Amuse oneself: If a person like me suddenly becomes gentle, it must be cloudy.

1, I'm waiting for you because you are the only person I want to wait for in my life.

If God wants to destroy a person, he must be crazy. But I've been crazy for so long. Why didn't God destroy me?

The pain has been lost because the wound is exposed wantonly.

4. Be gentle with people and things. Don't lose your temper at will, no one in this world owes you.

Mom, thank you for giving me life. I wish you a long and healthy life on this festival that belongs to you today.

6. We are very close. The distance between our hearts is so far away.

7. You made me stop trusting anyone. Thank you.

If you can't accept the worst of me, you don't deserve the best of me! If you leave me at my lowest point!

9. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.

10, you are my spring, summer, autumn and winter, and I am your A, B, C and D.

1 1, my indifference, you gave me strength.

12, if people like me suddenly become gentle, there must be a conspiracy.

13, people are always like this, they don't cherish what they get, and they always think that what they can't get is the best.

14, if you are sad, my shoulders are widest.

15, I think I will still miss you, no matter how painful you have given me.

Classic self-deprecating quotations

1, adolescent rebellion means I'm not allowed to smoke, I'm not allowed to drink, I'm not allowed to lose my virginity! 2. Gentle country is the grave of heroes.

3. Can't afford to sleep in the morning; Sleep at night!

I come from China, but I adjust the time difference every day.

5, a real warrior, dare to face his face without makeup.

6. I was beaten by my mother for eating.

7. Don't say you figured it out and regretted it, so come back to me. I'm telling you, I don't understand.

8. I heard that you are getting married, and many things came to mind. Most importantly, your sister, don't invite me, I have no money.

9. Monkey: Do you want to turn red? Be my ass!

10, the most painful thing in the world, sleeping well and being awakened by urine.

1 1, there are bosses everywhere.

12, there are always a few grandfathers every month. His face changed from red to green, from green to yellow, to blue, to purple, to green, and finally he left me.

13, I think as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.

14, I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future and no escape.

15, what I have done is so insignificant. However, all I do is how important it is.

16, Pride of a git: Being a git is better than being a stable, at least no one takes a shit on his head.

17, during the episode of intermittent depression, don't disturb strangers or find acquaintances.

18, I don't know Wu Bai very well, but his brother 250 knows me very well.

19, Zhuge Liang didn't take a single soldier before coming out of the mountain. Why should I have work experience?

20. I am proud of being single. I am a condom of my motherland.

2 1, the problem that can be solved with money is not a problem, the problem is that I am poor.

22. Since I learned to accept adversity, I have never met adversity again.

23. The sign of an immature man is that he can die bravely for his ideal, and the sign of a mature man is that he can live humbly for his ideal.

24. I should be a man of status, I should be a strong man, I should be a man of character, not such a tramp.

I thought I was decadent, and I didn't know that my morning paper was scrapped until today.

We should keep quiet when listening to the sermon in the church. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.

27, everyone is drunk and I wake up alone, and the whole world is turbid and I wake up alone!

28. There is a cold murder hidden under my pure appearance. The scientific name of this murder case is Men's Show.

29. It would be funny if it didn't happen to me.

In order to be a civil servant, I gave birth to a leader's son.

3 1, because yours is not necessarily someone else's! So, say what others say! Build your own music stand and let others sing!

32. I've been really busy recently, and it's hard to guarantee even one 16 hours' sleep!

33. After my counseling, I instigated how many people on the verge of suicide tried to kill people.

34. I don't like to explain myself with the time to prove myself. I prefer to use time to prove myself and explain myself.

35. Most people only do three things in their life: deceive themselves, deceive others and be bullied.

36. If you are unlucky, what can you expect? Lying in bed, I dare not turn over, but I still touched my head.

37. I am not single. There is a girl with a hard disk beside me.

38. Life is like a journey, and you may capsize somewhere.

39. Work hard! For your Audi, my Dior.

40. In front of that winner, I will always be a loser.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

I don't lose my temper, but I don't lose my temper easily.

43. As a female diaosi, my only pursuit is that people are thinner than cucumbers and their faces are thicker than soles.

44. Have you been single for long? I saw a sow with beautiful eyes recently.

45. I am a handsome man. Except for my wife, I have always been very modest to women.

46. If you are destined to depend on others, choose an ideal environment.

47. Some people are as smart as the weather and changeable. Some people are as stupid as the weather forecast, and they can't tell when the weather changes.

48. The tree wants to be quiet, but the wind will not stop. I want to fall in love, she is not here.

49. I am not a fortune teller on the overpass. I can't say so much you like to hear.

50. I often question myself. Why am I more and more tolerant of vulgarization of civilization? I often console myself. Maybe I have become tolerant with my age, but now it seems that I am actually degenerating.

5 1, I don't expect Qingyun to be in a certain period, but my white hair will grow more and more.

52. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.

53. My mother said that the prodigal son will never change his money. Who will give me gold? I will change.

54. My advantages are: I am handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome.

55. People I like don't like me, and people I don't like don't like me even more.

56. Actually, I used to be quite tall, but later I often took a shower and shrunk.

Only in the zoo do I feel like a person.

If you can't tolerate me, it means you are either too narrow-minded or my personality is too great.

59. It's easy to quit smoking, but it's too difficult to quit you!

60. I'm not KFC, I can eat all over the world, and I'm not Adidas, I can run all over the world.

6 1. If I die, don't forget to install an air conditioner in my coffin.

62. I am a wolf from the south. This society never appreciates this way, but likes moderation and stability. So I've been trying for decades.

63. A man has gold under his knee. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin.

64. My eyes are not as bright as Tony Leung Chiu Wai's, my figure is not as good as Aaron Kwok's, and I am not as handsome as Andy Lau's, but my smile is more evil than theirs. Because I am a man show man.

65. People can't hang themselves from a tree, but try to die several times in a nearby tree.

66. Skipping classes is a carnival for one person. Class is the loneliness of a group of people.

67. I love myself and have more opponents.

There are so many bacteria in the outside world that I'm afraid I'll get infected as soon as I go out.

There is only one channel in my heart, and the most hateful thing is that there is no advertisement yet.

70. Every woman is looking for a man, and finally she finds herself the most man.

7 1. Although you are wearing cologne, I can still vaguely smell a scum.

72. Being single is not difficult. The hard part is dealing with people who try their best to make you end your single life.

73. The happiness of an ostrich is just a pile of sand.

74. After my counseling, I instigated how many people on the verge of self-harm tried to kill people.

75. I thought you were a flower on the cliff, but later I realized that you were just a scum in the sea of people.

76. It is useless to be handsome before the law.

77. What can I do? I want to find a small four to ruin your life with a small three.

As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Altman.

79. Smoking a cigarette will shorten life span by 5 seconds, while smiling will prolong life span 10 seconds, so every time I smoke, I will smile and earn back 5 seconds for my life.

80. Tucao is used to count money, not to make sense!

8 1, I don't know if I went to college or the college fucked me.

82. Chopin of Niu B can't play the sadness of Lao Zi!

83. I told the person who tripped me never to get up. He who helps me up, I will never fall.

Classic quotations of self-mockery

1, I miss being a child. I can go shirtless like a man on a hot day! I like you so much that you will die.

How dare you lie to me. How dare I not believe you?

4. As long as the hoe jumps well, is there a corner that cannot be dug down?

5. A man can't control his sexual desire, but also wants to control his life?

6. I never hold grudges. Usually I report it on the spot.

7. Some people say that I am too lazy to cramp. Actually, I'm too lazy to cramp.

If you don't remember me, I'll give you melon seeds with big ears. Let you remember me forever.

9. Does true love really exist? Of course it exists. You see a lot in TV series.

10, we haven't eaten for several days, and everyone looks like pancakes.

1 1. If people live by eating, the meal is not called rice, but called feed.

12, the crowd searched for her for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me.

13, if one day I become a gangster, please remember to remind me that I was innocent.

14, the biggest pain in life is that I experienced a super storm, not only didn't see the rainbow, but also caught a cold.

15, I am now three highs: high input, high expenditure and high risk.

16, a college degree has many uses, one of which is that it can delay your career for four years.

17, people are not smart and bald like others.

18, a woman without talent is a virtue, and I must be too wicked.

19, I can't do that. It's ugly. Wow, it's huge. I brought a bucket.

20. In hot weather, I like to sleep under the covers.

2 1, I want to be one of your teeth most, because in this way, at least you will feel pain without me.

22. There are more and more monsters in this world, but fewer and fewer Taoist priests in Tang Dynasty.

23, heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at age!

24. The difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!

25. The sunshine is warm and the years are quiet. How can I get old before you come?

26. Don't miss your sister. I take off my makeup and make you vomit blood.

27. Behind every man, there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

28. The fragrance can fly around the earth twice, and your thick skin can fly around the earth three times.

29. The physical education teacher in junior high school said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class again will be punished for handstand.

30, handsome has a fart to use, can you use that face to swipe your card after consumption!

3 1, the one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

32. Making money is an ability, and spending money is a technology. I have no ability, but I am highly skilled.

33. There are always a group of invisible friends lying on your friend list like dead people, occasionally cheating the corpse and changing the epitaph from time to time.

There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

35. Do you think I will watch you die? I'll close my eyes!

Actually, I'm not fat, but I'm too lazy to be thin.

37. Spring is sleepy, summer is weak, and winter is just a deep sleep.

When I was a child, I was a fool. After teaching for more than 20 years, I have finally been successfully cultivated into a mediocre person!

39. It's interesting to be alive. To live is to die.

40. I am like a fly lying on the glass. I have a bright future, but I can't find a way out

4 1, there is a military wizard in Beijing, who is called Wen Neng, who is determined to be Kun when he writes and mounts a horse. Go to the kang to know women, go to the kang to know shoes.

42. What is happiness? Happiness is that you eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones.

43. They are more delicate than monkeys when they stick hair, and I am better than monkeys when I don't stick hair.

44. They said I was BT and asked me to do CT, but I turned out to be ET.

45, holding the child's hand, I know that the child is ugly and full of tears. If the child doesn't go, I will go.

46. You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. I'm sorry. I'm leaving.

47. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

48, the fat is so thick, it is so uncomfortable to move!

49. I am convinced that a person will come to this world because of my torture.

50. The higher you fly, the smaller you are in the eyes of people who can't fly.

5 1, no matter how handsome. You can swipe your card with that face after spending.

52. Why do you need to sleep for a long time to live? You will fall asleep after death.

53. Men have gold under their knees. I cut off my legs and didn't even find a copper coin.

If I become a star one day, I will definitely show it to you!

55. I will die in the future. Donate QQ to Project Hope. Let the children use QQ with the sun as soon as they come up.

56. The world is too small. Your husbands are both my ex-boyfriends.

57. What my brother wrote was not words, but a way of rendering emotions.

Love doesn't have to be together, as long as she is happy.

59. I finally know why I want to lick Oreos, because then no one will dare to rob me again.

60. It's not that I can't live without you, but that I will be swallowed up by my thoughts.

6 1, our goal: look at money and earn more.

62. Some people are so tender that water comes out when they pinch, but I am so timid that I bubble when I pinch my nose.

Thanks to my eyes, no matter how small or narrow, I can see, sunrise and sunset, flowers bloom and fall.

64. Some people are most afraid of three disasters: earthquake, typhoon, and the passing of the film crew!

I seemed to be a free bird before I got married. Now it's a chained dog!

66. I know my photos very well. People often ask my mother for my photos. Why? In fact, I am very good at exorcism now, and I couldn't stand it when I was a child.

67. On the way to becoming awesome, I was in running all the way!

68. Only women and English are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find!

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

70. When you are in a bad mood, call someone in the middle of the night, wake them up and go to bed.

7 1, it's not easy to mix at this age. By the way, something will happen when mixing.

72. People always make mistakes, otherwise the right road will be crowded.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. In old age, mirrors are flat.

74. You called me ugly. Actually, I told you, I am old and talented. Why do you think this is?

75. Chopin of Niu B can't play the sadness of Lao Zi!

Please don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital.

77. I allow you to walk into my world, but I don't allow you to walk around in my world.

78, the car rolled the pot, dead and straight (value).

79. Crazy people with mental disorders are not terrible. What is terrible is a madman with normal mental health.

80. People have a lot of backgrounds, but I only have my back.

8 1, I'm Zuo Qinglong, right white tiger, and I have a Mickey Mouse tattooed on my shoulder.

82. I don't know whether I went to college or the college fucked me.

83. Lucky people are pigs. Unfortunately, I am a glorious poor man. At least I slept like a pig.

84. Life is the mouth of Song Like Zude, and you never know who will be unlucky next.

85. Lift your head 45 degrees just to keep your nose from stopping. Bow your head 45 degrees just to wipe your nose so that others can't see it.

86. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.

87. I deliberately study, work, live and live like a person!

From now on, I am no longer greedy, but I just love to eat.

89, the man was dumped, the problem of money; Women are dumped, they look bad, I am dumped, and you are fucking crazy.

90. Those who can't lose weight are always in turmoil, and those who don't eat fat are fearless.

9 1, the chance of finding true love this year is similar to the chance of being struck by lightning.

92. After studying for more than ten years, I think it is better to mix kindergartens!

93. Although I look abnormal, I have always been very talented!

94, people are not smart, but also learn from others baldness!

My future is not a dream, but a nightmare!

Live well, because we will die for a long time!

97. You are the head of bombardment and the seam of lightning strike.

98. Besides teeth, there is love.

99. I am not the richest actor, but I want to be the most caring actor.

100, smart women deal with men, stupid women deal with women.

Self-deprecating phrases: I can't warm people, I am a terrible person.

1. Be a woman with a light smile and write yourself a noble love letter.

Peace of mind is nothing more than three things: someone believes you, someone is with you, and someone is waiting for you. I want to be sincere. Don't play with your heart.

Don't shit in front of a fly, it will think you are showing off your wealth.

I refuse all sunshine just to wait for an uncertain future.

You used to be as clean as cherry blossoms in Hokkaido, as fresh and tender as tofu, and as silly as roast chicken in rice fields.

6. I was quiet, but I suddenly thought of you.

7. Surprise is like a box of chocolates. You never know how sticky the next one will be.

8. I'm thinking, others can have a lot of flowers with just one signature. Why am I always a rotten egg?

9. The ten clenched fingers have been slowly loosened.

10, mediocre people care about how to spend their time, and talented people try their best to use their time.

1 1, I just love him,

12, the internet has brought our friendship hands together, and we don't call names anymore, just ask for such a real one.

13, I can't warm people, I am a terrible person.

14, the last lingering is an ambush for this love.

15, happiness! Don't say that you will miss it after you leave; Anyway, we are still friends after breaking up.