Urgent! The materials for the company's Spring Festival Gala and sketch performances are hard to find! ! !

First, sketch-the case of Xinmeida (funny version)

Appearances: Bao Gong, Chen Shimei and Qin Xianglian.

Clothing: clothing! Office chairs and fans!

Bao Gong is sitting in the hall, and the drums are ringing! Bao Gong asked: Who beat gongs and drums to express their dissatisfaction? Bring it up!

Chen came to the stage: wronged, my Lord!

Bao: Isn't this Chen Shimei? Do you have any grievances?

Chen: Qin Xianglian, the villain's wife, has changed her mind! Want to divorce me, don't give me property!

B: May I have the setting paper?

Chen took out a roll of toilet paper from his pocket and handed it up! Show me the bag!

After reading it, I said, Wow! I'm mad at you! Take Qin Xianglian to class!

Qin came to the stage: I gave my master a gift!

Bao: Did you make any money in business? Tuoyou? Is the rate bad? Write and shrug? What do you like?

Qin: Sir! I am very wronged! I made a lot of money working hard in the sea, but he didn't help me and hooked up outside!

Bao: Chen Shimei, is there such a thing?

Chen: Sir, men are not bad, a little abnormal, men are not coquettish, and they are idiots. Men are not philandering, they must be nervous, men are not hooligans, and their development is abnormal. To tell the truth, being a man is really tired, just like being born guilty. Do not be afraid of being tired. Of course, you have to tip to pick up girls, and sweet words kill you every day. Pay your salary every month, don't expect feedback, it's all your own fault. Hey! Being a man is really tired! I also want to relax myself! Just like your master, he is so busy and tired every day! But your emotional world is blank, and I am anxious for you!

Packaging cry: 55555 I feel the same way! .

Chen: Don't worry, sir. As the saying goes, there are few bosom friends. Mochow has no bosom friend in the future, and everyone knows you.

Bao: But the person I love has been taken away. The person who loves me is terrible, either becoming bad in debauchery or perverting in silence. Of course, I'm not a pervert.

Chen: Sir, you have to think about it from another angle: a broken jar can only break its lid, and a monk only has the love of a nun. As long as you love the pockmarked ocean deeply, your face will shine.

Bao: That's right. This is worth my consideration! No, idolatry is practiced now. I have to keep my image. How can I confuse people like you?

Qin: Sir, don't listen to him. He doesn't live well alone!

Bao: Oh? What a shame!

Qin: He didn't even follow the rules of the four grasses!

Bao: What is the Four Grasses Rule?

Qin snapped his fingers: rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests, good horses don't eat grass back, and old cows eat tender grass in fashion. There are many fragrant grasses in the world!

Bao: That's interesting. What's wrong with rabbits not eating grass near their nests?

Qin: He even spared my nanny, Sister Xianglin!

Bao: What's wrong with a good horse not eating grass back?

Qin: He is still in contact with his first lover, Qing Sao! The most exasperating thing is that the fashionable old cow eats young grass, and he even got the idea of a little match girl.

Bao: DuDu! Bold Chen Shimei, are these things true?

Chen: Hui's adult, this is true!

Bao: Do you know the crime?

Chen: I don't know!

Bao: You are guilty of fooling around!

Chen: The crime of fooling around? Is there snow in your head? (rushing over like a bag and hitting the bag to the ground) I miss it! Fooling around is also a crime? Friends, do you think fooling around is a crime?

Qin picked up the bag and made an appearance of injury. He took out his mobile phone and called: hello! Dynasty, where have you been? I was defeated. Call some people back. . . . . What? You have bird flu? Yes! Let you eat chicken ass all day! Where is Mahan? . . .

I'll show people the venue. How about a lawn mower? . . . . Rent it to Qingke Long Chop? Bullshit! (Chen runs off the stage while on the phone)

Qin: My Lord, he has escaped!

Bao: The old man has now pronounced that you and Chen Shimei are divorced and the property belongs to you!

Qin: Master Xie Qing! How should the little girl thank the master?

Bao: and thank you. If an official doesn't make decisions for the people, it's better to go home and sell sweet potatoes!

Qin: Young women can only treat adults to midnight snack!

Bao: What is a midnight snack?

Qin: Cut rice in the middle of the night before supper and disappear in the middle of the night!

Bao: Why didn't you say so earlier? Let's go

The two of them hand in hand sang belated love to step down!

end

Because there are many conversations between Bao and Chen, Qin has broken more ice! Please design some movements by yourself, and be sure to kneel with your back to the audience! Finally, Chen ran off the stage and Qin turned around!

Chen ran off the stage and said, What are you afraid of? Play by yourself!

Pay attention to the expression on your face.

Second, the construction company party music sketch script (draft version)

Xu Bianhu Daole and Music Draft

Taking the bidding work of a construction company as the theme of the story, the characters are: manager Wang Zong (played by Xiao Chen), marketing department Jing He (played by Xiao Li), Xiao Liu, and project management department Xiao Wu and Xiao Yang, with the office as the background and two desks. Put a computer or folder and a homemade desk calendar on the desk (on Xiao Yang's desk). Office name: Xu bian Hu Dao's office. Among them, Xiao Chen walked off, Xiao Wu sat in the front row of the audience, and Xiao Yang sat at the table.

Moderator's statement: This story is pure fiction, and its goal is to entertain the public. If there are similarities, it is purely coincidental!

Content:

(Xiao Chen waves to the guests)

Xiao Chen said: Hello everyone. Chairman Mao taught us to be polite and say hello when we meet, no matter whether we are familiar with each other or not. "Hello, hello!" As soon as this new year's party arrived, I seized the opportunity to get to know each other again. Just now, General Manager Sun greeted me from a distance: "Mr. Wang, long time no see, have you gained weight again?" I am so excited. Sun, our general manager, is not fat, but he is still so well-proportioned, handsome, with a broad mind and strong arms ...

L Xiao Yang (immediately put down his work) said: So you are also a fan of General Sun! I admire him very much. He fully demonstrated the pulse of today's society and the influence of the new generation culture. I really want to take a picture with him!

Xiao Chen said: Me too, you. I want to buy him a cup of tea. The agent said that his schedule was full and he was not available.

(Suddenly receiving a phone call) "Hello, Boss Li ... The signal is not good. Sorry, when I move ... there is a project ... OK. Thank you. I'll treat you to tea ... "

Xiao Chen said: Answer the phone at a critical time, Unicom Unicom, but no way. What a disappointment. This is good news. (Looking around the stage, pointing to one of them, whispering) If you want to know, listen to the next explanation. Haha (walking into the office without moving)

L Xiao Liu sings (with exaggerated modeling steps): I am a girl, a beautiful girl. . .

I am a girl who loves to cry.

I am a girl, a strange girl.

I am a girl. You don't know girls.

When Xiao Chen saw Xiao Liu, he greeted her and said, "Isn't this little Liu Meimei?" (She waved and looked at Xiao Liu with a surprised expression, then carefully looked at Xiao Liu's face and watched it again. ) What's the matter with you? If you don't see me for a day, the peas on your face are all pieces (Changsha dialect), which is not good-it is detrimental to the image of China Construction.

L Xiao Liu held his face in panic and retorted in Changsha dialect: no, this is the beauty of youth, the performance of youth, Miss Wang, understand! (while hurriedly took out a small mirror from the desk, left according to the right) and then reluctantly sing:

Recently, it's more annoying, more annoying, more annoying

I always feel that life is a bit extreme.

I think I'm still not used to it.

Never, never, never, never, never, never, never enough to be liked.

L Chen Xiaoer's duet: It's more annoying recently, more annoying, more annoying.

I always feel that money is getting harder to earn every day.

Friends often tease intentionally or unintentionally.

One day I may change my name to Hu zhuan.

L Xiao Liu sings: I am more annoyed than you. Worse than you. . .

L Xiao Chen said to Xiao Liu: What about your department manager?

L Xiao Li came over and said, here, here.

L Xiao Chen said: It's very fast. There is a project with several factories and a frame structure, which is * * * square meters. The developer invited bids on * * 10, 15, and the bid was opened on123. You are ready to bid! (Then I touched my cool hairstyle exaggeratedly, turned around and walked out of the office. )

L Xiao Liu (smug expression): I just finished a project after working overtime a few days ago. Look-here comes the opportunity again. (Looking up at the ceiling and talking to himself in dismay) Brother Fairy! Help me, when will my damn youth and beauty get better!

L Xiao Li came over and patted Xiao Liu on the shoulder and said, please, Liu MM, you don't know. The immortal is very busy, and he is in power. Can you ask him out of the mountain? So it's better to be practical. I will give you music therapy!

Which one?

Which face?

Don't need the comfort of your lover

If the beans bloom and die.

After all, I changed my face.

Don't ask me how.

Will last forever

I can't see.

I saw it again.

Xiao Liu's lovely beauty

(At this point, Xiao Liu danced a little tango around Xiao Li, and finally put a POS. )

L Xiao Li threatened Xiao Yang and said, Can you still see her beauty?

I decided to tell another lie. Although I have lied countless times in my life, this time is the most perfect. "Xiao Yang said" no "

L Xiao Liu said to Xiao Li: I'm impressed! Please believe me, in order to bid, I am brave, not to be outdone, going forward and super girl, and I can win several bids in a few years. Reputation bid "no problem": Why "Shayoulana" Mr. (I waved, sat back in my seat and went to work).

L Xiao Li is alone, pacing back and forth between the desks: the reputation standard Xiao Liu has done, the business standard Xiao Li has done, and there is also a technical standard-there are still three and a half days missing, 2 1 century, what is expensive, talent! It must be right to find a lamb in the hospital! Little sheep in the yard

L Xiao Yang hurriedly put down his work and ran out from his desk, but accidentally fell down. I looked up with difficulty and asked, "Leader, what are your instructions?"

L Xiao Li said: it's a question of three missing one!

L Xiao Yang got up from the ground and asked, "What's missing?" ? Changsha Mahjong or Fast Running? I hate you as a gambler. You have no skill at all.

L Xiao Li: I can tell you responsibly that Uncle Wang is very angry and the consequences are very serious. About the implementation of this technical tender. Project management department is in charge, you do it! (say that finish and leave)

L (chasing Xiao Li for a while) Xiao Yang said: I was going to turn my heart to Yue Ming, but Yue Ming didn't follow the tender.

L sang: I thought about it, looked up and down, (taking a break from the standard way of thinking, when I saw Xiao Wu) and said, Ah, I have it.

La la la ... la la.

God, come on.

Please move your feet and don't stop.

The company is busy, I just arrived.

I see, you are a busy man, too. It's interesting to watch that program.

(Go to the audience and pull Xiao Wu onto the stage)

L Xiao Wu inexplicably asked with new words: What did you do? I will be embarrassed if men and women don't kiss and cater to each other in public!

L Xiao Yang was embarrassed not to talk, just wriggling.

L Xiao Wu said: I dare ask you something. Do you like me (like Xiao Yang)? Be careful that it will hurt your heart.

L Xiao Yang said: The bidding team has already started work. You are in charge of the technical tender, and the small manager of the contract accounting department has set up a field. This bid, one is to train the team through actual combat, and the other is to inspect new people. Although you are profound, you should not only break through yourself, but also dare to surpass your predecessors present.

L Xiao Wu said: Hey-careless, careless, I didn't expect to be played by girls.

In order to make a living

We work overtime every day.

But I'm haggard at work

How many years?

Condensed into this moment

I look forward to winning the bid. .......................................................................................................................................................................

It's hard to be human.

Only complain when you want hard liquor.

good person

The most bitter

At this moment, Xiao Yang put his hand over his ear and interrupted his singing in protest, saying: On behalf of CCTV, MTV and Pepsi, and finally on behalf of the audience present, I am extremely dissatisfied with you.

L Xiao Wu said confidently: dissatisfied with me? I compare height with Pan Changjiang, hairdressing with Peisi Chen, and Chinese with Bush Sr. Don't you think?

L Xiao Yang said: Oh, sorry, I can't remember my lines at the moment, but it's just-(burping). Go on-Noise (burping again)-That's right!

L Xiao Wu said in distress situation: Silly Yang, you don't know me, I hate it. Hey-to bid, it's been a long night.

L music begins (Xiao Yang hum): the music of Daejang Geum.

L Xiao Liu's monologue: One day has passed, two days have passed, three days have passed, and the day of bid opening has arrived (Xiao Yang turns over the calendar on the desk)

L Xiao Li said and came out: I have a chance to win the bid in front of me. If you don't cherish it, you will regret it if you lose it. If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to you: winning the bid. If I have to add a subject before this sentence, I hope it is: a company won the bid!

L Xiao Wu, Xiao Liu and Xiao Yang, get together and ask: Don't regret it, have you won the bid? Q: Is there a play? Q: What happened? Q: Why?

Xiao Chen then cried, "Oh, I see. Thank you! …."

"How many times have I told you not to talk too loudly when others answer the phone?"

L Xiao Yang: Leader, everyone is anxious to know the result of the tender. Don't beat around the bush, just say it.

Xiao Chen said mysteriously, Do you want to know? Test you, answer a few questions, and I'll tell you if I get it right!

L The girl said: Have confidence, bring it on.

L after the boys discuss, chorus:

What is the fairy here?

What kind of car do you usually drive?

What's your favorite sentence?

What do you hate most?

L girls discuss and sing:

There is a Chen Shengxian here.

Usually drive a broken mulberry car.

Serve people with virtue.

Blowing fairy dust is a protest.

Good, good response. A more difficult chorus:

What does our secretary think?

What does our secretary dream of?

What bothers our secretary?

What is our secretary worried about?

L girls discuss and sing:

Our secretary wants to be beautiful.

Dream of Chen Shenxian

The most annoying creditor comes to the door

The biggest worry is that there is no money in the bag.

L after singing, everyone applauded each other with self-satisfaction. yes

Xiao Chen said: Good answer. No matter what we say, we should ask the audience below. (To the audience below) If you think their evaluation of this song is wrong, please clap your left hand with your right hand. If you think their right song is ok, how about clapping your left hand with your right hand?

Xiao Chen said: It seems that this MM still has more supporters than our handsome guys. There is nothing we can do! We are all adults, so we should be responsible for what we say, right? I want to be good to MM! I'm telling you! (Shouting happily) Winning the bid, winning the bid. Well, winning the bid is better than hitting.

The music started (for a while) and all the staff danced a cha-cha.

Suddenly, the music stopped and everyone went to PS.

I play: ... gently wake up the sleeping heart and slowly open your eyes.

At the same time, Xiao Chen monologue: In the new year, there are new gains! On this special day, we wish A company a better tomorrow!

L fireworks for men and banners for girls.

Third, the sketch script: the prequel to "Jing Ke Stabs Qin" (funny version)

Characters in the play: Qin Wang, Zhao Gao, Li Si, Jing Ke, Meng Jiangnv and samurai.

Venue: Palace Hall

Time: 228 BC

As soon as I got up, I stood and sat in the dark: wind, wind, wind, wind, wind, wind, wind, wind, blow, blow.

I have a headache.

At dawn, the emperor shook his phone and shouted: hello (expression distorted), hello (look at the two people next to him)

Hey! (hysterical)

The other three answered the phone: hello, yes! Hi!

The emperor patted his leg, ie nobody paid attention to it. Others continue to say that I am busy now. The emperor got angry and shouted that he could not go to court.

The two of them are very cheap, and the emperor warrior is still giggling and answering the phone.

Reese kicked it, and the samurai immediately put the knife in his hand, which was very dignified.

Samurai: Yes, there is. . . . Good morning. . . Play without foundation. Back, back, back, towards. . . (coquetry like a girl)

Samurai: Yes, yes, (with gestures) Yes (stuttering)

Li's cell phone rang.

Emperor: Oh, dear! Ya ya ya!

Zhao: A big white face approached the emperor. Does your emperor have a toothache? ()

Emperor: You have a toothache!

Li: The original words are an armchair strategist.

Emperor: I jumped on the stool with an exaggerated surprised expression. What happened again? Wenmi.net, what about the Great Wall of Wan Li that I asked you to build?

The samurai was playing with his mobile phone when Li stepped forward and kicked him.

As soon as the samurai stepped forward, he reported: Report to your Majesty, 400 kilometers were built a month ago.

Emperor: Why 400 kilometers? Didn't I ask you to repair 800 miles?

Samurai: Yes, it's 400 kilometers! (hair diameter)

Emperor: 800 Li! (Shouting childishly)

Samurai: 400 kilometers!

Emperor: 800 Li! ()

Samurai: 400 kilometers!

Zhao: Your Majesty, he is playing you! (Very thief said)

Emperor: Oh! (suddenly enlighted) Come here! (Shouting at the bow and arrow)

Samurai: Ah, no ~ ~ ~

The emperor hurriedly called the contractor to speed up the progress.

Zhao and Li said at the same time: Your Majesty, they owe money.

Emperor: Arrears? Didn't I ask you to send them a prepaid card? Where is the card!

From Zhao Lifa.

Emperor: Really? Are all the photos for you ready?

Zhao Li: No ~ ~

Emperor: Look at you soldiers, one will have a nest.

Zhao: Your Majesty, calm down! I invented a new thing.

Emperor: What is it?

Zhao: This new thing can not only achieve the effect of communication, but also cost nothing!

Two people sing: two little dolls talking on the phone together. Hey, hey, hey, hey, where are you? I'm at the mall.

Emperor: Good thing! What's your name?

Zhao: jargon.

Emperor: Remember your great achievements and mass production at once! Used in military and construction.

The samurai's cell phone rang again.

Emperor: Oh, dear! Ya ya ya.

Zhao: Your Majesty, do you have a toothache again?

Emperor: Go, go!

Samurai: Report now! (original words)

Li: Oh, that's just right. Huh? Isn't that all crying for me? What about that woman?

Samurai: I got it. Please have mercy.

Emperor: Bring that woman to me.

Zhao Li: Take Meng Jiangnv to the temple!

Dae Jang Geum's music+clothes (Korean dance warriors happily followed her to help her hold the veil)

Meng Jiangnv sang: Hula, Hula, Hula, Lala. . . .

At first, the emperor played beautifully with the beat, but suddenly he felt something was wrong and shouted, Stop it!

Samurai: Your Majesty, that's her!

Meng Jiangnv: (suddenly taking out chopsticks from her pocket and tapping the rhythm) Daughter, I have been very kind since I was a child and married a man named Wan Xiliang. Three days ago, we entered the bridal chamber, and my evil deed Wan Lang was arrested to repair the broken wall. I wonder who made a rumor that we should pay tribute to the Great Wall if we want it to last forever. What is your umbrella? Flash? Did the night donkey kill him? Ipanez to wipe the trace? Tibia? Lei Kun? Pose? Spying? Depressed? Spying? ㄖㄈㄖㄈㄈㄈㄈㄈㄈ? Spying? Depressed? Spying? Hey? He is the stinking king who is inferior to pigs, dogs, chickens, ducks, toads and cockroaches, stinking king!

(Others craned their necks to the rhythm)

When Meng Jiangnu finished speaking, the samurai suddenly shouted: Good! (suddenly realizing that it's wrong) Well, you bold Meng Jiangnv, how dare you scold the emperor!

Meng: scold me, tyrant tyrant monarch. (making a contemptuous gesture)

Zhao: And swearing!

Li: Come on!

Emperor: Yes! She looked down on me. She is a woman from Meng Jiang. She cried down my Great Wall. She is still so arrogant. (She tells the people next to her, then pulls out the guy, and they pull him at once. ) I, I, I will chop you up! (The emperor is very excited) Li pulls him, but he can't stop.

Samurai: Tell the emperor that Jing Ke, the contractor, asks for an audience!

Emperor: What? Jing Ke, bring it up!

Samurai: Yes!

As soon as Jing Ke came to power, he knelt down on the big board, dyed his hair, wore fashionable clothes and gold ornaments, and was very narcissistic. He sang: Please give me a chance, and don't say that salary doesn't matter! You've been in arrears for so long, do you pay you or not? (Pack your daily necessities, toothbrush and toothpaste, and comb your hair like a triad boss)

Emperor: You. . . . ?

Jing Ke: (in Northeast dialect) I'm telling you, I won't leave today unless I pay the money! (Look at the time with the alarm clock and adjust the time) I'll sleep for a while!

Samurai: (suddenly angry) You are so manly!

Jing Ke: Get out!

Emperor: Ah! (to the two people next to him) Then bend your head and reach for that guy!

The two men stripped off the emperor (the emperor fell down under the chair) and dug up the guy together.

Zhao and Li: Stop him in front of the emperor and take out a kitchen knife and machete.

The emperor got up and said, don't mess around!

Jing Ke: Pay me.

Meng Jiangnv: Give it back to my husband.

(Pause four times. The emperor pretended to be cute in the middle, playing time. Suddenly he realized that something was wrong. Stop. Everyone froze, and the emperor shouted for money. )

(Yangko takes four steps)

Jing Ke: For my husband.

Meng Jiangnv: Give me my money back.

The person next to you sings RAP.

The emperor took the knife from Zhao and Li and took it for himself. He shouted, Get up!

Meng Jiangnv stabbed the emperor coldly, and the emperor asked, What is this?

Meng Jiangnv: Knife is as precious as autumn water.

Emperor: How dare he stab me? Suddenly fell to the ground!

Jing Ke approached the emperor and he died (SHI).

Meng shouted: Ah! Jing Ke stabbed Qin!

Everyone is close to saying that you two will make up two knives and discharge each other. Stand up and hold hands with Jing Ke, stabbing Qin.

Samurai: Ah, he stabbed Qin! And run away.

play music