Tang priest fortune-telling sketch _ Tang priest fortune-telling sketch full version

Funny sketches, westward journey.

executant

Tang Priest: Xiao Liu Wukong: Xiao Wang Bajie: Zeng Ge Friar Sand: King Monster: Ge Yong Xiao Yao: Changzong and Longbu.

Music: boss

Opening: Music (Devils Entering the Village)

The four of them came in, singing (Cousin A also wants to drink, Cousin A also wants to drink, whether you can drink or not), and Bajie sang out of tune.

Tang Priest: Bajie, what's the matter? Why are you out of tune again?

Bajie: ........

Tang Priest: How can I teach you as a teacher? You can't if you can. You got it? Understanding is understanding, and not understanding is not understanding.

Bajie: I understand.

Tang Priest: You know, if you don't tell me if you understand, how can I know if you understand?

Wukong: Master, there is a pavilion in front. Let's go and have a rest.

Tang Priest: OK.

Wukong: Master, there is still a seat here.

Wukong and Friar Sand clean the stool. Pig cleaned up and scrambled to sit on the seat, which was pushed down by Friar Sand.

Tang Priest: Bastard. . . . . . . (Then sits down) Wukong, look where we are.

Wukong looked around.

Wukong: Master, we have arrived in Inges.

Tang Priest: Inges, it turns out that we have arrived at the Spring Festival Gala of Yinnong Company.

Wukong: Master, the scenery here is picturesque, beautiful women are like clouds, and there is a crescent lake behind it. Why don't I take a picture of you?

Tang Priest: Good (happy)

Wukong took out his camera and took pictures. Friar Sand and Bajie grabbed the camera and stopped Tang Priest.

Tang Priest: (Stand up, angry) You two bastards, look at your ugliness, stay away.

Friar Sand and Bajie got out of the way, and Tang Priest posed for all kinds of funny winter photos.

Wukong: Master, are you hungry? Let me buy you something to eat. Do you want KFC or fried dough sticks? . .

Tang Priest: (just thinking) Oh, monks don't eat meat. Kfc, of course Go buy it.

Wukong: The old monk went (flew, but didn't leave). Brother Friar Sand, help.

Friar Sand: OK (Friar Sand kicks Wukong's ass)

Wukong: Go again (Wukong flies away)

Friar Sand: Master, you are thirsty. Do you drink Mengniu or Yili?

Tang Priest: Eh, I don't know how to be a teacher. As a teacher, I only look for Sanlu (Friar Sand).

Bajie greeted the audience: Hi, Hi.

Tang Priest: Bajie, you are greeting beautiful women again. Why don't you change your mind? Go and buy me a copy of Global Times.

Bajie: (Asking the Tang Priest for money) Master, look at the money for buying newspapers.

Tang Priest: Bastard, if you ask me for this little money, I will deduct your salary.

Bajie: All right, all right (flash)

Tang Priest sat on the bench playing computer and cutting watermelons.

Bajie appeared.

Bajie: Alas, I was a marshal of Tian Peng for a long time. Unexpectedly, when I was seduced by Chang 'e, the Jade Emperor found me, banished me to the mortal world and fell into the circle of Bajie. Now it is completely killed by this smelly monk. . . Alas. . . . My life is really bitter.

Bajie: Master, I bought you the Global Times published the day after tomorrow, and it was published the day after tomorrow (squatting beside the Tang Priest).

Tang Priest: Wow, you published everything the day after tomorrow. Really a good pig (stroking the pig's head).

Tang Priest: (reading the newspaper, Bajie playing with cutting watermelons) Gee, the financial crisis in the west may lead to great riots, so it is not dangerous for us to learn from it. . . I said Bajie. . Bajie Bajie (loudly)

Bajie: Ah, Master, what's the matter?

Tang Priest: Bajie, there is a financial crisis in the west. If we go to the west to learn from the scriptures, we may die. I think we can go to a nearby bookstore to buy pirated classics.

Bajie: No, Master. The quality of this pirated book is too poor to pass.

Tang Priest: That's right. These pirates are really evil. Piracy is not much better.

Tang Priest and Pig Bajie each played their own games, and the goblin appeared. (Music reminds me)

Demon: at the beginning of the demon, sex is like this. . . . Bitch (stuttering), hungry, want to eat. . . After the meal (stuttering), the snow closed the mountain for more than ten days. I looked at the road, and so on. The monk in front actually combed his hair separately. Alas, what a declining world. What a world. Judging from his appearance, he seems to be a monk of the Tang Priest. I heard that eating his meat can make you live forever. If my wife eats it, hahahahahahahahaha.

The monster walked beside the Tang Priest, who suddenly smelled the bad smell and covered his nose.

Tang Priest: Bajie, why is it so smelly? Did you take off your shoes?

Bajie: Master, I'm still a Bajie in front of so many beautiful women, so it's no good showing my face. Besides, I haven't taken off my shoes yet.

Tang Priest: Then why is it so smelly?

Pig smells everywhere, smells the monster.

Bajie: Hey, hey, master, monster (support master several times)

Monster: I dare ask, is that handsome guy in the comb Tang priest?

Tang Priest: Well, he knows me. I'm Tang Priest, everyone loves me, and flowers explode with cars. May I ask your name, Brother Yao?

Monster: I am the owner of the muck cave in the garbage mountain. It stinks. Tang Sanzang, do you know how hard it is for me to wait for you? Come with me if you are smart, don't make unnecessary resistance, but you know I am strong (gesticulating muscles)

Monk Tang Priest, Bajie was frightened, and monk Tang Priest hugged Bajie.

Bajie: Master, Master, me. . Me. . Urgent (Bajie falls to the ground and slides back). I'll be right back.

Tang Priest: You are brothers and loyal. How can you leave me alone?

Bajie: Master, my loyalty to you is like a torrent of water, and I can't stop talking, but I have to pee now. Please hold on for a while (run away).

Tang Priest: You, alas, I am alone (music reminds me, Shanghai Beach). Monster, to tell you the truth, I am the number one scholar in Baima Temple. Dare you fight with me?

Monster: Want to die. . .

Tang Priest: Shit. . In the bathroom. ,,,, Come on

Tang Priest and Monster: Two little bees, flying, flying (jumping) in the flowers, rocks, cloth and scissors.

Monster: (won) Hahaha, (slapped monk Tang Yan to the ground)

The Tang Priest was taken away by monsters.

Bajie: (Come back and ask the audience) Have you ever seen a monster? . . . . . . . No, gnome male-",fortunately, I ran fast, otherwise I would have lost my life to the old monk. Alas, what if Monkey Brother Friar Sand comes back to find my master? Hey, there's a pile of cow dung ahead. Used for makeup.

Friar Sand: Brother Bajie, you stink again.

Bajie: Monkey, I can't. Just now, a smelly monster came. His breath, feet and, worst of all, his body odor (gesturing with Friar Sand) made me unable to beat him. He took the master away.

Wukong: What, Master was taken away by a monster? Bastard, you still owe six months' salary. If he was eaten by a monster, we would have been busy for six months. Brother Friar Sand, let's go and save Master.

Friar Sand: OK.

Three people dance, dance (music, Jiangnan style)

The third brother left, and the monster appeared (the monster was carrying the Tang priest, followed by the little demon)

Monster: (throwing monk Tang Yan to the ground) It's really Bajie's weight multiplied by four (finger gesture 2).

Demon: Your Majesty, that's 2.

Monster: I know, this is 3 (finger strokes 4)

Monster: (looking at the monk Tang Priest) Hey, you, since having you, the world has become so beautiful, and you will live forever and remain young. Your wife is like Chris Lee.

Xiao Yao has been sharpening his knife.

Tang Priest: I still owe my disciples six months' salary, so I can't be their cattle and horses at ordinary times. It seems that they will definitely not come to save me. It seems that I can only influence these monsters with my golden words.

Tang Priest: (staring at the little demon) Brother Yao, there is no need to sharpen the knife in such a hurry. Have a chat with me. (Standing up) I think Tang Priest is proficient in eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, and his deception is first-class. Chatting with me will benefit you a lot.

Small demon: Come back (demon sounds evil, continue to sharpen the knife)

Tang Priest went back to squat.

Tang Priest: Brother Yao, being a demon requires human nature. More human, not a demon, but a shemale.

Demon: Bah. . Your grandfather's grandfather

Tang Priest: (wiping his face) Oh, Brother Yao, it's raining. What you said about your grandfather's grandfather was really remarkable. It's three points worse than my judgment on your grandfather. Let me ask you one more question. Will you let me go, let me go, or let me go?

Small demon: dreaming (continue to sharpen the knife)

Monster: Steamed, braised or fried, that's a real problem. I said, little demon, my body is dirty, but my stomach is still clean. I can't eat anything unclean. (pointing to the Tang Priest) Hey, take out everything in your stomach before we eat it badly.

Demons and goblins dragged Tang Priest off the stage.

Tang Priest: You. . Guys. . This is the extinction of the devil.

Wukong, Bajie and Friar Sand: (Singing in chorus) Come back quickly and bring back my salary. Come back, come back, and bring my salary back.

Bajie: Brother Monkey, this hole in front stinks. The master must be in there. Go in and save master.

Friar Sand: Yes, Brother Monkey, please go.

Wukong: What?

(Friar Sand sings as he retreats): Brother Monkey, go forward boldly, go forward.

Wukong: Well, I don't need your help, monster Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong.

Monster (inside): Huh? Look who is making noise outside the hole.

Small demon: (running out to have a look, then running back) Tell your majesty that there are three messy things outside.

Monster: What? Let me have a look. (imitating the sound of opening the door) Bah, it turned out to be a smelly monkey.

Wukong: (The monkey shouts to step on the monster's foot and then step back) Listen to me, monster. I am Buddha, Jade Emperor and Guanyin Bodhisattva. I am an envoy sent by Tathagata, Monkey King of Huaguoshan, the Monkey King, the Monkey King and Great Sage Wukong. What's the matter? Did you hear my name?

Monster: Never heard of it.

Demon: Your Majesty, (running to Wukong) I am a fan of yours. Please give me your signature.

(Pig and Friar Sand bow their heads): Don't be infatuated with me, I'm just a legend (one person says a word) (saving Tang Priest)

Monster: I'll be right back (gesturing to call back) (Little Demon returns, down) Stop talking nonsense, fight if you want, and it's unstoppable (gesturing) (Friar Sand and Pig take Tang Priest aboard)

Wukong: I'm leaving. The tortoise sent King Kong.

Monster: I'm leaving.

(The little demon said): Your Majesty, the Tang Priest has been rescued.

Monster: Ah, transfer the tiger on the mountain, thinking that my IQ is as high as 25.6438+0 and being cheated, it seems that I have to try my best, monkey.

Wukong: Where, where, where (falls down)

(Tang Priest fell to the demon): I really raised you (to the demon) for nothing. Brother Yao, have you eaten?

Monster: What's the matter?

Tang Priest: The weather is good today.

Monster: Yes.

Tang Priest: Ah, see you later (turning and running back, caught by the monster). Do you have something to do?

Monster: (Pushing Tang Priest) Run, you run, you are weak in running errands, and no one will come to save you (Tang Priest is pushed by Bajie)

Bajie: Master, even monkeys are no match for him.

Tang Priest: You are in a hurry again.

Bajie: It's really my parents who gave birth to me, and also our master who knows us (and then pushed the Tang Priest to the monster).

Tang Priest: Bastard, it seems that the teacher can only do it by himself, monster.

Monster: Looking for shit again?

Tang Priest: Hey, I told you, shit is in the toilet. Look at me. Dangdang Dangdang Dangdang Dangdang Dangdang (hiding behind Friar Sand) took my mobile phone.

Friar Sand: OK (takes out his cell phone from his pocket and hands it to Tang Priest)

Tang Priest: I won't move. You really don't know who Tang Tang is (on the phone). Oh, hello, sister Guanyin? Tang Tang? I'm caught by a smelly monster now (sobbing). Come and help me (cry). Oh, are you busy taking a sauna? Are you too bad? Oh, are you going to say a spell to me? All right, all right. Is it okay? Oops (hi) oops, oops (hangs up and turns to monsters) Come on, monsters.

Monster: (had a fight) Aha.

Tang Priest: Set (gesture) (turn to audience) technology, demonization, Nokia mobile phone, great.

Friar Sand: Master, where's the monkey?

Tang Priest: This smelly monkey, useless guy, Bajie,

Bajie Ying: Hey

Tang Priest: The old way.

Bajie: OK (walking over and farting)

Wukong (getting up): It stinks, monster.

Tang Priest: Stop

Wukong: Why?

Tang Priest: We are monks, and monks are merciful. We should give young people who have lost their foothold a chance to turn over a new leaf.

Wukong: Master, aren't we going to raise him for free?

Tang Priest: Hey, why doesn't this brain understand? If we sell him, we will soon have money to visit the Century Happy Garden.

Wukong, Bajie and Friar Sand: wise masters (thumbs up)

Tang Priest: (looking around) Ah, it's getting late. Let's hit the road.

(Pig and Friar Sand take the monster down) The monster: I'll come again.