Pan fortune-telling

3. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes!

4. Two old couples had a whim while eating one day: naked rice! Get back to your old feelings! The old lady said, I still have a reaction! Milk is as hot as when you were a child! The old man squinted and said, it's drooping in the soup!

5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

6. The sky is blue and the sea is deep, and nothing a person says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees.

7. An ant climbed up the elephant's back, but it was knocked off. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards!

8. The child stole a parrot from a brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer!

9. Long road of life, who is better! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

10. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the dog licked the chicken and you fainted. The dog said, look who is cruel.

1 1. Legend has it that tonight, ghosts wander, dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost hear my call, come to your head in the middle of the night, touch your face with pale face, green eyes and dry hands and say good night to you for me!

12. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

13. A girl is ugly. She can't get married and wants to be abducted. Finally my dream came true, but I didn't go out for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

14. Mice are particularly depressed without girlfriends. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.

15. A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat's eyes are full of tears, which is meaningful: alas! That day, he ate Brother Wei, with strong firepower, and jumped on the ceiling to let him succeed.

16. I sent this to you for ten cents to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime is my birthday present to you.

17. The ant lay lazily in the soil and stretched out a leg. What is your friend asking you? Ant: Then the elephant came and tripped him.

18. The magpie is coming. Mom said it was a bird or a guest. The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker!

19. A beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

20. Cucumber was lovelorn and cried. Eggplant comforted her: Love is not only sweet, but also intoxicated, heartbroken and tearful. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions?

2 1.20 years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. A banana grandfather patted his father and said, "Stop crying, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

22. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig, "You are stupid, I can fly."

23. An old farmer is hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Fuck you! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "ah! You shit and wear underpants! " v

24. Xiaoming told his mother that a guest came to play at home today, and my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair. I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it?" Xiao Ming said, "I stood by. When the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him."

25. One day on a crowded bus, a conversation went like this: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to him, "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" (I want him to give up his seat ...) I saw the man nervously say, "The child is not mine! 』

26. Just a gust of wind, but so eternal, just a dream, but so real. You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. Finally, I can't help telling you, let me know the next time you fart!

27. A pair of lovers were caught by a savage in the mountains and said that you would let you go if you ate each other's shit. The lover did it. On the way home, the woman cried. The man asked her why, and the woman said sadly, you don't love me, otherwise you won't pull so much! My supplement-02-0916:11

There is a family named Pan, and the elders in the family passed away.

At the family festival, an old gentleman with a strong accent was invited to be the master of ceremonies.

The obituary says this:

Filial piety: Pangenko

Filial piety: Chi family

Filial piety granddaughter: Pan Liangci

Filial piety: Pan Daoshi

But this old gentleman is blind and his pronunciation is not standard.

When he called the roll according to the obituary, anyone who literally had three points of water or left the capital missed it.

So I read it to him like this: "Be filial, turn over ... and fight with ..."

Hearing this, the filial piety man felt very strange, but he was afraid to ask, so he turned a somersault.

Then he said, "Filial piety, too ... is ..."

Hearing this, the filial daughter-in-law said, "I want to turn it over, too?" So the filial daughter-in-law also turned a somersault.

Again: "Filial piety granddaughter, turn it over twice. 」

Hearing this, the filial granddaughter thought that her parents had turned over, so I turned over! So I turned two somersaults.

At this time, Sun Xiao thought to herself, "Mom and Dad turned it over once, and my sister turned it over twice. How many times should I turn it over?" I started to get nervous when I thought about it: "What should I do? 」

I saw the old man slit his throat and read aloud:

"Filial piety sun ... turn to ... go to hell ..."

I read it online, although it was indecent, but the person who replied was really interesting. Let's have a look.

I forgot to bring paper when I went to the toilet. I only had a photo of my girlfriend and a dollar in my pocket. Which one should I use? Who will tell me?

Second floor. Use your fingers! ~ rinse with water again! ~ third floor. Use one hundred. Don't you think it hurts to use photos? The photo is too hard. Fourth floor. Use one hundred dollars, wash it and spend it on the fifth floor. The things washed upstairs are still fragrant on the sixth floor. Haha, I'd better use what others have used in the wastebasket. (-_ _-This answer is really huge. . ) 7th floor. You should lift your pants and leave after you go to the bathroom. . . . . . . . . (Dude, it's too atmospheric) 8th floor. Cry ~ I'm eating

Ninth floor. Liar. ................ doesn't even have shoes? Scrape with shoes (how does big brother shit scrape -__-||) 10 floor. Simple ~ ~ Give up your love ~ ~ Use your own ` ~ 1 1 building. Just buckle with your hand ~ ~ Remember to wash your hands. Floor 12. Using socks is the same as using shoes. . . ) 13 floor. You didn't put this in the toilet, did you ... to be honest, what did you use ... 14 floor. There is no paper in India 15 floor. Tear it into five equal parts, and use the remaining photos of 80 yuan, which is very profitable ~ ~ I am a female boyfriend, of course I can't use it! ~ ~ (Jie Nv Di Zhen TM has an economic mind)16th floor. Use both, because one is not enough to wipe the floor (-_ |||)17. Call for help!

18th floor. The photo faces inward, let your girlfriend carry you, and then scrape it, so that you can compare it in your mind. . ) 19 floor. Tear the photo into two thin pieces ~! ! Wipe it with the non-tattooed side ~ ~! ! ! (more cattle. . ) 20th floor. It's true that he * * finds a hair dryer to blow it off.

I can't do it. I'll air dry it

Don't bother me with such questions next time.

(Really sweaty) 2 1 building. Can't you call? 22nd floor. Stupid! There must be a faucet in the toilet. Just go out and get a hose, plug it in the faucet and squat down to wash it. 23rd floor. Both are two things that don't care. ........... is definitely ~ ~

Then tear off the girlfriend's head in the photo as a souvenir.

Wipe it again ~ ~ ~ ... and keep it for ~ ~ 24th floor. So what do you do? I think so too. . . . .

(orz)

25th floor. You climb to the ladies' room and see if there is a 26th floor. After I went to college, I pouted my PP, and then I started throwing it around for five minutes. I used centrifugal force to clean up the poop left on PP, and then it was ok, but it was time-consuming and a little tired ~ ~ ~ 27th floor. The hips upstairs are very strong. The 28th floor. Don't toilets all have walls? Rub against the wall. The 29th floor. Hold your breath.

Spray the residue outside PP

Really can't. XI, come in (go, where are you practicing? ) 30th floor. Wait, let me help you clean the 3 1 building. Be generous! Dora. Block the toilet! When someone else comes in to repair it, you threaten: no paper! Never go out! ! ! Don't you need it? The 32nd floor. Stick the gum in your mouth, just stick it clean. If it is still too sweet to throw away, keep chewing (the worst is you, O_O).

The 33rd floor. Blow it with your mouth, dry it, and you can dig the shell to the 34th floor. Have you ever practiced yoga? You can do it yourself, but it is more difficult. The 35th floor. What about diarrhea? That's not enough. The 36th floor. There are two ways in front of you: choose love or continue to love, the greatness of love or the temptation of money? This is a question, a choice. When you finally find the support of life, when you pick up the bill and treat it like dirt, you suddenly find that it has dried up. -guarding love seems to have sacrificed a lot, but in fact it has gained more.

The fortune-teller and the young lady chatted, "Your life is not good." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen."

"Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as long as you take off the bad omen, there will be two people in your life.

One day, a Japanese tourist who can speak Chinese and is very arrogant came to a China restaurant for dinner.

When the waiter brought him a plate of braised prawns, the Japanese asked the waiter, "What do you do with shrimps in China?"

The waiter replied strangely, "you don't have to ask, of course you threw it away!" "

The Japanese smiled contemptuously: "No, in Japan, we will recycle the peeled shrimp shells and make them into shrimp cakes for you to eat in China!"

The waiter was angry, but he didn't lose his temper and went on with his business. After a while, the waiter brought a fruit bowl to the Japanese. The Japanese pointed to the lemon inside and asked, "What did you do with the peeled lemon peel in China?"

The waiter replied angrily, "Of course I threw it away!"

The Japanese corners of the mouth rose: "No, no! In our country, we will collect the peeled lemon peel, make it into dried tangerine peel pie and give it to you in China! "

The waiter's face changed slightly, but he still ignored him. Finally, the Japanese chewed gum after eating and went to the waiter to settle the bill. He repeatedly asked, "What will you do with chewed gum in China?"

The waiter replied impatiently, "We will write it on paper and throw it away!" " "

The Japanese quickly said, "No, no, no! In our country, we will collect the chewed gum, make it into condoms, and then give it to you in China! " The waiter smiled and asked the Japanese, "Excuse me, sir, how does Japan handle used condoms?"

The Japanese shouted, "Oh, my God! Of course I threw it away! ! "

The waiter smiled and said, "No! In China, we will collect used condoms and make chewing gum for you! ! ! "Songkran Festival ... the annual Songkran Festival, everyone is splashing water on each other to show respect and blessing. Suddenly a man scolded: "tmb, who threw me?" The person next to him advised him: "You are lucky to be splashed with water." The man scolded: "that idiot threw boiling water at me!" " "The dead Komatsu ventured alone in the forest and was suddenly surrounded by cannibals. At this time, Komatsu was very scared, so he muttered to himself, "I'm going to die this time, God, help me." Suddenly, a voice came from the sky: "Not necessarily. You picked up the big stone on the ground and killed the leader. "So, Komatsu did it right away. Then a voice fell from the sky: "Now you are really dead. "see a doctor ... one day, Xiao Wang was uncomfortable below, so he went to check. Q: "What happened to that guy below you?" Xiao Wang said, "I'll take it off and show it to you, but don't laugh!" "":"Ok, take it off, I promise I won't laugh." So Xiao Wang took off his pants and let him see that his penis was only the size of tinder. He couldn't help laughing. Xiao Wang said unhappily, I promised not to laugh. People have been swollen for several days, and you are still laughing. "Liu Zhang Guan, Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei are all very depressed because their reproductive organs are too short. So I found Zhuge Liang, a military adviser, and asked him to help me pay attention. Zhuge Liang suggested that they go to America again. Liu Beixian went to change another one and was very satisfied. When he came back, he told Guan Yu that this one was easy to use, so Guan Yu also changed another one and came back to tell Zhang Fei that this one was easy to use. Zhang Fei also went to get another one. When I came back, I found Guan Yu and said, "Second brother, I can't do this well. "Guan Yu:" Impossible, please take off your pants and let me have a look. " Zhang Fei took off his trousers. Guan Yu smiled and said, "Haha ... the one you changed is mine. "1: There is a girl who is so ugly that she will never get married, hoping to be abducted. One day, she finally dreamed of becoming a real woman. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her back to her original place. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet and said, let's go. . No car! ! ! 3 your happiness, I will build; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; Love you is mine, who let me be a professional pig farmer. (To be continued) 5 Yesterday in my dream, the Lord said that one of my wishes could come true. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace! The Lord said it was too difficult! I took out your photo and said, make this person beautiful! God sweated and said, "Bring me the globe and let me have a look!" Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to be young forever? Do you want people all over the world to be crazy about you? ——————————— Stop dreaming, wash your feet and sleep! One day I went to the zoo to see orangutans, and I threw up. Another day, you went to the zoo to see the orangutan, and the orangutan vomited! The same person, why is the gap so big? (To be continued) 13, I changed my job, and now I work in a bank, not far from you. Come to me when you have time, call my name at the bank, and I'll know! I changed my name. That's too vulgar. I'll call sister Qiang first. Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row! "You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly," Count off! ""So, you reluctantly turned and hugged the tree! Northern men eat in the south! !

M: How much is the bun?

Woman: Touch fifty.

Man: What about below? Woman: One hundred.

Male angrily: What about jiaozi?

Woman: Sleep 200.

The man exclaimed: A bowl of two hundred?

Woman: 400 a night.

There is a person who likes swearing very much. His son asked him, "Dad, what do you mean by' harmony'?" The man didn't want his son to behave badly at school, so he lied and said, "Thumb is nose, bullying is mouth." One day, he took his son to a restaurant for dinner. His son saw a grain of rice sticking to his father's nose and said to him, "Dad, there is a grain of rice on your hanger." The waitress on the side laughed. His son added, "Dad, look at this aunt's laughter." There are three people, competing marksmanship together, and a black man is holding something as a target. The first man put an apple on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew his gun and said, I'm Zorro! The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then raised his hand to smash the cherry at a distance of 50 meters. He blew the gun and said, I am the third person to put a sesame seed on the black man's head, and then at a distance of meters, he raised his hand and smashed the black man's head. He also blew the gun and said, I'm sorry …