See how others treat you, you teach me.

The title of this book, like a needle, went deep into it at first sight and really benefited a lot after reading it. It is no exaggeration to say that every sentence in it is classic and worth pondering. Let me summarize the knowledge points:

Foreword: Any bad relationship has your share of credit.

This book is divided into six chapters. Life is a choice: your mode determines your life. Keywords: The life you want is hidden in your life software. It is not the hardware that determines the height of life, but the software. In an instant, life is different from others. Belief is a key element in thought, which determines a person's direction of action and indirectly determines a person's living state. Because faith determines people's actions, and different actions will lead to completely different results. Your belief determines your behavior, and your behavior determines your result. On the other hand, the present situation of your life today is the result of your past behavior, and there must be a belief to support you in doing so under your behavior. If your beliefs don't change, your life will repeat the old pattern. Only by changing a new belief can you have new behaviors and new behaviors create new achievements. Therefore, to change our destiny, we must start with upgrading our life software. Your coping style determines your life. Be a builder, not a complainer or a runner. Happiness or pain is just a different lifestyle you choose. Of the seven emotions in life, happiness only accounts for one seventh. There are always benefits hidden somewhere that you don't realize. Things always have two sides. One advantage leads to another. When we try to resist those disadvantages, we will also lose the interests we pursue. Because you are happy, you are rich. Cherish what you have and express gratitude, which is the most effective way to eliminate psychological pain, no one! Most physical and mental fatigue is caused by internal friction. The best way to eliminate internal friction is to be upright. Every betrayal hides a broken heart. If there is no persecution, where will there be harm? In fact, behind every traitor, there is a broken heart. Personality is like the skeleton of the human body. With the skeleton, the flesh can be attached to it and form a good body. Character is also the skeleton of thought. Without this "skeleton", knowledge and skills may become accomplices of saboteurs. If you have been poor for too long, it may be your fault. One thing that keeps repeating is a model of a person. To make more money, you have to have enough shells. Living too tired may be a kind of "heredity". When you see your own pattern, change begins. You don't have much energy to bear the fate of others. There must be a positive motive behind every action. Who can save you but yourself?

Chapter two, observe your emotional pattern: repair your energy hole. Classic sentence: "envy" is better than "jealousy". What you pursue is not necessarily true happiness. Acceptance is not equal to acceptance, and contentment is not equal to being content with the status quo. Are you practicing? Or are you running away? You are tolerant both in the past and now. Everything you have is the best result you can create in the past. God, please grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change. Give me the courage to change what I can. Give me wisdom to distinguish the two. Don't lose your freedom by pursuing it. Without self-discipline, how can we talk about freedom? Some people are trapped in cages, but their hearts are extremely free. It's not the rules that really trap you, but your inner limitations. It is better to walk with the Tao than to fight and flee. Wherever we go, we always live in some kind of rule. Don't let your procrastination drag down your life. Accustomed to being protected, what to use to fight the unknown fear. What children really need is not advice but acceptance and support. People with low self-worth will subconsciously think that they don't deserve a better life. Therefore, they will try their best to stay in this safe and comfortable place. On the surface, it is because there is no motivation, or it is delayed by various other excuses. In fact, it is inner fear, or deeper, it is self-worth that determines all this. This is the reality of procrastination. Before you start to change, please face your fears. It is important to overcome fear, because if you can overcome fear, you can break through procrastination. If you break through procrastination, your life will be by going up one flight of stairs, your self-world will become bigger, and the possibility of life will be wider. Of course, only if you think you deserve a better life. Face the emotion, see it and accept it. 100% patience may not turn into gold, but it may cause disease. When facing emotions, we should see the true expression behind them. While suppressing negative emotions, positive emotions are also suppressed. Others hurt you once, why do you hurt yourself for many years? The point of forgiveness is the fault of others. It is better to heal your own wounds than to blame others. We don't have to forgive, but we can. We should accept anxiety and even thank it. Change is the only unchangeable rule in this world! Especially in today's fast-paced life, we are faced with more and more changes, which will inevitably lead to anxiety and anxiety. Anxiety will affect our sleep, reduce our immunity and seriously reduce our quality of life. Moderate anxiety has positive significance. Anxiety is not terrible, just not aware of it. When you feel anxious, try to focus on the present and ask yourself, what should you do now in the face of possible threats in the future? What can I do now to reduce possible losses in the future? So your attention will return to the solution instead of wasting your energy on unnecessary worries. The root of all problems lies in self-worth. Pain will not disappear, it will only dissolve in your life. Pain is self-inflicted. Eliminate the low-level pain, and there are higher-level pains. Tolerance and forbearance: if you can put it down, don't put it down. Every model has its roots, and only from the source can it be completely changed. How can a man with a big heart be wronged? Transcendence method: 1, position perception method. 2, timeline-look at today from the future, starting from the end. 3. See more value. No one can hurt you without your permission. If someone hates you, someone must appreciate you. What we can see is what others care about What you think of as self-confidence is just conceit. There is no failure, only feedback. True self-confidence can only be cultivated and grown from the heart. Free and easy is acceptance, indifference is isolation. What makes people fragile is also beautiful. There is nothing wrong with being angry. Anger is just a defense mechanism. Cause of anger: 1, when it is dangerous. 2. Perception of pain. (from the text) 3. The feeling of pain (from psychology) has no negative emotions, only negative behaviors brought by emotions. The most lively place has the loneliest people. I am really sad when I am sad, and I can be really happy when I am happy. Day and night alternate, there will be shadows when there is sunshine, and there will be sadness when there is happiness. A person who allows himself to feel all kinds of emotions is a truly healthy person. He is truly sad when he is sad, and truly happy when he is happy. Those who seem to be happy forever are not without pain. They just use numbness to shield their pain and make themselves look happy. Emotion is just a kind of energy, there is no difference between good and bad.

Chapter three, through relationship shielding: you taught others how to treat you. Everyone wants to prove that he is right. The other party can't communicate? Or you can't communicate with each other. Everyone wants to prove that he is right. When you criticize the other party for not doing enough 10%, he will naturally try his best to show you that he has done 90%, so the quarrel begins. In fact, both sides of the quarrel are right, but they stand from different angles and have different concerns. When you focus on what the other party has not done enough temporarily, you have invisibly put him in the "wrong" position, naturally triggering his defense mechanism and sealing his heart. How can you communicate with a person when his heart is closed? So, is the other party unable to communicate? Or make it impossible for each other to communicate? A "I know you" is worth a thousand words. There is no one who can't communicate, but you haven't found a way to communicate with him for the time being. Can you harvest love just by giving? Can your partner feel your love? Love alone is not enough in a relationship. There are five "languages" of love: 1. Text expression: for some people, only what is said is love. If you don't say it, even if you pay more for him, he still thinks you don't love him. 2. Quality time: the company that is completely together, the time that is completely together. 3, gifts: express love through some oily substances. 4. Service: Express love by doing something for each other. 5. Physical contact: kissing, hugging, touching, shaking hands, sexual behavior, etc. You cut my wings and complain that I can't fly. The best life is to follow the rules and not make mistakes? As parents, they always want their children to be obedient. It's just that they all ignore that when children obey, some precious things may be killed invisibly. This phenomenon is really heartbreaking in family education. Imagine, if every child follows the rules, obeys everything, and gets along with the world according to the existing traditions and concepts, how can the world change and develop and progress? Parents should dare to cultivate "disobedient" children. A very obedient child is actually a child deprived of most possibilities, because he will only do things according to his parents' wishes, and the fields that his parents don't allow or are limited by their parents' cognition are virtually closed to him. When such children grow up, some people will die at the age of 25 and be buried at the age of 75, as Franklin said. What they died was not the body, but the hope in their hearts and their firm belief in the infinite possibilities of life. How can a child fly without wings of soul? A child's wings are his curiosity and thirst for knowledge about the world. As parents, if you set limits for your children everywhere and ask them to obey everything, it will undoubtedly cut off their wings and stifle their childhood nature. A child without soul wings, how can you expect him to fly when he grows up? We tend to interpret the infinite world with limited cognition and imprison our lives in an invisible cage without knowing it at all. It's just that you limited yourself. Why hurt your children again? As parents, sometimes they don't even know how to get to the other side. How can they control and arrange their children's lives? Nothing is more precious than a promising future. What is more important than knowledge is a person's personality pattern. You are priceless, you don't need anything to prove it. I hope more parents can return family education from the knowledge level to the children's personality level, and set up a set of healthy beliefs and values for their children from an early age, especially to cultivate their higher self-worth. I think this is the core of family education. A breakthrough in a relationship will make you feel endless joy. A person's relationship with others directly affects his happiness. Without a good relationship, it is difficult to have a good life experience. Evolutionary stage of relationship development: 1, attraction period. 2. Appreciation period. 3. Habitual period. 4. Expectation period. 5. Disappointment period. 6, hallucination period. 7. Critical period. 8. Confirmation period. 9. Rupture period. 10, hate revenge period. The relationship with parents is the source of all relationships. Controlling a person is the beginning of his resistance to you. Security is a feeling of inner peace, relaxation, stability and freedom. Children have their own choices and life paths, so don't control their lives. What if I lose you and win the world? I love you very much, but I don't want to depend on you. There is no such thing as winning or losing between lovers. Self-awareness and change. Everyone needs love, support and sharing in a relationship. Dare to show weakness and admit that the talents you need to rely on are really powerful. Because he is far away from the helpless, hopeless and worthless viral belief. In the best marriage, I can see your relationship pattern. It is easy for us to see others, but we often can't see ourselves. Let your partner do it first. Everything that is not cured will be passed on to the children. Young man, believe in your creativity. Why did you become an ordinary person when you were obviously gifted? We have been denied, and now we begin to deny the next generation. Give your child room to grow freely, and he will surprise you. The tension is due to arrogance. The best gift for others is hope. Tension, Excellence means that you are right about things and not people. Seeing each other's value will bring us closer. I hate you, but I will be you when I grow up. Don't believe what the customer says, it depends on what he does. The significance of interpersonal communication lies in the response you get. Life is your own, and letting go of hatred can save you. How did you make him like this? People who can talk can be said to make people happy, while people who can't talk can be said to make people feel dead. This is because language can trigger some reactions in our nerves. Why did you do something bad with kindness? You must be responsible for what they are today. Everyone's heart is multifaceted, including angels and demons. As for which one is awakened, it depends on what language people around you use to guide. Each of us is destined to influence the world, at least the small world around us. It's up to you to make the world better or worse.

Chapter 4 "Change of mentality: lead a different life" Do you deserve a better life? Parents have their parents' fate, and we have our lives. Only when the inside is enriched can the outside be enriched. Maybe you're not really alive. Work can also be a pleasure. Life is long enough, and enjoying the flowers and scenery will not affect the achievement of the goal. Why can some people regard work as fun, while most people struggle to live in the torment of work? The internal composition of people: 1, loving parents: a part of a person who is naturally caring, supporting and affirming others. 2. Criticize parents: This chapter urges us to criticize, belittle, prohibit, punish and control others. 3. Adults: "Adults" are rational, objective, without feelings, based on reality, and treat others with a mature, objective, logical and rational thinking attitude. 4, obedient to children: inferiority and cowardice, easy to obey others, will appear naive, feel weak and helpless, will cater to the expectations of others. 5. Free children: innocent, lively, happy and comfortable parts like children. There are fewer and fewer people who can really "celebrate" now. A happy life means that you are happy when you do most things. Work accounts for one third of life. If you are unhappy at work, one third of your life will basically be in vain. Living without life is just a kind of low-quality living. Consciously focus on the harvest, things always have many sides, even if it looks bad, as long as you are willing, you can always get something from it. When you can see your harvest anytime and anywhere, you will naturally be happy like a child. Consciously design some celebrations for your life and try to work in an interesting and fun way. Just like the first time I ran in Central Park, I didn't forget to stop and enjoy the flowers when I was struggling to reach my goal. Our life is long enough, and stopping to enjoy the beautiful scenery and feel the joy and peace occasionally will not affect the achievement of our life goals. Escape from the "dead cycle" of life and establish a sustainable "positive cycle". Once you start a positive cycle, life will get better and better. The pursuit of security will limit our lives. It is better to plant your present career than to know the fruit in advance. When you pursue certainty, you are drawing a prison. I no longer wish you "all your wishes come true!" Is it really a good thing to get what you want? What we yearn for is not necessarily what we really like. Where is your vision, your world is there. Every difficulty is helping you reach a higher dimension. Life can be better if you want to. Our life depends on our own energy. Some people need to find their own value in others. If you have good thoughts and do more good deeds, life will be better. Sacrificing yourself is also a kind of selfishness. Is the antonym of selfishness sacrifice? The so-called sacrifice is actually for harvest. Sacrificial efforts can't buy more love. Don't mistake needs for love. It is difficult for people who are internally deficient to give love. It takes a lifetime to mistake demand for love. The success and happiness of marriage must start with you. Don't treat demand as love, even if it can satisfy you for a while, it can't satisfy you for a lifetime. Only when you are full of love can you meet another person who is full of love. Love yourself and make yourself full of love, which is the starting point of family happiness. All the cold in the world is hidden by warmth. Rude and unreasonable, in fact, because the inner pain has nowhere to tell. Being covered with thorns is actually a kind of self-protection. Humans can live to the present because they have learned to protect themselves by various means of defense. It's just that everyone protects themselves in different ways. Extreme people will turn themselves into a hedgehog with thorns all over, from simply protecting themselves to exposing sharp thorns to relatives and relatives. While protecting their own safety, these means are also easy to bring unintentional harm to people around them. Everything has cracks, that's where the light comes in. Kindness is not enough, but also wisdom. Why did you pay kindness and get hurt? Doumi, Xiongmi takes revenge. Get and pay are in a state of balance and harmonious relationship. On the contrary, when we help others, we will be attacked and complained, precisely because when we help each other, we make each other feel guilty. Life is like harmony, with others on one side and yourself on the other. One party gives, the other accepts, the other pays and the other gets. Only by maintaining balance can we not lean. Similarly, only when giving and receiving, getting and giving are in balance can the relationship between people be maintained well.

Chapter five, learn to accept imperfections: meet a better self. Do you know you're lying to yourself? In this world, some people always live in fantasy. Any kind of behavior consumes energy. Don't lie to yourself. Behind every need, there is a pocket waiting to be filled. Are you alone or lonely? Only when you fully accept yourself can you appreciate yourself. Is a horse that doesn't eat grass back really a good horse? Who gave us the condition of "no turning back"? One of the characteristics of enlightened people is that they have no judgment. Life is fluid, so don't stick to your own judgment. A horse that doesn't eat grass back is a stupid horse at best. Nothing is worth sacrificing the present and the future. How many people are sacrificing the present for the unknown future. The future has not yet arrived, but we have given up cherishing the present. Awareness brings me freedom, because after awareness, we can see our own survival mode, our desire for a better life and our neglect of the present, so we naturally have a choice. When our survival is really tested, we can temporarily choose to sacrifice the present, otherwise, there is no future worth sacrificing the present. Because life is made up of every moment! If everyone is unhappy now, the result will become meaningless. One day, you will also find that you did sacrifice the present, but not necessarily for a better future. You are constantly sacrificing not only the present, but also your whole life! It is the instinct of survival to plan ahead and look to the future. It is not the wisdom of life to live today based on the present. I hope we can all live in the present and enjoy the present! What is really shameful is that you have been trying to escape. Are you an all-around narcissist? There is no despair in the world, only desperate people. Nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory, and no one's life is smooth sailing. No matter who you are, you will always encounter all kinds of difficulties, and there will always be times when you feel overwhelmed. The only difference is that some people give up when they encounter difficulties and then shrink back and become victims. People like Xiao Li turn difficulties into opportunities to motivate themselves to grow and change. Just like a stone on your road, some people think it is a stumbling block, others step on it and make it a ladder for themselves to climb the stairs. A stone is a stone. A stumbling block or a stepping stone? This is not decided by the stone itself, but by yourself. The problem itself is not a problem, but how to deal with it. You dare not offend anyone, only yourself. Interpersonal relationships actually include relationships with yourself. Pleasing others at the expense of self-worth. You don't want to offend the people in front of you, you may have offended more people. Please can only make you get superficial harmony and short-term benefits. If you don't want to offend the people in front of you, you may have offended more people, including those important people and yourself. When you can broaden your horizons and see not only the people in front of you, but also other stakeholders, and at the same time expand the focus of time from now to the future, I think you will naturally find a way to do things. How much energy have you wasted to prove yourself? Can you prove that you are normal? Your value does not depend on other people's evaluation. Parents directly affect the formation of children's sense of self-worth What kind of person you become, what kind of achievements you will have. Can wealth and power determine a person's level? Change the level of life, sometimes one sentence is enough. People with rich hearts must be happy, peaceful and happy. So, do you run for fear or love? These two different motives determine different lives. When you are willing to choose to replace the original power of fear with the power of love, life will become better. Therefore, it is not what you have that makes you what you are, but what you are and what you will achieve. In the first half of our lives, we run with fear because we have to work hard to survive. Now, we can choose to awaken the power of love, even if the power of fear does not come quickly, at least, we are happy in the journey of life. Difficulties will light your way forward. The best way to face difficulties is not necessarily to solve them. Whether it is a stumbling block or a stepping stone depends on you. Difficulties are not terrible, what is terrible is that difficulties obscure hope. Saving money will not make you richer, and stingy love will not make you love. Know how to be grateful, and your life will be pleasantly surprised. Only by allowing different worlds can we see different worlds. To reach a higher realm of life, we must break our own solidified circle. Knowing a good person is enough to affect a lifetime. Our external behavior is the expression of our internal beliefs. The seven levels of life, which floor are you on? With money, can you live a high-class life? The process of rising to a higher level is the process of spiritual growth. The upward road is never crowded, just because the level is too low. It is not knowledge that really changes fate. If knowledge only stays in the brain, it has no power. Only through action can knowledge be transformed into strength. This kind of power can not only create wealth, change life, but also promote social progress. Real education is not to instill knowledge, but to open the door to curiosity. Growth is a process of constantly improving intelligence, expanding mind and accepting dissidents. The subtext of life is that the body only wants love. If you want to be taken care of, get sick! Physical pain may remind you of something. Disease is just a cry from the body after being treated unfairly. What you are desperately pursuing may just be your "nipple". Want to keep possession, in fact, is a lack of security in my heart. The sense of security you want can't be given by others. When you feel fear and anxiety, you are easy to be used and manipulated.

Chapter VI "Journey of spiritual growth: The right direction is not afraid of the long road". The road is not easy, but I still choose to go forward. Everyone will make what he thinks is the best choice at the moment. Sad Spring Festival travel rush hurried home, the arduous road of starting a business, the contradictory journey of marriage ... There are many, many difficult roads, but why do we still have to go knowing that some roads are difficult? Why don't we choose the simple method? A tree can't grow without roots. If a person has no roots, he will lose his soul like a lonely ghost. You chose the relatively easy road, probably downhill. The past is a thing, but the past is an emotion. Time can heal everything, but it doesn't include trauma. Scars exist to remind us and protect us. Scar is the mark left by the subconscious mind to protect us, but I hope we can remember this lesson and not make the same mistake again. The same is true of psychological trauma. Some things we thought were over, but when we think about them, our hearts still ache faintly. This kind of pain is actually a scar in our hearts, aiming to remind us not to make the same mistake again in the future. But "scar" not only protects us from the same harm, but also limits us from breaking through and developing our own lives. If these "scars" don't heal, they will pile up into a wall and imprison themselves in that safe but very limited space. From a psychological point of view, everyone can live a better life, provided that you are willing to heal the "scars" and tear down the wall built for safety. The past will eventually become a beautiful memory. Yes, there is no failure, only feedback! The main life goes on. Everything we go through is a process. Everything is worth learning. We can all learn from it. As long as we can learn and grow from scratch, we can heal the scars in our hearts. How can you get there if you don't start? Poverty can only stop the footsteps of cowards, but it is the ladder for warriors to move towards their ideals. If you don't cross it, you will stay where you are forever. The comfort zone is too comfortable, but it is easy to ruin the dream. Most people wait until they get rich before going out to play, but Qian Fan is different. She knew how to play before she became rich! What matters is whether you dare to take the first step now. A person who is willing to open his heart is powerful. Life won't last long if you indulge in the past. Don't give your life to a fortune teller! Life is not fixed, you have to create it yourself. Karma and will will affect your life. Karma refers to the causal law that controls all natural and moral phenomena. The greater your will, the greater your influence on the rest of your life. The pattern is actually your karma. If you see it and still don't make any changes, it is equivalent to giving fate to the past causal cycle and giving it to karma. But if you consciously make a wish, you may change your life for yourself! The greater your will, the greater your influence on the rest of your life. Only eclectic, your life will be more and more broad. People who do great things must be people who can integrate different ideas and characteristics. Much of our knowledge is based on past experience. Open and inclusive, the world is broader. There is a ghost in my heart, which may be the projection of my inner shadow. What is more important than cleaning the environment is cleaning our hearts. If you are in the right direction, you are not afraid of distance. The strange phenomenon of spiritual growth is actually the positive integration of his heart. Spiritual growth is a road, and we are always on the road. First, don't believe that a tutor, a course or a method is the only way to grow up. Secondly, the mentor is also a person. They are not perfect. Learn their strengths, don't imitate them all, and don't give up learning just because they have some defects. Third, be careful when making any major decisions within three months after the end of the course! Fourth, don't give up learning their courses just because the training companies themselves are not doing well.