Old fortune-telling sketch _ fortune-telling sketch

Beggar chinese odyssey

People: Hong Qigong (H), Qiao Feng (Q), walk-on (P)

General event: a story that happened shortly after two beggars met in the street.

(coming out, rice jar in hand)

H: The spring breeze of reform is blowing everywhere. It is not easy to be a beggar. You have to be humble and suffer, and the city management will surprise you! Ah, it's harder to be a beggar than a college student to find a job these days. Right? Just now, the urban management people raided again, saying that we have no other role except affecting the city appearance. In a small sample, if we all leave, won't all your urban management people be laid off? In addition, it is ok if the urban management people really take us away. When you go in, you can shelter from the wind and rain, and you can stay for free. We want to eat and drink, and a group of people can chat together. It's simply the fairy-like life we yearn for. They will not only confiscate my rations, but also take my rice jar, my hard-earned money and drive me out of my territory! If I hadn't run away, I would have lost my wife and lost my soldiers! Finally ran out of their search range, let's have a rest here, hey, I'll wait for the money here!

(coming out, rice jar in hand)

Q: My brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts are all kind people. My house is ugly, and there is nothing. I wear sleeveless clothes, keep warm by shaking, take medicine all day, and have never eaten pork in my life. People are thinner than chopsticks and their lives are not as good as dogs. Have pity on me! (kicked H's rice jar)

Hey, what's the matter with you? Look, you kicked the paint off my exquisite rice jar. You have to give it back to me!

Q: Think of your broken rice jar as a BMW or a Mercedes. If you drop a piece of paint, you have to pay for it. Go to the insurance company to pay for it!

H: For you are a poor beggar, it is not difficult for me to help you. Give me your rice jar and the money in it!

Q: Look at what you said. Look at your virtue. We seem to be in the same business! I've been wandering around this street for years. How come I've never seen you before? Are you Xinxin?

(h turns to himself)

H: Is he the owner of this street? I want to test him (turn around)!

Q: Leading a beggar from a rich family!

H: Oh, the water rushed into the Longwang Temple, and the family didn't recognize it. Excuse me, here, this is my film (take out my business card)

Q: If you don't know, you are not guilty. Me too (exchanging business cards).

H: Qiao Feng, deputy leader of the Beggars' Sect in Jiulv Street, Deng Hong District. Alas, I've heard a lot about you!

Q: Hong Qigong, deputy chief helmsman of the 38th gang of beggars' gangs in Xia Yue Street, Hua Qian District, is lucky!

H: Come and sit down.

Q: Brother, why did you come to me when you were away?

H: Aren't they the urban management people? They came here for another surprise inspection and had to come here. How was your income this morning?

Q: Oh, forget it. It's been so late all morning. It's not easy to be a beggar these days! Be a Beggar's Sect Leader-1

H: It's difficult to be a beggar leader running all over the street!

H & Q: Hey-

(p) Go on stage, change with Mengniu in hand, throw the bag into the rice jar and walk away)

H: Ha, he used your rice jar as a trash can!

(Q takes the bag and adds another bite)

Hey, save me a bite!

Q: Delicious! I haven't eaten meat for days! Cool!

H: I'll let you eat it all at once. How does it taste?

Q: Sweet and sour is me!

H: Now look at this package. How beautiful it is. Look at this handsome girl, how handsome this man is!

Q: Why are you so ignorant? They are two women. Don't you know them? They are the hottest super girls last year-He Jie and Chris Lee!

H: I don't care what super boy or super girl he is. I left this package. There are prizes. Maybe if I win 5 million, I won't have to be a beggar in my life.

Q: Well, when you win the lottery and win two cows, you can drink milk every day and take a bath with it!

(p) Go on stage, take a leaflet, throw a leaflet into the rice bowl and leave. )

H: This young man is very affordable. He is really lazy. He saved himself the trouble. Are pyramid schemes so cunning? !

Q: So uneducated, that's called distributing leaflets, what pyramid schemes!

H: Ah, distributing leaflets for sale, referred to as pyramid selling!

Let me see what they are selling.

Can you read? This is completely upside down!

Q: Why can't I read? I passed the sixth grade of primary school!

H: Are you alone?

Q: Pinyin Band 6! I'm not bragging to you. I studied in primary school for eight years.

H: Yo, did you take the graduate students away?

Q: You see, Nike Adi has a big price cut, and shorts are only 280! It's only 280, and a pair of underpants can feed me for three months!

H: Look at your consumption concept. This is a famous brand, especially for college students nowadays. No matter how miserable their lives are, they should wear that famous brand!

Q: xx Shoe Store has a crazy promotion, buy one and get two free!

H: Yes, buy a pair of shoes and give you two shoelaces!

Q: Go to the famous family education intermediary center to provide you with family education in all subjects and ensure that your child is admitted to a famous university!

H: Don't you know your current tutor? They are all college students, but they don't teach anything in class, just chat with you, spend a lot of money, and their grades haven't improved.

Q: No, they are all false advertisements.

Hey, what do you think if we also hand out leaflets? We can earn a lot of money every day

Q: You can forget it, just your image. It's too late for people to see you hiding, and they dare to pick up your flyers?

H: I can't wrap it myself. People say I look like Chow Yun Fat, but I look like Andy Lau. Besides, if it doesn't work, just hand out leaflets to the brothers.

Q: Don't dream there. It's daytime, and you may not earn as much as you do now. Just like those who make false advertisements on leaflets, you may go out of business that day and become our younger brother.

(p Go on stage, toss a coin into the rice jar, and step down)

H: Thank you very much!

Yo, why do you talk like a bird?

H: You didn't see the man with yellow hair just now. He must be a foreigner. Maybe he threw away euros! I can't embarrass our beggars in China. Thank you!

Q: Not necessarily. It is normal for this young man to follow the fashion and dye his hair now. At that time, I squatted at the gate of xx University and saw a woman with red hair today, yellow hair tomorrow and purple hair the day after tomorrow. From Monday to Sunday, he dyed red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple, and finally his hair looked like a mop.

H: Anyway, let me see what the euro looks like.

(h) Take coins out of the rice jar, have a look and throw them away)

Q: What's the matter? Why did you throw away the euro? What if someone else picks it up?

That boy is not kind either. He cheated me with a dime. Is that to send beggars? ! Can I still get a dime now? You have to pay 50 cents anyway.

(p goes on stage, takes a five-dollar bill, throws it into the rice bowl, and takes out four coins)

P: Hey, buddy, I'm sorry, but there's no change by bus. Change some! (End)

H: Can he cheat us with counterfeit money? (Pick up the money and shine in the light)

Q: Then let's curse him. If he cheats us with counterfeit money, let him have an accident.

H: Yes, if I run into him, I can't take care of myself.

(p takes the newspaper to the stage)

P: Legal newspaper, story newspaper and newly published sports newspaper. Let's take a look at why a 23-year-old young man took the college entrance examination six times in a row, why new college students jumped off buildings, why fake rat poison appeared in university canteens, and why graduate students of famous schools cruelly abused 28 kittens. Take a look and you'll know everything! Reading the newspaper, why is smoking in the university study room repeatedly banned? The cause of the bloody case is only a ruler. If you want to learn more about eight honors and eight disgraces, come and buy my newspaper.

Q: Give me one (holding a newspaper).

H: Do you still read newspapers?

Q: That's right. You should see clearly the current social situation and care about national affairs (take out a pair of glasses).

H: it's fully equipped.

Q: That's right. This pair of glasses was bought during the clearance of the blind cat optical shop that day. It's five dollars. At that time, the boss said it was five dollars. More or less didn't sell. I took out ten dollars at that time. The boss said I have no change for you. I said it was ten dollars. Otherwise, you'll take it all. The boss was anxious at that time and said, what is it if I want you to have five more dollars? I overcharged the beggar by five dollars, and it will be known. What should I do in the future?

H: What happened?

Q: Then I gave him fifty dimes.

H: You're both fine. Come on, show me one. I want the fashion version (H takes out the magnifying glass).

Q: Don't look at the sun, it will burn soon! Looking at the headlines, all parts of the country will thoroughly study the eight honors and eight disgraces and establish a socialist concept of honor and disgrace. Hey, it's time for us to study hard. Idling around all day and relying on other people's relief to eat has become one of our eight disgraces.

H: I think China should know more about football. You see, Zhao Benshan was disheartened and said he didn't want to go to this muddy water again. You see, they earn more money than us, but their feet stink much more than us.

Q: Yes, hey, why is it raining here?

H: great! I haven't bathed in months!

(Q's cell phone rings)

Q: How are you? Hey! Hey! Hello? Ah, what, speak up, oh, the chengguan are here? Huh? Hello? Hello? Hey! -PHS, the signal is bad. The brother below said, the chengguan are coming, so let's hide.

H: All right, pack up and leave (H cell phone rings) Hello? I know the chengguan are coming, don't you? what do you think? The news is so slow, there is no food for you tonight! Let's go-