Vision Wei fortune-telling

1. Every day, I will report to you on time and tell you that I am still by your side.

2. I will let go of my personality, my self-esteem and my pursuit, all because I can't let go of one person.

3. I don't ask, I don't mention, I'm disappointed and heartbroken, I keep walking and replace everything with silence.

The best feeling between two people is that they don't like each other on the surface, but they never leave.

5, in fact, happiness is very simple and common, that is, we can have each other every day. . .

6, four points of knowledge, three points of perseverance, 20% test method, a normal heart.

7, the three elements of progress: you do it yourself, some people say you do it, some people say you do it.

8. Hehe, you are good. You can make me cry. Why do you say you are so good at playing? Ha ha.

9. Only when you are in the lowest mood will you know who is a fool who is worried about you and who is a stranger's asshole.

10, so stubbornly go on; Immersed in memories and dying slowly.

1 1. The people we love have the greatest power to hurt us.

12, forget the years, forget the pain, forget your bad, we will never say goodbye.

Double humor joke

Humorous jokes of two people (hot articles)

1. After dinner, my father became addicted to smoking. He stole it at the door when my mother was washing the dishes. Maybe he is too forgetful. He came in the door before the last bite was finished, just as my mother saw my mother: What are you doing? Dad: I didn't smoke! ! ! Mom: Then what are you throwing up? Dad: Floating clouds.

My daughter-in-law and I go to the bank to remit money. She will fill out the form first, and I will stop the car. When I stopped, I went back to the bank. When I saw my daughter-in-law's money leaking out of her pocket, I wanted to play a prank and pretend to steal it to scare her. As soon as I reached out, I was kicked 3 meters away by the security guard. ...

3. Bin Laden died on May 1 day, and Jobs died on May 1 1 month1/day. After that, China people took a long vacation, and world celebrities panicked.

Cats and pigs are good friends. One day, the cat fell into the hole and the pig brought the rope. The cat told the pig to throw down the rope, so it threw down the whole bundle. The cat was very depressed and said, how can I pull it up if I throw it down like this? The pig said, what else can we do? The cat said, you have to hold the rope! As a result, the pig jumped down with another rope and said, it's okay now! The cat cried.

5. China special train couplets: Part I: beer, drinks and mineral water; Bottom line: peanut and melon seeds eight-treasure porridge; Horizontal batch: Sorry, sorry! ! (@ Triumph at Midnight)

6. 1 pan = 1000 yuan/square meter It is said that General Pan played a new unit with humor: Pan. Dedicated to real estate prices, 1 pan = 1000 yuan /m2.

7. The family hired a new nanny. In the evening, the host told the nanny: Remember, my mother and I have breakfast at seven every morning. You have to ask the nanny to nod and say, Oh, I see, you eat first, don't wait for me, I won't get up until eight o'clock.

I woke up yesterday. . . IpHONE5 is gone. . . I woke up today. . Jobs is gone. . . Wake up tomorrow, the National Day holiday is gone. . . (@ Paris hipster)

9. The priest asked his parishioners: What do you want others to say when you are lying in the coffin? One person said: I hope others will say that I am a family-oriented person. Another person said: I hope others will say that I am helpful. The third person said: I hope others will say: Look, he seems to be moving!

10. In the morning, the mother came into the room to wake up her son: it's time for him to go to school! Why? Mom! I don't want to go ~ give two reasons why you don't want to go. The children don't like me and the teacher doesn't like me. So ... there's no reason not to go to school anyway Mom! You give me two reasons why I have to go to school! All right! First, you are 52 years old! Second, you are the principal. ......

Humorous jokes of two people (classic)

1. Just seven days is far from enough to express my love for my motherland! ! ! Request an extension!

2. In the examination room, classmate A winked at classmate B next to him because he couldn't do multiple-choice questions. After thinking for a while, classmate B pointed to the female classmate in front. . Classmate A immediately wrote a B on the paper. .....

I finally know why Jobs resigned. He must be thinking that I won't launch such a stupid thing!

4. Now, if Al-Qaida recalls the attack on the United States, it will be filled with remorse. If they had known, they would have easily bought America by waiting 10 years. (@ UK Netizen)

When I was a member of QQ, I got the function of a group. I think this should be the same as grouping, which is convenient for managing friends, so I built a mm group and added all the mm with good relationship, ambiguity and logo. Then I was miserable.

6. In the early morning of June 5th, Beijing time, 10, Apple released a new generation of iphone——iphone 4S, instead of the legendary iphone 5. It can be seen that many people's disappointment lies in: don't talk to me about technology, there is no new appearance, what can I do to force it! ! ! (@ Mu Rongaoao)

7. Someone was late for the meeting this afternoon, and the leader looked gloomy: What time is it? A: More than 2,300. Leader: I asked you when! A: At closing time. The leader said: Who made you late? A: China is safe, but China is not. The leader reached out a finger in a hurry: get out! I can't get out. China has fallen safely. . . . (@ Su Yu)

8. A boy asked a girl he liked to go up the mountain to watch the night scene, which was brightly lit and beautiful. Then a cool breeze blew, and the boy bowed his head and asked, Is it cold? The girl thought he was really considerate and replied with a smile: not cold, thank you! The boy said, can you help me take off my coat? I am so cold.

9. At the party, men talked about how to offend their wives. Finally, there are several old methods: kneeling on the washboard, kneeling on the keyboard and kneeling on the motherboard. A buddy bragged that his wife loved her, and he certainly wouldn't kneel like that. Everyone coaxed him to call his wife and repeated his choice. His wife said: how painful it is to kneel, how can you be so bad! We asked: Why are you kneeling? His wife was silent for a long time: kneel down and eat instant noodles, don't drop slag!

10. One day I went to an antique shop Taobao, and the owner saw that I was a wooden stick. So, a chat god knocked me out, and I said, just look around, it's all genuine! . I slowly turned to a pile of bronzes and suddenly saw a bust of Chairman Mao, which was old in style but full of momentum. I held it in my hand and played with it, only to find that there was money under the bronze statue seat. It says the imperial system during the Qianlong period.

Humorous jokes of two people (selected works)

1.2023, Putin and Medvedev are in a cafe. Putin said: I am old, and now I can't remember who is the president. Medvedev: Now you are! Putin: Oh! Then you should pour me a cup of coffee! Medvedev: Well, turn around and mutter: Forget it, I poured it for you when I was president (@ Guevara).

2. According to netizens, Nana Jason received 37 million bride price. He Jiong10.7 million, Nicky Wu 3 million, Orfila 200,000, Du Haitao 200,000, Wang Han10.5 million, A Duo 660,000, yang shen10.2 million, Zhao Benshan 6 million, Yu entai 800,000, Chen Wei 500,000 and Wang Lixin/kloc-0.

3. Hey, man! Help me collect my clothes at night? If you don't accept it, come back and accept it yourself. Your uncle! Back to the dormitory at night, the clothes are already in the closet. Help me bring your sister dinner, don't ouch, will you? Before I left, I turned around and asked impatiently, What dare you yell at your girlfriend? Does she still cook for you? Summary: Being a good gay friends is a lifelong thing. (@ We like to tell one-liners)

I went out on business this morning and passed a stall with a key. I heard a MM ask the boss: Boss, can I have a key? The boss replied: Yes. Then, MM stood in front of the booth, and the boss looked at her. After a long silence, the boss couldn't help saying, where are the keys? Keys? Why should I come to you when I have the key? Boss: ........

In Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiaohua to make sentences with the Great Wall. Xiaohua replied: The Great Wall is very long. The teacher is unhappy: no, create another one! Xiaohua said: No, I'm not Qin Shihuang!

6. A classmate's state: I ate bad belly paper two days ago, and there was a thunderstorm in the chrysanthemum area.

7. Girl: Let's break up. Boy: Why? Girl: Android is easy to brush. I learned. Boy: But you can only brush Android Native. Girl: Boy: Didn't you know that Android phones can also brush Wp7 and iOS? Girl: Shit, I stopped talking.

8. Today's work is relatively easy. When passing by the front desk MM, MM said: You are so idle! I smiled and asked her: You lick me! MM has a messy face.

9. A confident woman is not necessarily beautiful, such as Xifeng. Powerful women are not necessarily attractive, such as extinct teachers.

10. How did the Changsha Municipal Government hold a meeting? Changsha leaders held a meeting, and the director of Xiangxiang Office called the roll: typical pig (telecommunications bureau)? ; A: Yes! A little pig (post office)? ; To! Call a pig (Education Bureau)? ; To! People are pigs (personnel bureau)? ; To! Mom is a pig (grain bureau)? ; To! Fighting pig (Land Bureau)? ; To! Old fighting pig (labor bureau)? ; To! Legging pig (Land and Resources Bureau)? ; To! Sleeping pig (local taxation bureau)? ; To! Sleeping pig (IRS)? ; To! My whole pig (Security Bureau)? ; To! Sleeping pig (Civil Affairs Bureau)? ; To! Call the pain pig (Transportation Bureau)? ; To! Steady punishment of pigs (Cultural Bureau)? ; To! Deaf pig [Agriculture Bureau]? ; To! Moderator: The pigs are all here. Now fly!

Never give up a word.

1. Don't be too nice to a person, because you will eventually find that if you treat a person for a long time, that person will get used to it and then take it for granted. In fact, you could have been stupid enough to ignore the return at all costs, but the reality is always chilling. In fact, you clearly know that the lowest thing is feelings, and the coolest thing is people's hearts.

Don't make your girlfriend blue, because blue makes you green. Don't make your boyfriend blush, because red makes you yellow.

When it is lost, all you can do is regret it.

Thank you for giving me empty happiness. The good memories of our past blurred our tears. I can still remember it occasionally, just like when I love you.

In this world, a storm knocks you and me down in the red dust. We meet, know each other, lean on each other and depend on each other. I like your hearty laugh, your sweet dimples, your long black and white hair and your infatuation, all of which are happiness in my eyes and heart. Because I am willing, I am willing to give everything for you and pour everything I have.

6. The beginning is always sweet. Then there is boredom, habit, abandonment, loneliness, despair and sneer. I was eager to be with someone for a long time. Later, I was so happy that I left. Once upon a time, for a short time, we thought we loved someone deeply. Later we learned that it wasn't love, it was just lying to ourselves.

7. You only deleted one, but you left a blank list.

8. How many times did that heart beat fiercely and silently for him? Is really really love, gave a sincere heart, let it be trampled.

9. If you never leave, I will live and die together.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Like a boar falling in love with a sow at first sight.

1 1. Dust of the Past is a time-travel story that tells the story of love reincarnation. I am a dewdrop that accompanies you every day. You are a crimson pearl grass. I love it and nourish it. Rain and dust, we embrace each other warmly and never leave.

12. Honey, you can't give me everything, then I don't want anything!

13. Fuck friendship, fuck love and fuck affection. From beginning to end, I was the only one, and I never gave up on myself!

14. People will always feel happy when they are close to happiness, but they will be lost when they are happy.

15. If you love me, please tell me while I am still alive.

16. God let us meet and know each other in the vast sea of people, know each other and love each other, and spend 17 spring and autumn together in a hurry. This is really a blessing we learned in our last life. So we met: whether in the past life, this life or the afterlife, we must be together, share joys and sorrows, and never part. Dear, remember the agreement that we crossed hands. In the next life, we are still husband and wife, I am still me, and you are still you. Until the white hair Qi Mei, shadow in pairs, chicken skin and crane hair, never tired of watching.

17. All the memories about us can't compare with our forgetfulness in the future, but I think some people will be engraved in their hearts all their lives, and will remember them forever, forever!

18. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I can be before you.

19. I am such a person, and I will be good to whoever is good to me.

20. We have been looking for, looking for, we all have the ending.

2 1. I want to give you happiness, so I began to suffer.

I spent my whole life just to change your face.

23. I would like to turn into an autumn chrysanthemum, stained with my sincere feelings, blooming in your heart, charming and warm, then gently picked by your gentle hands, placed in the clear dew, and brewed into the sweetest chrysanthemum tea. Elegant and pure fragrance lingers in your heart and lips for thousands of years.

24. I would like to turn into a breeze, full of my affectionate thoughts, wrap my eyes around you, tease your hair tips and blow your sweaty cheeks. Spring brings you warmth, summer drives away the heat, autumn eliminates loneliness, and winter accompanies you to see the snow.

25. I would like to turn into a ray of moonlight, full of my deep love, gently rippling in your body and mind, holding you into a sweet dream for countless times. It's sad to see you smile in a nightmare.

I am used to your dependence on people, although I am a child.

27. Like is light love, while love is deep love.

28. The names written in the palm of your hand have become blurred little by little with the passage of time and the washing of years. When you look for the marks of those years in the fuzzy palm, all you leave is tears.

29. Tears flow a thousand times when the heart moves.

30. Be ideal, not fantasy, passionate and not melodramatic. A contented mind is perpetual feast.

3 1. A person thinks about things and wants to find someone to accompany him. A person loses himself. I don't know what to chase.

32. If you have love, don't be ambiguous.

33. Some people are close at hand, but they can't hold each other's hand.

34. It can be said that you are lucky to meet the person you love, and you can also be said to be happy regardless of the outcome. It's good to grow old together. If we break up, or feel sad for love, we will be very happy, because after all, we loved each other.

I always want to delete everything about you, but I can never delete it in my heart.

Their emotional quotations

Their emotional quotation is 1. A man kissing a woman is a loan recovered, and a woman kissing a man is a loan released.

2. The shallow beach licked by the sea and the double shadows swept by the sunset gently touched the heartstrings and kept you and me.

It doesn't matter to me to lose everything. As long as I still have you, I still have the whole world.

No matter how far the geographical boundaries are, dear! Miss the distance between your heartbeats!

5. If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right; If being right means leaving you, I'd rather be wrong all my life.

6. When everything has become a routine, I am still waiting here; When the world has changed, I still stick to the original.

7. Baby, I have a toothache recently, because I often miss you at night. Too sweet will lead to tooth decay.

8. My heart burns like a Christmas candle for you; There is a small harbor on my face, looking forward to your berthing.

To tell you the truth, I won't kill you or scold you to death. My plot is to kill you!

10, big apple with red flowers and green leaves, I miss you for a few days. You are a lamp in the past life, illuminating the rest of my life.

1 1, spring breeze in March, my lover is you; I just want to sneak a look at you and fall in love with you at first sight.

12, you asked me how much I love you, and the moon represents my heart. You asked me how sincere I am to you, and I would faint without you.

13, you are not the only love in my life, but you are definitely my favorite and last love in my life.

14. If you love me, you can kiss me. If you don't love me, I can kiss you, okay?

15, the pulse is long with the wind, dancing in the world of mortals, the net is heartless and wingless, and you have the heart to see people!

16, meeting you in this life is God's greatest blessing. I will cherish this fate.

17, love This is not a heart beating another heart, but a spark when two hearts collide.

18, colorful hyacinthus orientalis, shake my first love. Your bright eyes ignited my youthful enthusiasm.

19, I miss your heart. I can't say it here. I miss you silently. I hope you can feel it.

To be honest, I don't want to fall in love with you now. I just want to marry you!

2 1. This world is a romantic space for boys and girls. Let's protect this beautiful paradise!

22. Pick a sincere flower and put it in the bottom of my heart; Touch your heartstrings and sing each other's hearts.

23. I also believe that love can overcome all difficulties; However, difficulties are difficulties after all. This is what I believe.

24, I see you, I am afraid of getting an electric shock; I can't see you, I need to recharge; Without you, I think I will cut off the power.

Baby, you have been crying for a long time, and it will hurt your health! Do you know that?/You know what? You broke my heart.

26. A moon, a you, two shadows, you and me. I have been fortunate to know you for three years, but the four beauties are not as good as you.

27. Love is an ancient love song. When your burning eyes shine on me, my heart will tremble for you.

28. Miss you, miss you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water every day and kiss you.

29, you are the ocean, I am the blue sky; You are the sunshine and I am the earth. We are so far away, but we are soul mates.

Baby, remember, take good care of yourself for me when I am away, unless you are willing to make me feel bad.

3 1, my dream is full of spring flowers, how I want to float gently with the spring breeze and fly into your heart!

32. How can I say love? The glass is full of wine. I take one bite after another, and I won't let go when I'm drunk!

33. If you don't love me, I am worried. The world is full of beautiful women, but not as gentle as you!

34. Your smile is a song, a youthful love song. That beautiful melody reverberated in my heart for a long time.

35. If I disappear from your world one day, will you remember me as a TV series for life?

36. Flowers bloom and fall, and flowing water gurgles. One kind of lovesickness, two places of leisure. There is no way to eliminate this situation, only frown and mind.

37. I will let you take away my soul and everything, just leave me a pair of eyes so that I can see you.

Give me a glass of money-forgetting water so that I won't cry all night. When will the Valentine's Day gift you promised me be cashed?

39. I dare not love you too much for fear of forgetting myself. I dare not love you too much, for fear of losing myself. I dare not love you too much, for fear that I can't find myself.

40. Your name is written in my heart, and there is a big man in my little heart, which is hidden deeply and carefully.

4 1. Fold your heart into a paper crane, fly in your heart, spread love and tell you those sweet words and songs that make you happy!

42. Only love can make marriage sacred; Only a marriage sacred by love is a real marriage.

Wherever you go, my heart will follow you, and every footprint you leave on the ground will make me excited.

44. I really want to break the earth in half in this direction, so that the distance between me and you can be shortened to a place where I can ride a bike for five minutes.

45. My soul has been held high by the wings of imagination and flew to the Garden of Eden at the end of the world, asking the beautiful Eve to convey her affection for me.

46. I didn't see your mood get worse when your heart beat faster. I dreamed that your time passed quickly. Have you been waiting too long?

47. The flower season has long passed, and we don't swear to last forever, but we hope to have such a true love.

48. There is no need to say too much. As long as you look at it affectionately, everything will disappear, leaving only two beating hearts.

49. We know each other, know each other, meet and fall in love. Let me hold your hand and kiss your eyes. I want to catch your heart with a net.

I really want to grow old with you until I am too old to go anywhere. I will still regard you as my treasure.

5 1, you have a pair of beautiful eyes, just like two stars on the horizon: one big and one small; Just like the moon on 16, there is more white and less black.

52. Your skin is a stick, and my lip prints are notes of love. I want to write an unforgettable song to make you happy forever.

53. I especially want to see you online, but I am disappointed every time I go online. I miss you more every time I wait online.

54. Your beauty attracts me, and your smile is as sweet as dew after the rain, but every time I confess to you, you are meditating.

55. Thinking of you is a kind of beautiful sadness and sweet melancholy, but in my heart, it is a kind of warmth that no language can express. .

I want to send my thoughts to the scattered stars. I hope that little starlight can shine into your window and sleep well with you.

Dear, please forgive my playboy, I can only love you for 60 years! Because the fortune teller said that my life span is only 84 years old, hehe.

58. The fish said to the water: You can't see my tears because I am in the water. Water said: I can feel your tears because you are in my heart.

59. Meeting you is a light rain in spring, hazy and refreshing. Everything is in my heart. Is love calling me?

60. Love is the most attractive and colorful word in the world. Thank you for sending it to me at my most difficult time.

6 1, turn off the phone, slowly close your eyes, think about me, think about Apple, and you will find that I am as cute as Apple!

62. You come from Yuanmou, Yunnan, and I come from Zhoukou, Beijing. Let me hold your hairy hand! Love! Let's walk upright!

63. Men fall in love because they have nothing to do, while women fall in love because they are curious. The result is that men are annoyed and women are disappointed.

64. First love: I want to fall in love at first sight; In love: I just want to commit myself; Nostalgia: I want to be obedient; Lovelorn: I miss you so much.

I miss you not because I am lonely, but because I miss you. The feeling of loneliness is so heavy, just because I think too deeply.

66. I like being silently watched by you, silently watching you; I long to be deeply loved by you, deeply loving you.

67. I will know you once or twice, I will chase you three times and five times, and I will always want to see you. I love you perfectly, and I will marry you 100%!

68. The love met, the love given, and the persistent love leave only regrets.

69. You are working, and I am tired. You drink, and my stomach hurts. You are sad and I cry. You sleep, I sleep, because I am your baby.

70, childhood friends, two small conjectures; The love of a virgin will never be forgotten. Please tell me, when will this long-buried seed germinate?

7 1, I only ask you to say something sincere to me, something that can only be said once in your life, something that only I can understand.

72. I didn't see your mood get worse when your heart beat faster. I dreamed that your time passed too fast. Are you waiting for your next life to have you?

73. Love is going through a storm. It is alive and shining with pure beauty. Love is the sister of noble thoughts.

74. I want to miss you on the scattered stars. I hope that little starlight can shine into your window and sleep with you.

75. Don't be angry when your wife hits you. This is a kiss. Wife says you are a pig. Don't be angry, scolding is love. The wife beat and scolded, all for love.

76. It is not easy to say I love you. Send a short message to express your feelings. If your heart is rippling, can you reply a message?

77. Through the moon full of flowers, I vaguely think of you. The cold picture is full of tenderness and fantasy.

78. Without me by your side, you should wear warm clothes when it's cold, eat enough when you're hungry, and have a good dream when you sleep. I'm the only one in the dream, so I want nothing more!

I know I can't be with you. I know all I can do is miss you in the distance. I just want to make you happy, even if it's just for me.

80. Love is fate, affection, habit, tolerance, sacrifice, consideration and lifelong commitment. I love you!

8 1, for me, please take good care of yourself, eat when you are hungry, wear when you are cold, sleep when you are sleepy, and turn your head when you see a handsome guy!

82. How lonely I am, looking at the familiar street, just for your picture, I am waiting for the day when we meet again.

83. You are bread in the morning, ice cream in summer, cotton-padded jacket in winter, light bulb at night, garlic in Shandong and pepper in Sichuan.

You have been gone for so long, I hope you haven't changed at all, and you are still so touching, just like my love for you, no matter how long you have been gone, I will still be!

85. You work and I am tired, you drink and I hurt my stomach, you are sad and I cry, you sleep and I cover, because I am your good baby.

86. I love you, in the four seasons, in my dreams, in my heart, infinitely. In this life, you love each other, through thick and thin, you will be willing!

87. In the spring breeze, under the flowers, chickens and ducklings are playing house. The duckling holds flowers in his hand and sticks them on the chicken's head. You are a chicken, I am a duck, and the duckling misses you like a horse.