Marriage Etiquette of Women in Han Dynasty

Ancient women were often "born in a boudoir, and no one knows whether they are beautiful or not." After the blind date, the man often asks to have a look. This activity is called "meeting relatives", and the man goes to the woman's house for the first time under the matchmaker's non-staple food. It was dubbed "blind date". The date of the blind date is set by the matchmaker in advance and notified to both men and women, so both sides should be prepared. The man should prepare a little gift according to the hobby of the woman's parents; Women should clean the courtyard and get ready for guests. As parties, both men and women should try to dress elegantly and resplendent, so as to leave a good "first impression" on each other. Seeing relatives is the key to the success of marriage, especially the man, so be careful. Although gifts are nothing more than alcohol, tobacco and snacks, regardless of the quantity and value, you must give them what you like and not violate the taboos of the other parents; Dressing should be generous and fashionable; Be modest and polite in your words and deeds. In ancient times, when men met relatives, they could only rely on matchmakers to create opportunities to secretly see girls. It's different now. Both men and women can talk directly. Both sides have the opportunity to have a preliminary understanding of each other. China is a "state of propriety and righteousness", and it pays attention to implication. The results of visiting relatives are often not directly expressed, but expressed through various hints. In many places, after the man enters the door, the woman's parents first pour the young man a cup of hot tea. Seeing that the girl was amused, the young man drank this cup of tea in one gulp. Then the girl's parents discuss with the girl. If they agree to get married, they will leave the man for dinner with the matchmaker. If they don't agree, they will let the man leave and go home. Some parents even asked the matchmaker to take away the gifts brought by the man. In some areas, besides visiting relatives, there is also the custom of "observing others". In fact, "visiting others" is also to visit relatives. The man was led by the matchmaker to the woman's home where he had seen the girl, and the woman's parents temporarily refused to express their views on the marriage, and then the matchmaker took him back to the man's home. Qiyang area is called "Kandang". Look at that time, the man's parents should offer a cup of fragrant tea first, and then talk to the woman's parents. The wife's parents visited the man's house and talked with the man's parents. If they agree to the marriage, they will drink all the fragrant tea. The man's parents immediately regarded him as "in-laws" and warmly entertained the guests. Otherwise, the woman's parents should get up and leave, and the man should not stay. After "seeing the relatives" and "seeing the dead", the engagement formalities should be performed, commonly known as "ceremony". The first step of "Li Guo" is that the matchmaker sends the man's birthday to the woman, and the woman's eighth birthday to the man. Some superstitious parents think that they are responsible for their children's marriage, and often ask the fortune teller to calculate after receiving the red post to see if the "date of birth" of both parties is consistent, if not; Marriage will be reconsidered. Fortunately, most modern people don't believe this, so even if red posts are exchanged, they are often just a form, and some even avoid the form of changing posts. After "changing posts" and "matching eight characters", the matchmaker should choose a good date and get engaged with the man as a gift. Giving gifts is a big deal. Generally, the active person (male or female) who gets married should give each other a heavy gift. The gift should at least include a pig elbow, a pair of wine, a chicken and a duck, and a suit for other parents. A pair of shoes and socks, a package, and some things for girls. How much money to seal in the envelope (locally called "pocket money") and what engagement gift to give the girl are generally negotiated by the matchmaker in advance, not as much as the man (or woman) can give. Of course, the parents of the man or woman should also try their best to think of each other, strive to be frugal and accept less dowry. After the ceremony, both men and women can agree on a date to go to the local government for a marriage certificate and formally confirm the marriage relationship. Modern laws and regulations stipulate that both men and women should go to the hospital for premarital examination before getting a marriage certificate; There are also some areas (mainly cities) that require premarital classes. These are all effective measures to ensure prenatal and postnatal care and ensure the quality of the population, which should be followed. After the marriage certificate was issued, both men and women established a legal relationship in law. However, in China, this is only the first step in marriage. According to the traditional practice, the parents of the active party should choose an auspicious day to get married, and the matchmaker should inform the other party to get married. It's called "choosing good luck" and "sending the day". Generally speaking, you can consult an astrologer or fortune teller to choose a suitable date, or you can choose a date by reading an encyclopedia (nicknamed "almanac", commonly known as "family calendar" and traditionally called "imperial calendar"). Those with a high level of education can do their own calculations. It is generally believed that as long as the "Liuhe" corresponds, it is a good day. Such as "Bing Yin Ri". After the date is selected, the two sides will send out wedding invitations and invite relatives and friends to attend the wedding. Invitations are usually given by married people or their parents to relatives and friends in person. After receiving the invitation to the wedding banquet, relatives and friends should generally come to congratulate them, except that they can only give gifts under special circumstances and cannot attend. Before you congratulate, you should prepare gifts. The number of gifts depends on the relationship between everyone and the host, the depth of friendship, and my financial conditions. Gifts for women are mostly in kind, but they can also be replaced by red envelopes, which is called "marriage assistance". Most furniture is boxes, cabinets, beds, quilts, tableware, clothes and so on. Gifts for women are often given by relatives and friends as soon as they hear the news, without waiting for an invitation. Because the woman's parents should decide the scale of "wedding wine" according to the number of gifts given. The wedding is just around the corner. Both men and women should kill pigs and chickens, prepare wedding banquets, and invite cooks, bridesmaids, flower convoys, bookkeepers, touts and other handyman to help them take care of the aftermath. After applying, these people should start working in the main room the day before the wedding to prepare for the wedding reception. The traditional wedding is usually the "wedding reception" at the woman's house in the morning and the wedding reception at the man's house at noon. If it is a husband (recruiting a husband-a man goes to the woman's house), the opposite is true. After everything was ready, Yanari, a man, played music and sent a sedan chair to greet the bride. The matchmaker took the lead, followed by the groom, bridesmaids, floats, bands and gift box teams. The bride's family should prepare the wedding reception before the float arrives. A girl needs her mother or sister to comb her hair, twist off the fluff on her face with silk thread and make up, which is called "opening her face". Then, she will be decorated with a crown and covered with red cloth, waiting for the float to meet her. As soon as the float arrived, the girl's family greeted it with music and firecrackers. After the fierce relatives entered the women's hall, the groom bowed down to his parents-in-law and presented a red greeting note with his father's name on it. Then there was an interesting party at the woman's house. During the dinner, the matchmaker and groom should be careful, because there are many unwritten customs in China. During the three days of their wedding, peers and teenagers among relatives and friends can creatively make up several small comedies on the matchmaker and groom, called "washing the media" and "hanging red" (commonly known as "welcoming guests" in rural areas). The bride's sister-in-law may ambush half a bowl of Chili noodles for the groom under the rice bowl (Xiao Y, accept your fate! Eat as authentic Sichuan food); The bride's sister will give her brother-in-law a handful of ashes when pouring wine ... The matchmaker and groom should tolerate these little farce that can increase the happy atmosphere-although they might as well "deal with a man as he deals with you" and get a little revenge, but they must never get angry, get angry, or even quarrel or wrestle with the host and guest. After the breakfast banquet, the bride and groom, led by the matchmaker, salute the ancestral tablets and elders of the bride, and then the bridesmaids can help the bride get on the float. When getting on the bus, the bride might as well cry a few times to show her attachment to her parents and family. After the bride got on the bus, she played music and set off firecrackers, and opened the sedan chair to make a kiss. When the bride leaves, in order to make the bearers drive steadily, she often gives red envelopes to the drivers (bearers). When the wedding procession is about to arrive at the groom's door, the man's house will greet it with firecrackers and music. The float stops in front of the groom's house, and the bridesmaids (usually beautiful young women) invited by the man will come forward to open the car door and help the bride get off the bus, and the best man will come forward to pay tribute. Guests will sprinkle flowers (how many ribbons and snow sprays) on the bride and groom to push the wedding to a climax. Visiting the church is the climax of the wedding. On the wedding day, after the male family leaves, the best man will arrange a memorial place in the hall of the male family. The ceremony began when the float stopped in front of the door and the bridesmaid who was asked by the man got off. On the incense table, cigarettes are lingering, red candles have a high fever, and relatives, friends and functional personnel are in their positions. The two bridesmaids appeared as "Zan" and "Zan" respectively and began to pay tribute. The bride and groom began to worship the bride according to the praise ceremony. The procedure of the ceremony is as follows: praise: the arrival of the groom, praise: the couple. Praise: The groom bows (inviting the bride). Zan: The bride and groom are in place (before the incense table). Praise: The bride and groom (to the shrine and ancestral tablets) enter the incense sticks. Zan: kneel down and offer incense. Light candles, burn incense, burn incense, crawl, stand up and stand back. Tong Zan: Kneel down, kowtow, kowtow again, kowtow three times, and you will be happy. Then the traditional "three worships"-"one worships heaven and earth, the other worships parents, and the husband and wife worship each other", and finally "introduces the bridal chamber". This is the end of the ceremony. The day before the traditional wedding, the man's house has been decorated with lanterns and decorations, and the layout is roughly as follows: room: 1, a pair of couplets in front of the door, plus horizontal approval. 2. There is a square lantern hanging in the center of the main hall, and the four sides of the lantern are painted with patterns such as "Couple Chorus", "Goddess of Mercy", "Champion" and "Family Fun" respectively. 3. A pair of huge red candles on the incense table. Stick a photo of "companion" on the opposite wall on both sides. 5. After the "golden wall is brilliant", there are six characters of "heaven and earth are related, teachers are teachers", which are written straight from top to bottom. The writing of these six words is particular: the sky should be flat, that is, the two horizontal lines of the word "sky" should be written flat and cannot be bent; To be wide means to write the word "land" wider, not too narrow; Don't speak, that is, the word "jun" should be completely closed, and there can be no gap; If you don't close your eyes, that is, write the traditional Chinese character "pro", the word "see" on the right can't seal all the last horizontal lines of the word "eye" above; The teacher has no other meaning: the traditional word "teacher" should be omitted and the word "teacher" should be written. New house: 1. Stick a pair of couplets on both sides of the door frame, and add a horizontal batch (horizontal batch generally writes "husband and wife and Ming"); 2. Put a big red double happiness on the door; 3. Hanging lanterns in the middle of the new house; 4. Paper-cut big red double happiness characters are posted on the window, and paper-cut butterfly patterns are posted on the four corners; 5. Put couplets on both sides of the window; 6. Calligraphy and painting are hung on the wall. Kitchen: There is a couplet at the main entrance, with the word "Xi" posted on the door. Others: all rooms have the word "hi" on their doors. After seeing the bride, the bride sat in the new house for a while and never came out. The groom will go out of the new house to meet the guests. If guests are invited in a hotel or hotel, both husband and wife must go out to meet the guests and propose a toast to them. Seats at the wedding banquet should be arranged according to the qualifications of the guests, which is called "treat" or "diners". The principle of seating arrangement is to respect the upper and lower, respect the right and respect the left. Guests are sorted from high to low according to age, identity and status. The chairman should be placed in the center above the hall, and the "big relatives" should be invited to sit at the right head, the groom's father or uncle at the left head, and the others should be seated accordingly. In addition to the main seat in the main hall, a second distinguished seat was placed in the new house. The bride's mother was invited to sit first, accompanied by the groom's mother or aunt. The seats of other seats should also be arranged in order. After arranging the seats, the best man announced that the banquet would be held with music and firecrackers. The groom will first propose a toast to the Chief Executive and say a few words of thanks. Then, the first course was served in the kitchen to push the wedding banquet to a climax. All tables and drinks should be the same except the seats where "male relatives" and "female relatives" are located. Generally speaking, there must be a steamed pork elbow. Moreover, the groom should always wait at the table to pour wine and send hot towels to "relatives" to show respect. The matchmaker has already left before the wedding reception is over. This is called "running away". If he doesn't leave, the "washing media" will wipe his face into the bottom of the pot. After the wedding reception, "Shangqin" went to the back room to rest, ate some snacks, and was accompanied by the man's elders to say some polite words. The handyman moved his seat and swept the floor, so it was time for Shang Qin to get up and leave. At the beginning of the day, men should "send away" clothes, shoes and socks and pay attention to red envelopes. "Farewell Kiss" is another lively scene. All decent men in the family should be sent to the door and set off firecrackers to show their respect. The groom and his parents in the countryside will send the guests to the village entrance. China has the custom of bridal chamber. In the past, many new couples were asked to live in the same space on their wedding night because they were strangers or even strangers before marriage, which may cause psychological discomfort. Making trouble in the bridal chamber can undoubtedly help newcomers to bridge the gap and pierce the shy "enough" through public games. Today's bridal chamber is mainly to express blessings to the new people. One of the games, take chopsticks, put a pair of chopsticks in a wine bottle, only show a short section, let the bride and groom take it out with their lips. In fact, they were invited to perform a kiss. Game 2: Eat bananas, tie them with rubber bands and hang them where the groom can jump. The groom pulls them down with his mouth. The bride and groom peel off the skin with their mouths and eat together. In order to prevent the rope from retracting, one person has to do the action and the other person has to bite the banana, which depends on the cooperation of two people. Game 3: Light a match, insert the match on the red dates and float in a basin full of water. A lit cigarette was tied in the middle of a red line, and both ends were bitten by the couple. When you enter and I return, you can use cigarettes to light the matches in the basin together. Hold your breath and use solid "dental skills" and vision to succeed. Game 4: Pinch the marbles and prepare a plate of glass marbles. Let the bride and groom each take a chopstick, and the two of them will clip the marbles out together. May wish to invite several couples and newcomers present to compete, and the laggards to perform the program. Game 5: Poetry Competition If the bride and groom love literature, please invite them to participate in the poetry competition. First, the groom recites a poem, and then the bride recites it. At least one word in the sentence required to be recited is the same as the last word. In this cycle, those who don't accept it will be judged as negative, and those who don't accept it will be executed. Game 6: Couples can read. The word "Nian" is to let the groom hold a word (or a phrase), and then ask the groom to do various actions (no talking, no gestures) to show it to the bride, so that the bride can "read" the word. When choosing words, choose words that match the wedding atmosphere, such as "love", "love" and "husband and wife". Game 7: Say Nicknames The bride and groom want to call each other by ten nicknames, such as baby, baby, dog and meat. The more disgusting, the better. If the guests are not satisfied, they can ask to speak again. Game 8: Kiss your sweetheart. The groom lies on his back in bed, and then sticks the sliced bananas on his face and neck, so that the blindfolded bride can find them with her mouth. Game 9, direct kissing requires the bride and groom to accept a long kiss for three or five minutes. Game 10: Shaxi Bed Shaxi Bed is a song and dance game performed by the groom's sister-in-law when the bridal chamber is in trouble. Sister-in-law is holding a plate covered with red paper, on which are chestnuts, dates, peanuts, longan and other things. The bride sat on the bed, and her sister-in-law grabbed the dried fruit and sprinkled it on the bed, singing as she sprinkled it. Everyone who made trouble in the bridal chamber listened to the song of the eldest sister-in-law, and the voices echoed. The laughter in the bridal chamber lasted all night, and the laughter and slapstick were getting louder and louder. "Saxi Bed" game is a group folk game. All the actors have sex, the sister-in-law is the protagonist, and the others are supporting roles. Because the protagonist has a great responsibility to undertake the task of invigorating the atmosphere of the bridal chamber. Therefore, the protagonist has to be carefully selected by the married family. It's as important as choosing a wedding emcee. Before marriage, the groom's whole family chooses one by one from the sisters-in-law of the same clan and neighbors. Some places choose one, and some places choose two. The protagonist of this Sassi bed selection must first be a "lucky man" with two children; You must also be able to sing and make up words; Furthermore, you should be articulate, flexible, good at reading words and observing emotions, and improvise. In addition, because it takes a long time to make the bed and the lyrics are long, it is sometimes necessary to improvise according to the specific situation, so the person who makes the bed has a strong memory and can correctly describe what he sees, hears and scenes with lyrics. Limited by these conditions, the screened sister-in-law is naturally better. As a sister-in-law, I am very proud of being valued by married people. They will try their best to help the groom's family adjust the atmosphere of the new house. According to the custom of marriage in China, after three days of marriage, the bride and groom will return to their parents' home, which is also called "Huimen". This is an indispensable etiquette. The bride's old man attaches great importance to returning home in three days, so the groom should make ideological and gift preparations in advance and try to leave a happy and beautiful impression on his parents-in-law. Gifts are prepared in advance. Buy gifts that the bride and the old man like. There are generally four kinds of gifts. Huimen usually leaves at nine or ten in the morning. The bride and groom should dress up as well as at the wedding, and keep a beautiful and handsome image at the wedding. When going back to their parents' home, the bride and groom should greet the old man first. At this time, the groom should change his mind and call his parents-in-law "mom and dad" like the bride. He should be natural and kind, and be kind and polite to his relatives, friends and neighbors. He should greet people first and treat them with courtesy. At dinner, the bride should accompany the groom, propose a toast to parents, relatives and neighbors, and thank everyone for their wishes for their wedding. Don't rush home after dinner. You should chat with your parents for a while, listen to their teachings, and then leave and go home. And should take the initiative to invite two old people and brothers and sisters to their homes, or invite relatives, friends and neighbors. Alas, it's finally over. But remember, after the New Year, the couple will have to go to relatives' homes to recognize relatives, so as to be complete.