"Mom, give me a glass of water!" Your reaction affected the child.

"Mom, give me a glass of water!" Your reaction affected the child.

On the weekend, I was cooking in the kitchen when I suddenly heard my daughter calling me, "Mom, get me a glass of water!" " "The tone is urgent and a little commanding. I froze in place, thinking, should I really go and pour water for the child?

In life, there are always examples of children bossing their elders around. "Grandma, where are my shoes? Bring it to me. " "Dad, help me with my clothes. I want to wear them. "

When children habitually "boss" their parents, most parents' reactions may be: 1. Do it right away to meet the children's requirements;

2. Refuse directly and do your own thing. Now you are too lazy. What should you do when you grow up?

But calm down and think about it,

Are these two treatments really good for children?

0 1

Obedience is to spoil children.

Many parents think that it is not the way to take care of children from an early age to get a pair of shoes.

It's so simple, why not help the children do it?

In fact, the key is not whether things are simple or complicated, but the need to give children a chance to try.

Obeying children blindly will only make them fall into the inertia of knowing nothing and needing help from others, and eventually become a "waste".

When parents learn to let go slowly and give their children a chance to try, they can cultivate their self-confidence and autonomy and calmly deal with setbacks and failures.

Helping children is doting, so when children have needs, parents refuse to help, is it appropriate?

Refusing to order is emotional neglect.

In the face of children's cries, many times parents don't want to help their children, but worry that every help will poison their children and make them unable to stand on their own feet.

But the parents' heartless refusal has brought harm to their children.

Sometimes children don't really want to boss you around, but want to get their parents' attention and get more emotional connections by asking for help.

The book Neglected Children once mentioned:

Children's emotions are like running water. When obstacles are placed in front of you, water can easily flow back to the source, adding emotions to yourself and hurting yourself.

Parents' love should not be an obstacle to running water, but should pay attention to children's feelings, meet their real needs, provide timely help to children and establish good emotional ties.

03

Teaching methods make children healthy and confident.

The first step: accept children and let them feel concerned. Regardless of the child's situation and attitude, parents should first accept the child's needs at this moment.

For example, children can comfort themselves with words: "Oh, honey is thirsty, and you want to drink water, right?"

Or: "Mom heard you. It seems that the baby really wants to wear that dress.

Or: Parents come to their children, squat down, stare at them, or touch their backs with their hands.

Deal with the mood first, then deal with things.

When children's emotions and demands are understood and accepted by their parents, their hearts will be stable and they can do things with peace of mind.

Step 2: Encourage children to do what they can.

The book Limited Discipline once said:

The so-called tutor is actually an independent person for 20 years.

Training plan.

The ultimate goal of parents' raising children is to cultivate an independent person, a person who can take care of himself and has his own independent thoughts.

Some personal affairs of children, such as pouring water, drinking water, bathing and dressing, should be given to children as soon as possible to encourage them to do what they can.

Step 3: Insight into the needs behind the children and make emotional links. When children put forward their needs, parents should have an insight into the needs behind the children and take care of them in time.

There was once a mother in Zhihu who gave a textbook response to her children's needs. When the child ordered her to get socks, she clearly told the child: "Mom heard, shouldn't the baby wear socks?" Socks are drying on the balcony. Go get it.

When the child continued to push her, she felt that she might not just ask her mother for help.

Sure enough, when she took the socks to the room, she found that the child was very upset because of anxiety. So, with the comfort and care of his mother, the child finished dressing and wearing socks.

When children command you abnormally or even deliberately make trouble, what children need most may be the care and love of their parents.