Touch bone fortune-telling humor joke _ touch bone fortune-telling joke

Laugh and cry, cry and laugh. The story is for others to see, and the joys and sorrows are your own. The following humorous paragraphs and sentences on WeChat are very popular. Welcome to read!

One: Humorous jokes

1. A little girl got on the bus at night and said, Master, drive faster. There is a pervert chasing me. Then I heard someone shouting behind me: Nana, wait for me. Listen to me. As soon as I was happy, the car dumped that man as soon as it stepped on the gas pedal.

2. The stewardess on the train had a bad attitude and opened a hot spot with her mobile phone. The name is "Ask the stewardess for a free WIFI password" ... She is bored to death. ...

On the bus, I saw a couple as soon as I got on the bus. I went up to the man and said, "I'm pregnant." The man looked at me in shock, and the woman stared at me with wide eyes. The air froze for three seconds, then the woman slapped the man and got out of the car. Before I finished, I said, "Give me your seat?"

It is said that the learning degradation of two people at the same table can be divided into four stages. Did you do your homework? Yes, yes, did you do your homework? Lend me a copy. Here you are. Did you do your homework? Of course not. I didn't do it. Hehe, I'm dying. Did you do your homework? I don't know.

On the wine table, people who don't know much often say to me, "Big Brother, if you don't drink this glass of wine, you will look down on me!" " At this time, I usually drink the wine and say to him, "I did, but I still look down on you."

6. I was awakened by the alarm clock in the morning, and an angel and a devil appeared in my mind. The devil said, "Why do you have to get up for work when it's so warm under the covers?" The angel said, "What is the noise in the morning? People can't sleep! " "

7. I just missed someone during the Chinese New Year reunion, so I ordered first, and the restaurant served soon. When our classmates didn't come for a long time, we ate first until all the plates bottomed out, and the waiter's special service quickly took away all the empty plates. At this moment, my classmates arrived. He looked at the empty table and said, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long. Let's order! This meal is on me! Hearing this, we didn't explain, and silently picked up the menu again.

8. The goddess said, "I dreamed of you last night." I was surprised and asked, "What did you dream about me?" "I dreamed that my male god proposed to me, and you applauded and shouted: marry him, marry him."

9. My mother always urges me to get married. I said, "Don't worry, you have to believe that there will always be someone waiting for me." My mother thought about it and asked, "How terrible?" I'm speechless.

10. I took the bus today and saw a boy and a girl sitting together. The girl fell asleep at the window. The boy looked at the girl and kissed her face gently. The girl woke up. If they knew each other, what a beautiful picture it would be.

1 1. I accompanied my wife back to my parents' house and stopped a taxi. I asked, how much is the master going to the railway station? The driver said 10 yuan, and the hobo's wife said: 15 is it ok for two people? When I go to your mother's house, I must let my father-in-law return it!

12. A new girl has a happy name. Colleagues said how happy your family was when you were born. My sister said, my name is Bai, and the world suddenly became quiet.

13. My mother's youngest nephew just complained to her, Auntie, why don't girls want to associate with me? I'm actually kind. The old lady replied, good boy, kindness is invisible, ugliness is visible.

14. To test whether a boy likes you, you can stare at him 18 seconds to see if he will kiss you. To test whether a girl likes you, you can stare at her for 18 seconds to see if she will laugh. I don't think this experiment can succeed at all in Northeast China, because it is estimated that the following dialogue will take place in less than 5 seconds: "What are you staring at?" "See you zha of!

15. Brother-in-law, if you don't buy me an iphone6, I'll tell my sister about us. Haha, aunt, you are so naive. Your sister has said that if I buy her an iPhone6, she will let bygones be bygones!

16. A classmate fell asleep in class, had a nightmare, and suddenly fell on the table and stood up. The teacher cast a kind look and asked, "What's the matter?" The classmate said, "Teacher, I just had a nightmare." The teacher said, "don't be afraid, son, the nightmare has just begun."

17. A man came to the divination booth to tell his fortune. The fortune teller asked the man: Is Mr. Wang a fortune teller or a fortune teller?

The man silently wrote a word of money. After reading it, the old man said, Sir, do you want money?

The man nodded silently and wrote another word. The old man silently took out all the money and gave it to the man. . .

The man exclaimed: Oh, my God! You must be the legendary half fairy.

18. Today, I went to the supermarket to buy things and queued up to check out. There is an aunt in front of me. Because there was no change of 50 cents, I gave her 5 pieces of sugar. Aunt left impatiently, and it was my turn. I don't have enough money on me. The cashier said I was still short of 50 cents. Hearing this, my aunt took out five sweets from her bag and put them on the table. The cashier's face turned green.

Two: Funny sentences

1. Reporter: According to a recent poll, people pay little attention to current affairs at home and abroad. Congressman, what do you think of this? Congressman: I don't care if I have opinions.

Second, do two bug experiments. The one in the whiskey died, which proves that there are no bugs in the stomach when drinking whiskey.

Third, "Will people feel sad when they walk in tea?" "This is not sad. Sadly, people left and cheated me of my teacup. "

4. When you can't help crying, keep your eyes open and don't blink. You will see the whole process of the world from clear to fuzzy.

They all say that I am actually stupid, and I would rather wait for a man who will never come back than accept someone who loves me and loves me.

6. I tried to find the answer, but I had to choose.

7. If you can't be your bride, be your bride's maid of honor and tear up her wedding dress.

Eight, take what to kill you, my love.

9. Who knows the fragility behind the strength of three men?

10. If Beethoven is the father of symphony, does it mean that Beethoven's father is the master of symphony?

You should know that the future of Telunsu will not be too bright, so we don't have to be so pure.

Everything is a cloud, so I'm beginning to believe in donkeys now.

Thirteen, every time I am sad, I won't let you see it, for fear of going against my will. I only have silence.

Fourteen, I'll hit you if I hit you. Do we have to choose a date?

Fifteen, I hope that one day a schoolmaster will take me to self-study and brush thousands of questions.

16. Similarly, you will never see my loneliest time.

Seventeen, every time I accidentally drop the melon seeds I have eaten, I feel that there is nothing in life that I can't let go.

At eighteen, I want to go, but I don't want to die.

Nineteen, he is a relief without me, and he will live well.

Twenty, people must have a longing for tomorrow and a vision for the future, otherwise how can they take the pace of today?

Twenty-one, everything is a difference of thoughts. You can't fail me, so why give up yourself and become me?

You can't blame others for standing up straight and looking down at you when you are prostrate on the ground.

Twenty-three, you don't know who you love most until you are drunk, and you don't know who you love most until you are sick. . .

I am an angel, because of my weight, I can't go back to heaven.

Say sorry to yourself, because it is difficult to do it for yourself and others.