Selected humorous jokes

Now on the major platforms, the positions of the funny jokes listed before are still developing rapidly, which is enough to show how much you like them. The following is a selection of humorous jokes I compiled for you. I hope you like them.

Selected humorous jokes 1

1, for a big task, the unit worked overtime day and night for several days, and there was no holiday after May Day. The leader couldn't bear it: "For the sake of everyone's hard work, I'll find a hot girl for each of you at night to make you excited!" " Everyone screamed and went to work like chicken blood. That night &; Hellip& amphellip Each of them has an extra bottle of Laodopted Mother on his desk &; hellip& amphellip

After years of dating, they finally decided to confess to his parents today. When he got home, his mother saw the hickey on his neck and said with a smile, "I told you, there is no date." What is this? Whose girl is it? " He blushed and said, "This is&; Hellip& amphellip mosquito bite. " "I still don't admit it." Mother smiled, and then saw the man next to him laughing, too. "Who is this?" "Hello, auntie, I'm a mosquito." The man blurted out before he could say it.

3. A man saw his colleague change his lover's phone note to 10086, and escaped from danger many times in an emergency, and followed suit. One night, the man received a phone call from his lover in front of his wife for the first time, deliberately letting her see the caller ID: 10086. After reading it, the wife immediately grabbed the mobile phone, scolded the spoiled woman on the phone, and then yelled at her husband, "You are still stupid when you are old! You use Unicom card, 10086 to call you and visit relatives? "

4. After thinking for a long time, I still got up the courage and called my ex, who is already a wife: "How have you been recently, I think &; Hellip ""I'm sorry, it's pathetic! " "Oh, I just ask. I am glad to know that you are not rich. "

There were so many people in the restaurant that a young couple couldn't find a seat, so they joined me and sat opposite me. To tell the truth, that woman was really beautiful, so I took a second look and the man found her. He slapped a Volkswagen key on the table to scare me. I looked at it carefully and went to Phaeton &; Hellip& amphellip I dropped a Maserati car key on the table, bang, bang, Bugatti, Rolls-Royce, and I dropped some car keys on the table. The man left with the woman despondently. Hellip& amphellip Really, you and I have another key to install!

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7. I met an old lady who touched porcelain today and insisted that I hit her. I'm anxious. I took out my mobile phone and installed B and said, "Dad, give me 1.5 million, and I will kill an old lady." The old lady got up at once, slapped me and said, "Why are you riding a bike and pretending to be a rich second generation?" So I took the opportunity to lie down quietly.

8. My roommate coughed in the morning and gave him the medicine as a cough medicine by mistake. Come back at noon and ask my roommate if the medicine is useful. Roommate: Tema worked. Cough and pull your pants. I dare not cough now.

9. I met an Indian by train, and he was also very free. He talked to me in Chinese about which country has culture. I said, can you use chopsticks in China? He said that grasping by hand is the most correct way to eat. You can grasp anything by hand, regardless of food. I love to specialize in all kinds of dissatisfaction. When I arrived at the station, I took him to eat a hot pot.

10, picking up my girlfriend from work, we were speechless all the way, and we couldn't find a topic for 30 minutes. When we reached the door, she cried and said, "Honey, we can never go back, can we?" After listening to this, I felt cold and slapped my face: "Did you lock the key in the house again?"

Selected humorous jokes II

1, I called a drip cart this morning, and the driver talked to me about his outlook on life. He said: I am a relocated household, with 5 houses and more than 5 million cash. Stocks fall as much as they like, TM! Because I won't buy it! I have a car, run my own business and be my own boss. How free I am. No one can command me except the heavenly king Lao Zi. I said, turn left on the road ahead. He said, all right.

Anyone with my qq number can use my qq number to get a box of moon cakes from a nearby supermarket. The way to get it is: pick it up and run, the sooner the better, someone will chase it down. After receiving it, you may also get: a seven-day tour of the detention center, fashionable prison clothes, cool handcuffs and anklets, food and shelter! What are you waiting for? Let's act quickly.

At two o'clock in the middle of the night, I was awakened by knocking at the door and scolding in the street. There is a lot of noise. It took me a long time to recognize that it was a couple quarrel across the hall, Nima, but it was just a woman's voice. I thought it was for revenge. After a while, she knocked on my door. My mother opened the door and found a naked body, so she only wore underwear. Yes, she was rejected by her husband. She said she wanted to borrow her mobile phone, and my mother lent it to her. She called her uncle decisively and said that her husband wouldn't let her in. Uncle said it was out of her control. Then my mother couldn't stand it anymore, so she knocked on her door and told her husband to let her in tomorrow if anything happened. As a result, her husband said weakly at the door that if she didn't hit me, I would let her in.

4. I really can't play mobile phones anymore! Recently, my eyesight has dropped badly. When I went out today, I saw a big banner "Chris Lee wears a B-pull"! Who is so awesome? Looking closer, Nima said, "Li Ning's spring clothes are 20% off."

There are still many good people in the world! ! I went out to take the bus today. The bus came and there was no change in my pocket. When I was at my wit's end, a beggar stood in front of me, held out his money jar to me and shook the change inside. I shook my head, but he insisted on reaching out and shaking the jar again! In an instant, my eyes were moist. I nodded to him, took a dollar from it and got on the bus that started slowly. Standing in the car, I watched what he was shouting when he was chasing the car outside. I can't control it anymore. I slammed the window and shouted, "thank you, big brother." One dollar is enough. This is not an air-conditioned car. " After that, I closed the window and couldn't calm down for a long time.

I went to buy oranges today. I: How much are the oranges? Boss: 10 yuan 4 kg I: It's a little expensive. How about 20 yuan 10 kg? The boss thought for a moment: since young people are so sincere, all right! Me: Boss, half a catty! Boss: .........

7. When I walked to school this morning, I passed a small slope and met a dog on the slope. The goods glanced at me sideways, then sat down and scratched my hind legs. As a result, the goods didn't sit well, rolled down, and got down! Get up and yell at me! Damn it, it's none of my business

18 caught a cold today. I just went to the drugstore to buy medicine. That shop assistant is a beautiful woman. A handsome guy wants to buy something. He winked at the clerk, only to see that the clerk gave him a box of durex. When it was my turn, I winked at the beautiful woman and she brought me a bottle of eye drops! I immediately greeted countless times in my heart: your sister. ...

9. A male colleague said to me, "You are really handsome today. This hairstyle is so cool. This dress shows your figure. Where did you buy these pants? They are so beautiful. This pair of shoes is great. " "Wow, get to the point." "Give me a cigarette."

10. I skipped class with my girlfriend to play lol today. The goods are too impatient on the road, so just cross the road. The result was hit by a battery car. The goods lying on the ground took my hand and said, "Help &; Hellip helps me go to the Internet cafe! " I gave him a white look and said, "lie down and have a rest. I'll take you there later." Ten minutes later, the ambulance finally took the goods away. I looked at the back of the ambulance, and my hanging heart finally let go. Fortunately, I didn't take him to the Internet cafe to play lol, and comparing it with a half-dead parallel product didn't kill people!

Selected humorous jokes 3

1. In the classroom, she likes to look out of the window, not knowing whether she is looking at the scenery or in a daze. As for him, he is a little shy and always peeks at her when she looks out of the window. They finally became lovers. They almost broke up after a quarrel. Before breaking up, the boy asked curiously, "What is there to see outside the window?" The girl roared angrily, "That's because you are too shy! Only when you look out of the window can you see this girl! ! "The boy was shocked and hugged her.

22. Zheng Xidan's daughter-in-law couldn't find a husband, so she went to her neighbor's house to find him. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my neighbor washing his hair and asked, "Uncle, where's Happy Egg?" Hearing this, the neighbor was a little unhappy, ignored her and continued to wash her hair. The daughter-in-law was a little annoyed and asked, "Uncle, where is Zheng Xidan?" The neighbor was furious: "I washed my hair!" " "

My boyfriend wrote to me that he would transfer me back to the county education bureau, but I refused. Then he sent a letter threatening to break up. I am in pain. Five years of teaching made me like the children in the mountains, and after I left, they had no hope. I replied: whatever. Soon, he came to me, and I said to him, why did you come after breaking up? He smiled: Break up? You're right. The bureau sent me to be the principal, and I will take care of you as a teacher.

Customer: "How much is that scarf?" Shop assistant: "200 yuan." Customer: "It's so expensive! It is enough to buy a pair of good leather shoes. " Shop assistant: "it's a little expensive, but I've never seen anyone hang leather shoes around their necks!" " "

When chrysanthemum was a kind of flower, I wrote in my composition that "the old man's face smiled into a chrysanthemum in late autumn" and was read by the teacher as a model essay. How simple we were at that time!

6. My colleagues and I went to the barber shop for a haircut. Just when I shaved my head, a child next to me kept crying and didn't want to shave his head. I want to find my mother. Call her. The child looked at it and continued to cry, but also wanted to find his mother! The man holding him suddenly shouted to the woman: don't take off your makeup, my son doesn't even know you! I feel that the barber shop is quiet in an instant!

7. I couldn't help sneezing when I took the bus in the morning. I heard a woman in the back seat say, "Honey, I heard that influenza A is very serious recently, and I am very scared." Then the man said, "What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of abortion?

8. When you have nothing to do at work, you secretly ride a few rounds of speeding every day. When I was calling hi, suddenly the monitor called to ask; What are you doing? I said I'm working! "Are you? Then why did your ranking suddenly surpass mine?

9. At noon the day before yesterday, the leader suddenly asked with concern: Do you have a girlfriend? I said with a silly smile, not yet. "You don't have a girlfriend anyway, so stay and work overtime at night." The leader said seriously. At noon today, the leader asked with concern: Do you have a girlfriend? I thought about it and said, hehe, I just talked about one yesterday. "Now that you have a girlfriend, you don't have to look all over the street. Stay at night to work overtime. " The leader said seriously.

10, female: I have to find a boyfriend and marry myself quickly. M: Do you like the tall Shuai Shuai? You have a sense of humor, a house, a car and a career. Sometimes you are gentle and sometimes you are not serious. You still love the man you love. W: Well, yes, how do you know? Man: You deserve to be single.