Fortune teller Xiao Lao _ Fortune teller Zodiac

I know. . .

1. I saw a fortune teller today and asked him to tell my fortune. After reading my palm for a long time, he suddenly looked up at me, then knelt on the ground and shouted "Long live the emperor" ...

I thought I was just decadent, but I was scrapped. .

3. A classmate often plays truant. In order not to repeat the grade, he decided to send a message to the professor: "I am director Chen of the teaching and research section." Why haven't you sent me the questions for your final exam? " All the other teachers have already sent it, just you. My email address is xxxxx @ 163.com ",so a minute later, there was another test in his email address. . .

4. Halfway through the final exam, the broadcast sounded: "Attention, students, there are mistakes in the paper! Please look at the second item of the ninth question on page 4:' Li Lei walks at a speed of 5 kilometers per hour. How many hours did it take to walk 10 km?' Please change Li Lei into Han Meimei. Thank you "~

Whoever dares to bully me again, I will write his mobile phone number on the police car, and then add the words "apply for a certificate" in front!

6. Baidu is called Du Niang, Netease is called Yi Niang, and Sina is still debating whether to call the bride or Lang Niang! ..... Whether you are a penguin mother, a Douban maid of honor or a fake Huawei mother, remember that Taobao is your own mother! Honey!

7. My girlfriend said she was going to learn judo, but her father strongly objected: "Who dares to marry you when a girl learns judo?" She said coldly, "Let's see who dares not to marry!"

In the mid-1980s, my family bought a new TV set, Panasonic 2 1 inch, which was several times larger than the previous 14 inch. Of course, the whole family is happy to watch big TV, especially grandma. I remember she asked my dad, "Those two announcers should be able to watch the whole body in this news broadcast, right?" 』

9. Happiness means that others are always worried that I am fat, and you are always worried that I am not full. ...

10. I am a female, 22, a senior art student. Carrying a pipa home, I was besieged by four Zheng Tai on the way, and I was secretly pleased. It turns out that I have this kind of lethality. Just when I was narcissistic, one of the middle school students spoke, aunt, where did you buy this big skateboard?