What is the sketch script of Zhao Benshan's Shi Shuo Er?

[Baiyun]: Don't eat. You said that you ate three boxes in such a short time, which made the auditorium smell of leeks everywhere and didn't like to come out with you. You said your score was too low.

Alas! Remember, when recording programs in the future, don't talk too much. Have you listened? Don't tell the truth like Tieling platform. That's a real pity. Watch me deal with him, okay? Don't say anything, okay? Good boy, ah.

Alas! Why don't you think this trav has come yet? It's so rude to treat people like wrists! Tieling station will wait for us for a few hours. You said this on CCTV. ...

[Cui Yongyuan] Ouch! Sorry everyone, sorry I'm late, sorry. You know, I didn't sleep well last night. Ouch! Aunt and uncle are here! [Baiyun] is coming. [Cui Yongyuan] Hello, Aunt.

[Baiyun] Ah, hello. [Cui Yongyuan] Hello, uncle. ...

[Baiyun] Oh, you have to start quickly. Ah, there are two more columns below us. Ah, both. Come out. This Beijing TV station and Tianjin TV station have to give some face. Say your opening remarks quickly. Let's get started, ah.

[Cui Yongyuan] is more familiar than me. Dear friends, welcome to Xiao Cui Shuo Shi ... [Black Soil] Hiccup!

[Cui Yongyuan] Six years ago, I interviewed an old couple from the Northeast, so ... [Black soil] burps!

[Cui Yongyuan] Six years have passed. What changes have they made? Today ... [black soil] burps!

[Cui Yongyuan] I'm ... I'm much better now [Black Soil]. [Baiyun] It's windy. Go on with your story.

[Cui Yongyuan] Hey, I don't even know what to say.

[Baiyun] You said that you were a good host, and your adaptability was so poor that you were fooled by a few hiccups. Guess what? Sit down and I'll interview you first. [Cui Yongyuan] Okay.

[Baiyun] What's the matter, Cui? I haven't seen you for six years. I heard you were depressed? [Cui Yongyuan] It's all spread to Tieling?

[Baiyun] Are you better? [Cui Yongyuan] Much better!

[Baiyun] Don't pretend, you put your uncle and aunt here. What are you pretending to be? It's all written on your face.

[Black Soil] Yes, your face used to be in distress situation, but now it looks like an emergency gathering.

[Cui Yongyuan] They love to brag too much in Tieling.

[Baiyun] Take a present. I will bring you a holiday souvenir. Junior, you said ... (Black soil takes out lunch box) What the hell? This is really you ... (black soil takes out a book) quite memorable.

[Cui Yongyuan] Oh, Auntie, this book Confucius has been published. [Baiyun] Look at the title page. [Cui Yongyuan] Hey. [Baiyun] Title page. [Cui Yongyuan] "I'd like to present this book to Xiao Cui, for your trouble. I hope you can finish reading this book ... If you don't wake up, Aunt Baiyun is elegant. " Thank you [Baiyun] What else! What else! You take ... you pay. (Black Soil takes out handkerchief) [Cui Yongyuan] Ouch, uncle! Isn't this the handkerchief that those two people turned over? [black soil] gatekeeper face. [Cui Yongyuan] "Turn around, shake it, exercise and fall asleep every day, and the black soil is elegant." Thank you, uncle and aunt. You brought me a present. Thank you.

[Black Soil] I haven't seen you for years. Your aunt said to bring something for the children ... (Look at Baiyun and go back to your seat) [Baiyun] Oh, we were just worried that you didn't sleep here.

[Cui Yongyuan] Gee, my uncles and aunts are still concerned about my sleep. How about your parents' sleep quality?

[Black soil] I feel sleepy when I touch the pillow. [Baiyun] Heartless people have high sleep quality.

[Cui Yongyuan] Yes, a narrow-minded person like me can't sleep. [Baiyun] didn't say you.

[Cui Yongyuan] Ah, uncle, have you been happy these six years? [Black Soil] Happy! I sing a duet with more than a dozen old ladies every day ... (Baiyun stares at the black soil) [Baiyun] He engages in his folk art and I repair my publication. We care about each other in life and help each other in career. How can I describe it to you? ...

[Black Soil] I can make do with it, but how can I leave?

[Cui Yongyuan] Actually, I heard that there are some emotional problems between uncles and aunts.

[Baiyun] Gossip, absolute gossip, leaders without news are not leaders, celebrities without gossip are not celebrities, it is difficult to be a man, it is difficult to be a woman ... [Black soil] It is difficult to be a famous old woman.

[Cui Yongyuan] As you can see, this uncle is full of truth. It's a good thing I have a plan. Hey, uncle and aunt, let's do it another way. My aunt put on this earphone when I asked my uncle, and my uncle also put on this earphone when I asked my aunt. OK or not? Listen to music and relax.

[Baiyun] Lock him up. [Cui Yongyuan] Here, put it on. [Black soil] (put on) Oh, my God (take off), it's too loud! [Baiyun] Why did you say so much when I told you to button up? Hey, hey, go ahead, Cui.

[Cui Yongyuan] Hey, Auntie, why are you here this time?

[Baiyun] We ... came by special plane. [Cui Yongyuan] That's too expensive for us to buy.

[Baiyun] Don't report it, it's all small money. Now, you have money. Look at this dress. It's rich. Oh, it's too rich. Oh, it's all quite expensive ... [Cui Yongyuan] You are a mink! [Baiyun] Wrong! Mink cashmere

[Cui Yongyuan] Is it expensive? [Baiyun] Not expensive, 40,000. [Cui Yongyuan] Forty thousand dollars is not expensive? Aunt is really willing to spend money on herself! [Baiyun] Woman, be hard on yourself.

[Cui Yongyuan] Can I ask Uncle again? [Baiyun] OK. [Cui Yongyuan] Listening to music. (Take off the black earth headphones)

[Baiyun] Let me ask you, it's your turn. [Black Soil] This sound is quite loud.

Uncle Cui Yongyuan, I heard that you came to Beijing by special plane this time?

[Black soil] Ah, it's a brick tractor. [Cui Yongyuan] It's so cold.

[Black Soil] She wears a lot. It's all against the wind. Look at her clothes. [Cui Yongyuan] Aunt, is this dress expensive?

[Black soil] Old and expensive! I rented it for forty-one days. [Cui Yongyuan] Rent? How's it going? Did it work? Still have to ask. Ah, I'll ask my aunt again. Listen to music. [Baiyun] What are you laughing at now? I think there's something wrong here. Look at my gesture. [Black soil] Got it. [Baiyun] You ask, Cui.

Aunt Cui Yongyuan, tell me about your book. [Baiyun] Books? [Cui Yongyuan] Mm-hmm.

[Baiyun] There are many things to say when telling stories. So, where do we start?

[Cui Yongyuan] Let's talk about signing books first. [Baiyun] Book signing? [Cui Yongyuan] Ah.

[Baiyun] That guy's signing ceremony was quite big that day! That's really: gongs and drums are loud, firecrackers are ringing, red flags are flying, and people are crowded. Then push me under the table and the pile of books will fall down.

[Cui Yongyuan] Oh. Then I'll ask Uncle Baiyun again. Okay. Ask you, my book, my book.

[Cui Yongyuan] Ah, were you there the day uncle, uncle and aunt signed the book?

[black soil] didn't sign the book. [Cui Yongyuan] No? [Black soil] is all white!

[Cui Yongyuan] So, did Aunt just say "a sea of people"?

[Black Soil] Oh, Mom, I heard that the whole town went to get books for free, so I went back to put up the wall. That man is in the left building and the right building. Later, when I went to the toilet, I saw such a thick stack of books. (Parents high-five) [Cui Yongyuan] Aunt, give me the earphone. [Baiyun] The IQ is quite high. [Black soil] Yes.

[Cui Yongyuan] That's it. Just now, I asked my uncle and aunt the same question.

[Baiyun] Yes! [Cui Yongyuan] But you two answered ... [Baiyun] Mm-hmm.

[Cui Yongyuan] Not at all. Well, I'll put on my headphones and listen to music. You work in pairs.

[Baiyun] No, why, what did you say? How did we get here? [Black Soil] I came by tractor.

[Baiyun] Where's my skirt? [black soil] rented for forty-one days. [Baiyun] Where's my book?

[Black Soil] I did what you did. Didn't you say you were completely glued to the wall? Finally, read in the toilet.

[Baiyun] I told you not to tell the truth. Why don't you remember?

[Black soil] Then there is no way out. His things have been detained. This child is not good at school! I said he would go. Trav. (Cui Yongyuan takes off her headphones)

[Black Soil] You put it on. (Thumbs up) You are a bad student, you are so insidious! You don't blame yourself for not sleeping. You have too many brains. You should, ah! [Cui Yongyuan] Ah, thank you!

[Baiyun] Their hosts are all like this! Tell you, from now on, don't say a word, don't say a word, do you hear, remember? Say something! [Black Soil] Why don't you shut up? !

[Baiyun] It's too difficult to cooperate with you. You said I had no tacit understanding in my life! Trey, take it off.

[Cui Yongyuan] Hey (takes off headphones). [Baiyun] Let's keep talking. [Cui Yongyuan] Good! Then I'll ask uncle another question. (Black soil indicates that Cui Yongyuan can't speak) [Cui Yongyuan] Ah? [Baiyun] Huh?

[Cui Yongyuan] Ah, what's the matter, uncle? (Black soil covers your mouth)

[Baiyun] Ah, he has a stomachache. Say you have a stomachache. (Black soil covers the stomach) [Baiyun] Why is this still hanging?

[Black soil] (clutching his stomach) Where is his stomach? [Cui Yongyuan] Oh, aunt, your family education is really strict! Uncle will be hurt where you hurt him. [Baiyun] No, he's, uh, not feeling well. Ask me.

[Cui Yongyuan] I just read your book. The first chapter is called "going home". Probably the last time I watched the program and went back to Tieling. Is it particularly spectacular?

[Baiyun] How can it be called "special" spectacular? This is "quite" spectacular! That guy, the scene is really big, really: gongs and drums are loud, firecrackers are ringing, red flags are flying, people are crowded, so ...

[Black Soil] Xiao Cui, I beg you, let me put this thing on! [Baiyun] (takes off headphones) Is what I said false? [[Baiyun] Then why are you hiding it? ! [Black soil] I have a stomachache.

[Baiyun] Why is it so annoying? Cui, keep asking, ah. Ignore him, he has never seen the world.

[Cui Yongyuan] I know. In fact, my aunt has seen a lot of the world since she became a celebrity. Does she take part in many activities?

[Baiyun] Quite a lot. All day, we just performed everywhere, gave speeches everywhere and cut the ribbon.

[Cui Yongyuan] A lot of appearance fees, right? [Black Soil] She is eighty and I am forty. [Baiyun] After tax.

[Cui Yongyuan] Where did you cut the ribbon? [Baiyun] Both are large and medium-sized enterprises.

[Black soil] Pancake shops, blacksmith furnaces and so on. [Baiyun] Ah ... There is a big chicken farm in our country, and I cut it all down. [Black Soil] Yes, she got bird flu after cutting it, and the next day. At that time, more than 10,000 chickens died, and finally she was nicknamed "Yijian". [Baiyun] Will you suffocate if you don't talk? Can I choke you? ! [Black Soil] I can suppress madness. [Baiyun] Why is it so annoying? You said you were. ...

[Black Soil] Tell the truth ...

[Baiyun] I don't want to say that your business has brought you a blow and left you with face. (To Cui Yongyuan) I don't want to say anything about him! You said just him, so people can go out and sing. Can you sing with this voice? That day I went to our nursing home to sing for others. Seven old people were sitting in * * *. He shouted out and fainted six.

[Cui Yongyuan] Isn't there another one?

[Baiyun] Another dean refused to let go of my hand. That guy can shake hard. "Elder sister, eldest brother this voice is too sudden. I can't take it anymore. Let big brother go home quickly. People sing for money. He sings like hell! "

[Black Soil] Hello! You have to give a speech in a mental hospital. [Baiyun] Mm-hmm.

[black soil] said a day and a night. [Baiyun] What's the matter? All the mental patients were discharged from the hospital. [Cui Yongyuan] It works.

[Black Soil] The doctor is crazy. [Baiyun] Which doctor is crazy, let me ask you? [Black Soil] Dr. Cui is crazy.

[Baiyun] Dr. Cui? ! [Black Soil] Little Doctor Cui.

[Baiyun] How can you talk so irresponsibly? You said you ... Trey, don't eat your heart. He didn't say anything about you. So ... What about this Alzheimer's disease? I forgot to take my medicine when I went out. Cui, let's continue to talk about literature so as not to interrupt him. Why is it so annoying? You said you ... [Cui Yongyuan] Well, that aunt, let's talk about your book. [Baiyun] Mm-hmm. [Cui Yongyuan] I heard that your Zi Yue 2 is being written.

[Baiyun] There are more than ten thousand words of 10 before the deadline. [Black Soil] Oh, my God ~ ~ ~ [White Cloud] What's wrong? !

[Black soil] I have a stomachache. [Baiyun] Hold on! ! (To Cui Yongyuan) You ask! ! [Cui Yongyuan] Ouch! (The book falls to the ground)

[Baiyun] Go ahead, Cui. You keep asking. [Cui Yongyuan] I heard that, er, readers are particularly looking forward to it?

[Baiyun] How do you say "special" expectations? That's "quite" expectation! That guy, er, wanted to watch Zi Yue No.2 after watching Zi Yue No.1, but he held back.

[Black Soil] Well, that's true. That is "quite" uncomfortable! Well, when the village head came to my house, he blocked the door and said to you, "Don't let your wife go anywhere, just write Zi Yue II, because there is no paper in the toilet at the head of the village." [Baiyun] Xiao Cui, I beg you that CCTV will ban me. I'm leaving. I'm not recording.

[Cui Yongyuan] Hey, why did Auntie leave again? [Black Soil] What are you doing? [Cui Yongyuan] Stop, stop, and then go?

[Baiyun] What are you talking about? You said I was going to refer to this program again, but you stripped this guy ... it's all live, watch! [Cui Yongyuan] It's okay. The ratings of this program are very low.

[Baiyun] Not even low. I'm a celebrity the size of white clouds. I'm leaving.

[Black Soil] Let's go! Show off in an ostentatious manner. What the hell are you? ! What celebrity are you? That's a personal name! Why do you think you are like this? ! You just, uh, recorded Tell the Truth once. Why did you do this to you, huh? I am a little old man and a little old woman in the countryside. What book should I write? Write a book before you graduate from primary school! You see, this family has suppressed six words in seven days. [Baiyun] Why?

[Black Soil] I don't like to talk about you, just tell the truth. How tired you are living here, are you? You're floating. You can't tell when the wind is strong and your clouds are floating away.

[Baiyun] What's the matter? Your black soil is capable and floating.

[Black Soil] I float like a sandstorm. You go, ah. Trey, I'm sorry. [Cui Yongyuan] Nothing.

[Black Soil] Your aunt is not your aunt six years ago, and your uncle will always be your uncle.

[Cui Yongyuan] Why does it sound so awkward?

[Black soil] Don't be awkward. Didn't leave the last sentence. Will grandpa record it for you? I said, sit down.

[Baiyun] I thought about the last sentence, but I haven't said it yet. I also want to say. Why? [Black Soil] Aren't you going?

[Cui Yongyuan] Oh, you see, the ratings of this program are already low. When you say you want to broadcast it, the ratings are "quite" high. Hey, aunt and uncle, our program has been changed. In the end, not one sentence is suitable for everyone. This is a talent show. Look, I prepared this fan for you, one for each person, and this is yours.

[Baiyun] I don't want it, give it to him! [Black Soil] "Writer", you can't have this thing.

[Cui Yongyuan] Talent Show? You ... look at the handkerchief I brought you as the leader. (Drum handkerchief)

[Black Soil] Where did you clean the glass for this talent show? This thing should not be like that. It should be like this. I'll catch it. Look at that. [Cui Yongyuan] Hey!

[Black Soil] Look, look. Take this thing, throw it out and get it back. [Cui Yongyuan] Hey, all right. Hey, let's welcome uncle to perform a duet for us, shall we? [Black Soil] There is no one around me.

[Cui Yongyuan] Is Aunt there? [Black Soil] She can't sing. [Baiyun] Nobody invited me either.

[Cui Yongyuan] Please. [black soil] old beard. (Handing the fan) [Baiyun] Sample. [Black Soil] What are you going to do?

[Baiyun] Change clothes. (Performing a duet) [Black Soil] My wife! [Baiyun] What? [Black soil] Come on!

[Cui Yongyuan] Come on, cheer for uncles and aunts! [Black Soil] Please, I haven't sung for years! [Baiyun] Sing, let's go. (Singing) [Baiyun] Come to the Spring Festival in the first month. [Black Soil] Baiyun Black Soil came to the TV station.

"White clouds" talk about the past, "black soil" can't talk together. [Baiyun] He said black, I said white,

[Black Soil] She impersonated me. [White clouds] can't be erased in front of Xiao Cui, and [black soil] dare not tell the truth.

[Baiyun] [Black soil] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [Cui Yongyuan] It's all real. [Black Soil] Why is there a nickname? [White Cloud] [Black Soil] People float up, mm-hmm. [Baiyun] Boiling water doesn't ring,

[Black soil] didn't open when it rang. [Cui Yongyuan] Breaking enough paper to transmit information.

[Baiyun] notebook points, [black soil] solid. [White clouds] black is black, [black soil] white is white.

[Cui Yongyuan] Black and white can't be reversed.

[White clouds] [Black soil] When you are sleepy, go to sleep quickly, and wake up when you sleep well. Hey hey hey hey hey hey.