Jokes about the ancients

1. Once upon a time, there was a monk who learned a lot. One day, a scholar sneered: "How to write the bald word of bald donkey?" The monk replied, "Just bend the scholar's words and turn his ass a little."

2. A cook cuts meat at home and hides in his arms. When the wife saw it, she scolded, "This is her own meat. Why? " Answer: "Oh, I forgot."

When the new official took office, he asked Xu Li, "What should I do as an official?" The official said, "One year, two and a half years, three years." The official sighed, "Teach me how to live for three years!"

4. The father and son were carrying an altar of wine and broke it because of the slippery road. The father was furious. His son fell to the ground and drank heavily. He looked up at his father and said, "Do you want to wait for dinner?"

A monk secretly bought shrimp and cooked it. When he saw the shrimp jumping about in the pot, he quickly put his hands together and whispered, "Amitabha, be patient." It doesn't hurt when it's cooked. "

6. In ancient times, there were receptionists at the door, and they were articulate.

The first guest came, and he asked, "Why is Mr. Wang here?" The guest replied, "I came by horse." The receptionist complimented, "Ah! Very mighty! "

The second guest came and said, "I came in a sedan chair." The receptionist looked respectful: "Ah! Very grand! "

The third guest came and said, "By boat." The receptionist immediately changed into an elegant face: "Ah! Very chic! "

It's the turn of a guest who has listened to the wonderful greeting three times. He wanted to embarrass the receiver and said loudly, "I climbed here." Unexpectedly, the receptionist replied without thinking: "Ah! Very stable! "

The last guest said, "I rolled over." The receptionist didn't hesitate, "ah! Very thoughtful! "

7. A quack killed someone else's son on the first day of business, but he lost his son to someone else. The next day, someone else's daughter died, and she lost her daughter. On the third day, as soon as I opened the door, I ran into the back room in a panic and said to my wife, "Hurry up and pack up and run away. Someone has a crush on you. "

8. A fortune teller predicted that the king's favorite concubine would die soon. Soon after, the princess really died. The king was very unhappy and wanted to kill the fortune teller. The king sent someone to call the fortune teller into the palace and said to him, "If you can really tell fortune, when will you die?" The fortune teller immediately replied, "Your Majesty, I watch the astronomical phenomena every night, and I have already figured it out: I will die three days before you." The king changed his mind and sent someone to escort him out of the palace.

9. Someone committed theft and was locked up by the government and sold to the public. Someone asked him, "What big crime did you commit?" He sighed: "A person is unlucky and walks on the board. I happened to see a straw rope in the street yesterday. I thought it would be useful in the future, so I picked it up. " The questioner asked, "Is it so heavy to pick up a straw rope?" I only heard the prisoner continue to say, "I didn't know there was a cow tied to the end of the straw rope!" "

10, a monk will use blood to help mosquitoes. When there were a lot of mosquitoes, the monk couldn't stand it, so he beat around with his hands. People nearby asked, "Why do you want to feed mosquitoes?" ? "The monk said," they eat and eat, they should be beaten. "