Why is it not reliable to read Love Skills?

Excerpted from Zhihu, add a little bit of my own feelings.

There are six main reasons why love skills are unreliable. In addition, there is a big pit for men and women to learn love skills.

First, the vast majority of love skills are only to alleviate the anxiety and fear of the parties. It is useless to really solve the problem. The real solution is to face anxiety and fear bravely. For example, if you go bungee jumping, you will jump as long as you try your best, but love skills will teach you to start from the trampoline step by step, or jump 1.2 meters first, which is often nonsense. It often takes only one second to break through your mind. I dare not speak when I meet someone I like, I don't know what to say when I receive the news, and I dare not express it when I want to promote the relationship. Many situations are similar to this.

The most direct way to ask a girl out is: "Why don't you come to my place tonight?" I made a request frankly. You said yes, and we hit it off. I respect your refusal. This is the real gentleman's demeanor.

"Let me tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Well, my bed collapsed last night. Can I sleep at your place tonight? "

"Get out!"

"Hey, don't hit me, drive!"

When your relationship with your sister can only depend on not offending her, not on having the value she needs &; When she appreciates quality, you should also reflect on yourself.

Every kind of interpersonal behavior often works at three levels.

The first level is: concrete behavior.

The second level is: emotion.

The third level is self-awareness.

For example, chatting up, many love skills appear, not to help us solve problems, but to help us ease our emotions. They are just placebos.

If you really want to solve the problem, you should put down your skills, go deep into your heart and face up to your self-knowledge. Then, either change your cognition or directly change yourself.

For example, your subconscious cognition is "I don't deserve ta". So you get along with all kinds of concerns, please, be careful. Indulge in all kinds of skills and dare not expose your true self.

Second, love skills in synchronous state cannot be used for asynchronous interaction. Sexual attraction mostly occurs in the process of "synchronous interaction" (that is, face-to-face interaction, instant feedback, and little time for thinking). While most otaku girls who learn love skills will only have "asynchronous interaction" with the opposite sex (that is, chat on WeChat qq and interact with friends in Weibo, etc.). ). They applied the love skills summarized by the masters in synchronous interaction to asynchronous interaction, one pit at a time.

Third, gender interaction has only methodology, but no method. Because everyone has different personalities and backgrounds. In the communication with people, whether social or love, there is only methodology, and there is no detailed process and method that can be copied. Only when the object we operate is standardized (such as making steamed bread) can we have detailed and reproducible processes and methods. Therefore, the more detailed and reproducible the dating and love process is, the more deceptive it is. The real dry goods are: how to design their own unique processes and methods according to methodology.

Fourth: Because of market factors, emotional experts often tell you what you want to hear, not the facts. Deliberately stimulate your desire and make you feel that you also have that ability.

Fifth: Many basic theories of love skills are unreliable. For example, pua and many theoretical skills to guide women are based on evolutionary psychology. Evolutionary psychology is regarded as a hypothesis in academic circles. In addition, based on the macro theory of big data statistics, many indicators are only relevant and have no causal relationship, which is extremely unreliable for guiding micro-personal behavior.

Sixth: Other people's effective love skills are "experience", not "knowledge". Knowledge can be acquired through book learning, while experience can only be acquired through constant practice and setbacks in one's own practice.

Li Songwei said when talking about why pomodoro technique was on fire:

In recent years, people have increasingly used "time management" skills to deal with inner insecurity. A typical example is the idea that "progress can only be made through hard work", which has been deeply rooted in people's hearts. This makes people think that they have found the reason for "not living well now" and found the way to a better life in the future. Of course, this concept is indeed a lot of progress compared with the past Buddha blessing, past life practice, and the ever-existing natural determinism (or early determinism). By the way, as long as a concept can deeply relieve our insecurities, it is bound to get angry. From this perspective, the fire in pomodoro technique is essentially the same as the fire in temples, pyramid schemes and early education institutions. -all mankind continues to pay for it in order to alleviate insecurity. "

In fact, most knowledge realization products are like this.

There are also various magnetic therapy instruments, radiation protection suits, collagen beauty products, and so on.

So there appeared a group of people who listened to the reading festival crazily because they were anxious not to study.

Others bought a bunch of live ones and knew that they became masters at the moment of payment.

After a while, I will also give an audio class.

The truth stays here. When you listen to entertainment programs, you will be very satisfied, and you can teach yourself all kinds of interesting things.

If you just want to be a love expert by sitting there listening to audio, then don't buy it. I can't afford this responsibility.