How do you know that there is a beard in the right margin, and how do you know that you are meeting the right margin?

How do you know that Zhihu has a right edge? Recently, many young readers are voicing: My mother is married again, which is really annoying! In their eyes, I'm almost 30 years old and I'm not married (I'm not seeing anyone), which is a big violation.

Either force me to have a blind date all day, or I will settle down with the blind date, don't be so picky, and finally I will be alone. ...

In fact, I can advise that blind date is still possible. After all, what if you really meet the right person you like? After all, it is ok to watch too much. However, if you haven't found the right partner yet, you can bear the pressure and don't have to get married in such a hurry. If you really can't find a suitable partner, make money first.

After all, getting rid of poverty is more important for young people than getting rid of bills.

? 0 1- marriage should be cautious

Marriage is the most important investment in life.

The reason why we are advised to be cautious when getting married is because marriage is one of the most important investments in life, and its importance is second only to others. Chatting with a teacher some time ago, ta explained the reasons for the increasing divorce rate, which surprised me a little, but it was true when I thought about it carefully. One reason why the divorce rate is getting higher and higher is that people's life expectancy has increased. It turns out that the average life expectancy is only fifty or sixty years old. If you are dissatisfied with your partner and endure it for 20 years, in fact, your life has passed, and you can still get rid of it. But now the average life expectancy in China has reached 77 years, and it is common to live to 10. Many people want to put up with this person for 50 or 60 years. It is terrible to think about it, and they are afraid that they will not survive. Of course, this is not the whole reason, but it reveals a problem, that is, if you are both healthy, you will have to get along with the other half for about 50 years! Marriage will affect your work, even your children, property and daily life. You can find the right person, if you find the wrong one. ...

There are too many examples in the past:

Husband and wife tear 13 all day, resulting in two people having no intention to work and finally achieving nothing; The husband's career is about to be promoted and raised, and the wife is trying to give a fatal blow and announce a divorce; Two people struggled all their lives, and the last one cheated, and a family's property was instantly divided into two halves. ...

Therefore, I quite agree with the saying of being a master: it is very important for a person to do one thing, and to have a stable emotional state, including being married, in love or even single. ...

As long as the emotional state can be stable for several years, you can concentrate on doing things without seeking perfection. Otherwise, it takes too much time and energy to spend time and life to prove whether a person loves me or not. It takes seven or eight years to do anything. In the end, love didn't work out, so did I, and then I hated each other a lot, but I still couldn't tell. I think this passage is so right. Instead of giving in to pressure and spending the rest of your life with someone you don't like so much, you might as well wait patiently and finish your career first. The right person will come sooner or later. Even if you don't succeed in your career, it's much better than casually letting yourself run out of patience and energy in an unspeakable relationship and eventually achieving nothing.

? 02- Marriage is 20% love.

And 80% of daily necessities.

Before that, I thought love was the whole of marriage. However, it was later discovered that if love is a flower, then "money" is the greenhouse to care for this flower. It is not that love is not important to marriage, but that the love of poor couples will be tested by reality. No matter how sweet love is, it is soaked in bitter and poor water. Today, I am worried about milk powder money, and tomorrow I am worried about mortgage and car loan ... How can the frightened couple have time to experience the sweetness of love? Over time, there is no fun at all. In reality, people are always willing to believe that "love is full of water". In fact, many people just make excuses for their incompetence and laziness.

Eg, I once saw an example, which was both angry and funny: boys and girls were college classmates and got married and stayed in Shanghai after graduation. Their house was bought by their parents-in-law. Although the house is quite small, it has always felt good. The key is that the young couple have a good relationship. Although girls earn more money than boys, because they all like literature and art, it is also good to talk about the philosophy and aesthetics of poetry. After the boys spit out the girls' pregnancy, they completely changed. Every day, they discuss Qian Qian's money, children's diaper money, children's money for attending private kindergartens, and money for buying school districts in the future ... They no longer talk to him about literature and art ... and force him to work hard every day to make money ... Boys don't understand, is money that important? Can't people have higher pursuits than before? Can't we learn from the origin of Anand and not compromise with the world?

This boy really couldn't figure it out, so he gave up his job with a monthly salary of 3,000 yuan and began to think about life at home ... This is not the pursuit of literary life, it is self-indulgence, shameless and beautiful.

Teacher Lian Yue said: From a man's point of view, what we really love is women. Wouldn't it be better to make money and let her live a better life? Isn't it a natural expression of love to let her have a house to live in and her wardrobe not embarrassed? You keep saying you love her, but you don't want to work harder to make money. You stay at home all day playing games and brushing Tik Tok, and finally you complain: Don't you just think I'm poor? You really worship money! Material you don't deserve poor but noble me! You know you're sick, but you complain. It's also ridiculous.

I am lazy, self-motivated, and ask the other person to love you wholeheartedly without asking for anything in return. What do they want? Married life is about spending money everywhere. You don't want to make money hard, but you dislike others' worship of money. What is the responsibility? In fact, in this era, whether male or female, everyone has the responsibility to open up territory for their families, so that their families can have plenty of food and clothing and develop freely. Teacher Lian Yue hit the nail on the head and said: There are so many good men and women in the world, and there are so many people who live and work in peace and contentment in any city. You're not one of them. I can't see any of them. Who is the problem? It's more likely to be yourself, and even if you curse the whole world, it won't change that.

? 03- Want to be better

You have to make yourself valuable.

A girl once said: There is a male god in my circle of friends. His appearance, education and work are all good, and I like him very much. But I am introverted, I am not very good-looking, and my work is not very good. Do you think he will like me? What should I do?

I don't usually give a clear answer to this kind of emotional problem, but I was reading Charles Munger, so I relayed a passage to her: "I am very lucky. I understood this truth when I was very young. The surest way to get what you want is to make yourself worthy of it. " Many people want to get an excellent spouse, and the better way is to make themselves better, instead of expecting the other person to be stupid or blind (but how can that be considered excellent) or trying to win each other by routine. In 2007, a personals appeared on the American Financial Craigslist. I'm 25 years old. I'm stunning and beautiful, elegant in speech and good in taste. I want to marry someone who earns 500 thousand dollars a year. I want to ask a question-how can I marry a rich man like you? Among the people I have been with, the richest man earns 250 thousand a year, which seems to be my upper limit. To live in a noble residential area west of new york Central Park, an annual salary of 250,000 is far from enough. I'm here for sincere advice. There are several specific questions: where do rich bachelors usually spend their time? Please list the names and detailed addresses of bars, restaurants and gyms. At what age should I set my goals? Why are some rich women plain? Why can't many charming beauties find the ideal rich man? How to decide who can be a wife and who can only be a girlfriend?

-Ms. Bowles The following is a reply from a Wall Street financier: Dear Bowles, I read your post with great interest, and I believe many women have similar problems to you. Let me analyze your situation as an investment expert. From a businessman's point of view, marrying you is a bad business decision. What you are talking about is actually a simple "financial" and "appearance" transaction: Party A provides appearance and Party B pays. But there is a fatal problem here. Your beauty will disappear, but my money will not be reduced for no reason. In fact, my income is likely to increase year by year. You can't be more beautiful every year. From an economic point of view, I am a value-added asset, and you are a depreciating asset, which not only devalues, but also accelerates depreciation! You are now 25 years old. In the next five years, you can still have a slim figure and a beautiful face, although it will drop slightly every year. But beauty will die faster and faster. If it is your only asset, your value will be very worrying after ten years. In the words of Wall Street, every transaction has a position, and trading with you is a "trading position". Once the value falls, you should sell it immediately, not hold it for a long time-that is, the marriage you want. This sounds cruel, but for a material that will accelerate the depreciation, the wise choice is to rent it, not buy it. People who earn more than 500 thousand a year are definitely not fools, so we will only associate with you and will not marry you. So I advise you not to dwell on the secret of finding a rich man to marry. By the way, you can try to turn yourself into a person with an annual salary of 500 thousand, which is better than meeting a rich fool. I hope my reply is helpful to you. If you are interested in renting, please come with me. Rob campbell (diversified industry investment consultant of J P Morgan Bank) means that if you want to marry a person with an annual salary of 500,000, it is better to make yourself an annual salary of 500,000.

Of course, the meaning here is not to admire money worship, but to elaborate a core idea. If you like someone, you know that the better way for ta is not to learn routines, not to make green tea, but to make yourself worthy of him. The decision is always in your hands, not in the hands of others.

? 04 ? love

There are some suggestions.

Because I have heard many joys and sorrows of love and marriage, I will give you some suggestions and thoughts.

1) The decision of marriage has always been in your hands. Many people complain that they are unlucky and can't find a good partner. Either your circle is not good enough to get in touch with high-quality objects; Either you are not good enough to attract high-quality objects; If you know that the other person is not good and you are reluctant to let go, it is more likely that it is not because of nostalgia, but because you know that you can't find a better one. This means that you are not strong enough, but the decision of marriage has always been in your own hands. Study hard, exercise, earn money and maintain, and your marriage will naturally appear.

2) Rich people are more likely to have happy families. A man asked a rich man, did your family ever have a quarrel about taking care of children and doing housework? The rich man wants to know why he quarreled about such a thing. Isn't there a nanny to help with the housework and take care of the children? My husband and wife are basically enjoying life. This is also why many people say that wealthy families are happier, not only in material superiority, but also in all aspects. So make money!

3) It costs money to be handsome and beautiful. A post on Zhihu asked how much money the goddess earned. After a beautiful woman was exposed, she gave her detailed list, which is roughly as follows: basic care: facial cleanser, toner, lotion, sunscreen, eye cream ... 20,000 a year for fitness and beauty: yoga studio, gym, beauty salon, SPA shop ... 65,438+500,000 a year for makeup: foundation, powder, primer, eyeliner ...

Dressing up beautifully costs1.2000 a year. ...

There is no denying that some people are born beautiful, but at a certain age, if they want to be attractive in appearance and body shape, they must increase investment in skin care products, sports, clothing and so on. These all cost money. And it's true that it's worth the money, and expensive things are really better to use.

4) Try not to flash marriage. I often hear all kinds of stories about flash marriage, but I always feel incredible. After all, marriage is a lifelong "partnership". You've only known each other for three months, and you've decided the next 50 years. Is it too hasty? It's like Parkinson's law. The more important decisions some people make, the more hasty they are, the more sloppy they are, and the more entangled they are. However, when many people reach a certain age and feel that they are old enough to get married, it is easy to get married, which ignores many problems of the other party. I don't rule out that flash marriage is very happy, but most of the cases I have heard have bad endings.

5) Choose someone who shines forever. Some people, when you don't love them, calm down and look at them, maybe they are not even fart. Some people, whether you love them or not, are gentle, frank and humorous, and are always worthy of liking. When faced with a choice, think about whether he is equally good if you put aside your irrationality. If so, choose the latter.

6) Don't be reluctant, any benign relationship is what you want, and begging will definitely have no good end.

The longer you stay single, the easier it is to ignore this.

7) Make yourself better. The essence of love is attraction.

8) Don't act in a hurry just because you are old.

In matters like marriage, "standing still" and "going through ups and downs" can't say who is good or bad.

9) Don't spend too much time on choosing, hesitating, guessing and worrying. If you meet someone you like, you can get along and have a look. After all, I can't see anything clearly from a distance.

Because whether you are single or married, the anchor of life is yourself first. If you can't handle the relationship with yourself, you can't handle the relationship with others. Therefore, first of all, we should try our best to make ourselves happy and take care of ourselves.

The above is about how to know that there is Zhihu in the proper profession, and about the sharing of marriage. I read How to Know What I Encountered. I hope this will help everyone!