Little old man who tells fortune.

Father and son saw a very luxurious imported car.

Son: people who ride this kind of car must have no knowledge in their stomachs!

Father: People who say such things must have no money in their pockets!

After dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together in the kitchen.

Father and son are watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence.

Son: Mom must have broken it!

Father: How do you know?

Son: She didn't swear!

Students who are also in primary school but in grade, their future wish is to be clowns.

Miss China: No ambition! You can't teach a boy!

Foreign teacher: May you bring laughter to the whole world!

My wife is cooking in the kitchen. Husband grabbed it next to her: slow down and be careful! The fire is too big. . . . Turn around quickly, there is too much oil!

Wife: I know how to cook.

Husband: I just want you to know how I feel when you are chattering around while I am driving. . . .

A bus full of passengers is going down the hill quickly, and a man is running after it. A passenger sticks his head out of the window, and the car chaser says, man! Forget it! You can't catch up!

The man replied, I must catch up. I am the driver of this car! !

The new neighbor is so hateful that he knocked on my door at midnight last night.

Did you call the police immediately?

A: No, I think they are crazy. Keep playing my trumpet.

Zhang San is driving on a mountain road. Just as he was enjoying the beautiful scenery leisurely, the oncoming truck driver suddenly rolled down the window and shouted, Pig!

The more Zhang Xingjun thought about it, the angrier he became. He rolled down the window and shouted, You are the pig!

Just after scolding, I bumped into a group of pigs crossing the road!

Little boy: Father always knows more than son.

Father: Of course!

Little boy: Who invented the electric light?

Father: Edison!

Little boy: Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?

1. Math class

Teacher Song QQ: "Li Xiaocong, recite the Pythagorean theorem formula."

Onion: "Party A+Party B = Party C"

Songshi: "Good, but what evidence do you have to prove this theory?"

Onion: "Because this is the Pythagorean theorem formula!" "

Turquoise: "-|||"

2. Math class

Songshi: "Li Xiaocong, come up and do the first question."

Onion: "Oh."

After a while, I finished writing.

Songshi looked at it and said, "Why is there only one answer? What is the process? "

The onion looked innocent: "Isn't it a short answer ..."

3. Math class

An onion repeatedly ignored the teacher's advice and ate lollipops in class.

Teacher Song: "Little onion, I told you not to eat lollipops in class. Why do you always go in one ear and out the other? Can't you remember what I said? "

Onion: "Teacher, I will take measures."

The next day, Songshi said, "Li Xiaocong, why do you put so much cotton in your right ear?"

Onion: "Block your right ear so that what you say won't get out of it." "

4. Biology class

Biology teacher: "Li Xiaocong, please tell me what will happen if people lose their hearing?"

Onion: "…"

Teacher: "For example, if you can't hear for a while now, what will you do?"

Onion: "Then I can't hear your question, so I don't have to answer it." Then I sat down.

Teacher: "T.T."

5. The Chinese class talks about Four Great Classical Novels's Journey to the West.

He Laoshi: "Li Xiaocong, which role do you like best? Why? "

Onion: "I like the Monkey King best! Because the Monkey King has turned 108,000 somersaults in one kilometer! "

He Laoshi: "..."

6. The title of the paper on chemistry is: "When the test tube containing copper oxide is heated, the test tube bursts, and the reasons are analyzed.

The onion smiled and replied, "Inferior test tube!"

7. Chemistry lecture volume, titled: Na2O2 mixed with enough NaHCO3. ......

"onion:" because there is enough NaHCO3, we come to the conclusion that NaHCO3 is rich. "

8. A classmate translated "Cocking Mulberry": "Cocking Mulberry."

Onion: "That chicken practiced lion roar!" "

Chickens stand on the top of mulberry trees and crow.

9. History class

Teacher: "Mr. Onion, tell me why Britain became the first country to have an industrial revolution?"

Onion: "Britain can be the first country to carry out industrial revolution for two reasons." First, Britain has such preconditions and conditions. Second, other countries do not have such preconditions and conditions. "

The whole class fell down.

10. Psychological test: What were you doing in the car with an old man?

Onion: "Sit together!"

1 1. English class, teaching extended words.

A word in Chinese is suspicious. Ask students to write it down in their notes.

The English teacher went to the onion and saw that the note on the onion said, XXX-salty rice.

Then the English teacher said that XXX China people were suspected.

Look at onions again. Onions turned the note into salted fish rice.

The English teacher fell down.

12. English class

English teacher: "Li Xiaocong, people say you are a famous singer. What do you say?"

Onion: "Where where!" "

13. Rest

A classmate said to the onion, "Look, my eyes are bigger than yours!" "

Onion: "Sesame is big."

14. Onions are wet when they come back.

Learn together: "Onion, is that sweat or water?"

Onion: "Sweat!"

15. Physics class.

Physics teacher: "Students, like charges repel, but opposite charges attract. Remember this. "

"Onion:" Charge is really a guy who values color over friends. "

16. adjourned.

Rice balls tell jokes to everyone.

Rice ball: "A person looks like a telephone, so he hangs up as soon as he leaves ..."

Everybody. ~ |||

17. physical education class.

A male compatriot with super bad skills invited Xiao Cong to watch her play, and said sincerely, "I hope Li Jiaocong will give me a face and see my majestic posture on the basketball court!" " "

Onion: "Well, I'll make you lucky to see your bear posture-"

18. Physics class.

Teacher: "a classmate can absorb a lot of dandruff by rubbing his hair with a pen." What does this mean? "

Onion: "That means that classmate hasn't washed his hair for a long time."

Teacher: "=. = |||"

19. Math class.

A super-complex geometric problem needs to prove the relationship between line segment BF and GF.

Onion: "There is no doubt that BF and GF are lovers!" "

20. Math class.

Onions are crazy about sugar. The math teacher is talking about it.

"Li Xiaocong classmate! Please come and ask for X! "

The onion woke up from a sweet dream, stood up and said, "F4? Oh! Is that the meteor garden? There are four people, men. Thank you! "

Quanbandeng ...

2 1. rest.

A classmate couldn't understand a question, so he asked Xiao Cong. Xiao Cong said enthusiastically, "Oh! This! You copy the topic into your notebook first, then draw a picture and verify it again. "

A classmate: "..."

22. Chinese class

Exam.

"There is a question:" Please draw up an eye-catching slogan for the gate of a certain community. "

Onion thought carefully and wrote this sentence seriously: Come on, wake up ~-.

Step 23 rest

Onion was instructed by the teacher to "call Tan Chen to the office" Tan Chen, one of them.

Classmate's name

The onion was startled: Move the counter to the office?

24. Have a cold drink.

Adjourn

Just finished the exam.

A classmate asked the onion, "What do you think of the exam?"

Onion said seriously, "The lowest score is 0, and the highest score is 100!" "

1.

There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with polar bears, so he went out, but on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It's been 10 years, but the door still has to be locked, so the penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" " "

Guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door? ..... "Let's go to your house to play ~"

2. The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

A child cried, and his father said, don't cry. After a while, his father will take you to the vegetable market to watch others eat sugar.

4. Jiao went to see a doctor, and the doctor said that you were seriously ill and could not share a room. Jiao A: My house is too small to share. The doctor said: I mean you can't * * *. Jiao is puzzled. He asked: My ancestors were all surnamed Jiao for eight generations. Why can't I be surnamed Jiao?

5. A bear comes prepared.

6. The eleventh book is incredible (book 1 1)

7. The sheep stopped breathing and stood high (the sheep didn't exhale)

8. The school established the Tibetan Cat Club.

Three years.

They still can't find the colonel.

nine

Q: What do African cannibals eat?

A: people!

Q: Then one day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat?

A: Eat vegetables! ~~

10. In Hong Kong, a girl passed by a fortune-telling booth.

The fortune teller grabbed the girl and said to him, "You have a bad omen, which will be bad for you."

The girl said, "I wish I could take it off." Then she turned to go.

The fortune teller said to the girl, "Even if you escape, you can't escape the two big waves of life."

1 1, an egg went to the teahouse for tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground and became a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and became a bad guy. An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; There is an egg. ......

12, stretch four fingers, what is it? Four,

Bend four fingers. What is it?

Wonderful ~!

13. Asun and appa have nothing to talk about, and time waits for no one.

A song: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day."

Apa: "Youth Day is in ten years."

A song: "Father's Day is in ten years."

Apa: "In a few decades, it will be the Day of the Elderly."

A song: "In a few decades."

Appa: ". Tomb-Sweeping Day. "

14

When the millionaire drove past a village in a luxurious extended Lincoln, he saw two beggars pulling grass by the roadside and stopped immediately.

"Why do you eat grass?"

"We really have no money ..." A beggar replied.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar complained.

"Call 1, and the rich man points to another beggar." And you, call your family. "

"My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said.

"It doesn't matter, all called, let's go.

In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home."

The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has been neglected.". The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high and you can eat enough. "

15, when my friend Li Shansi and I just moved, there was no TV at home, and we were bored. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.

16

Soldier: "Thirst ... Thirst ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. I can walk for a while.

Can you get there? "

Soldier: "Oh! There are plums to eat! Oh! "

Half an hour later-Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally, there is water to drink. "

Soldier: "If you don't go ... you must find Plum ..."

17

A girls' school is haunted.

One day I was met by Xiaohong.

The ghost said: junior. . . Look at that. . . I have no feet. . . I have no feet. . .

Xiaohong: That's nothing. Listen, senior, I don't have breasts. I have no breasts.

18, why is the silkworm baby rich? Because ... silkworms can cocoon (frugal)

19, which is the most embarrassing historical figure? Su Wu, because: Su Wu herded sheep in Beihai (kicked by the sea).

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . He flew. .

2 1. Divers' movements are difficult. He turns three times, then somersaults three and a half times, and then somersaults for a month.

22

The tortoise and the rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ..

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly .. and said to him, come up, I'll carry you. ..

Then, the snail came up. ..

After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, come up, too. ..

So the ants came up. .

When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him.

Do you know what the snail said?

Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. ...

23. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the bus! As a result, the glass was hit by a car and the coffee cup was fine. Why? Coffee cups have ears!

24. There is a competition. He scratched his head as soon as his head itched, and soon burned himself to death.

25. One day, Mung Bean committed suicide and jumped off the fifth floor. There's a lot of blood. It turned into red beans. It keeps oozing. It turned into soybean. The wound is scarred. Finally turned into black beans.

26. What happens when a shark eats mung beans?

Mung bean paste

27. A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

28

A: "I'll take you to a place where all girls don't wear bras."

B: "Really? Where is it? Take me quickly! "

A: "It's in the kindergarten next door!"

29. What's the name of boxing champion Ali's father?

Alibaba

30. How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

3 1, which animal slips most easily?

Answer: Fox (cunning-slippery foot)

32. A bean bag crossed the road and was run over by a car. Then he looked at the explosion and said, "I" turned out to be a bean curd. "

33. Who is the wet nurse?

Flowers-because of peanut milk

Who is milk's father?

Sea-because of the flowers on the sea.

34. Draw a V between two fingers. What is this? Yeah ~ ~ Hands shaking down, what is it? It's fallen leaves! Ha ha ha, laughing me to death.

35. Once upon a time, there was a eunuch. . .

-What's next?

Nothing!

36. Two tomatoes go shopping.

The first tomato suddenly walked very fast, and the second tomato asked, where are we going?

The first tomato didn't answer, and the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato didn't answer, so the second tomato asked again.

The first tomato finally slowly turned around and said:

Aren't we tomatoes? Can we talk? !

37

One night, when a young woman passed a mental hospital, there was a sudden "wow" behind her. The woman turned her head and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman began to run in fear, and the man behind her followed. No, there's a dead end ahead. The woman, desperate, knelt on the ground and cried and begged, "Whatever, but please don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? So now you start chasing me. "