Fortune-telling jokes that make people laugh until their stomachaches _ Fortune-telling jokes

What jokes can make people "laugh till their stomachaches"?

1.

Lying in bed, I asked my girlfriend how many idioms I could think of from "eating and drinking". In fact, it is convenient for two people to come here, eating, drinking, eating, drinking and playing. But she held back for a long time and said, "Eat, drink, prostitute and gamble". I laughed so hard that my stomach ached that she had ulterior motives. Oh, forget it. Now she still hurts all over.

2.

When I returned to my hometown, I went to see my old classmates. I found that the girl I liked in high school didn't come, and then I went to visit her in the small restaurant she opened. I'm teasing, why bother to work so hard, I will support you! She gave me a look and said lightly, "I'm working so hard because I'm afraid I'll fall into the hands of people like you!" " "I ... . .

3.

There is an unwritten rule in the circle of friends. Those who go to school don't ask about grades, those who go to work don't ask about wages, those who do business don't ask about income, those who are single don't ask about whether they have a partner, don't get married in a hurry when they get married, don't have children, don't ask how many children they have, and don't have a second child when they have children. At first glance, it makes sense that everyone can live in peace, sit together to keep warm and play mobile phones.

Thank you for your concern!

Next, let me share a joke that happened to me ~

1. When I was in junior high school, I wanted to buy a bike. My father said, "If you ride that bike at home first, you may lose your strength in a couple of days."

I looked at the rusty bicycle in the corner of the yard and said, "OK."

A little better than this. It is painted red.

Then I ride this old bike to school every day. This bike often falls off when riding. Do it yourself every time. There is no garage around the road.

one day

It is urgent. We're going to be late.

I got on my bike and rushed to school. My home is some distance from school, and it takes about 30 minutes by bike. Halfway through the ride, the chain fell off I got off the bus and found a broken leaf, ready to put on the chain. Then my hands were all black and I didn't wear them. I was in a hurry, so I sat in the car and saw if I could step on it and put it back.

Then when I stepped on it, the tire burst. And the bicycle chain is stuck and can't be pushed.

I can't help it Let me see. Class will begin soon. I just ... I rode my bike forward ... I felt very troublesome ... I put my bike on my shoulder and ran forward.

Finally, I got to school. I go to the toilet to wash my hands. Ojbk's, it won't wash off at all. I took my black hand into class and read a book for 10 minutes. The head teacher stood on the platform and said, "I really don't know why some people are late." I saw my classmate xy this morning. She came to school with a flat tire and carried her bike on her shoulder. None of them are late. What about you? Are you embarrassed? "

I was really having a hard time ... you ... obviously drove ... and saw me ... so down and out ... why not? ...

Give me a ride. ...

The horse under Liu Bei's legs was frightened and went straight to the cliff. When Zhang Yide saw this, he shouted, "Brother, please stop." Liu Bei was furious and said, I am happy with Nima coins.

Wukong asked Bajie: Where is my golden cudgel?

Bajie thought for a moment: Well, the great thing about your golden hoop is that it fits your hairstyle very well.

3. "You know, one day, you will eventually become someone you hate."

"Thank you, I hate rich people."

4. "The school uniform is the only pair of clothes I have worn with her. Graduation photo is the only photo of me and her. "

"The earth is the only home for you and her."

5. "Hello, Senior Senior, I am a freshman in clinical medicine.

Excuse me, did you bring your own body or was it issued by the school? "

"I don't bring my own fresh clothes, and the quality of the school's hair is not good.

We usually kill people now, and students with good relationships can dissect each other. "

These are the jokes I shared, I hope I like them ~

I not only have funny jokes, but also many sand sculpture videos.

A few days ago, I went to a restaurant with some classmates. Because I have been here several times, I know my boss! When he saw me coming, he came to say hello to us.

It's easy to ask, "Why don't you bring your wife with you today?" One of my female classmates patted the table and shouted, "I'm his wife!" " Who are you talking about? "The boss was stupid at the time and immediately withdrew. Not a word! As soon as he goes out, the whole table will burst into laughter. I'm embarrassed, too

Just ask my classmate what are you doing? How can you make such a joke? The female classmate said at the time: "Just wait for him to give you a discount." After dinner, I'll check out. The boss was really sorry and said to me, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you brought a lover." Please go back and explain to my sister-in-law, and say that I have mistaken someone for me. " I'm really sorry about your dinner.

I often tell all kinds of jokes to my children, and we also play all kinds of jokes in life.

As a result, the child developed a good sense of humor. Put together two parenting notes for your smile!

My daughter likes playing house games. The traditional song is that she wants to play my "mom". In her words, "Now, I am your mother."

I didn't want to accompany her, and she felt uncomfortable, so she came to "persuade" me ... so she had to play with her.

Generally speaking, the mother sends her son to kindergarten, the mother puts him to sleep and the mother cooks for him.

"Son" is also like "mother". No matter how "mother" makes trouble in reality, "son" is also a family story.

It is often that "mother" is beaten by "son", and then "son" cries loudly.

"Mom" was depressed and hid aside to think about life.

The result of playing house many times is that every time my daughter is naughty and I hit her, she is not angry and honest. I usually don't cry after a fight, knowing that I deserve it.

However, progress has been made recently. No matter how naughty the "son" is, she keeps coaxing her in various languages, trying not to hit the "son" and trying not to think about life by herself. She is more flexible.

A frog called the priest and asked about his fate.

The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you."

The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? "

The priest said, no, in her biology class next year. ...

There is a student in HKUST who will graduate from his senior year soon and still has no job or girlfriend. So he went to tell a fortune.

"You will be poor to 40 years old ..." The student's eyes lit up and he thought there would be a turn for the better, so he asked, "Then what?"

"Then you can get used to this kind of life ..."

She often demonstrates the game of Three Kingdoms to her children. After a long time, she also learned a lot about the Three Kingdoms.

But she often says the same thing as me: Send Brother Guan Yu and Brother Zhang Fei out quickly!

By the way, tell me an interesting thing.

No matter who or what animal it is, don't mess with medical students, I'm afraid he'll dissect you.

A friend of mine in medical college, one day a bee crawled on his hand and stung him, so I took a photo and sent it to my circle of friends.

Pick up the scalpel at once ...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, my God, that bee is dead.

Just say that Nima still wants to sting me?

Do you know who I am?

Look, this is the lovely bee.

Seeing this, his life is not long. You can tell by seeing his circle of friends.

The bee is already on his operating table, ha ha ha ha ha a little distressed.

But at the end, I couldn't help laughing. God, I didn't say anything about autopsy, but I also marked the thief clearly, hahahahahahaha.

Seeing those long legs makes my stomach ache. They are all talented people. Ha ha ha ha, so don't mess with medical students.

That scalpel dissected you that day, too

By the way, please attach a pair of short legs. Today's funny story ends here.

Thank you for coming to watch

Pay attention to the baby you like,

I am the creator of the funny field.

The trifles of life can drive a person crazy.

Scratching his cheek turned him into a funny monkey.

God heaved a deep sigh, gave a loud huff, and immediately scared himself into an old hen laying Mao Mao's eggs.

Just go up the mountain and become a monk. Who knows that bald heads also have trysts, and the temple is crazy.

It doesn't matter if you don't break the jar, it hurts when you fall.

No, I have to fight for breath, which makes her face deformed in surprise. You can't plan a "person" with ink in a poor stomach.

Well, this one won't work, and neither will that one. I left as soon as I died, but that companion had two lines of sad tears, which really made people feel distressed.

This man lives a very unhappy life, man. Let's not learn from him.

An old man ate it and his cow disappeared. He went to find the cow. On the way, he saw a stuttering little boy and asked? Children, you, you, you, you, have you seen where my cow is? The little boy stared and didn't speak. Did he stutter again? You, you, you, you little boy, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. Read each word ten times and speak slowly!

I have a colleague, the girl is very small and dark, and she is usually more formal, but as long as she gets acquainted, she will find that she is actually a funny idiot.

We work in a factory. One day at noon, we went to the canteen to eat together, and my stupid colleague went to my aunt's house to get fruit. The fruit in our canteen that day was carambola, and my aunt gave her one at random. As a result, my idiot colleague looked at the fruit and told her that I didn't want it, so you gave me one. It was too dark. As a result, menstruation replied: Aren't you darker yourself? At that time, the queue behind us laughed directly.

Today, I am very grateful to be here to answer this question at this beautiful moment. Let me take you into this question. Now let's discuss it together.

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