Life script

Micro-course "Interpretation of Life Script" Life script is the blueprint of life. Life script was put forward by Eric Berne (Eric Berne1910.05.10-17.15), an American psychologist, who is also the founder of transaction analysis (TA theory). This theory is also a very important theory in postmodern psychology, which makes a systematic review of life.

Eric Berne

Of course, the script of life is not a real script, but the feelings people get from various experiences. Is this feeling handled by yourself, or is it a mess? The two are completely different. The words, vows and secret decisions I have said to myself are all part of my life script. These are unconscious, and then life will begin to play out according to this script. If a person has a certain idea or belief, he will really unconsciously cooperate with the action, and finally let that belief become a real situation and a reality. Psychologically, it is called "self-practice prophecy", which I predicted for myself in my early childhood. Nobody forced me to do it, so I slowly followed suit. EB pointed out that the life script was written before we were seven years old, which fulfilled an old saying of China, "Look at the old at three years old, and look at the old at seven years old". Although the cultural and philosophical foundations of the East and the West are completely different, they all fit together. The content sources of life scripts mainly include the following aspects: 1. Parents' advice and the evaluation of people around them; 2. School education, teacher and classmate evaluation. Once the role is "defined", you can't help but cooperate. Because it is a very hard and lonely battle to fight against this label and role attached to yourself by yourself. Scripts are like characters. Plays written in childhood are more effective. Because when I was young, I unconsciously accepted the information from the outside world and didn't have the ability to be shielded by my own consciousness, so I couldn't escape through my consciousness. If life is different from the script, people will unconsciously adjust their lives to match the script. Life script is so powerful.

Faith is the expected truth and the unseen evidence.

Hearing this, I seem to have gained another layer of understanding and experience about what Teacher Lu once said. Because this sentence, as long as there is hope in life, there will be hope! As long as you look forward to and firmly believe in happiness, you will be happy!

To some extent, everyone has decided how to live and how to die since childhood. Wherever you go, you will faithfully follow this script. We are all actors who perform unconsciously. Many times what we do unconsciously is driven by the script of life, but we don't know it ourselves. The content of the script probably includes five contents: 1. Parents' instructions; 2. Personality development under the guidance; 3. Important decisions in childhood; 4. Success or failure in a specific way; 5. This confident attitude towards the past. As the only protagonist in the life script, we use the word "ban" to plot each scene. These prohibitions are both verbal and non-verbal. That is, people say to us, "You can't …"; "You can't ..."; Others' negation of us is manifested in tone, expression, action, expression and posture, and non-verbal prohibition is more effective than verbal prohibition. The "prohibition of alcohol" in the atmosphere is often more terrible, and the subtext behind the language is often more harmful to children. A cold "I don't know" brings children stereotypes such as "don't come near me, don't bother me" and "don't be spoiled, don't bring trouble to mom and dad". Children will gain more love and attention from their parents by limiting their thoughts and behaviors, which is the instinct of children's survival. The prejudice formed in childhood often does not disappear automatically, but will affect the child's life unconsciously. It is these prohibitions formed in the dribs and drabs of life that make the script predictions come true. Thirteen restraining orders: 1. Don't do this ... this kind of restriction can easily happen in families where parents are strict, overprotective or pay too much attention to details. This excessive code of conduct will make children form the idea that "I'd better do nothing". People who have such a restraining order will always play the role of good children, and when they grow up, they will lack enthusiasm and initiative, and are more willing to listen to other people's opinions. I'm used to listening to other people's opinions and not thinking for myself. 2. You can't be yourself. It usually involves gender identity. "Actually, we wanted a girl", "Daughter is a loss", "If only it were a boy" and so on. The "denial" or so-called "regret" of parents or culture to children's gender is actually the denial of children's gender and even personality. There will be a restraining order later. This kind of restraining order will make children have more heterosexual friends and fewer same-sex friends. If you can't accept the inherent characteristics such as gender and personality, you are likely to be influenced by this prohibition and become unmanly or macho. This prohibition will make you feel insecure about your gender or yourself, because your personal things are denied by your parents or your culture. How can you like what your parents don't like, and how can you believe that others will like it? Therefore, such people are easily influenced by external evaluation, common sense and social atmosphere. I can do it, but I don't know why I don't want to do it, or the restraining order is at work. 3. Don't be childish. Brothers and sisters at home are often asked to make way for their brothers and sisters at home, so they will issue restraining orders. As an adult, I am busy taking care of everyone, but I am not worth enjoying or can't enjoy myself. Probably bound by this restraining order. People who have this prohibition order are urged to grow up early, but they can't live freely and show childlike innocence when they are children. Their personalities are often too serious and even a little sincere. Sometimes they have to do it themselves, as if they can't, which shows that their sense of responsibility is too strong and may become a burden. This burden is brought about by the restraining order. 4. Not big, just the opposite of the last one. This kind of restraining order is easy to appear on overprotective and overindulgent children. This ban will make people feel that "I'd better be a child forever, doing nothing and doing nothing wrong, and others will help me anyway." Many times, this is what Oedipus said. When you grow up, you may still be unable to get rid of this "can't grow up" ban and become a giant baby. Give blind dates to children, decide who to marry and so on. That is, parents are telling their children with actions, "You are not growing up." There are various reasons why parents don't let their children grow up. For grandparents, children are easier to control when they are young, and it is easier to get a sense of value from them. For parents, it may have different meanings for children not to grow up. For example, parents can enjoy the feeling that they are always right. Children will argue with their parents when they grow up. When a child is young, he can be completely controlled. In fact, it is not that children are unwilling to grow up, but that parents are unwilling to let go. Because you will face too much uncertainty after letting go, letting go means new challenges, so you kill this challenge in the cradle. Why not? If parents have enough confidence in themselves and the way to raise their children, then this prohibition order may not be easily imposed on their children. This has nothing to do with children, only with how parents look at themselves. I suddenly thought of the actor zhuyuchen, whose mother is such a hands-on mother. It's really terrible and sad. 5. Don't have emotions. Many soldiers, policemen or serious families who are unsmiling and have senior officials at home will have this prohibition. When you are forced to endure pain, you can only hold back and can't express it. Over time, he may become a very strong child, but only he knows his inner sadness and pain, and he can't express his pursuit and feelings frankly, which is influenced by this prohibition. This compulsion will make people suppress their emotions, pretend to be indifferent to many things, pretend to be indifferent, have no way to cry, and it is difficult to get angry. There is no cadence in the voice and lack of expression. This is a restraining order that affects you. Why are emotions not allowed at home? It may be because family members feel that feelings are a burden and there is no need to complete the task. The atmosphere of discipline and efficiency, seriousness and caution will suppress people's emotions. When I got home, I couldn't adjust my state, so that the atmosphere at home was the same. For children, a little dignity of parents may form a very big restraining order. When a child is frustrated by his parents once or twice, when he finds that his happy state is unacceptable to his parents, he will be considered frivolous, casual and naive, then the child will change his personality according to his parents' ideas. Another possibility is that negative emotions are not allowed at home. Parents can't bear their children's negative emotions, or they can't handle them, so these negative emotions are like elephants at home. Everyone saw it but pretended not to see it, which became a burden to the family. Teacher Lu said: Many people who come to psychological counseling are influenced by this prohibition. Life is more bitter than pleasure, and many things will involve our emotions. If there are channels and outlets for excretion, that's fine, but if the channels and outlets are blocked, even the ability to feel and express emotions will degenerate and disappear with time, then it may be a very depressed environment facing you, so that you will have various diseases and neurosis, so that you will have various psychological problems. Therefore, parents are strongly advised to reflect and never impose such a prohibition order on their children. Otherwise, the child seems to meet your inner needs, but his own heart will become barren. You blocked his last exit, you deprived him of the opportunity to enjoy life, and you blocked all channels for him to express his emotions, so don't do such a thing. This is very dangerous. In order to let children express their emotions more, EQ is not done by repression, but always by training and raising points. 6. Don't think, "Don't talk back to me!" "You shut up! Listen to me! " ..... Children who grow up under the hysterical abuse of their parents are very prone to this kind of restraining order. This prohibition will make people give up thinking over time, even unable to make more accurate logical thinking, unable to make calm judgments, and many blind superstitions on divination and astrology, including constellations. , probably dominated by the ban of "don't think". Why don't parents allow their children to think? Because thinking will bring collision. Parents don't want conflict for the sake of stability and perfection now. When they still have power, they use power to intimidate their children and don't allow them to think too much. It is true that children think things will not be perfect, they will be naive, and even asking questions is annoying, but in any case, we can't deprive others of the right to think. You shouldn't suppress your child's thinking ability just because he bothers you and disagrees with you. Can several different viewpoints coexist at home? Or subconsciously, do you just think that you are the only one who is right? Or do you think it's okay to talk at home? This kind of thinking can't be said to be wrong, but it is definitely not correct. Because you deny a child, you also deny his thinking ability and opportunity. Children are not toys, let alone tools for parents to keep up with the joneses. The child will grow up. Just because he is not as good as you now does not mean that he will be worse than you in the future. Just because you have no experience now doesn't mean you have no experience in the future. Just because the current viewpoint is inappropriate does not mean that the future viewpoint will never be appropriate. Look at the problem from a developmental perspective, but it is easy for us to block the opportunity for children to think, because children are really not as good as you at the moment. Parents with strong hearts are strong in winning and losing, and it is easy to unconsciously suppress their children's ability. In the future, if children are worthless, unwilling to think, and don't complain, they will find reasons from themselves. A parent who encourages children to diversify their family values and let them take care of themselves is a good parent in the new era. Because you recognize the value of children, but also cultivate their abilities, right or wrong is not so important. Your children will leave you in the future, and you will leave your children in the end. Your departure is permanent. Whether your child is strong enough to face the world alone is up to you now. To give him a little more chance is to give him an extra chance to live.

The price of wisdom is contradiction.

First-class wisdom is the ability to make two completely different views coexist at the same time.

7. Don't approach "Don't bother me, I'm busy". Parents who say this will make it difficult for their children to get close. You are forced to keep your distance from your parents, and this kind of restraining order will make you do the same thing and dare not approach. This ban will make people avoid talking to their parents, and naturally they will not tell their parents what is on their minds. When they grow up, it will be difficult for them to tell others what they think, even if they are in trouble at work, it will be difficult to discuss with their supervisors or colleagues. Many times, it's just that when a person encounters something annoying, he works hard and holds the idea of "just bear it." This kind of person is very easy to suppress, because when you can't get close to others, you block the communication channel with others. This injunction will become the basis of other injunctions, which will have an "increasing" effect on other injunctions, because when you communicate less and less with others, your heart will become more and more depressed and other patterns in your heart will be amplified. 8. You can't be praised when you succeed, but you can be comforted and encouraged when you fail. Repeated experiences like this can easily lead to a "you can't succeed" injunction. The East is a Confucian culture. We don't advocate a culture of success, but we advocate winning without arrogance and losing with grace, so we are easily influenced by the ban of "not being successful". You can't be happy with your success, but you can't get a good word or a fair evaluation if you win. On the contrary, after failure, you will be encouraged and comforted, which is a kind of reinforcement. Over time, it will form a solidified "I'd better fail". Some parents are indifferent to their children's success, and even find the joy of their children's success unacceptable. On the contrary, it will give encouragement after the child fails. Of course, failure is better for children. Some parents will say that children always have bad breath at critical times. Once they know, it is difficult to get rid of this label, so children will unconsciously cooperate with their parents, become children with "bad breath at a critical time" and consider themselves unsuccessful people. People who do things inexplicably are likely to have such an "unsuccessful" injunction. 9. You can't have desires. When I was a child, it was easier to form such a restraining order because my family was sick and had financial difficulties, or my parents had hardships. These are not expressed in words, but can be felt in real life. You will feel that your desire is a burden on others, and your request is to increase the burden on others. You may feel that you are a burden in your heart. You can't say what you want frankly. Not only that, you will give up opportunities or ruin your happiness. When people get promoted and feel that their wages are low, they can save money to support their families, and others can't refuse to borrow money. This kind of injunction will prevent you from living your own life, because self is at the expense of satisfying your own desires. If your desires are not satisfied, including sex, appetite, desire for achievement, etc. And you feel that when you have no sense of existence, it is a burden. How can you deserve these things? No, as long as you are hungry, give good things to others. I still hope that if I give it to others, others will treat me better. If I express my desire and get my own things, others may not be good to me, and even attack and dislike me. I'd rather have nothing, please be kind to me. Often this kind of person is a flattering character. He can't refuse other people's demands, and deep down he feels that he doesn't deserve happiness and has no ability to satisfy himself. This situation will seriously dampen our self-development and make us extremely depressed. This prohibition order will directly infect our children. Because people who have this injunction subconsciously express what I want crazily, but suppress themselves from expressing what they want. When you give everything but don't get what you want, the devil will come out and the other side of your personality will come out in generate, which is very terrible. A flattering person demands from behind, rather than communicating directly on the surface. If he doesn't get what he wants, be careful. When you have this expression, your child may be hurt, because when your child receives this part of your potential needs, it will be unbearable. He'll wonder why my mother is so abnormal. She was obviously nice to me but secretly dissatisfied with me, because as a child, she was not grateful to her mother and she didn't get what she wanted. Mothers are kind to their children because of those hidden needs, which is a secret transaction. And the kids won't notice. Children think that their parents are born to be kind to them, so you have been secretly asking them, and children will feel more and more tired, and at the same time they will not be able to understand the information behind your behavior, and problems will arise. Children will also form this flattering character. This kind of flattery is behind your back, because he feels that nothing he can do can satisfy you, because your needs are not on the surface at all. Your potential needs are like vampires, constantly secretly drawing energy from your children, making them very weak. Just like an occasion, everyone participates in it, but there is nothing everyone can do. This is another triangle relationship, and this is the role of this restraining order. 10. You cannot be healthy. Children can eat snacks and drink juice at will when they are sick. When he is ill, he can get more love and attention from his parents. When he is ill, he can ask his parents to take care of you more. Or see that his parents only take care of those sick brothers and sisters, they will issue a restraining order. This kind of restraining order can make people get sympathy through illness or injury, and attract attention through some abrupt behavior or strange remarks. I don't want to change my living habits because of a bunch of health problems, and I may continue to overeat and so on. Because although the body is unhealthy, it has gained more attention. Have you noticed that all restraining orders have only one function, "to get more attention from parents"? Again: if parents don't pay attention to it, it is a dead end for children. This is a fear deeply rooted in genes. In modern times, he is hungry physically, but he has starved to death psychologically. A child who can't get the attention of his parents has no sense of existence and no value of existence. He will fundamentally deny himself, and will do everything possible to pursue the evidence that his parents care about themselves, like themselves and care about themselves. When he can't get this evidence, his psychology will go to the dark side, or the other side, at least he will never grow into a healthy and sunny child. How much can children pay in order to make their parents care about themselves, love themselves and take care of themselves? All expenses! They can even pay the price of life and health. Because health is nothing compared with inner feelings. Health is a probabilistic thing, but the inner feeling is despair. Super mothers should be able to understand the real situation of children, help them weigh the pros and cons from the standpoint of children, and then understand what a mother should do. 1 1. doesn't matter. When you get good grades in the exam and tell your parents happily, parents' cold response will make your children suffer because they are not recognized. Over time, children will think that they can't be important people, because 1 has become important people, and 2 has become important people, and may even be attacked. People who have such an injunction often think that they are too conspicuous and hate taking responsibility. This kind of person dresses simply, rarely speaks and has a small voice. This is a restraining order at work. There are also some people who are excellent when they are subordinates or team members. Once they become leaders, they can't exert their strength at all, because in their hearts, they don't allow themselves to be excellent. This is a restraining order. When there is a promotion opportunity, I don't know why I don't try my best because this prohibition will be stopped on my own initiative. The puzzling reason is that you don't know that the restraining order has taken root in your heart. 12. Can't have a sense of belonging. It is not uncommon for parents to help their children choose friends or help them defend themselves. When parents speak, the speaker may be unintentional, but the listener is intentional. Children's contact with their peers will be less and less because of your words and deeds. People with such restrictions always do things alone, and it is difficult to integrate into the team and workplace. Even if you participate in group activities, you will unconsciously become a lone ranger or often refuse invitations. This is the restraining order at work. You can't find a sense of belonging in the team. Because your parents always help you make decisions. Your friends were chosen for you. Over time, I will feel that I have no ability and qualification to choose what you want, so forget it. 13. cannot exist. This is the most painful restraining order. When you are abused as a child, or when you hear your parents say, "If it weren't for you, I would have divorced," you will be regarded as the cause of misfortune by your parents. You are the black sheep of the family and a burden to your parents. Just because you were born, your family will be like this, and so will your parents. All the reasons for unhappiness are you. This restraining order is terrible. Can directly destroy a child's confidence, and the heart directly becomes barren. This ban will make children lose confidence in everything and themselves, and everything in the world is bleak. Because he denies his existence, this person will break the jar, he will not cherish his body and life, and he is often addicted to drugs, drugs and so on, because the fate of breaking the jar is only broken. Since you have made me unhappy, I have the misfortune to show it to you. This self-certified prophecy has been circulated in myself. Not only am I unlucky, but I also want to make everyone around me unhappy. Don't you hate me? All right! Then I'll show it to you myself! These are subconscious actions, because everyone has to find reasons for what happened to them. You found the reason, and you must prove it. The above 13 injunction can be summarized in one sentence. The constraints acquired in childhood will form a life orientation, which is the basis of our cognition and judgment, and also determines how we will look at the world.