What is the essence of marriage?

Foreword Qian Zhongshu wrote in Fortress Besieged: "Marriage does not need great love. It is enough to get married without hating each other. " This sentence punctured many people's illusions about marriage and brought people back to the bleak truth of reality. That's why it's not the fairy couple who finally walk into the wedding hall and join hands for life. Because the essence of marriage is not love.

0 1. The essence of marriage is value matching. When we fall in love, we just need to talk about love. But when you get married, you need to consider practical factors. There is a saying on the internet: getting married is a partnership to start a company. This description is apt. Your satisfaction with the company depends on how much value it can bring you.

This value includes economy, ability, appearance, emotional intelligence, charm and so on. The best result is equality with each other, matching values, and no one takes advantage. However, there are always many people who want to be small and big, and exchange smaller value for greater returns and take advantage of others. Such people don't understand marriage.

Understand that no one can really make use of marriage, even if it is used for a while, there will be a lost day. Because the original intention of the marriage system is to ensure that family property can be legally inherited; Marriage law only protects property. Love has never been considered from beginning to end. Love is only the beautification of marriage. The essence of marriage has always been the equal exchange of values.

02. Not all forbearance and dedication can be exchanged for understanding and fulfillment. There are many families in life. Marriage is obviously full of contradictions and pains, and it is difficult to maintain, but I always convince myself to put up with it again. But in many cases, the sacrifice and tolerance of one side can't get the understanding and understanding of the other side, but it is even more indifferent.

In the end, I sacrificed in vain, only touched myself, but also trapped myself more. There is a word called "crocodile effect", which means that when a crocodile bites one of your feet, if you try to break free with your hands, the crocodile will bite your hands and feet at the same time. The more you struggle, the more you lose. The only right way is to sacrifice that foot.

The same applies to marriage. Blindly pay and sacrifice, will only lose yourself, and ultimately let yourself have nothing. Therefore, in marriage, unilateral forbearance, sacrifice and dedication are not desirable. Sometimes you can protect yourself better by being noble and proud.

03. Give each other respect and freedom, instead of possessing and controlling love. Really smart women have their own lives. They will not stick to men too much, but keep a proper distance and give men the space they deserve. The same is true of marriage. If you want to be happy for a long time, you must give each other freedom and let them have a little distance.

And if you don't respect each other's privacy and seize each other's freedom and time, after a long time, the other party will start to get bored and get farther and farther away. In marriage, no matter how close the feelings are, we should leave some space and room for each other. Because, too close, it will make the original good feelings become a burden; Love is not only to possess, but to make the other person comfortable and happy. Emotionally close, spiritually independent and relaxed, marriage can be happy and relaxed.