of unusual ambition. Children deprived of love in family circles pursue political rights and love.

The same situation exists in the growth experience of scientists. Some researchers randomly selected 96 scientists and then checked: who among these people lost their loved ones in childhood and who lost their loved ones in adulthood. There were 39? 6% of scientists lost at least one of their parents in childhood (before 15). Qiu Chengtong, a famous Chinese-American scholar and great mathematician, also lost his father in his early years. His family is poor, but he studies hard. Later, he was noticed by Chen Shengshen and was admitted as a graduate student. Under the guidance of Chen Shengshen, he got his doctorate in just two years. He became an associate professor at the age of 25 and a full professor at the age of 28. Later, he became a tenured professor at Stanford University and Princeton Institute for Advanced Studies.

Many great educators also had unfortunate experiences in their childhood. For example, Pestalozzi, a great Swiss educator, lost his father at the age of 5 and grew up under the care of his mother. The great German educator Froebel's mother died when he was less than one year old. Later, his father got married again, but he didn't get the love of his stepmother. Fukuzawa Yukichi, a Japanese politician and educator, was born in a single-parent family. Because of his poor family and his mother's inability to take care of his children's education, he entered the village school at the age of fourteen or fifteen. Japanese educator Ogara Guofang 1 1 years old, his mother died of overwork, and his father died two years later. Chen Heqin, a modern educator in China, lost his father at the age of 6 and entered a private school at the age of 8. At the age of 65,438+05, she was sponsored by her brother-in-law to enter Hangzhou Huilan Middle School. Qigong 1 year old lost his father,1year old lost his great-grandfather and grandfather. He once said that he was a "middle school student and associate professor", and he was completely self-taught in adversity.

Single-parent family environment helps children form some special psychological qualities.

We find that there are quite a few people from single-parent families in the field of literary and artistic activities. Nowadays, many literary stars in Hong Kong and Taiwan come from single-parent families. For example, when Cecilia Cheung and Liang Yongqi were still in primary school, their parents divorced. CoCo Lee is a posthumous child, and Elva Hsiao's parents divorced when she was in kindergarten. Maggie Cheung, Rosamund Kwan, Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Stephen Chow, Yi Nengjing, Mavis Fan ... all come from broken families. What's more,, and VanNess Wu, the four handsome guys, all grew up in single-parent families.

In the history of foreign literature, Dante, Boccaccio, Moliere and Strindberg all came from broken families. Zola lost his father at the age of seven, and Mo Bosang's parents separated when he was a child. Tolstoy's mother died at the age of/kloc-0 and his father died at the age of 9. Da? Finch's mother died young and was raised by his grandfather. Surikov's father died at the age of 1 1. Levitan's parents died when he was a teenager. Byron lost his father when he was three years old. Mark? Twain's childhood father died. Andersen 1 1 lost his father. Greta. Jiabao/kloc-lost his father at the age of 0/4. Ingrid? Bergman lost his father at the age of 3 and his mother at the age of 12. Chaplin, Duncan, Sophia? Roland and Japanese Yamaguchi Momoe both come from single-parent families.

Some researchers' research on outstanding figures in the 20th century shows that those who become writers, painters, musicians and actors are more likely to experience family trauma than those who become scientists, physicists and political leaders. 89% of novelists and playwrights, 83% of poets and 70% of artists had a bad childhood, while only 56% of scientists had a bad childhood. Comparing the winners of the Nobel Prize for Science and the Prize for Literature, we can find the same differences. Those winners are more from unstable family environments. People who lost their loved ones in childhood are eight times more than those who won science prizes.

Why is the "success rate" of children from single-parent families so high in the literary and art circles? I'm afraid we should take into account that single-parent families have certain factors that are conducive to the growth of artists.

First, such a family contributes to their sensitive temperament, which is exactly what artistic activities need. Many children from single-parent families lost their fathers in childhood. These children feel bitter and bitter about the world, which makes their young hearts much more delicate and sensitive. When studying single-parent families, many people suggest that children in single-parent families are often sensitive and regard this as a defect of children in single-parent families. But in fact, sensitivity is not a disadvantage. For some fields of work, this is an advantage, even a requirement.

Second, in single-parent families, children often have to be independent early and go to the society, so as to gain rich life experience. For example, American writer Mark? Twain lost his father in his early years and wandered for a living at the age of twelve. He once worked as a sailor and navigator on the Mississippi River and gained various social experiences. Gorky is even more so. He regards the struggle experience of the lower classes as his "university". Naturally, this is not only a rich experience, but more importantly, they have a deeper experience of life. For example, when Lu Xun was a teenager, his father died of illness and his family was in trouble. Later, he said in the preface to the scream: "whose family is well-off but in trouble?" I thought that on this road, I could probably see the true face of the world. "

When many artists and writers were young, their families were very abnormal, and the early death of their parents was also related to this. For example, Han Yu, whose brother is more than 30 years older than him, will not be born to one mother; His father died when he was three years old. Bai Juyi's father is 26 years older than his mother. Later, his mother became mentally ill. Ouyang Xiu's father was twenty-nine years older than his mother, and his father died at the age of five. So did Xu Wenchang in the Ming Dynasty. He is 33 years younger than his eldest brother Xu Huai and 20 years younger than his second brother. He was born to his father in his later years. When his family was richest, he was well treated after birth. But just over a hundred days later, his father died of old age due to illness, and the Xu family's housework was presided over by his wife's biological mother Miao. When he was 10 years old, Mrs Miao sent Xu Wenchang's biological mother out because her eldest brother Xu Huai lost his wealth in business. It is not difficult to imagine that the inner world of the children of the above families must be different. First of all, this experience enriched their emotions. Secondly, they have no father to rely on, and they can only rely on their own efforts to carry forward the spirit of self-struggle. In addition, it should not be ignored that without a father, there would be no mentor in life, but at the same time, they may not be bound by their father's thoughts, but may form independent or even rebellious personality characteristics under the stimulation of reality. Han Yu has a strong spirit of independence. In Ode to Boyi, he said: "A scholar's maverick is only suitable for righteousness, regardless of people's right and wrong. All heroes are convinced and self-aware." This is exactly what husbands and sons do.

Some families are full of contradictions. For example, Byron's father, John, was addicted to gambling and was heavily in debt, so the family was at odds and quarreled endlessly. When Byron first remembered, he saw a scene of family life in which his father chased his mother. It can be said that he has no fatherly love and maternal love since he was a child. Gorky's situation is similar. His father died when he was five years old, and his mother took him back to his grandfather Kashirin's home. In this family, "bullying, bullying, drinking and hitting people" is commonplace. Later, Gorky recalled the life of the Kashlin family and said that this life "seems to be a tragic fairy tale beautifully told by a kind and extremely honest genius." However, family conflicts are not entirely bad for the spiritual growth of future artists. In this regard, the French writer Mo Luoya wrote: "A happy child lives simply and accepts all kinds of truths from his parents, but a child who grows up in a noisy environment should evaluate his parents and establish an imagination about the world."

Future artists often have other abnormal situations in their childhood. For example, many artists were fostered in other places when they were young, which is equivalent to losing their loved ones. For example, after the birth of the modern poet Ai Qing, the fortune teller said that he was "tolerant of his parents", so he sent him out of the house and was cared for by a poor woman named "Grandpa He". Heine, a German poet, is not rich. When he was young, he lodged with his uncle in Hamburg. Stendhal lost his mother in his early years. At the age of seven, his father sent him to a priest's house for foster care. Japan's Sosuke Natsume has three sisters and four brothers, and his family has declined. Shortly after his birth, he was fostered in the home of a poor couple who lived by selling old furniture. Nine months after Akutagawa Ryunosuke was born, he was put in foster care at his uncle Akutagawa's house because of his mother's insanity. Later, he was adopted by his uncle and changed his surname to Akutagawa.

These children from single-parent families and abnormal families are often unable to meet many material needs due to economic and other reasons, but it may also be beneficial to them, even if they are addicted to fantasy. Psychological research believes that fantasy is related to the lack of individual state. Freud believed that "a happy person never fantasizes, and fantasy only happens to people whose wishes are not satisfied." The driving force of fantasy is an unsatisfied wish. Every fantasy is the satisfaction of a wish and the revision of the unsatisfied reality. ""Desire ... use the present occasion to design the future picture according to the style of the past. "When people can't get rid of the distress brought by real life, they resort to fantasy to get rid of it. Artists often do this in their childhood. For example, Balzac's father is 33 years older than his mother, and her mother doesn't like this child. His childhood was very lonely, and he developed a fantastic character in loneliness. Marquez has as many brothers and sisters as 15, so he was raised in his grandfather's house. He formed the habit of loving fantasy when listening to grandpa's stories. It is not difficult to see that this imaginative personality is also conducive to artistic activities. By the way, in today's urban families, newly rich parents immediately meet all the needs of their children, which is not a good thing. Because people's growth needs "delayed satisfaction", the process of expectation is meaningful to children's spiritual growth, and "absence" is one of the necessary conditions for the formation of people's important abilities, namely imagination and fantasy.