Very cheap QQ talk about: Looking back 500 times in the past life, in exchange for a "rogue" in this life!

1. I looked back 500 times in my last life and got a rogue in my life! 2. Some classes are like Fu Nan Battery, and one class is longer than six classes. 3. The weather is very cold. Does the moon always weave autumn trousers with my red thread? It's not necessarily an angel who wears a ring on his head, it may be Wukong! I used to be a schoolmaster, but later I wanted to see the world of scum and found myself lost. 6. People are unlucky, and drinking cold water will also plug their teeth; Water is even more unlucky, even if you drink it, you will be trapped between your teeth. 7. Part 1: This TM is so cold that it's dead. Why TM? Bottom line: live TM, pour TM mold, wear less TM, whoever TM depends on. Horizontal batch: all TM nonsense. Please cherish the thin people around you, because if one day a gust of wind blows, they will be blown away. 9. Why do you suddenly get lost and have a nosebleed during menstruation? 10. If you are really hungry, you can call me and I will chew some snacks for you. 1 1. In junior high school, the head teacher wanted the Sports Commission to check whether all the girls were here. He said to the Sports Commission: Go and tidy up the girls in the class. The sports Committee member was flattered and asked in a low voice, which one to kiss first? The teacher thought for a moment and said, of course, press the student number! 12. Who gave me QQ cough syrup? I feel that this penguin has not coughed for a long time. 13. The man who came home early told his wife a story. Men who come home late make up stories for their wives. 14. People think I'm looking down. Actually, I was wondering if I should pick up a dime on the ground. Boyfriend: What do you want? Will you stop being unreasonable? Girlfriend: unreasonable, yes, I am unreasonable. As a man, can't you say you are sorry? Just say sorry to me! Boyfriend: Sorry. Girlfriend: Do you think you can just say you're sorry? 16. Don't eat the things in the spoon, look at the things in the pot, think about the things in the bowl, and remember what is not in the pot. Life is like anxiety, but it is thrilling without accurate lyrics. 18. invigilator+geographical location+friendliness of nearby comrades = test score 19. 1987 During his visit to China, the Philippine President said: At least geographically, those islands are closer to the Philippines. Grandpa Deng took a deep breath of his cigarette and said that geographically speaking, the Philippines is also very close to China. You move, we bump, move, move, www. Move once, move once, the boundless horizon is my love. 2 1. Today in the street, I saw a fortune teller and asked him to read my palm. After watching it for a long time, I suddenly looked up and looked at me in horror. Then I knelt on the ground and shouted: Long live the emperor! 22. I want a stable score and can resist the cruelty of exams. 23. It is obvious that the disabled students must start the learning hegemony mode, which not only consumes electricity but also is particularly stuck. 24. I also want to be an elegant lady, but life has forced me to be a bitch. 25. The incredible thing about human beings is that they are the only creatures that can cut down big trees, make paper, and then write on them to protect them. Talk about spoofing QQ: 500 times in previous lives, but I got a "rogue" in this life.

1. Scum is bitter and tired. I can't sleep before the exam. I can't pass the exam at all. After the exam, I was very decadent. Xueba said he couldn't do it at all. The final exam was ok!

2. Don't watch AV all the time, and don't look at what is behind keyboards A and V..

The little girl selling flowers took my hand and said, Big Brother, buy flowers. I can see at a glance that you are a playboy.

4. Looking back 500 times in the past life, I got a rogue in this life!

5. Living the life of Bajie, but wanting the figure of Wukong.

6. Obviously, the disabled students must start the learning hegemony mode, which not only consumes electricity, but also has a special card.

7. I always feel like a foreigner when I take the Chinese exam. In the English exam, I always feel that I am from China. I found myself an alien in the math exam.

8. Q: Is my avatar Niu B? A: Yes!

9. Failure is the stepmother of success, and she doesn't help her when she sees that her children have been failing.

10. As the saying goes, near Zhu Zhechi, near Zhu Zhechi. It's not your fault that you like eating. In the final analysis, it is because there are too many pigs around you.

1 1. The so-called sleeping goods can be summarized in eight words: spring sleep, summer fatigue, autumn sleep and hibernation.

12. Go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 yuan! 12 can't eat!

13. Women are books and men are pigs. Never expect pigs to read.

14. Don't forget you just because you broke up. You have to look back at the toilet after taking a shit.

15. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

16. See you soon after graduation; Have a wife a year after graduation; Later I regretted having a wife; Later, there was a stepmother; I regret having a stepwife the most.

17. The tragedy of life is: the exam is coming, others are reviewing, but I am previewing.

18. Women waste a lot of paper watching Korean dramas, and so do men watching Japanese dramas!

19. I also want to be an elegant lady. It was life that made me a bitch.

When I was a child, my worst dream was that I was looking for a toilet. The most terrible thing is that the toilet was discovered before people woke up.

2 1. How long is your love for me? Can I renew it after it expires?

22. When I wait for my boy, I must appear in your household registration book. If I can't be your wife, I will be your stepmother!

23. Everyone else thought I was looking down in thought. Actually, I was wondering if I should pick up a dime on the ground.

24. A child gave me 100 yuan to be his parents. When I got to his head teacher, I immediately knelt down: Wife, you have to listen to me explain the past 500 times in this life to pass.

Because I loved it, I won't be an enemy; I won't be friends because I've been hurt. If you need to look back 500 times in this life to get through, it would be great now! In fact, passing by is also a deep fate.

Dreams, scattered forever, swaying in the past; Dream, engrave years, touch thoughts; Dream, low nostalgia, beautiful silence.

The rain washed the pale face and penetrated into the pupil, making it painful and astringent. The world began to become dirty, and the liquid on the corners of the mouth was salty and bitter. Can't tell whether it is the pollution of rain or the bitterness of tears!

If life is colorful, then youth must be the most gorgeous touch; If life is a dynamic blend, then Fanghua must be the most dynamic one.

The hourglass is reversed repeatedly, and the painful relief of life is experienced again and again. How many 99 seconds are there in life? How much courage does it take to bear the pain again and again?

When I said goodbye to you in tears, you just left me coldly, unable to feel your cold eyes, and your heart broke into thousands of pieces.

The past years have passed like water, which has taught me to be sad quietly and to express everything in words, but I am always getting old and forgetting.

Scattered years will keep me in this lonely corner of dusk. In this lonely night, listening to the understanding of Zen, and a moment that should last forever is just a loss at that time.

Time flies on the left bank, and the lonely shadow is melancholy. I am wandering in this empty text, I am infatuated!

One is persistence, two are sincerity, three are vagueness, four are pity, five are tears, six are tenderness, seven are romantic cups, and eight are love for fire. After nine tests, the pot is perfect.

Lonely eyes are silent and quiet. When will they be found in the bright hall and hidden in my dark corner?

The dream is gone, my heart is broken, and I just stay to prepare for separation.

The nostalgia for the past gently entangles my thoughts and makes me sigh. In fact, it has created love in this life, but it is doomed to the tragic drama of parting.

His heart has already changed seasons, and you are still standing on the day he made a promise.

I can see the prosperity, but I can't touch the memories.

Who is pale, who is waiting, who is being sarcastic.

Very cheap, very cheap.

Very cheap, very cheap.

First, the queen is unwell, her face is pale and her abdominal pain is unbearable. After the diagnosis, the doctor thinks that the queen is ectopic pregnancy and must be operated immediately! The emperor said: the queen accompanied Lian every day and never went out of the palace. How can it be an ectopic pregnancy? Somebody please. Pull this nonsense quack out and cut it!

Second, go shopping with my sister and her daughter, and the little guy is sitting in the shopping cart! While my sister was looking at the goods, I pushed the shopping cart away! Who expected this little guy to shout for help! Other people's eyes wronged me.

I went to daming temple to burn incense. When I make a wish, I silently think about my loved ones and ask the Bodhisattva to bless me. When I got home, I found that I forgot to ask the Bodhisattva to bless my wife. . . Later, I thought, my wife is so tenacious that she should not need the blessing of a bodhisattva. . . .

My wife used to be cruel to me, so I let her learn Sanda and judo. What about now? Much better now. Give me a bow before you hit me!

5. Go for a walk in the park with my friends. When I was turning the corner, a child ran out of the flower stand next to me, then hit him in the face with a water gun and ran away. Then the buddy chased him. I said, forget it, that boy doesn't understand, so why argue with him? No big deal. Who knows my buddy is even more excited and says to me: Shit! It's urine

6. When I saw a beautiful woman in the library, I went forward to strike up a conversation: Hello, classmate, introduce myself. I'm in the computer department, and you? She looked at me and smiled: I have nothing to do with you. Damn, what a witty sister.

7. My girlfriend's best friend is a real witch. She often asks me about my girlfriend's bed. When she's bored, say she's menstruating. This girl suddenly said that I would take you to my house to play and make sure you float downstairs! I just want to ask, can I go?

8. In the morning, the couple went to the street. Wife: Honey, the cold wind is howling. Where is the coldest place on your body? Husband: Face Wife: But why doesn't my face feel cold? Dave: Why don't you try it without makeup tomorrow morning?

9. Ms. Lin came to the electronics store and asked: The car has a car remote control, the mahjong has a mahjong remote control, and the fan has a fan remote control. Do you sell your husband's remote control? Shop assistant: The remote control is an accessory, not sold separately. It is equipped by the machine manufacturer. Ms. Lin: Then where can I buy it? Shop assistant: of course, go to your husband's factory and buy it at your mother-in-law's house!

10. Watching the Romance of the Three Kingdoms with my wife, I said smoothly: What do you think I can do in the Three Kingdoms? The wife said leisurely: Tie it to the grass boat and borrow an arrow! Me. . . .

In class, the absent-minded Luca was named by the teacher. The teacher said, Luca, why don't you answer? Is my question difficult? Luca said: Oh, no, I totally understand this question, but the answer is very difficult for me.

Twelve, today's children really can't teach. Today, I told my son: People only have one life, so we should cherish it. The son actually replied: Don't you know how to cherish it if you lose it?

Thirteen, roommate bask in the quilt, the static electricity on the quilt shocked him. I didn't expect the goods to say: Don't you dare to shock me, believe it or not, I'll sleep with you at night. .

14. Sister-in-law took her little niece who was obsessed with money to the clinic for an injection. The doctor prescribed three bottles of intravenous drip, and my niece began to play. After drinking two bottles, my niece began to make trouble and said nothing. Sister-in-law had a brainwave and said to her niece, I'll buy one of the two bottles. The niece bowed her head and thought for a moment and said, OK!

Fifteen, I asked a classmate who was a teacher: Everyone said that there was any love between teachers and students. Did I chase you? The teacher said: whether anyone pursues is a matter of level, and accepting or not is a matter of personality; To be a teacher, one should not be low in level or bad in character.

Sixteen, quarreling with my girlfriend, I said angrily: There are thousands of women in Qian Qian, and I have money to change every day! That stupid x actually said: men in the world are looking for it casually, and I still do it without money. I'll go. .

Just the other day, I chased a girl and bought her breakfast. I knew her dormitory number, so I sent it to the dormitory door. My sister just didn't come out to get it, so I left it outside her dormitory. After I left, she came out to get it and found it next to her dormitory. Did I put it in the wrong place?

When dating, the girl asked: What do you do? Me: I'm in charge of all the people who come in and out of the company. That girl hasn't contacted me since. Later, I heard that she thought I was a janitor, but I was actually HR.

Nineteen, go to dinner with friends and meet a great waiter. I ordered a stewed chicken with mushrooms. My friend asked: Are you serious about chicken? The waiter said: Chai Chicken is indeed Chai Chicken. I really don't know if it's serious.

Twenty, the company draws a lottery and draws a water margin card. Lao Wang shouted: I got the glory of Xiao Lihua! Manager: Send a pair of bows and arrows! Lao Li shouted: I drew Lu! Manager: Send a string of beads! I shouted: I have drawn Wu Dalang, manager, will you find me a beautiful wife? The manager said with a smile, send a cuckold!

Twenty-one, the front is dark bicycles and tricycles. The car finally found a tractor in the crowd. I quickly stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder: Brother, I finally found someone to talk to. The tractor knocked off his hand and said, Come on! Who is your brother? I talked about it earlier. Look at you, you can only breathe with your ass!

Twenty-two, I think my mother is crazy. For physical reasons, my period is always unpunctual. When I have a boyfriend, my mother asks me to be late n times a day. Are you there? ! I have no boyfriend now. I am ten days late. I told my mother that I wanted to take some Chinese medicine to recuperate. My mom told me it was okay. No conditioning is needed, and sanitary napkins can be saved. Ten times a year is good.

Twenty-three, go to a unit for an interview and go to the personnel department. When my ex-girlfriend was sitting there, we looked at each other meaningfully and passed by the planning department. I went and my ex-girlfriend was there. Boss, you don't want to tell me directly Why are you doing this whole thing?

Twenty-four, I took a taxi two days ago and talked with the driver in the car. Speaking of losing my mobile phone, the driver said, from the end of the year to now, I have found seven mobile phones and returned them to others. That's not the point of stepping on a horse. The point is that I dropped my cell phone in his car when I got off the bus. Call my cell phone. It rang for the first time. He hung up, and then I stepped on the horse I'm so tired!

25. A painter wanted to paint a portrait of Wukong. Wukong took off his clothes and stood in front of the painter. The painter looked at Wukong and said, You'd better put on your clothes and I'll draw for you! Wukong asked: Why? The painter said: You don't have to draw this kind of monkey hair when you put on your clothes, it will be faster!

Twenty-six, boss, the unpaid workers are here again. What a bother. If it weren't for today's New Year's Day, we wouldn't even be able to move the broom. I really want to sweep them all out at once. However, the broom has been taken away by the cleaner and compensated!

27. The furthest distance in the world is that I look at you frequently on the bus and you look at me frequently. I fell in love with you at first sight, but you clung to your wallet.

At twenty-eight, Xiao Ming came home from school and had guests at home. His mother introduced him: This is my cousin. Cousin. This is my cousin. Cousin, this is cousin. Why are they all ideograms? Dad, I was slapped by my mother. Xiaoming cried in grievance. Yes, Xiao Ming said while crying.

Twenty-nine, my son called his classmates' parents to take him to the haunted house. He also wanted to go. I said, no, you are too young to scare you. My son insisted on going to the haunted house on weekends. I thought the child would be scared, but I didn't expect to shout when I came out. I thought ghosts were terrible! Stop! Not as scary as when my mother is angry! ! !

Thirty, Xiong Haizi just went downstairs to school, very naughty. Grandparents told him to study hard, and he said, what should I do if I study hard and get admitted to Tsinghua? I heard that tuition is very valuable. Can we afford it? His grandfather said: study hard, if you can afford it, don't worry! Xiong Haizi: You are a liar. I asked you for a dollar this morning, and you said we had no money!

Thirty-one, a person interviews a college student. In fact, half of the boys said they had never seen av, and most of the girls also said they had never seen AV. They also said that although they haven't seen it, they know that all boys have seen it and all boys like it.

Wife: Honey, do you have joint contracture? Me: Why do you say that? Wife: Don't you think your arms are getting shorter and shorter? When we first got together, you could still hug my waist. Me. . .

Man: You are so beautiful that I don't know how to express my love for you. W: Use the money. Man: Our love is pure, how can it be related to money! W: Then use diamonds.

34. Dad, why don't you call me by my name and call me little thing every day? Why? Son, things just mean cute. Because you are young and lovely, I call you little thing. Oh, I think dad is cute, too. From now on, I'll call you old stuff. . .

Wife: Put it on! Husband: It's better not to wear it. Wife: It's safer to wear. Husband: Trust my skills. Wife: I won't let you go without it. Husband: You look like a man without it. Wife: Are you bored? Will riding a motorcycle and wearing a helmet kill you?

Thirty-six, the man went home on a business trip without telling his family. When he reached the door, he secretly put his ear to the door and eavesdropped on the conversation inside. The son said, mom, I miss dad so much! Mom: Come on, let's call dad! The man was moved to tears outside, so he took out his mobile phone and waited for half an hour, but the phone didn't come. . . But it's hot inside.

The difference between my husband and me is that he watches country love and I watch Korean dramas! The voice is louder than one. I want to wipe my tears with a paper towel when I watch it. He is laughing there! The contest between ice and fire!

A Guang bought a kitten and liked it very much. But the kitten is very naughty, so A Guang teaches it: all lambs know that they are kneeling to feed, and all crows know that they are feeding back. I feed you delicious food every day. Why don't you know how to repay me? Unexpectedly, the next day, A-guang's desk appeared, with half a mouse left.

Thirty-nine, just go to the toilet, next door to a wonderful work, while squatting on the phone. It says, "Honey, I'm eating. I'm eating. It's delicious. I'll take you to try it another day. All right. Goodbye, baby! "

Forty, in summer, the dog at home got a skin disease, and the wife washed it with Fuyanjie, and the effect was very good. One day, my wife went to buy Fuyanjie for the dog. The clerk came and said it would be faster to use some topical ointment after washing. My wife thought about it, and seriously said, you can't lick it with ointment! The clerk's eyes were about to drop, and the wife realized that she had been misunderstood and explained, I mean, my dog can lick! ! Honey, did you really explain it clearly? !

Forty-one, watch two kindergarten children play a guessing game. One child takes a ping-pong ball and three cups, covers the cups in turn, and lets another child guess after the ball moves. Another child can always guess every game! I looked at it and wanted to say: children, you can't play this game with a transparent cup!

42. Ask my husband: If you have money, will you buy me a plane to go to work? Husband said: Yes. I said, you have so much money and you still let me go to work? What if someone makes me angry? Husband said: if you see an unhappy person, hit him with a plane!

Forty-three, a buddy showed off his shiny watch to the opposite sister and said, Good watch. A few days ago, it was more than 20 minutes slow, less than five days! I hold back my internal injuries!

Forty-four, a husband and wife are at odds. The man didn't speak at first, but suddenly he spoke: First, we are husband and wife! Second, we have received higher education, knowledge, culture and literacy! Third, you said you were going shopping today, and you said you didn't want to go shopping! Why are you angry with me? The woman looked up: I am very happy.