Humorous sentences that make girls laugh.

1. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as hazy as fog, as romantic as the moon, as warm as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as an ox, as long as a tortoise and as lovely as a rabbit. In a word, you are nothing like human beings!

Do you know what is the most painful thing for a man in his life? No wife. Do you know what is more painful for men? Had a daughter-in-law, and ran away with others.

If your wife and your lover fall into the water at the same time, would you rather find a plump one or a petite one? Still looking for people who can't swim.

4. The population is heavy, so it is planned to ban coke and drink urgent syrup instead.

When I feel deeply inferior to my appearance, I will think, ok. When I get rich, I'll have sex with everyone. When I have money, I will go for plastic surgery. The doctor looked at me and said that money can't solve all problems.

6. If you are dissatisfied with your present job and feel that your career has reached a bottleneck, then pursue a higher education, so that after graduation, you will understand that your previous failure seems to have nothing to do with your education.

7. The rich man said in an interview that it is hard for you to imagine how much I suffered when I was young. I worked as a scalper, porter and smuggler ... Reporter: We have all seen these experiences make you successful. The rich man said, no, I finally married a rich wife.

8. As long as you persist in self-study, study hard, have a correct attitude, and endure loneliness every day, the final victory must belong to those who play well in the examination room.

9. What do young people make a living? First-class young people rely on birth, second-class young people rely on relationships, third-class young people rely on talent, fourth-class young people rely on hard work, fifth-class young people play literature and art, sixth-class young people play games, travel is not good, watch American dramas.

10. Only those with strong ability will be regarded as pure technicians; But only social flattery, will be considered to have no real talent; Therefore, in order to stand out in the unit, the most important thing is the relationship.

1 1. Q: What generation gaps have you encountered? A: Fill in the blanks with Chinese-related words in primary schools: After 60: He would rather sacrifice his life than betray the organization. After 70: He was afraid of sacrificing his life, so he betrayed the organization. Post-80s generation: It is better for him to betray the organization than to sacrifice his life. Post-90s: Betray the organization even if you sacrifice your life. After 00: Sacrifice your life in vain and forget to betray the organization.

12. You are very patriotic, very dedicated and have a lot of backbone. Don't speak ill of others behind their backs, and don't frame others. You are the least dirty person in the world. You have a high moral character and never beat others up. You are honest, kind and beautiful. Forgive what I just said against my will.

13. Happiness is that you are vegetarian and I eat meat, letting you know that you have to struggle; You ride a bike and I ride a car, so you are much healthier; You sleep in bed, I sleep in bed, and I help you. You pay for my guests, and the money-making engine needs to be warmed up; You drink water and I drink soup, which is dull and has a good time; You work and I am at leisure, and you inherit the glorious tradition.

14. That's it. I almost miss you. My eyes are blue at midnight. I forgot to give money when I bought something. I don't want to eat pork stewed vermicelli. 1+ 1=3 is not difficult. Zhao Benshan is Sun Nan, and I cried RMB into dollars.

15. The long road of life, whoever takes a few steps, who has to keep home, who has to get along with his lover; There is a cook at home, a good-looking one at work, a lovely one outside and a missing one in the distance; Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

16. Pay all wages, including unplanned ones; All leftovers are contracted, including spoilage; Do all the housework, including mother-in-law's; Thoughts are reported every day, including a flash of thought.

17. Today's confession was rejected. Reasons for girls' refusal: We are not from the same world, and we are not suitable. I want to say: am I a fucking Martian? Not suitable for earth people?

18. My greatest skill is to use cheap things and expensive effects. Such as cameras, microphones, and yourself.

19. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem. The problem is that I am poor.

20. The chicken's resistance is to make its meat unpalatable.

2 1. It is useless to think that if I am invisible, others will not find me. A woman like me is as dazzling as a firefly in the dark, no matter where she is.

22. Nowadays, people drink a little wine to install Bi. Keep talking. I just drank a pound and a half of beer. Is your stomach a sewer?

23. Even if you do something so difficult to get up, nothing can beat you the next day!

24. Big gold chain, small watch. Three small barbecues a day. Youth is dedicated to the small wine table. Being drunk is drinking. Social wine is drunk every day. Die at the small table sooner or later.

25. The family has money and drives a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, chug chug. At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke.

26. Eating food is kind, because I just want to eat every day and have no time to calculate others.

27. He broke up with me. I just wanted to reply, but he said it was sent to the wrong person.

28. Except Tomb-Sweeping Day, people in China can regard all festivals as Valentine's Day!

29. I sometimes wonder if I am too fat to enter your heart.

30. Every time I watch you eat pork, I feel very sad. The same root and the same origin, what's the hurry?

3 1. angered his wife again. It is no use apologizing. She walked around the room angrily: hum! I want to buy something expensive! As soon as I heard it, it turned around! Spend money to eliminate disasters! Immediately say: good! I will go shopping with you. Then we went to the commodity market and bought a washboard. ...

I hate Qin Shihuang. He burned the book, but he didn't finish it.

33. I went to buy water, and the boss said two yuan. I said the suggested retail price is1.a bottle of 5 yuan. The boss said: I don't accept his suggestion!

34. It will clear up when the school collapses.

35. oh, my god If you can't make me thin! Just make my friend fat!

36. The girl made coke chicken wings for the boy. The boy tasted it and said it was delicious. The girl also took a bite and said, liar, I don't know him at all. The boy said softly, fool, everything you do is delicious to me. A few days later, boys and girls died of bird flu. This story tells us that Hugh Ai En died quickly!

37. If we want to be demoted to Sri Lanka, we must first turn off its mobile phone, stop its traffic, steal its account and unplug its network cable, so as to bid farewell to scum and become a schoolmaster.

Taking a bath in summer is like washing vegetables for mosquitoes.

39. This summer, when you go out, you go into the oven, when you walk, you are spicy, when you sit, you are teppanyaki, or when it stops raining, it becomes boiled fish.

40. It suddenly occurred to me that Huo Qubing and Xin Qiji are lovers' names.

4 1. Actually, I used to be quite tall, but later I often took a shower and shrunk.

42. These days, no puppy love, no meanness, no cheating, no rebellion, no copying homework, no playing mobile phone, no one believes that you are a student.

43. The teacher confiscated my game machine, and when I returned it to me at the end of the term, I found that the games were all cleared.

44. I think we should be friendly to strangers, such as financial insurance, English training, study abroad services, sex hotels, matchmaking agencies, sales of infertility products and questionnaires. I always answer the phone with my ex-boyfriend's name and address patiently and kindly.

45. Meat, meat, don't rush your legs and chest if you can!

46. Time is like cleavage. Squeeze, there will always be!

47. I want to be a man and marry a good woman like me in my next life.

48. Just after being woken up, I heard a man in the community shouting: kill, kill, kill, back up, back up. This is the rhythm of great events! Look at what's going on, I quickly got up and ran to the window ... I went, and a man directed his wife to reverse the car!

49. My object is very good, elephants are also very good to me, and I am very good to horses, rabbits and dogs.

If no one in the world wants you in the future, you must remember that there is still me, and I don't want you.

5 1. Travel with good friends, and rest under the tree when you are tired. Suddenly a few drops of bird droppings fell on my face, and before I knew it, my best friend wiped it evenly for me, saying that your sunscreen had not been wiped evenly.

52. Uncle policeman, I lost my bag. Don't worry, it's my treat. Then give it back to me!

53. Yes, man is alive and he is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died.

54. What is loneliness? That is, the phone bill of 50 yuan has been used for three months, and it has not been used up ... three months!

I've always heard people say how cool it is to have a room. Finally, one day I couldn't help getting a room ... it's really cool to sleep in such a big bed alone!

It is said that all parts of the country are mourning for a guy named Hot this summer-it's too hot!

57. During the lecture, the zipper of the female teacher's pants opened, and a girl stood up to remind: Teacher, your door was not closed! The teacher waved his hand: whatever, the director of education will come to inspect it later.

58. The next morning, the bride walked out of the bridal chamber in pain, holding the wall with one hand and covering her nakedness with the other, cursing: liar! What a liar! Before I got married, I said I had thirty years' savings. I thought it was money!

59. Cherish the dark-looking person around you, because one day a coal mine truck passes by, and you may never see him again.

60. Don't ask me what I missed. I miss someone now.

6 1. Parent-teacher conferences, like mistresses, are destructive to family harmony!

Q: Have you ever cried for a woman? A: I cried. Q: Who? A: My mother was beaten until she cried herself hoarse.

63. The electric fan is man's best friend. I asked the electric fan, am I ugly? The fan shook its head silently all night.

64. With my face value, in ancient times, I could support the whole brothel! You mean you look like a pillar?

65. A neighbor, a 4-year-old Zheng Tai Jr. She goes to kindergarten and loses stationery at school all day. His father was angry that day: you lost it for a day and didn't bring it back … As a result, the next day when I got home, I dumped a bunch of pencils and notebooks on the sofa …

66. My best friend has been coming to my house for dinner these days, and she eats very little every time. So I asked: Why don't you eat more? Girlfriend: Every time I lose weight and can't control my mouth, I want to go to your house for dinner. After all, no one cooks like you. You don't want to eat the second bite after eating the first bite. Me: Get out! ...

67. Life is boring, but fortunately I am cute.

68.what are you doing? I'm looking in the mirror. Why do you close your eyes? I'm watching me sleep.

69. Don't you know that you always dream about what I am doing, and I am busy?

70. Don't try to cheat me, or I'll play along.

7 1. The fortune teller said that I would meet an important woman in my life when I was eighty. Her name is Meng Po.

72. Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you.

73. Qianshan has been in love. Can you give me some advice? The world has its own true feelings, and giving a perfect score is also love!

74. If marriage is the grave of love, then blind date is to show feng shui to the grave, confession is to dig the grave, marriage is double suicide, empathy is to move the grave, and the third party is to rob the grave!

75. I always bow my head in class. The teacher asked me why, and I answered calmly and sank back. I suddenly remembered home!

76. You must scold me, because you don't know me well enough, because everyone who knows me wants to hit me.

77. Come to school early every day, ostensibly to study, but several people know that we are here to copy our homework.

78. As you say, hang the Southeast Branch.

79. I used to believe that I could turn my life into a joke, but now I just hope I don't turn my life into a case.

80. Don't believe any news without official denial.

8 1. What is your specialty? My boiled water is not bad

82. Since childhood, has anyone remembered it, which made your heart bittersweet? Yes, it's the uncle who sells candied haws at my door.

83. A beautiful sister paper asked me: Hi, do you have a girlfriend? I said excitedly, no way, sister paper picked up the skirt and turned around and said, do you think it looks good? My heart beat faster and I said, beautiful. Sister paper went on to say: well, I think so, too. My boyfriend gave it to me.

84. Some people say that it is easy to have an accident when you walk and play with your mobile phone. Lying in the trough scared me into running and playing.

85. Sometimes you don't know what despair is without hard work.

86.why are you so short? Because I've been in a mini!

87. They say that the chat ends with hehe, but I don't believe it. I sent a message to the male god yesterday saying: I like you very much. He said: Hehe. I replied: Hehe, a fucking wall. So I scolded him all night.

88. I kissed your face, all with cream, bb cream and sunscreen. I think I ate a lot of money in one gulp.

89. Do you mind if my breasts are small? No, I like the feeling of childhood.

90. I met a junior high school female classmate in the restaurant. She didn't remember me, so I reminded her: Do you remember the boy who was punished for kissing you in the Woods in junior high school? Her little face turned red at once, and she said with some excitement: You were the one at that time … I smiled shamefully: Yes, I was the one who complained at that time!

9 1. Do you want to cut the whole pizza into 8 pieces or 12 pieces? Eight dollars, 12. I can't eat it.

92. I feel bad today. I just want to say four sentences, including the first two. I quit.

93. I saw a couple making out on the road. So I ran to the boy and said, Brother, today's sister is not as beautiful as yesterday. ...

94. A man walks to the toll booth! It's nice to see a beautiful toll collector! The man looked straight, and the woman looked up and said, sweetheart! The man was overjoyed and said, little baby. The woman said again: little darling. Male quick answer: little baby! Just then, I heard a bang! Toll station parking pole falls! It's been bleeding. The woman said contemptuously: what a suck! I told you to be careful with the pole. Be careful with the pole. You don't listen! Give it back to your fucking child. Why don't I kill you?

95. You can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human.

96. A man and a woman are making out. The man tried hard, but the woman didn't respond. The man was angry and asked, can't you respond a little? Can't even call the bed! The woman immediately shouted: Sleep! ! Bed! !

97. Dialogue between a fortune teller and a lady: Your life is not good. Why? Because you have a bad omen. Can I take off my bra? No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there will be two big waves in your life.

98. Your Majesty, male and female servants have one thing to ask, please put them in the cold shoulder. Men and women can't stand these birds. It's too hot.

99. I used to be thin, and I will be thin in the future, so I will gain weight for a while now, or my life will be incomplete.

100. I don't feel happy at all sitting alone in a car worth tens of millions. The driver drove all the way, and I didn't want to enjoy the scenery along the way. I have many thoughts and ideas: What do people live for? Is wealth that important? Which is more important to a country, democracy or GDP? When will the rule of law be realized? Are you too hasty? I was meditating and looked up: Shit, the high-speed train missed its stop again.