Yingying's mother tells her fortune.

Is it really a good thing that children never refuse and like to share? Beware of children's flattering personality?

Yingying has always been an obedient child, "good character and good temper". When playing with children, she never quarreled and was praised by people in the community.

Yingying's mother is proud of the spring breeze and thinks her niece has a good personality and high emotional intelligence. But something happened recently, which made Yingying's mother become negative and pessimistic, and gradually doubted whether there was something wrong with her niece's personality. Yingying hurt her leg a few days ago, so when playing with children, she wanted to play softer games, such as house games. However, others suggested playing football, and Yingying came home from work. Even though a hundred people didn't want to, she agreed. Mother found her daughter's leg swollen even more.

When the mother asked her daughter why she didn't express her suggestions, Yingying whispered, "I'm afraid they will play with me again." After this incident, Yingying's mother gradually paid special attention to the prostitute and found that the prostitute had been swinging. If a child wants to play, the prostitute will give up immediately;

Children play games together, and daughters are assigned dissatisfied roles and never resist; Even in daily life, my daughter seldom says no. Every time she asks for advice, her answer is always "better" and "whatever".

Yingying's maternal concept, daughter's popularity and high emotional intelligence are all based on humility. She is almost uncontroversial and quarrelsome, preferring to wronged herself and never daring to make suggestions. She has cultivated a "pleasing personality".

Psychologist HarrietBraiker mentioned in the book "Pleasure is a Disease": There is a big misunderstanding about pleasure, and many people will think it is a good psychological state. After all, it always looks good to be treated as a good person. But the reality is that many flatterers are no longer just trying to please others, but trying to please others uncontrollably, subconsciously sacrificing themselves and even indulging in others' praise and trust.

Likable personality is almost beyond doubt, easy to get along with, good temper, high emotional intelligence, praised by people, but no one knows how wronged and hurt they are. Parents must be careful if your child has the following main performances.

Always wronged themselves and catered to others.

In life and work, he is a man without a definite view. He always listens to others. Every time I ask his advice, he says "I don't mind" and "I can do anything". Gradually, their sense of existence will be weaker, gradually ignored and finally marginalized.

I don't know how to refuse

Don't say "no" even if you don't like it or like it! They have no idea how to refuse others. To outsiders, they are the most typical "honest people", "easy to get along with", with good temper and good personality. In fact, these students have wronged themselves. Even if all the difficulties are left to themselves, they will bite their teeth and hold back. On the surface, the clouds are light and the wind is light, but it is actually very depressing.

Afraid of disturbing others

Always afraid of causing trouble to others, this is actually a major manifestation of flattering personality. Because they are afraid of blocking others, even if there are many difficulties, people with likable personalities will find ways to solve them themselves, and even if they are scarred in the end, they are unwilling to ask for help.

There is no principle bottom line.

A flattering child seems to have no bottom line. In their world, it is always "agreement" and "action". Finally, such people are easy to blame. Every good thing is someone else's, and the mistake is your own.

Children with ingratiating personality are highly sensitive to interpersonal communication and have been involuntarily raising others and belittling themselves. They are afraid of asking for help and making demands. Faced with all excessive demands, they can only make bottomless concessions. This kind of person's life is humble and cautious, full of pain. Psychological counselor Hellinger once said: "The birth of pleasing behavior comes from childhood trauma."

When children first came to this world, they didn't understand the moral bottom line, just right. Some of them even have no scruples and do whatever they want. Why do they change when they grow up, become more and more timid, dare not speak, and always look at other people's faces? It is because of the wrong education that children move from one extreme to the other and become a flattering personality.

Mom and dad are too strict.

A family with a strong desire for control can't raise independent children. A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology by experts from University College London shows that there is a relationship between parental manipulation and children's psychological problems in later life. The adverse effect of parents' strong desire for control on children's satisfaction is similar to that of missing relatives.

Control parents and take care of everything. When children grow up, they will inevitably have many contradictions with their parents. In the concession to parents again and again, the child understood that "my original opinion is not that important." Children who will not be concerned by their parents begin to indulge themselves and leave everything to others. Become a person who goes with the flow and has no opinion.

Mom and dad have a bad temper.

Wu Zhihong, a famous psychologist, said: Children are the signal receivers of parents' emotions. When parents are restless, children will be alert immediately; When parents release pressure, children feel happy at once. Mom and dad have a bad temper, which will keep the children thinking. In order not to let mom and dad lose their temper, they will deliberately please mom and dad, make their parents feel happy, and then get a moment of peace. After a long time, children will pay special attention to other people's mentality and fear that others will be unhappy, so they will become a person who puts themselves in a humble position and keeps pleasing others.