Horse stand-up comedy.

Ma Stand-up Crosstalk 1 Guo: (Go down and learn shoulders from Teacher Zhang first)

Guo: Ah, yes, and then my side is symmetrical (sliding my shoulder in the other direction). He looks good.

Zhang: Hey.

Guo: There are quite a lot of people coming. The first row is almost sitting on the stage.

Zhang: Look.

Guo: Just now, it was my uncle. How bad the old teacher is. Liu is a bad boy. He called him and talked for a while.

Zhang: Yes.

Guo: Let two old teachers go down and have a rest.

Zhang: Right.

Guo: Let's change it to our father and son.

Zhang: Hey.

Guo: Everyone is familiar with Mr. Zhang. He is the ancestor of the phonograph industry.

Zhang: I'm flattered.

Guo: I have been an artist since I was a child. I am a student in the first section of Beijing Quyi Troupe, and the president of that class.

Zhang: As far as my age is concerned.

Guo: Didn't all these famous crosstalk artists in Beijing grow up with you?

Zhang: At that time, I was nineteen, and they were twelve and thirteen.

Guo: Isn't it?

Zhang: Right.

Guo: Ancestor, I worked for many years, and then I was expelled from the regiment.

Zhang: Why did you mention him?

Guo: It's not a problem now.

Zhang: What was it called at that time?

Guo: At that time, people were feudal.

Zhang: You said you said.

Guo: At that time, my classmates' parents didn't do it.

Zhang: Let's be clear, both female students and classmates have no problem.

Guo: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, ma's stand-up comic dialogue lines.

Zhang: Unfortunately, these old feudalism.

Guo: That makes sense. Is reasonable. Thank the country for stopping you, otherwise the old artist would have become an old rascal.

When I got home, I couldn't find my way home. I forget where I live. Look here, look there.

His wife is out. Hey, what are you doing here? Come in, come in.

Just perfunctory, yo, there are prostitutes in this alley. Are you at home?

You guessed it. You, come in.

Zhang: I'm flattered.

The supreme leader dragged him out. When I walked into the house, I saw a photo hanging on the wall. The photo is his mother. I'd better take a closer look. Who is this bitch? This bitch looks unfamiliar. Oh, it's a white-haired girl

Daughter-in-law: Gnome male-female, who is that white-haired girl? I just called to report that my uncle is dead.

Old uncle? Who is my uncle?

My mother's old brother, my mother can't go. You should buy a ticket to Texas at once and go to someone else's house. I have prepared everything for you. Your schoolbag, lunch box and money are all packed for you. You should go to Texas immediately, buy a ticket and leave.

The old gentleman used to say that people should study in thousands of books and take the Wan Li Road. What do you mean? In other words, if a person has more experience, he will naturally be smart and have the ability to handle things calmly and flexibly. To put it bluntly, there is no loss. In my opinion, if you read thousands of books and take Wan Li Road, you must be well informed, at least you can understand different customs and dialects in different places.

When I was studying in Beijing, there was a Tangshan native in our class. One day we went out to buy fruit together. He said that this place in Beijing is a bully, and we can't let the fruit sellers hear that we are foreigners. So what should we do? He is from Tangshan and I am from the northeast, so it is not convenient to bargain. Later, the big brother volunteered to go, and then he shouted in the Beijing dialect he had just learned for a long time: "Boss, how much (less) is this apple?" The boss said, "Are you asking about this apple? This is 3.50 yuan. " My classmate thought about it, pointed to Nanguo pear and asked (Tangshankou), "What about this small pear?" If you are not careful, the hometown dialect will come out.

I come from Liaoning. There are 14 cities in Liaoning. It cannot be said that each city has a different accent, at least in southern Liaoning, northern Liaoning, western Liaoning and eastern Liaoning. Fan Wei, a famous actor, imitates the accent in western Liaoning, especially in Chaoyang. The accent of Jinzhou and Huludao is characterized by an upward ending. There is a joke that I heard from a duet actor, saying that a group of prisoners were locked up in the detention center. Shout slogans before eating every day to express your determination. How can I put it? Very simple, just eight words: "turn over a new leaf, turn over a new leaf." A few people in front shouted like this: "Turn over a new leaf, turn over a new leaf." Then he went to eat. When it was Jinzhou's turn, he brought out the dialect: "Turn over a new leaf (where), turn over a new leaf (where)". As a result, the discipline was impatient at that time: "Are there any questions? Go back! "

At the junction of southern Liaoning and Liaodong, there is a county-level city Zhuanghe. The accent there is different from Dalian, Dandong and Yingkou. For example, there is no conclusion yet. In Zhuanghe dialect, it means "I only sell". It is said that a leader went to Zhuanghe for investigation and discussion with several laid-off women workers. The leader asked one of the women workers, "What are your plans in the future?" The female worker truthfully replied, "I sell clothes." The leader listens, what is this called? Go away quickly and ask another woman worker, "What job do you want to do?" The answer is simpler: "I also sell clothes"? It is said that the leader got up and left? Still about Zhuanghe. Organization Department mobilized party member in the village to subscribe to party member * * * magazine. The secretary of this village and his wife are both party member, so they booked one. Someone came to investigate and asked the wife of the village party secretary: "Are you sure about the magazine?" The wife of the village party secretary said, "I sell." He asked again, "Why haven't you decided yet?" The wife of the village party secretary said confidently, "I'm dating someone, I see." The person who was investigated above was also from Zhuanghe. He was anxious at that time and said, "You are not right, your goal is the secretary of the brigade, and your goal is only the whole village"?

In fact, the biggest feature of Liaoning province is that the tongue is flat and upturned. To put it bluntly, there is no distinction between "ten", "four", "heaven" and "righteousness" Once we ate in Beijing, and we drank for a long time. As we all know, people in the northeast can eat and drink, and it is endless to catch up with right-handers. That day, all the dishes were cold, and someone called the waiter: "Hello, waiter-"The waiter hurriedly asked something, and the man said: "You heat the dishes (pronounced" yeah ")." The waiter didn't understand and stood there hesitating. This is also urgent, firing at the waiter: "Didn't you hear?" How to eat this dish if it is not spicy? "The waiter suddenly enlighted, raised his right hand, made a gesture of victory, and then solemnly shouted," yeah-"

Thank you!