Fortune teller Cai Xiao _ Fortune teller Xiao Si

1 unit, a leader said "I wish you good health ..." Hold your breath, there is no more words.

I once booked a hotel for my boss and wanted to ask if there was any free internet service. I couldn't figure it out.

How to put it, so I asked the other party, "Excuse me, do you have any special services here?"

The other party: "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! "

-__-! ! ! !

Third, the old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?

When shopping, my friend suddenly exclaimed, "Wow! Virgin bookstore! " I was startled and looked up and saw a plaque that read

Four big characters

-Foreign language bookstore-_ _!

I once went to buy mutton kebabs.

Hold out four fingers and say "three kebabs" to the boss.

The boss received "How much?"

I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

Our general manager is surnamed Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou ..."

My surname is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" Scold that at that time.

The guy gave a meal.

8. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" (Porphyra and egg soup) Ha

Ha, laughing makes me spray soup.

One day, I ate slowly in the rice noodle shop and was hungry.

Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table!

The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "

The whole store was silent for 3 seconds, and then burst into laughter under the table ... shame. ...

My parents were quarreling at 10, and my father said angrily, "I'll go out!" "

1 1 High school plays basketball. After getting the ball, A selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball and A got the ball.

Shouted loudly to pass the ball to him. B throw the ball yourself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blind just now. ...

Full laughter

In the impression of 12, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. In a self-study class, the classroom was full of people, and the monitor kept order several times.

Finally, I couldn't bear it. As soon as I stood up on striking table, I shouted, whoever makes any noise again will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

When we were in 13 university, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was. He said excitedly, "Manchester United lost, but Beckham won."

It's time for two yellow plates! "

14 Don't work in porcelain without a golden hoop.

15 When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new material, saying, "The sexual function of this material is indispensable to the old material.

Comparable ... Oh no, performance and function ... "

16 just went to college for military training. The company commander didn't know where the accent came from and shouted the password-"Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

17 when I was in college, I heard a girl order: master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

18 When I was a sophomore, our Chinese teacher was an old teacher who had just transferred from Nanchang to Beijing. He has a strong accent. His son

Relying on the architecture department of Tsinghua, this is also the purpose of his coming to Beijing. He is very proud of his son and always tells us about his son.

I always say, "My moth (son) is from the Department of Frog (Tsinghua) and Toad (Architecture)." ...

If moths jump on frogs and toads, won't they become snacks? ...

19 cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" "

A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! accomplish

The corpse staff laughed! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~!

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.

I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "

What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "

Just after school started 10 minutes, my deskmate raised her hand and said, teacher, I want to go to the toilet.

The English teacher said unhappily: How old are you to go to the toilet?

I have a classmate who has been reviewing computer level 3. One day playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only listened to him.

Shout: get in the car! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, boss, how much is Shakespeare? Laobandang

Stay in the field.

The physics teacher said, "It's a thick spring. I pushed from both ends to see if there was any densification (constipation). "

Listen to your classmates,

Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?

Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .

Senior sister of 26 university, studying educational psychology. Late ... walked into the classroom and glanced at the blackboard. The old professor called her senior when she was angry.

Answer the questions on the blackboard. The elder sister faltered for a long time and said, "This is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is nervous.

(note. Professor's original title:)

A very good male classmate of mine fell to the ground, and I asked a question to show my concern: "Does your ass hurt?" result

I accidentally said, "Your ass fell to death." Khan ~ ~ ~ Brother stood up and patted his ass, farted and said, "Not dead, still breathing."

Anger! "I'm dizzy directly

Drinking with leaders and others, he raised his glass and said loudly, "Let's die together!" " My brain was too hot. ......

On one occasion, the photographer of our newspaper interviewed the star of Anonymous and told him how he met the star at the meeting. Boss, look

I made a joke on a pile of photos on the desk: I see you have become his royal photographer. But the boss's southern Mandarin is not known.

No, its pronunciation is "Yu" or "Sun". From then on, the poor photographer was called "everyday photography"

Teacher ",when he works overtime, of course it becomes" night use ".

Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

3 1 Our colleague went on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. Let's go

You tell the door that we will eat across the street, and it will be free. In order to save 20 cents, our colleague went straight ahead.

, rightfully said to the toilet manager: "I'm here for dinner!"

I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the holiday, because these days are a holiday.

Confused, I didn't know the content of the order, so I asked: What are you?

A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog to win the battle" and often plays jokes on others.

One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed.

He kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!"

When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays.

I want to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.

I'm nervous because I'm a child, and this is my first job.

Originally I wanted to ask the manager if he needed a job, but I also wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask him if he needed manpower.

The result said, "Manager, do you need a beater here?"

I almost found a hole to get into.

Once I went to the market to buy food and prepare for dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce 2.4 yuan, and he gave all the change.

I gave it to the vendor, but there was still a dime missing, so he said to the vendor-

"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair."

The peddler was speechless, and it took him a long time to answer-

I don't want your hair.

The manager usually says to smokers at meetings: smokers are strangled! !

I remember when KFC went out to spread its wings, because I didn't see the advertisement, I always thought it was given by Liu Xiang.

KFC endorsed it. When I get to Ken, tell the waiter directly that I want Liu Xiang to spread her wings. . .

After the 38 KFC Sudan Red Incident, I went to KFC.

The waiter asked, what do you want to eat?

I didn't even think about it: a pair of Sudan red.

The waiter immediately looked as if he was choking.

I went to a small shop for dinner with some colleagues after work the other day. There were quite a lot of people in the shop at that time, and a fat waiter was busy.

Like a bee, a colleague shouted "waiter ~ ~" and the girl ran over. "What are the bills of several nodes?"

We all fell down at that time, and then we went to this restaurant for dinner. When ordering, we shouted "waiter pays the bill" and then left after eating.

Shout "order! ! "

I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten?"

? "After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. My colleague replied, "Yes, and you? "I'm dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~

4 1 my colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how can apes exchange it with Japanese yen?

42. The brothers in the dormitory watched Prison Break. When a man took out a blade from his mouth to kill someone, the boss suddenly jumped out: "

My mouth is hidden in the blade and I can still talk. I'm impressed. . . "

One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother hasn't moved for a long time, but my mother is anxious. Kill it.

Appearance:

"Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side. "

=_=! ! !

After the impassioned speech by the chairman of the trade union, the last sentence reached a climax: comrades, let's work this year.

Do better than next year! The whole audience fell.

Our teacher is very good. One day, he said, "Take out your homework, let's check the answers and cross out the right ones.

After writing the correct answer on it, ............................................. "

I called my long-lost friend and learned that he was "suspended with pay"

There are so many beauties in Jiangshan, and countless heroes shoot eagles. . . . . .

Go to the cinema to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. There is a trailer for Transformers before the movie starts. When you see the leader of a fanatic,

Hou couldn't remember that Megatron and his team were called Decepticons because he was so excited.

The fruit is a little exclaimed, "How handsome! It's eight days in the south! "

What's terrible is that it was suddenly very quiet at that time without any movie sound effects, and many people stared at me and laughed ... what a pity!

Have dinner with a group of friends

One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was very depressed, drank a lot of beer and then stood up with a red face.

Give a shout

Brother! Not for sale! ! !

I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale

At that time, a table of more than a dozen people all lay down.