The bitterness of a middle-aged divorced woman: I don't want to be brave, but I dare not be "fragile". Why?

It is a difficult age for women to reach middle age, not to mention those divorced middle-aged women. Often, the more unhappy a woman feels in the eyes of outsiders, the stronger she is. Self-esteem gives them a mentality of trying to be brave in everything. No matter at work or in life, she has to prove to others that she is not a weak person, and only she can understand the pain. When she wanted to let go of this pretentious strong support, she found herself afraid to be fragile casually. After all, life is ideal, and ideals will not sympathize with the weak.

How does such a woman survive in the cracks of life? Qiao Nan called a taxi after calling me and ran to me, which is her normal state in recent years. I'm not busy at work, so I can skip work secretly and drive her to the center where she really wants to go.

Every time Qiao Nan asks me to take her to the center, it's not close. It took two and a half hours to drive back and forth, plus some time in the middle, and I had to take it almost most of the time. As my old classmate, I am willing to help her. If it were someone else, I would have to calculate the time and cost. It is not easy for me to see the truth about her. After more than two years of divorce, she took care of the children alone, and she stubbornly refused to look for them again, so she didn't want them. Therefore, when she is struggling, she can only believe in fate. She often goes to a gentleman to tell her fortune. The fortune teller said that she would go through a painful period before she was born again. To appease her, she should calm down and live a good life, and then gradually wait for rebirth.

This time, Qiao Nan's inner pain broke out again. Therefore, she must use the fortune teller's mouth to comfort and hint at herself. She will be fine in the future and her life will be bright.

Qiao Nan is my high school classmate. Originally, she had a bright future. After the college entrance examination, we entered different universities, and she entered the key points. But I just muddle along in the second school in this city, so I dare not contact her often.

After many years, Qiao Nan is still an excellent woman in all aspects. She works hard, but her marriage is not good. Maybe God likes to crack down on women who struggle for their lives. The more unhappy she is, the more she wants to prove to others that she is happy. Qiao Nan always puts on a strong posture. She doesn't allow others to mention her marriage. If anyone kindly introduces her, Qiao Nan will be angry and scold a dog.

Everyone thinks that Na Qiao is too powerful, and no one dares to approach her, but as long as I know, she only needs a hard shell, which used to be fragile.

On that rainy day, it thundered at night, and Qiao Nan was too scared to sleep. When she called me at night, she only said three words: I'm afraid. Then I heard her cry on the phone for half an hour.

In fact, the place where she is afraid of thunder is the extreme loneliness. Before the divorce, Qiao Nan would hide in her husband's arms every time she met a thunderstorm. As usual, her safe haven became the meek hometown of other women. Qiao Nan didn't say anything. He hated this ideal in his heart, but he didn't want to be seen by others. He was so smug in appearance that he tried to be brave and did something for others.

Knowing that her ex-husband began to take the building qualification certificate, she quietly signed up and wanted to take it down. Qiao Nan studies hard during the day, reads books at night and reviews the exam contents. At night, she is often awakened by nightmares, and the whole person is in a state of preparation.

I failed the exam, Qiao Nan said with a smile. It's no big deal. It's no big deal to take the exam again. Actually, I'm not interested in that. It doesn't matter whether I get it or not. But I can clearly see that she is unwilling and gnashing her teeth.

Sure enough, as I expected, soon after the exam results came down, Qiao Nan asked me to find a fortune teller again. I knew what the fortune teller would say, but I followed her anyway. Maybe what she needs now is the chicken blood needle given to her by the fortune teller, otherwise, she can't face her vulnerability. She hopes to have a bright future in others' mouths, and the fortune teller will tell her according to her thoughts.

Actually, this is definitely not a good thing. Perhaps because of a sense of confidence, she stood up again.

Qiao Nan cheered again. Convinced that her future was bright, she had to work hard both at work and in life, so she began a hard life.

Then for a while, I never saw her trying to prove herself again. The subjects that her ex-husband applied for have passed, and Qiao Nan really doesn't seem to have much reflection on her progress. Qiao Nan said she was tired. She always pursues the former goal. It seems that she can prove her superiority by surpassing her ex-husband But she forgot that she had a life. Her happiness is not comparable to his. Her happiness should be my inner satisfaction.

I should be glad that she has stepped out of that kind of strength. Yes, happiness is sometimes comparable, but the happiness that really makes me comfortable and free should be inner satisfaction.

Qiao Nan said that she no longer tries to show it to anyone in a big way, nor does she want to pretend to be strong or brave, but she can't compromise on life, let alone be fragile, otherwise women of this age will really be mercilessly abandoned by society. Qiao Nan said that she wanted to live another life and find a balance between strength and weakness.

Perhaps Qiao Nan's mental journey is the inner portrayal of most middle-aged divorced women. They don't want to be deceived by life, and they always want to prove it to others. But they finally admitted their vulnerability after they were tired, but they dared not compromise casually. Life goes on anyway. Perhaps after all the hardships, they can always find the balance point of life, find their own way, and then go on rain or shine, not to prove it to others, but to walk steadily.