Fortune Telling Collection - Comprehensive fortune-telling - The sketch script should be funny (all four are men, maybe a woman). Don't be too old-fashioned, it's not for stars to play.

The sketch script should be funny (all four are men, maybe a woman). Don't be too old-fashioned, it's not for stars to play.

Journey to the West

It is said that Tang Sanzang led his disciples on a difficult journey to learn from the scriptures.

On the road, the three met a girl who was busy handing out leaflets and claimed to be a girl. Because her home was ransacked by thieves, she had to live on the streets and make a living by distributing leaflets. The Tang Priest couldn't stand the girl wiping tears in her clothes and begged him to let her go to the Western Heaven together, so he nodded.

Bajie picked up the leaflets that the girl didn't want and prepared to wipe her ass.

Wukong: Well, it's not my fault that I'm handsome. Bajie was too fat and weak, and Shage looked dull because he didn't shave, but I had to choose handsome.

Bajie (quickly takes out the mirror): Look, Monkey, I've lost a lot of weight. Now I only weigh more than 200 Jin!

Friar Sand: Brother Monkey, you are too ignorant and ignorant. What do you think of my beard? This is obviously art, art, you know?

Girl: Hehe ...

Bajie: Monkey, the girl who insisted on joining our "handsome trio" giggled again! I really don't know why the master is always full of sympathy and takes this girl in!

Wukong: Ignore her! (He grabs Friar Sand's beard) Nonsense, it's obviously a beard! Beard! Beard!

Friar Sand: Hey, monkey, be gentle. Let's not talk about how much little girls like my beard, which symbolizes maturity and stability. It's not a loss just to cut it and sell it.

Bajie: And my fat body ...

Girl: Hehe ...

Bajie: Monkey, don't be a peacock. Yesterday, a stunning beauty wrote me a love letter!

Friar Sand: Yes, yes, we are all more handsome than you!

Wukong (furious): You! Look at my "Flying 72 into a Meteor Boxing"! (Beating Pig and Friar Sand to the ground, crying for their father and mother) Say, who is the most handsome?

Bajie (covering his swollen face): Monkey Brother is handsome ... pleading. ...

Friar Sand (with a runny nose and tears, he picked up a lot of beards from the ground and was too sad to speak): ...

Girl: Hehe ...

Wukong: Girl, if you smile again, I'll kick you into the cesspit in the sky! I don't know what pity is!

Bajie: Monkey, just make that girl laugh! You know how honored she is to go west with us three handsome guys. It's strange that she didn't laugh for three days and nights!

Girl: Yes, Brother Wukong, I am a big fan of yours. You are so handsome, so cool, so cool!

Wukong (exultation): Really? !

Girl: Of course it's true. I've heard a lot about you since I was born. The first sentence I learned to say was "Brother Wukong is so handsome"!

Wukong: Hahahaha ...

Friar Sand (whispering): Flattery!

(Snake Cave House)

Snake essence: Damn maid, I told you to go out and buy me rouge gouache. Why haven't you come back for so long? I must have lost it again! (takes out an oval mirror) Mirror, mirror, where is my maid now?

Mirror: I don't know! Does Du You know?

Snake essence: Stop whining and tell me some useless shit! This is China! We will never allow foreign worship and flattery, okay?

Magic mirror (whispering: don't you speak the same bird language? ): Your maid changed as soon as she came out of the beauty salon. Where do I know her?

Snake essence (sneer): It is said that breaking the mirror and grinding it into a face will have unexpected beauty effects. I really want to try!

Magic mirror (thinking, just saying): Oh, no, no, no, it seems that she probably kissed the Monkey King's ass in a small pavilion not far from here!

Snake essence: the Monkey King? Oh, my God! My baby Tang Priest is here! Ha ha laugh ... (drooling)

(or gazebo)

Friar Sand: Brother, Master hasn't come back for so long. What happened?

Bajie: Impossible. Now ordinary kids dare not eat him.

Friar Sand: Yes. Do the math. The master hasn't bathed for six months.

Bajie: Besides, he recently got a strange disease and said, "Do your own thing". Just overnight, the pot itself fell down these two days.

Friar Sand: That is to say, if the master is caught, he will undress himself and jump into the pot? (patting his heart) Second brother, I'm so scared!

Bajie: Not only that, I don't know what happened to Master. He borrowed the Monkey King's "Snail somersault cloud" to go to Hua Zhai, and didn't let anyone follow him! But it just keeps our ears quiet.

Tang Priest (carrying a sack of food): Disciples, who is speaking ill of the teacher? (starts singing S.H.E) Still don't understand, still don't understand ... (forgets words) Alas, who can understand the heart of a teacher?

Suddenly, from the distant horizon came a voice that captured people's hearts: "I know you." Then a gust of wind swept the Tang priest away. )

Girl (yelling) Master Master! (Looking around) Where's Brother Wukong? Go and save master!

Bajie (quickly opens the bag and fills two bowls of vegetarian dishes) Brother Sha, here you are! (turns to the girl) The monkey went to the toilet.

Girl: You-

(Another gust of wind strikes, and the girl disappears after two seconds)

Friar Sand (puzzled): Second brother, Master's arrest is his retribution. Why did the devil catch that girl?

Wukong (coming out contentedly): Huh? Bajie, where's Master?

Bajie: Master? (burps loudly) Oh, it was taken away by the snake essence. Brother Monkey, this is the business card that the demon accidentally lost.

Wukong (in a rage, he hit Bajie 20 kilometers away with a stick): Why didn't you save Master? !

(Snake Cave House)

Snake essence: Maid, I finally found you!

Girl: Oh?

Snake essence: When will I not get lost? I think it's unambiguous that you go to the beauty salon!

Girl: I'm your maid?

Snake essence: Nonsense! Go, get me a glass of water, something cold. (Seeing the girl staring blankly) Why don't you go?

Girl: Where can I get some water?

Snake essence: I am dizzy! How can I have such a stupid servant girl as you? Find it yourself!

(in another hole)

Tang Priest (to himself) wondered if the lost servant girl had found the way. Don't tell me, it's exactly like that girl! (begins to sing affectionately) "Come back, I can't bear it alone, come back, life is wonderful because of you, come back, bring back my thoughts, and don't let my heart be empty." Wukong, did you hear the teacher?

Girl (groping): Ah, master, there you are!

Tang Priest (exultation): "Every day, I will wait for you. You said you said you would be together ... "

Girl: Master, why are you tied like a zongzi?

Tang Priest: Alas, it's a long story. (Singing) "Every time I hear melancholy music, I bring back memories. Every time I see Bai Yueguang, I think of your face ..."

Girl (a little dizzy): Master, will you stop singing? Let me put you down first.

It took the girl an hour to find the organ and let Tang Priest untie his tie. )

Tang priest: You'd better be a girl! (At this moment, a fly flew over and kept buzzing in his ear. ) Why are there flies in winter? Hum, look at my "Tathagata slap"! (The fly was unfortunately hit and landed in a straight line)

(At this time, Bajie and Friar Sand also rushed over. )

Bajie: Is this snake spirit too pitiful? Not a single soldier.

Girl: Where's Brother Wukong?

Bajie: He has already turned into a fly and flew to save Master!

Friar Sand: Brother Monkey hasn't come yet? (Imagine) You won't be robbed by a gecko like last time, will you?

Tang Priest (looking down at the flies at his feet): Is it Wukong? !

I saw that fly slowly transform into a human form. A few people looked intently and saw that it was Wukong, unconscious. )

Friar Sand: Master, you won't slap Tathagata again, will you? Monkeys are most afraid of your tricks.

Tang Priest (blushing with red ears) Oh, I'm so sorry, (wriggling) it won't happen again!

I don't know when, the snake spirit has quietly come behind their master and apprentice, reaching out for a fatal blow.

Girl: Nothing. There is not much damage.

Tang Priest: Yes, I am so excited! No, I want to sing a song! (Clears his throat) "Don't guess the master's mind, you can't guess ..."

Bajie: Master, you have sung this song more than fifty times! And it doesn't match the atmosphere at all.

Tang Priest: Oh, then change another song. (Singing) "Young people should cherish sunny days ..."

Friar Sand: Master, you sang this song out of tune!

Tang Priest: Really? It seems that I have to take out my famous song! (Singing) "Little Jiro, pick up that schoolbag and go to school. You are not afraid of the sun, not afraid of the wind and rain ... "

Snake essence (unbearable) Enough, enough, enough! Smelly monk, are you finished? ! Your crying makes other goblins think that my family is insane! Whoops, my reputation was completely ruined by you today! ouch ...

Tang Priest (continue to sing) "Oh, it's not a crime for goblins to cry. No matter how strong the devil is, he has the right to experience. If there is only heartbreak behind the smile, why must it be as embarrassing as the devil ... "

(Bajie and others always find a ball of cotton and stuff it into their ears desperately. )

Snake essence (wiping tears): Smelly monk, I've decided to let you go. You are no longer the Tang priest who can only recite scriptures! I'm afraid you'll catch the plague if you eat it! You go! No delivery!

Tang Priest (holding the demon's hand excitedly): Thank you so much for not eating! Before I leave, I'm going to sell my latest album to you cheaply so that you can listen to it when you miss me, ok? Woo hoo. (Blow a kiss)

(Snake essence suddenly fainted to the ground)

Girl (looking at snake essence): She is so poor!

Wukong: Master, let's go!

Girl (surprise): Brother Wukong, when did you wake up?

Wukong whispers to the girl, which makes her laugh. )

Bajie (secretly pulling Friar Sand's sleeve): Hum! Will please girls!

Tang Priest: Amitabha! Disciples, let's go.

So the Tang Priest and his disciples began a slow journey to the West. )

Bajie (muttering): Small handsome, what's the big deal! (Muttering again) The girl is my dream lover, Monkey Brother, and he stole my love! (Muttering again) Monkey, wait, I will get revenge one day!

Wukong (throwing apples at Bajie): Bajie, catch up!

Bajie (suddenly beaming): Hee hee, I knew monkeys were the best for me! Monkey, I will hit you on the back.