Those sorrows in Zhang Ailing's growth

The heroine in little reunion is Sheng Jiuli, who came from a declining aristocratic family in the late Qing Dynasty. Through the author's seemingly rambling memories, a girl's childhood and adulthood, as well as the lingering sadness in the process of growing up, are completely outlined for readers.

? We rearrange the author's idle and natural narrative according to the child's growth process.

? The first is infancy.

? As for the memory of grasping Zhou as a child, "She had a lacquer disc in front of her-Grasping Zhou". Of course, good things like pen and ink are in front of us, and bad things like dice and dominoes are far away and out of reach. Han Ma Bi Tao said that she grabbed a pen and cotton rouge, but she was half-hearted, picked it up and put it down. No one remembers what Jiulin caught. "

? Regarding eating and urinating when I was a child, "she stood in a bucket with red paint and gold, avoiding the copper spoon." Where is her spoon? There is a small purple flower at the bottom of white porcelain. Don't want this iron fishy thing. "

? In fact, she just wants to eat with her own spoon, but adults don't know why, and they don't understand why the child is in a bad temper today. She expressed it several times and threw away the copper spoon, hoping to replace it with her favorite spoon for dinner. But how can Han Ma, who takes care of her, understand?

? So she had to pee to solve this unpleasant meal. "Suddenly there was a loud noise, and she knew that she was wrong and turned victory into defeat." Han Ma can only change clothes for the children and clean up the buckets.

? But on the whole, it is very pleasant to be with Han Ma who takes care of her.

? "Han Ma bent down to wash clothes in the bathtub, and Jiu Li untied the belt of her blue apron behind her, and the apron slipped down and dragged it into the water." "

? "ouch!" Han Ma's disapproving voice.

? The tie was untied and dragged into the water.

? Look, there is happiness in my memory, and I can still remember it when I fell down in America in my later years.

? "Many years later, in a quiet street in Washington, she saw a little girl with light brown childlike hair climbing up and down the small iron gate alone, holding a crossbar in her hands, but she enjoyed it. She suddenly woke up and thought it was herself. I always thought she was a foreigner-a foreigner in China-because of isolation. "

? But this happiness is given by Han Ma, a servant at home.

? As for her parents, whether they are biological parents or stepmother, their memories are mostly bitter.

? She called her biological mother Er Yi, because she was supposed to be adopted by other relatives in the family at that time. Later, things fell through, but she always called her biological parents Er Ye and Er Yi.

? Let's talk about his mother's memory in infancy.

? Her mother once lost her temper in front of the dresser and shouted at the peach, "kneel down." She happened to be there, and immediately burst into tears, but her mother shouted at Han Ma, "It's noisy, take it away."

? Later, her mother went abroad to study as a baby.

? "Li Jiu knew that it was strange for her second aunt and third aunt to go abroad, but the more mysterious these people were, the more she disdained to ask.

This is the birth mother. As for Cui Hua, the biological father and stepmother, it's not just mental abuse.

At that time, she was already in her teens. Once, because she ran away, she spent the night outside and didn't come home. "After washing my face, I suddenly saw Cui Hua downstairs. I really asked why I didn't tell her to spend the night outside, gave her a mouth, bit her back and hit people, and Ned beat her up with excitement. The door was locked, and when she couldn't get out, she lived in two empty rooms downstairs, so it was safer to stay away from them. As soon as I settled down, I was relieved, but those two chaotic storms have passed. It seems that no matter what happens, she just needs to be alone for a while. This is a kind of confusion and a determination from the depths of childhood. "

? Her father hit her easily, and then hit her hard when the endorsement didn't go well. In the father's view, girls are a way to vent their anger and a way to show the strength of men. Because as an old smoker who stays at home all day, there is really no place to show it.

? As for the relationship with your biological mother when you grow up?

? About Rachel's education. Later, when her mother Rachel returned to China, because she missed the intimate period with her children, Jiuli refused to educate her mother in her heart.

? For example, Rachel has been teaching children to have balanced nutrition. For a time, Jiu Li lived with her third aunt, Judy. At that time, the Japanese entered the rent, and Chu Di left his job without pay, and his life was very frugal. She has to eat scallion cakes every day to cope. And how does Jiuli feel? "I can't get tired of eating three meals a day. I feel like playing truant. " Jiu Li has been listening to Rachel's lunch nutrition lecture since she was a child. If she doesn't eat fruit, vegetables and fish for a day, she will feel guilty. "

? Rachel has a high academic background and many experiences, so the nutrition education for her children is naturally correct. But if you always preach, children will naturally feel disgusted, especially smart and sensitive children. It is estimated that they will remember their parents' annoying preaching scenes all their lives. Obviously, Zhang Ailing did not carry out her mother's education. Preaching education is lifeless.

? When Jiu Li was ill, she lived with her biological mother. "She was embarrassed to put a small washbasin for vomiting beside the couch, wishing there was a cave to climb in, so as not to get dirty. This place is like a chocolate hut in a fairy tale. Rachel suddenly came up and said, "Anyway, you are hurting people by living! Just like you, you can only wait to die. "

There is a children's book called "Language is not used to hurt people", but nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory. It seems that people with difficulties can easily use verbal violence against vulnerable groups, and they may not have the opportunity to receive an education of being kind to others, so they will also speak ill of others. In fact, her biological mother was really good, and then she was sent to the hospital and invited a famous local lung expert to make a diagnosis and treatment.

? Jiu Li's memory of this lung expert is this: "Every time he leans against her hospital bed, he smells like a cool disinfectant, like an elephant washed by a rubber hose." Or interesting memories when you are sick.

? Sheng Jiuli, who grew up in such an environment, is not good at expressing and doesn't know family ties.

? Jiu Li is a girl who suppresses her emotions extremely. When she left home for school by boat, Bibi, who was traveling with her, suggested that they visit their relatives on the deck, but Jiuli insisted on not going. Bibi burst into tears when she walked onto the deck independently. "Li Jiufu burst into tears in the cabin. The whistle suddenly echoed like thunder, and a "hum-"filled the space. The ground under the bed began to move. The Shanghai she left behind was in ruins. Bibi went back to the cabin without saying a word and packed her bags. "Nine li sat up with tears in her eyes.

? Teenage girls run away from home, only crying secretly, not expressing loudly, which is really distressing.

? What will happen when she is a full adult, has been in love with her lover Shao Zhiyong, and has her own career?

? She will never forget to pay Rachel back. Asked Chu Di, probably exchanged two taels of gold. "I used to dream of putting the money under a dozen crimson roses in a long box for her mother, but now these two little yellow croakers are so worried that they will miss it through their fingers and can't find it."

? Jiu Li took the opportunity to take out the two gold and handed it to her. She said in a low voice, "At that time, my aunt spent so much money for me, and I always felt sorry. I gave it back to my aunt. "

"I don't want it," Rachel said firmly.

Rachel shed tears. "Even if I'm just a better person for you, you don't have to do this to me. Tiger poison does not know the child. "

She didn't expect that Rachel thought that returning her money meant breaking up with her, but if this stalemate continued, she gradually felt that not taking her money meant leaving a relationship here.

? What impression does Sheng Jiuli's mother have in her memory?

? "When their mother and daughter are together, almost all of them are packing. Because they are global travelers, of course, they always have more time to prepare. " From the age of four, Jiu Li stood by and watched. Give it to her when she is older. The only skill her mother taught her was packing boxes. These objects are seamlessly spliced together, so the soft ones won't wrinkle, and the hard ones won't crack and flatten. These clothes can be worn without ironing. "

? On her deathbed, her mother wrote in Europe: "I just want to see you again now." She didn't go.

? Not only did she not go, but Jiu Li was still a little angry, because there were some antiques she had never seen in the relics auctioned by her mother.

This is basically a mother and daughter. They should be rich in money and eat a lot. This is the process and ending that the mother and daughter could have enjoyed the mother-daughter relationship happily. It has something to do with decadent society and individuals who have grown up in society. From the beginning, it was probably doomed to be a tragedy.