Who can tell me some disgusting jokes? I am in a bad mood recently! ~

The fortune-teller and the young lady chatted, "Your life is not good." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen." "Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there are two big waves in life.

"

A psychopath sang in bed, turned over and continued to sing on his pillow. The attending doctor asked him why.

Mental derangement: Fool, of course you have to sing B side after singing A side.

Drunk: Honey, our house is haunted. As soon as I went to the bathroom, the light turned on automatically as soon as I opened the door. After urinating, the closing light went out by itself. Wife.

Scold: You spilled urine in the refrigerator again.

In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. "

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!

Q: Who is the most pitiful person in the world? A: Artillery company cookhouse squad soldiers! Q: Why? A: Take the blame for wearing a green hat and watch others have sex.

A pair of flies and their mother are eating. The son frowned and asked his mother, "Mom, why do we eat shit every day?" Mother said, "Don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it's hot!" " "

One day, 0 and 8, 6 and 9 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said, fat is fat. Why wear a belt! 6 without looking at 9, he said: Cool is cool, don't stand upside down!

Reasons for poor leadership: First, it doesn't matter, like a widow sleeping, there is no one on it; Second, it is unstable, like a prostitute sleeping, the top is always replaced; The third is disunity, like sleeping with a wife, one of our own always engages in one of our own.

There is a couple. The first child gave birth to a girl named Zhao Di, the second child named Zhao Di, the third child named cub cub, and the fourth child was a girl. Father was angry and named her "Unique Skills".

Dongbagou is very poor: dressing basically depends on spinning; Eating basically depends on the party; Getting rich basically depends on grabbing; Marrying a daughter-in-law basically depends on thought. West eight ditch is relatively poor: communication basically depends on roar; Traffic basically depends on walking; Public security basically depends on dogs; Sex life basically depends on hands.

A new life comes when people are happy, but the doctor finds that he seems to be holding something in one hand, only to find that it is a contraceptive when he breaks his hand. At this time, the child said, you tried to kill me an hour ago, so it is impossible for you to see it. ..

A man and a woman are making out. The man tried hard, but the woman didn't respond. The man was angry and asked, "can't you respond a little?" Can't even call the bed! "The woman immediately shouted," Sleep! ! Bed! ! "

The world organization space exploration, the British, the Americans and the Soviets are allowed to bring 60 kilograms of things, the British bring their wives, the Americans bring sports equipment and the Soviets bring 60 kilograms of tobacco. 1 year later, when the reporter greeted them at the airport, he found that the British and their wives came down with their children, the Americans became stronger, and the Soviets brought 60 kilograms of tobacco. The reporter was surprised, so he asked the Soviets that they had all changed. Why are you still carrying 60 kilograms of tobacco? The Soviets said, shit! Forgot to bring a light!

In the hospital, the family had a happy son. Children can talk when they are born, and children say grandpa! Grandpa died with a bang, and the child called grandma! Grandma died with a sigh, and the child called dad again! , his father! But I died before I fell in love at first sight! At this time, the child's uncle died with a sigh.

The swimming coach is straight and loud. One day, he saw a female student in a shopping mall. He said loudly, put on your clothes.

I really don't recognize it!

During the lecture, the zipper of the female teacher's pants opened, and a girl stood up to remind: Teacher, your door is not closed! The teacher waved his hand: Never mind.

The dean will visit later.

Modern beauty vows: confuse the mind of a 60-year-old man, seize the property of a 50-year-old man, dispose of his wife at a 40-year-old man and gird his waist at a 30-year-old man.

The pole is broken, and 20 years old revolves around me!

The next morning, the bride walked out of the bridal chamber in pain, holding the wall with one hand and covering her nakedness with the other, cursing: liar! What a liar! Before I got married, I said I had thirty years' savings. I thought it was money!

Boyfriend and girlfriend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a clear line: animals cross the border. Woke up and found that the man really didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: you are not even as good as an animal!

The next day, two men and women slept in the same bed again, but the woman drew a warning line. The man had his last lesson and crossed the line late at night. As a result, because

Nervous but unsuccessful. After dawn, the woman slapped the man again and said, I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal!

The father took his son to take a bath, and the ground was slippery. When the son was about to slip, he grabbed his father's genitals and didn't fall. Father scolded: damn it! It's a good thing that you came with me. You have to come with your mother to kill you!

The son came home and said to his father: The teacher said today that I "like father, like son", and the father scolded his son angrily: You must have done something stupid today!

Frogs and kangaroos went to fuck chickens, and kangaroos finished their work. I heard that they worked in the next room all night. One, two, three. Hey! Kangaroos are so envious! The next morning, the kangaroo said, "Brother Frog, you are great!" " Frog: Fuck! I stayed up all night.

The vagina is adjacent to the anus, and the tour guide said to the anus: Cyclops come in and out and you don't come out to help. The anus said: I hang two grenades in front of my house every time I come, which scares me to death. How dare you come out?

When the emperor saw his concubine's sad face, he called the doctor, who prescribed a prescription: eight strong men! The emperor was on patrol outside, and when he returned to the palace, he saw the princess radiant, and there were eight thin people kneeling in front of the temple. Emperor: Who is kneeling? Doctor: Slag!

A female soldier posing as a male soldier was sent to the operating room for rescue after being gloriously injured. After the surgeon came out, he said excitedly to the head of the delegation: It's a tragedy! His lower body was blown away, leaving only a seam, which I sewed.

The teacher took the students swimming and changed their swimsuits. A pubic hair appeared on the side of the teacher's swimming trunks. A student asked, "Teacher,

What is that? The teacher looked down at the embarrassment, broke off her pubic hair and said, "That's a thread."

My husband wants to travel far away and have fun with his wife. The wife says: My period is coming. The husband wants to adopt the backyard again, and the wife says: Hemorrhoids are broken. The husband was furious and said, if you talk about oral ulcers again, you will kill them!

The girl bought bananas, put them in her back pocket after getting on the bus, and reached out to catch them from time to time. After a while, a young man patted her on the shoulder: miss, please make way, I'm getting off.

The minister of family planning made a general survey in the countryside and asked the old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? L the old farmer replied with a simple and honest smile: relatives, hehehehehehehehehehehehe ... hehehe, too familiar, not easy to start!

Since I met you, you should be very clear about your position in my heart. Everyone is in my eyes except you.

This is a pile of shit, but you are different because you are. . . Two piles of shit

Admission notice: Congratulations, you have been officially admitted to the uneducated class of the Department of Barbarism of Oxford University. Please bring all kinds of intractable diseases such as dementia to report to Daydream Beauty Hall, Illiteracy Road, Retarded Street, Beijing.

Top Secret Document of the 16th National Congress: In order to improve the quality of the people, the State Council decided to sweep away a group of ugly and incompetent young people. You should pack your things and go out to take refuge at once. Don't thank me. Let's go! Be safe!

You come and I send messages to each other to communicate, frequent messages to each other are called letter climax, boring messages to others are called letter harassment, only receiving and not sending letters is indifferent, and only calling and not writing messages is called letter incompetence.

A quarreled with B. A scolded, "Your mother should have strangled you when you were born.

B retorted, "Your father should pat you on the wall!

An American boasted to an China person: We don't spit chewing gum at home, we recycle it and export it to China as condoms. China: What's this? We don't throw away condoms after use. We recycle them, make chewing gum and export it to America.

Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me.

I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you. ...

So ... I will be a cow and a horse in my next life ... and I will definitely pull up grass for you to eat. ...

Starting from tomorrow, the municipal government has decided to drive away all the young people with mental retardation who are ugly and detrimental to the city appearance!

Hurry up and pack your things, go out and take shelter, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember!

Two turtles met on 1997 after having sex on the beach for a year, and then met again. The next year, the male turtle came to the beach early and found the female turtle.

I have been waiting there, very happy, eager to move forward, the mother turtle cursed; If you don't turn me over when you're fucking done, I'll be here in the sun.

It's been a year.

When I met God that day, he said that he would grant me a wish. I said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to handle. I took out your photo, hoping that he would make you more beautiful. God took your photo and said, "Take the globe, and I'll have another look."

My wife is a Cao system, once installed and uninstalled, it will be very troublesome. Xiaosan is the internet, a millet with unlimited scenery and constant spending.

This is a tablecloth. You can change it every day if you are interested.

On behalf of the CPC Central Committee, the State Council, the National People's Congress, the Central Military Commission and the offices of Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan, I strongly protest to you: Why didn't Taiwan Province Province appear on the map of China left by your bedwetting last night? ! ! Remember to put on makeup tonight! ! !

Ants and centipedes are married. After the wedding night, he asked the ant what he thought. The ant said angrily, no, pulling one leg and pulling the other ... damn, he was making fun of me all night!

The names of gamblers are different in every country. It is called Daoguang Silver in Japan, Susliva in Russia and South Korea.

Kindersu is called John Johnson in the United States, Sue Anyi in China and rioual Bess in Germany.

A person was constipated when he went to the toilet, and suddenly he saw a person rushing in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast!" "Envy? ! I haven't taken off my pants yet! ! "