Ancient folk joke stories

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Most of them reveal absurd phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. There are different tastes. The following are the ancient folk jokes I collected for you. Welcome to learn from them, I hope it will help you.

Ancient folk joke story 1 1, "Blessed are the plague dogs"

One day, Sun Man, a rich man, was going to give him a banquet. Long-term worker Abby went shopping with him and bought a whole basket of fish.

On the way back, Abby saw a yellow dog not far away, so he deliberately put down the basket and carried it. The yellow dog rushed over and took a bite of the meat. Sun Caizhu ordered Bi Nan to chase after him. Abby chased him for a while and came back empty-handed and said, "Oh, what a blessing for a sick dog!" "

Sun Man, a rich man, asked inexplicably, "What did you say?"

Abby said, "well, as long-term workers, we work hard all year round and never eat a meal." Now, as your boss said,' destiny takes a hand' is not a blessing. "

The rich man nodded and said, "Yes! Eating meat has the blessing of eating meat. Why do I always drink and eat?

This is' destiny takes a hand' "

Abby smiled and said, "Boss, that dead plague dog took the meat away. Like you, he is happy to eat meat. "

The rich man froze.

2. Dogs eat paintings and calligraphy

At the end of the Ming Dynasty and the beginning of the Qing Dynasty, there was a wise man named Abby in Bifeng, Lanxi, Zhejiang Province. He often opposed the rich man.

One day, monopoly Zhou Daosheng spoke ill of Abby in a teahouse. Abby happened to pass by and walked in and said, "I had a strange thing today." Zhou Daosheng quickly asked, "Brother Bi, what's so strange?"

Abby said, "My neighbor's dog has been stealing paintings and calligraphy recently. Today, my neighbor took out all the paintings and calligraphy collected at home to dry, and the dog ate them. The owner killed the dog and cut open its belly. Guess what's inside? Ha, a bad stomach. "

The tea drinker realized that Bi was laughing at Zhou Daosheng and burst out laughing.

Zheng Banqiao sent a thief poem.

Zheng Banqiao, a painter in Qing Dynasty, was poor when he was young. Because there is no name and no power, although calligraphy and painting are good, they can't sell well.

There is nothing of value at home.

One day, when Zheng Banqiao was lying in bed, he suddenly saw a furtive figure on the enough paper. Zheng Banqiao thought, this must be a thief. What's worth taking from my house? Then sing a poem loudly:

The wind is blowing, the moon is faint, and the husband who works is cold!

There are ten thousand volumes hidden in the belly of poetry and books, and there are no half of the money strings at the bedside.

Hearing this, the thief turned and ran. Zheng Banqiao read two more farewell poems:

Don't scare the yellow-tailed dog when going out, and don't interfere with the green flowerpot when climbing over the wall.

Story 2 of ancient folk jokes: save some for me.

A friend told me that he bought a black-and-white TV set at home when he was a child.

This was a strange thing at that time. Their family was the first in the village.

On the day he bought it back, many neighbors in the village crowded into his house to watch it.

When his father was working in the field, everyone watched it rise.

His grandmother came out of the back room trembling (80 years old).

Tear off the TV plug in handfuls, leaving a sentence that people present at that time will never forget:

"Don't look, save some for me!"

6 boxes are a course of treatment.

The farmer bought a box of rat poison, and the mouse swaggered away after eating it.

The farmer was very angry and asked the businessman for a theory. The businessman said that if you want to catch mice, you should send them with warm water.

The farmer did it, and so did the mouse.

The farmer found the merchant again, and the merchant asked, "How many times have you fed it?"

The farmer replied, "Once."

The businessman said, "Look at the instructions. Six boxes are a course of treatment. "

If you two are going to be one, I have to call you grandma.

Rural areas attach great importance to seniority.

I took my girlfriend home and met an old man in his seventies at the head of the village.

I said sunbathing, and he said how to get home.

I pointed to my girlfriend and told him that this is my girlfriend.

My partner greeted grandpa at once, and the old man said, "Don't call me grandpa. I have to call you grandma if you two want to get along."

Not like I moved so many times.

There is a construction worker moving things on the construction site, only a little at a time.

The foreman had to speak.

The foreman said to him in a corrected tone, "What do you think you are doing? Look at others moving such heavy things! "

Worker: "I can't help it if they want to be lazy, unlike I have moved so many times."

As a result, the foreman was amused by him

Ancient folk joke story 3 After Liu Bei proclaimed himself emperor,

When Liu Bei became emperor, all the straw sandals sellers threw their shoes at each other to celebrate, dreaming that this time they would welcome the spring of straw sandals.

Before long, Shu ordered the world to increase the tax on straw sandals by 30%, but Liu Bei knew very well how much money he could earn by selling straw sandals.

Why are all the volcanoes on the moon dead?

Pupils clearly asked their mother, "Why are there no active volcanoes on the moon?"

Mother told him: "Grandpa Moon has passed puberty, so he doesn't plant peas."

Jiese

A female county magistrate came home at night and was suddenly boarded by two men. A man threatened: Be honest, you rob sex! After hearing this, the female county magistrate criticized: "Damn, this thing scared me to death. I thought it was a threesome! " !

Didn't you bring it?

The American mountaineer said to his companion, "It took almost a lifetime to plant the national flag on Mount Everest, but it was worth it. Give me the national flag by courier. "

The companion was dumbfounded and said, "Ah, you didn't bring it ..."

name

I had a drink with some classmates that day and told them what to name the child.

One surnamed Liu said that if I have a son, I will call him Liu, which is similar to my major. Then he said to a classmate named Huang: What about you?

This guy didn't even blink: if I have a daughter, it's called the yellow pages.

oval face

A beautiful woman on qq said that she has an oval face, which is very beautiful.

I drooled and went out to meet someone. Pushing the door back at night, I threw myself on the bed and wailed: "West-melon face is like that. The key issue is that her tip has come up! "

impossible to guard against

Mouse: I'm in love with bats now, and the children will live in the air from now on, not afraid of your cat.

The cat sneered, pointed to the owl in the tree and said, look, she is pregnant with my child!

Tathagata passed the security check.

One day, Tathagata took the subway, and the security inspector at the entrance pointed to his head and said, "Don't worry, don't worry, all the bags have passed the security check ..."

No need to wait in line for gas.

Mother snail crawled on the road with her baby snail on her back and finally reached her destination, but the bus that started with them was late.

The little snail felt very strange and asked, "Mom, why is the car not as fast as ours?"

Mother snail replied, "Son, we don't have to wait in line for gas."

Rebuild the gate of heaven

The gate of heaven is broken, and bidding for reconstruction.

Indian: It only needs 3000 yuan. Material cost 1 000 yuan, labor cost 1 000 yuan, I earn 1 000 yuan myself. Here comes another German, a German: 6,000 yuan, 2,000 yuan for materials, 2,000 yuan for labor and 2,000 yuan for himself; Finally, an China man came: This one costs 9,000 yuan, you 3,000 yuan, I 3,000 yuan, and Indians 3,000 yuan!

There are good reasons for this.

A judge who thinks highly of himself proudly said: Many people don't know whether the law is important or the judge is important. what do you reckon ?

The shoemaker said, of course, the judge is important!

The judge happily tipped him more, and then asked, can you tell me why?

The shoemaker said, because the law doesn't need me to shine his shoes.

Miaoyixiao

Jen said to A Gou, "When I kick you in the exam today, you have to give me a look."

When it was time for the exam, Ahua kicked Ah Gou, who replied, "Meow ~ ~ ~ Meow ~ ~"

Ancient folk joke story 4 Don't save money

There was a very stingy old rich man. One day I went out with his son and met a new river on the way. He was reluctant to spend money on the ferry, so he waded desperately. Who wanted to wade into the middle of the river, but the flood washed him into the rapids and drifted for more than half a mile. His son chased him on the river bank and hired a boat to save him. The boatman asked for a sum of money, but his son only offered five cents. The price has not been agreed for a long time. When the old rich man drowned in the river, he turned to his son and shouted, "My son, my son, you can save five points and not a penny!" " "

Li Ji dialect

Once upon a time there was a landlord who hired two long-term workers. Because he likes auspicious words very much, he specially gave them two nice names: one is Goldman Sachs and the other is Facai. On the morning of the fifth day of the first month, the earth mainly says hello to the god of wealth and says auspicious words. Before dawn, he shouted in a strange voice, "Gao Sheng! Goldman Sachs! " Goldman Sachs lives upstairs. When he heard the landlord shout, he quickly replied, "Come down! Come down! " When the landlord heard this, he was full of anger, but he couldn't speak, so he had to call again, "Get rich! Make a fortune! " I got rich and lived in a stable where there were no windows. When I opened my eyes, there was darkness everywhere. I thought it was still early, so I answered loudly, "It's still early, it's still early!" "The landlord was so angry that he could hardly speak.

It's cheap for you.

Once upon a time, a military attache caught a deserter when he was in charge of fighting. He was furious and wrote a handwritten note: punish with a stick. Who knows that the word "death" can't be written, and I want to use an army stick instead, but the word "stick" is not easy to write. Finally, I had to say to the deserters, "Go! Today is cheaper for you. "

Two eggs

The emperor made an imperial edict: whoever can lie to make him disbelieve will be rewarded with 100 silver. Now there are an endless stream of people lying in the palace every day, but no one gets a reward. One day, an old liar came to the temple and said to the emperor, "I heard from my grandfather that 64 years ago, the emperor's father was in trouble and ate two eggs from my family." The old emperor said that when he returned to the palace, he would return the money with interest a hundred times. "The emperor thought, what are two eggs? Just say, "I believe it." Always lying and telling the minister to settle accounts at once. The minister was shocked for 50 years. In 64, the emperor saw that the number was too big to read at once, and quickly said, "You lied too much, I don't believe it. "The old liar laughed and finally won the 100 silver prize.

The monk is pregnant.

In ancient times, a monk was seriously ill, was rescued and put on a young lady's bed. The master invited a doctor to see the monk. Because the monk can't see the wind, the doctor should give a thick pulse through the quilt. The doctor touched the monk's tender hand and thought it was the daughter-in-law of the host family. Said: "It's irregular menstruation, probably pregnant."

Dare to have children?

Someone married the daughter of a rich man, and a year later, she gave birth to a child. The bride's family received a message from the guest and sent the young master to bring eggs and millet. Young master only knows how to send things, but he doesn't know what they are for. When he saw his sister lying in bed with a child in her arms, he was shocked and immediately scolded her in front of everyone: "How dare you have children?" My dad didn't kill you when you gave birth the year before last. How come less than two years later, you forgot the pain again? "

Joke about the burden

In ancient times, there was a farmer who had three sons. The boss is called wealth, the second is called a fool, and the third is called a joke. One day, three sons came back from chopping firewood. The old farmer asked his wife and old woman how much firewood they had cut. His wife replied, old man, no wealth at all, a little fool, a joke burden.

A story about wine

At the end of the Ming Dynasty and the beginning of the Qing Dynasty, an old man had been married for more than a year. He didn't see his wife give birth to a child, so he discussed with his wife: "Since you don't give birth, I have to marry another room." Although the wife is dissatisfied, she has to agree: "It is no problem for the master to add another room, but I have the conditions first-the master can't like the new and hate the old, and the distribution of the same room should be even. The code word is: how about drinking white wine is choosing me, and drinking red wine is choosing "small"? " "Yes!" The master readily promised. As soon as the voice fell, Xiao got married and went home. At dinner, the family asked, "What kind of wine would you like to drink, sir?" "Red wine!" In this case, the master's red wine is likely to be in short supply. The wife looked at the "small" spring scenery and had no tricks at all, so she had to swallow it. On this day, my wife's cousin visited, and grandpa prepared four side dishes-peanuts, tofu skin, small salted fish and chicken giggle. Seeing the opportunity, the wife quickly asked, "What would you like to drink, sir?" "Of course I drink red wine," the master replied without thinking. My wife's stomach swelled with anger. Fortunately, she suddenly had a plan: "My master can drink red wine. I have to entertain my cousin with white wine! ! ! ! ! ! "

What weapons will our army use?

During the Three Kingdoms period, Zhou Yu was jealous of Zhuge Liang's talent, which coincided with the period when Sun Quan and Liu Bei jointly resisted Cao. Zhou Yu wanted to make things difficult for Zhuge Liang on the grounds of lack of weapons, so he discussed with Zhuge: "Prime Minister, the war is coming soon. What weapons will our army use? " Zhuge Liang was furious and said, "What the fuck do you want from me when you have nuclear weapons?"

The emperor's reply

An official's black hat was trampled by his wife in a fight. He was very angry and typed a book to the emperor: "Your Majesty, my wife is very wordy. She quarreled with me yesterday and crushed my veil. " When the emperor saw it, he sent a message: "Ai Qing, you should be patient. The queen has the same problem. If you don't agree with me, you will smash the crown to pieces. What's your gauze cap? At most, it is a cloth pocket! "

Where is the country's money?

Gan Long asked Liu Yong: "Where is the national money?" Liu Yong replied, "I fell into the river." Gan Long asked again, "Why not fish?" Liu Yong replied: "The river is deep (small Shenyang)!"

Uncle's brother drives it.

Ah ha ha! Monks in the Tang Dynasty, polite! I am the county magistrate of this county, and these 25 colleagues are the deputy heads of this county. Oh, there are more than 100 people outside, all of whom are assistant magistrates. There is no need to change customs clearance in a hurry. Why don't you ask the four great disciples of the Tang Priest to follow me to Yingge Garden on the upper floor of the county hall for recreation? Of course there is! Everything, the eldest daughter of Huanghua yesterday. Safe! Absolutely safe! It belongs to my uncle's brother. ...

First, I'm afraid my wife is out of town.

A man is afraid of his wife and wants to visit people like himself and worship ten brothers. Looking around, nine people have gathered in the city, and there are still 1 people whose whereabouts are unknown. So everyone went out of town to look for it. I saw a man flushing the toilet. Everyone said in unison: "This person must be like us!" He greeted him and explained his purpose. The man waved his hand and said, "Why don't I be the first outside the city, but I want to be the tenth in your city?"

The truth of the empty plan

At this time, there are only weak soldiers left in the city. Zhuge Liang boarded the crane himself and played the piano slowly on the tower. Sure enough, Sima Yi arrived at the tower, saw the gate wide open, but abandoned the army. Afterwards, the counselor around him asked Sima Yi, "Why didn't the general rush in with his troops?" Sima Yi thundered, "You are so stupid! There is no one in front of them. What if they are offside! "

Ancient folk joke story 5 Zheng Banqiao's crab poem

One day, when Zheng Banqiao was the magistrate of Wei County, officials reported that the magistrate passed by Wei County, but Zheng Banqiao didn't go out to meet him. Originally, the county magistrate was born from class donation, and he bought enough money to carry a sedan chair, but he didn't have any real talent in his stomach, so Zheng Banqiao looked down on him.

Magistrate adults came to the county government kitchens, Zheng Banqiao didn't go out of the city to meet, in the heart very unhappy. At the banquet, the judge became more and more angry. Just then, the official served a plate of river crabs, and the magistrate thought, "Why don't I let him improvise some poems about crabs?" If I can't do it, I'll humiliate him again in public and sulk! " So he pointed at the crab with chopsticks and said, "This thing is rampant in rivers. It is very arrogant. I have long heard that Zheng is talented. Why not sing a poem on this thing to cheer up the wine? "

Zheng Banqiao knew what this meant. After a moment's meditation, he said, "Eight paws are running wildly in the fields, and two paws are dancing with dignity, but there is nothing in their bellies, so they dip in ginger vinegar and sing with wine."

The county magistrate was embarrassed.

Ancient folk joke story 6 "marching orders"

When Zheng Banqiao was a county magistrate, he met a famine year. He was dismissed by the emperor for opening a warehouse to release grain and giving alms to the poor. So, I rented a boat and returned to my hometown in Yangzhou along the Grand Canal.

One day, I saw an official ship moored in front of the dock, with a flag hanging on the mast, asking all civilian ships to avoid. Zheng Banqiao said to himself, "You took office at the behest of the emperor, and I will be dismissed at the behest of the emperor. Aren't they all' orders'?

What do you look like? "So, took a piece of silk, write" marching orders "four characters, also hung on the mast.

On the official ship is the son of a big court traitor named Yao Youcai. Although this person is ignorant, he got a job with the help of Laozi, and this time he is going to Yangzhou to take office. At this time, I saw a flag hanging on the mast of a small boat, "Order to disband". I think it's strange. When I asked, it turned out to be Zheng Banqiao, so I sent someone to ask him for calligraphy and painting.

Zheng Banqiao heard that Yao Youcai knows nothing but eating, drinking, whoring and gambling. He quickly wrote a poem: "Money can't buy a bamboo, money can't buy a green flowerpot, and there are not many bamboo shoots without branches and leaves." The first word of every sentence is "rich and wicked". Yao Youcai took a look and almost fainted.

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