Can't help laughing.

Everyone is familiar with the unbearable jokes. Many people in life like to listen to jokes. Jokes can make people in a bad mood happy instantly. There are many kinds of jokes. Let's take a look at the jokes that people can't hold back.

Bad joke 1 1. Not long ago, our community was going to donate books to a school in a poor area.

An old lady came running with a bag.

Panting, she said to the community workers, "Little Comrade, I haven't found any big books at home for a long time. Do you think these little books can be donated? "

The staff took the old lady's bag and was overjoyed. There are more than a dozen instructions for household appliances in it.

I parked the taxi on the side of the road and fucked a lady.

The lady's mobile phone was dead, so she borrowed it from me, and I handed it to her reluctantly.

The lady called a man and talked endlessly.

I reminded her: "To make a long story short, my mobile phone is running out of money."

The lady nodded and said into the microphone, "To make a long story short, my mobile phone is running out of money."

Here we are. The lady got off the bus. Not long after, my mobile phone sent a message: "A certain number successfully recharged 200 yuan for you."

I went to a small convenience store to buy things last night, totaling 30 yuan.

I gave it to my boss 100 and got a 50 and a 20 back.

The boss kindly reminded: "There are a lot of counterfeit money at 50 now, please read it clearly."

I thought the boss was very nice, so I checked the money carefully. It was real money, and then I went home.

When I got home, I found: Nima, 20 is fake!

When I bought a car recently, my colleague gave me a Chinese knot, saying that hanging it on the car would bring me wealth.

Sure enough, not long after I hung on the car, someone knocked on the window: "Do you want to go to the train station for twenty dollars?

I want to live in your heart, but I didn't expect it to be a neighborhood with many neighbors.

Second, my money is really wet, because I have been crying when I spend it.

Third, what is really terrible is not playing the lute to a cow, but the cow is playing the lute to you.

Fourth, I hope you will have wine, meat and girls in the future, and girls will be ugly.

5. How can bangs grow so fast?

I am very principled, and my principle is to follow your mood.

Seventh, I am single because no one can easily deserve me as a communist successor.

I wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps.

Nine, Alipay wants to socialize simply, as long as it is a function of "rich people nearby".

Ten, I just want to turn gracefully, but I unexpectedly hit the wall.

Eleven, lazy, doing well is called enjoyment; Persistence in doing well is called persistence; Playing the fool, if you do it well, is it called playing the fool? Don't play tricks on me, or I'll play along.

If money is dirt, then I am dung beetles.

Thirteen, the old vines faint, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You sofa with the same paragraph, the sun sets, I put it aside.

Fourteen, take the initiative to ask you to open a strange woman, not miss or fairy jump.

Fifteen, I am dead, and the only thing I can't worry about is my QQ.

16. Don't envy that we have no homework during the holiday. Do you know how tired it is to play all day?

I know I have a bad temper. If you can't bear it, you must reflect on yourself and why others can.

Give you something you have to cherish, especially your face.

Nineteen, I want to kiss you when I am happy, and I want to be kissed when I am unhappy.

Twenty, we agreed to grow old together, so dye it as a putty.

Even if my love is cheap, I won't give you a discount.

Twenty-two, dreams still have to be there, otherwise you will tell people when you drink too much.

Twenty-three, after you get married, the marriage partner is not me, I will move to your house next door and be a quiet old king.

You always say that dreams are out of reach, but you never go to bed early and get up early.

Twenty-five, you are fat and ugly. We are friends.

Twenty-six, prettier than your girlfriend, and I'm sorry about that, too.

Twenty-seven, life will make you suffer for a while, and then let you suffer for a lifetime after you get used to it.

I don't know how others turn pressure into motivation. Anyway, I will only turn stress into appetite.

Twenty-nine, everyone is so young, why should I spoil you?

I advise you to like me early.

Beggars don't envy millionaires, but they envy beggars who mix better than themselves.

Thirty-two, if you don't come to sleep with me, you care what time I sleep.

Find a fortune teller, you and I are destined to be together.

Thirty-four, strange women who take the initiative to invite you to dinner, 100% are wine trays.

35. Blame me me for being so handsome and shocking that so many people in single dog have been displaced.

Never bow your head, the double chin is too obvious.

For going to work, a considerable number of people's main job is to "pretend to be busy".

Thirty-eight, "How do you feel about the avalanche of homework?" "You got my man, but you didn't get my heart."

Thirty-nine, on WeChat, 1. A strange woman who actively adds you as a friend is either your wife or WeChat business.

Forty, the same age as a flower, has grown into a fleshy one.

I want to see you, so I'm running.

42. Smart people don't tell lies. Come to me when you have time.

Forty-three, when others are holding hands, I will hold my dog to see who is not happy to bite.

I suggest you like me, and I'll call you back.

Forty-five, your date is not me, you might as well be single.

Forty-six, the lovely me has long since disappeared, replaced by a more lovely me.

I'm telling you, it's foolish of you to refuse a lovely girl like me.

48. Every time someone attacks me, I feel that there is something wrong with this person. In the face of such a lovely me, he can still lose his temper and be speechless.

49. Everything must come to an end, but if you invite me, I can eat more with you.

Fifty, those nights that stay up late will eventually be repaid with a morning that can't get up.

Remember to burn me a handsome boyfriend if I die.

Fifty-two, everyone loves life, and flowers are beautiful, so happy.

Fifty-three, everyone is "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm different." I'm "I don't know where the money went, and I'm broke." "

Fifty-four, take the initiative to tell you the above, not a liar or cheated.

55. What should I do if I don't like the slow reply of the object message? I'll be back soon.

56. Now I only need three steps to do a math problem: look at the problem, write the solution, and start crying.

Fifty-seven, this summer, not going out feels like a waste of life, and going out feels like life is worse than death.

58. Silence is golden. Don't talk to me. I want to save money.

Fifty-nine, when I don't want to talk to you, it's no use trying to coax me. At this time, you should give me a red envelope.

People can't help joking. 1. Someone fed a parrot, which is very clever. One day, a friend came to see him After ringing the doorbell, he heard someone inside say, "ring again." The guest presses again: "It says inside:" Press again and press again. The guest pressed the back door and the door opened. After the opening, the guest said, why did I ring the doorbell so many times?

The host said: The parrot told you to press. My parrot is very clever. If you touch its left foot, it will say hello, if you touch its right foot, it will say goodbye. The guest touched it and it really worked. The guest is very happy and asks: What if you touch both feet? The master said he hadn't tried. The guest touched the parrot's foot, but he didn't want the parrot to shout, "Are you kidding me?" The guests stared.

Second, the buddy went to the interview! The examiner is a mature woman, and others say a lot of flattery! The buddy only said one sentence: Little Brother 2 1. The next day, the female examiner found a home, and you were hired!

Wife: You care more about the game than me and the children. Dave: Who said that? Wife: Don't you admit it? Let me ask you, when was our little treasure born? Husband: On the day of the match between Liaoning team and Bayi team!

When the wife was about to hit a truck, the husband shouted "Step on the gas!" Thank god, she stepped on the brakes!

5. Wife: "Who is in your office?" Husband: "Just me and the secretary." Wife: "That's a little chattering." Husband: "There is no time for small talk." Wife: "Are you busy with many things?" Husband: "Nothing, just can't make a mouth."

Six, there is a couple, the wife is responsible for buying food and cooking. One day, my wife had something to do at work and called her husband to buy food. After returning home, the wife suspected that the food her husband bought was not delicious. She said, "Look at the food you bought." The husband said, "I bought everything according to your sample."

Seven, a buddy asked his wife why she chose him among many suitors. His wife said he was the only one who didn't snore.

Eight, the drunk went to the wild and saw a small box. This box is full of precious treasures with a mirror on it. The man opened the lid happily, but he saw a man in the mirror at a glance. Surprised and scared, he quickly handed it over: "I thought it was an empty box. I didn't know you were in the box. Please don't be angry! "

Nine, I want to eat fruit when I am pregnant. I went to the fruit stand and bought a watermelon and litchi peach. On the way home, I couldn't lift it, so I put it on the ground to rest. Then a young man came to help me pick up the watermelon and left. I was so grateful that I quickly said thank you and followed him. He walked faster and faster, and finally disappeared into the crowd with watermelon. I ...

In Chinese class, the teacher writes "soft" on the blackboard and then lets everyone spell it. The boy shouted: the end of the day-soft. The teacher said: boys' pronunciation is not standard, please ask girls to supplement it. The girl shouted: the sky is over-soft. The monitor corrected: five nights during the day-soft. The teacher was impatient and corrected severely: the correct spelling should be-

The miser's son said to his father, "can you give me some shillings?" Tomorrow the teacher will take us to the zoo to see pythons. " "Why do you want to spend that money! Just take my magnifying glass and go to the river to see the earthworm. "

12. My wife is a cosplay lover. Once she lied to me that she was going on a business trip, and then I took my parents to dinner after work. When I opened the door, I saw her dressed as a beautiful girl warrior, with two yellow braids, pointing at us with a wand and saying, I will destroy you on behalf of the moon ~ ~ you ~ ~! ! (louder and louder) and then slam the door ... we froze for a moment, then she was normal for a second and opened the door for us. My parents laughed like crazy. ...

Thirteen, just watching the boys and girls in anhui tv rush forward, a woman rushed over and said it was for the baby. My baby is three years old! Then my mother looked disdainful and said, gee, my baby is twenty! Me:. . . . . .

14. A cavalry wife said to her husband, Mike, you are talking in your sleep. There is a Jenny. Who is she? Oh, that's my horse. The husband replied. Ah, I'm not even as good as your horse! The wife said sadly.

Fifteen, when cooking, the courier came and I didn't have time to open the door. Little brother knocked a few times, thinking that no one was there, and went downstairs. I quickly dumped the food, rushed to the balcony and shouted at my little brother's back: "Wait! Brother! Wait a minute! Don't go! " Several uncles downstairs were shocked, and my brother was even more shocked. He turned and looked up, looked at me for a few seconds, and burst into a warm smile: "Hmm! I'm not leaving! "

Sixteen years old, two good friends and colleagues chased a girl named Qu ... In order to show a good girl, one buddy changed the name of QQ to "Rhapsody" and the other buddy changed it to "Crazy Episode". As a result, the girl insisted that QQ was a crazy episode, and the open girl could not afford it. ...

Seventeen. "Does the father always know more than the son?" "Of course!" "Who invented the electric light?" "Edison." "Then why didn't Edison's father invent the electric light?" "Ha ha, it's getting dark. His father is busy inventing Edison. "

The husband likes to brag about himself, but the wife is impatient. One day, when her husband boasted to people that he was a martial arts champion, his wife swept his legs from behind and let him spread his limbs. The husband stood up with a carp and said, This is my coach.

Nineteen, I want to have a girlfriend; I want to have a girlfriend;

Twenty, girls can succeed once they become women, but boys need to be honed repeatedly when they become men!

A man asked a friend who was very afraid of his wife, "The Bible says that the husband is the wife's head. Is that your situation? " My friend's wife scrambled to answer, "Why not?" I'm just his mouthpiece. I am in charge of talking, and he is in charge of nodding. "The husband nodded in agreement.

Twenty-two, Hunan composition topic "Walking", I think I can write 800 words in one breath: Walking! Pass by! Don't miss it! All the goods in our shop start in 2 yuan and start in 2 yuan. Buy what you want cheaply and buy what you want. Now is the time, don't come again. All goods will be cleared and sold at a loss! Whatever you choose and buy is 2 yuan! Original price18 yuan, 0 yuan, now the whole audience is in 2 yuan. You can't buy two dollars at a loss, and you can't be fooled by two dollars …

Twenty-three, when Xiao Ming was one year old, he called grandpa for the first time, so grandpa died. It wasn't long before he called his mother for the first time and she died. Later, he called his father, so Wang Mujiang died next door. A doctor in Tsinghua pointed out that there is a bug in this joke. When grandpa was called, it should be Wang Mujiang's father who died next door. And a classmate of Jiaotong University pointed out: The carpenter's mother next door knows this is not a bug.

Twenty-four, I went to the internet cafe I often go to at night to find those teenagers. When I met them, my first sentence was, "Damn it! Laozi is lovelorn again! " Then my diaosi stood up and dropped the earphone, yelling, "What happened to your TM lovelorn? I have lived for 25 years and never lost my love! " The whole internet cafe was quiet in an instant! Then the cashier in the bar teased: "Hey, a 25-year-old virgin, come and celebrate for your sister!" Internet cafes are boiling again.

I pretended to be angry just now, and my husband was drinking milk. My husband ran over and gave me a "toot-toot" kiss and proudly said, "A milk kiss. What other flavors do you want to tell me! " Me: "It smells like shit." Husband is a mess ...

Twenty-six, Molly said: Before you got married, you always called a taxi for me. Now you think you can take the bus. The husband said: This is because I am proud of you, dear. In a taxi, only the driver can see you, while in a bus, hundreds of people can see you.

On Christmas Eve, there was a man lying on the road. The onlookers asked noisily, "Why are you lying in the middle of the road?" The man shouted angrily, "Try drinking as much as me!"

Twenty-eight, friends and colleagues play mahjong, and one of the female colleagues plays cards very slowly. A friend teased her, and then the female colleague asked innocently, "How did you count out six dollars and seven dollars so quickly?"

My brother said which island is the coldest. My father said my brother in Iceland was wrong. Father said the answer was announced. My brother said A: There is an air conditioner in Bao Dao.

Thirty, wife: "The young couple next door quarreled, and no one else cared. What do you want to stir? " Husband: "How can I care? In the future, we will fight and no one will stop us. Can I stand it? "