Ask for a short cross talk

Degang Guo's comeback is all short stories, from which you can find good ones.

Send you an essay by Degang Guo, Yu Qian and back in the game.

Duanziyi

Guo: Thank you. Without ability, there is strength. Regardless of good or bad, listen to a fresh one. So many friends came, and some of them waited at the door for a long time because they didn't have tickets. There is nothing to report, I can only say a few more words and express my feelings.

Y: right.

Guo: We are just afraid that it will be too late. What if we go back later without a car?

Y: I can't go back.

Guo: (asking the audience) No? Are you sure you're okay? Ok, by train? Living so far away, and ... I'm willing to talk if you want to listen. Yu Qian, it is my brother.

Y: Well, we are brothers and sisters.

Guo: We have cooperated for three or four years. I can't say it's a perfect match, but I always think it's a particularly good performer.

Y: Oh, I'm flattered.

Guo: Great. Anywhere is good. Ah, anywhere is fine.

Y: Haha, thank you.

Guo: But ...

Y: This will be done soon.

Guo: People always have shortcomings!

Y: right. You are here to find faults.

Guo: Let me compliment you first.

Y: Yes, give a sweet jujube to eat first.

Guo: Anywhere, just be careful with your money.

Y: too fine is not a problem.

Guo: Isn't it? Lao Yu's family is said to have a family style ...

Y: what rules?

Guo: If you don't pick up the things in the aisle, you'll lose them!

Y: What is family style?

Guo: Go home for dinner at night. After eating, I pushed open my rice bowl and stood up. He went out to work.

Which class are you in?

Guo: Go out to collect money.

Y: I take fundraising as my job.

Guo: Pick it up everywhere. I hate it when I pick it up. If people learn badly, why can't anyone throw money at it? I picked one up last year!

Y: huh? What the hell?

Guo: Huh? On the ground, there are ten dollars.

Y: oh, yes.

Guo: I was so excited that I cried.

Y: it's too rare.

Guo: God, it hurts! (stomping)

Y: Why did you step on it?

Guo: The rules of collecting money. Step on it first, there is no one on either side, so squat down and tie your shoelaces. Usually go out barefoot.

Y: Then why tie your shoelaces?

Guo: I'm afraid of wasting my shoes. Hey, this money goes to the front.

Y: huh?

Guo: (stomping) Hey, I have to go again. (Stamping his foot again) Oh, look at this. (stomping)

Y: still chasing.

Guo: What's the matter? A kidnapping gang hacked him. Money is concentrated, tied with fishing line, one meter long.

Y: That long?

Guo: That's it. He will see this man as soon as he looks up.

Y: I didn't even look up.

Guo: No, I didn't. Follow. People are like this (matchmaking): come and follow. ...

Y: Look how easy it is to tie me up.

Guo: They lived in Jinsong and followed them all the way to Langfang.

Y: wow! This is called a trap!

Guo: When I looked up, Hulachao was all tied up. Done, a large group of people, someone said: throw it in the car! The other end of the phone said, hey, what a nuisance! Flash 10 yuan: Here!

Y: huh? Still following?

Guo: Say, home phone! Call your daughter-in-law for money. The phone is connected: we are sorry!

Y: oh.

Guo: Don't report the case, but cooperate. Sister-in-law loves her most

Yes

Guo: Oh, come on! Don't hit him or scold him. If I cooperate, don't you want money? Easy to discuss. I will never call the police. Go ahead, but let's be honest. If it exceeds 100 yuan, the ticket will be directly killed.

Y: huh?

-

joke writers

Guo: Why? Why is this happening? According to the statement, it will not. Actually, his family is quite rich. Take (really) his father as an example ...

Y: Don't film yourself!

Guo: There are flies. ...

Y: There are no flies this month.

Guo: Their father should be very rich. There is no shortage of food and drink in their family, which is not the case by rights. To tell the truth, his father stands out in that job.

Y: oh.

Guo: His practice is not suitable for the elderly.

Y: really?

Guo: His father, a grave robber.

Y: Not as good as mine.

Guo: Grave robbers. Archaeology, knowing where there is a grave, if the country doesn't dig it, his father will sell it as a cultural relic. Carrying the Luoyang shovel, I was still singing when I came home: I have nothing to do today ~ ~ ~, I have to support the ground ~ ~ ~

Y: stop singing.

Guo: I went again.

Y: really?

Guo: In a village in Hebei Province, a grave was dug and there was a skeleton in it. There is a tiger skin skirt at the waist of the skeleton and an iron bar on the ground, which reads: Ruyi gold hoop, weighing 36 thousand Jin.

Y: The above statement is correct.

Guo: His father wondered, Wukong's grave?

Y: quite familiar!

Guo: Why? Is it true?/You don't say. /You don't say. Big, beep ~ ~, big, beep ~ ~, the longer, the bigger.

Y: oh.

Guo: I can't take this. Small, small, small, small, du ~ ~, so big, put it in my ear.

Y: My father is a monkey?

Guo: You can see The Journey to the West.

Y: oh.

Guo: Just put it aside. The village chief came with four people and a red hoop. What do you do? This is Wukong's grave!

Y: oh.

Guo: I don't know. I don't know. Village head: Where is the best golden hoop? Your father: I don't know!

Y: no

Guo: Ah, your mouth is quite tight. That's great. Your mouth is peeing. Take it out. Take it out. Your dad: I didn't see it!

Y: I can't.

Guo: You paid 100 yuan.

Y: huh? One hundred dollars?

Guo: I didn't. I don't know. I don't know if you killed me! Village head: You want to die, you want to die!

Y: what's the matter

Guo: There is a way for you to go. Big! Dead.

-

Duanzisan

Guo: Everyone loves to listen, and we also love to talk.

Y: that's right.

Guo: It shows that people's hobbies are beyond their control. Everyone's hobbies are different. You see, backstage, Liu Yuntian is talking about cross talk.

Y: right.

Guo: A large one. His hobbies are different from others.

Y: What's his hobby?

Guo: Delicious. Pie and rice are eaten together, and rice is wrapped in steamed bread.

Y: Eat three staple foods at a time.

Guo: Sing the summit of Allegro at the beginning, so that you can drink.

Y: I like drinking.

Guo: I drank too much that time and ate a chopstick and a half as chicken feet.

Y: My eyesight is not good either.

Guo: Great! Teacher Yu also has hobbies. Suitable for raising animals.

Y: oh, yes. Love pets.

Guo: I have a big dog. It's called Santona, and it can grow 300 Jin.

Yu: Large dogs.

Guo: Like a donkey. Drag it out to play. Tired of running, sit here. He sits on the dog. One side is high. Everyone wants to know, whose twin is this?

Y: huh? This is too much.

K: Good. Later, when the dog was lost, he was sad. There is such a great scientist in the community. Tell him you can't fool around with animals and pets. There are rules. It has something to do with your living environment, your personality and family size.

Y: oh.

Guo: Including your face. Let me see your face ... raise a turtle!

Y: how can you tell this?

Guo: Turn around ... Brazilian tortoise!

Y: Oh, you also saw the Brazilian tortoise coming?

Guo: Hmm. Go out to the pet market and ask, such a big thing is like a sesame seed cake, selling for 300 yuan.

Y: it's expensive.

Guo: He is reluctant to part with it. He only takes a bath in 25 yuan a year.

Y: That's too bad for me.

Guo: When I ran to the aquatic product market, I saw some turtles. Almost, the ink is almost the same, but there are no flowers on the back. Very cheap. Let's weigh it. It's forty-eight dollars. That's good. All right. He can't afford more than 300 yuan, can he? More than forty dollars, which is nothing. I'm not sad to leave me here alone.

Y: More than forty dollars. Why so little?

K: Ten cents.

Y: ok! Put some money in your pocket.

Guo: Take it home. People's pets have names. Give it a name. It's called mung bean. Yu Qian looks at mung beans. Can see the right eye.

Y: me? Does mung bean mean anything to me?

Guo: Beautifying to the extreme.

Y: how to beautify it?

Guo: Draw flowers on the back with a knife. Carve Yu Qian in it.

Why did you carve my name?

Guo: It's easy to find if you lose it! Climb out and have a look. Hey hey, this bastard's name is Yu Qian.

Y: Why should I look for it?

Guo: Beautify it and wear lipstick. Bitch with lipstick on her mouth, ah, ah, I bit her.

Y: hi! Then don't bite.

Guo: Don't spill the beans! It hurts. I can't bear to cut off my head with a knife. Stand in the alley and drink! Why don't you come down! Policeman: Hey, the grandson who threw the discus! Backcourt! Backcourt! Come back.

Y: Let's not talk about the eyes of the police. This is not right!

Guo: Classmates, classmates.

Y: What classmate!

Guo: As soon as they entered the hutong, the aunts wondered why they still brought warm water bags on such a hot day.

Y: hi! What look!

Guo: I wonder who told him. You find a donkey, find a donkey, and when the donkey barks, it falls.

Y: there is this rule.

Guo: Where are donkeys in the city? Take a taxi to Daxing. As soon as I got on the bus, the driver asked, Brother, where did you buy this handbag?

Y: ok. I caught up with my eyes.

Guo: There really is a donkey standing there eating grass in Daxing countryside. Past: Oh, I found you. Suffering, let me know! Cancel it. Uncle! Uncle, you are affected.

Y: Why are we still discussing?

Guo: It's not surprising that before studying art, many people are polite before soldiers.

Y: Not this place!

Guo: Your name is right. How can you forget it? I will remind you. Like this: ah ~ ~ ~ ah ~ ~ You look at it and it will … I knew it would make me call home!

Y: hi! Did I call this bastard and spill the beans?

Guo: This incident led to this incident. I put it in my pocket and went home. I walked to the door and looked at it. I don't know anyone I gave it to a couple.

What did you write?

Guo: When the tortoise is not angry, it will be as happy as the East China Sea. He wears a green hat and has money, so he will live longer than Nanshan.

Y: What about the horizontal batch?

Guo: Ninja Turtles!

Y: Fuck you!

-

Duanzisi

Guo: Don't you have two spare money to buy turtles?

Y: What about the others?

Guo: Say something else. The Spring Festival is coming, and it is snowing these days. Everyone who comes out and goes in should be careful. Your soles are slipping. Be careful when you are old. Walk slowly, don't fall down. It's the Spring Festival, and we're still buying new year's goods. Prepare in advance. The Spring Festival in our family is just like that, and it can't be compared with other people's families when they are old.

Y: I can't leave you alone in three words. This is ...

Guo: His father is rich! This is what his father did.

Y: Do you want to repeat this paragraph?

Guo: No, I haven't praised you yet. Spending money at home is like peeing your pants.

Y: There is no such metaphor!

Guo: Don't take it to heart, don't take it to heart.

Y: I don't care.

Guo: At the age of 30, at home, ouch! Come on, it's ready, bag by bag, 12 o'clock 1 1 listen, bang! There was a ring at the bell Cooking! Hurry up, the pot is boiling. Let me go. What fire spoon, big tofu, intestines, lungs, peeled garlic to eat.

Y: Do we have a pot-stewed fire spoon for 30 nights?

Guo: Old Beijing!

Y: what rules? This is ...

Guo: Old Beijingers.

Y: you can't eat this either!

Guo: Great! This is eating, and everything is delicious. When you go abroad, you don't like it when people eat it.

Y: abroad?

Guo: Hmm. People pour a glass of red wine, a cake, just a clove of garlic, all of them.

Y: not here. Is the cake garlic?

Guo: And those who eat raw meat. I cut the steak and it bled. How to eat that thing when it is cooked?

Y: A mature one?

Guo: Actually, we said that at first, we ate like birds and animals. At that time, we all asked when to go home.

Y: Then who are you asking?

Guo: You ask the old man. When we wear leaves ...

Y: There are no such old people.

Guo: Isn't it just eating raw meat? There is still that abroad now.

Y: Anything else?

Guo: Yes! Eat human flesh. Cannibals are also three people living in a family. In the morning, the daughter-in-law tidied up in the cave, and the father took his son: Go, go, go hunting with his father.

Y: go hunting ...

Guo: The child is hungry: Dad, I'm hungry. Don't say that. If you hit someone, you eat first. Hey, here's one. Bowing and archery ... no, this is stupid.

Yu: thin.

Guo: It's too thin. Don't take this when you are full. The child cried and said, Oh, I'm hungry. Wait a minute. Look over there. Fat man, it's too fat. Eating this is bad for your health.

Y: it's quite attractive.

Guo: The child cried: he was starving. Stop it! Here, here, here. Hey, when I was watching the river, there was a beautiful woman washing her face there.

Y: that's good.

Guo: Child: Dad! Ok, take it alive!

Y: How did this come alive?

Guo: Never mind. Leave it alone. Dad works. Don't say that. I went to grab it, tied it up, and carried it on my shoulder: go, go home with my father. Gee, dad, I'm hungry. Don't say that. Go home and stew your mother.

Y: huh? There is no such thing!

-

Duanziwu

Guo: Tell me something about Yu Qian.

Y: Can't live without me?

Guo: There is no one else on the stage, saying that others are not suitable.

Y: Then tell me about me.

Guo: Let's talk about Yu Qian. I think I learned a lot of social experience from my teacher.

Why are you so polite?

Guo: I am alone, reading at home all day, and I don't like going out. He is in the wild all day.

Y: what is wild?

Guo: We went to perform together that day. Our car broke down. He gave me a ride and we drove away. It was half past eleven in the evening. Let's go Walking, well, he stepped on the brakes and fell back. There was a big sister standing by the roadside. It's cold, wearing little, little skirt, smoking, on the side of the road.

Y: How familiar this road is.

Guo: Tell me: Take a taxi. You go ahead. I said you have to drive me. You go, go, go, go. Let me see. Get off. Ah, go away, they won't see us off. I got off the bus and watched. He got off, uh-huh ~ ~, and skated back and forth three times. The woman spoke: don't look, I'm the only one.

Y: I understand.

K: How much is it?

Y: Let's start paying the bill.

K: One hundred dollars. Are you out of your mind? Are you out of your mind? Thirty!

Y: I can make a counter offer.

Guo: Fifty.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: I am an apprentice!

Y: Why do you say that? Why do you say that?

Guo: You can reduce it if you mention this. Well, then give the old artist face. Guess what? Get in the car, get in the car. Two people want to get on the bus. He got on the bus first, and the woman stood there. Can the car go? Crunch ~ ~ ~ The car can't move. I am coming down. I can't leave. Leave this car here. Where are we going? Yes, 50 meters. Go to my house.

Y: Oh, it's almost home.

K: OK, then I'll go with you. I can't go back tonight. Leave tomorrow morning. Well, take a taxi.

Y: by taxi?

Guo: Are you crazy?

Y: What a colloquial language.

Guo: How much does reunification cost? I will spend 10 dollars to take a taxi again? It's on the side of the road, 50 meters, and there is no taxi. Nonsense, it's okay not to take a taxi? Ah, don't take a taxi. Am I leaving?

Y: A cripple?

-

Duanziliu

Guo: Are you still listening? Well, there are many people backstage, old and young. Mr. Xing didn't come today, but Li Wenshan didn't. As we all know, Mr. Wang Wenlin has shaved his head, and the old gentleman in the background has a colloquial saying: It's interesting.

Y: I like to say that.

Guo: As our regular viewers know, it's a little interesting, a little interesting. He talked about it. His father is Mr Wang Changyou.

Y: That's the old gentleman.

Guo: Master of Crosstalk.

Y: right.

Guo: Very capable. Mr. Wang didn't catch up with his father's death. I missed it. He's performing elsewhere. Come back as soon as you get the news. Cry like a crybaby. Filial son

Y: oh.

Guo: When I went to the hospital through the glass, I saw the old man with a tube inserted and being rescued. Shoot glass. You said this thing, his father was in a coma for several days. When he heard the sound, he turned and waved.

Y: ouch.

Guo: The doctor said: This can be cured. Let him in. Come on.

Y: recognize people.

Guo: Maybe his arrival will bring his father back to life.

Y: Right, right, right.

Guo: I put it in. I stood in front of the bed and said, Dad, how are you? In a hurry. The old man motioned to him for a pen.

Y: oh, yes.

Guo: I want paper. Someone is holding it next to him. Pass it to me. The old man wrote a few words, wow, and handed them to Wang Wenlin. Wang Wenlin spoke in his hand, and his father died. Wang Changyou, a cross talk master, died.

Y: no more.

Guo: Crying like a crybaby. Outside friends and relatives have come in to drive Wang Wenlin out and handle affairs. This busy, someone opened the paper. Look at what his father wrote. ...

Y: what?

Guo: You stepped on my oxygen pipe.

Y: hi!

-

joke writers

Guo: It's very interesting, as everyone knows. A true story. Why does the old audience know about him? Interesting, interesting. Everything is a little interesting.

Y: right.

Guo: Actually, there are many interesting things, depending on whether you can choose them. Listening to cross talk is very interesting.

Y: right.

Guo: Some people don't like cross talk, so they go out to play. It's okay to play. Choose the right one. That's ... inappropriate

Y: Right, right, don't do this again.

Guo: Because you are not all apprentices. Yes, it is said that someone went to the black ball to dance.

What do you mean?

Guo: Black Lantern Dance. As soon as I went in, the lights dimmed.

Y: Oh, turn off the lights.

K: That's all. A woman is jumping inside and a man is walking outside. Wow, they hugged each other. I can't see who it is. Two people hug and jump. Jump from corner to corner, and then the light comes on. Ah, honey, it's you.

Y: What do couples dance for?

Guo: That's right. And that. The girls came to dance, and the lights were black. After a while, the light came on. Ah, director, is that you? Net this thing. The rural woman came. When the light went out, she jumped around, and then the light came on. Ah, village chief, is that you?

Y: I know all about it.

Guo: And that, the actress in the group, goes dancing, and the light will come on soon. Ah, colonel, it's you. Clean this. We have an actor backstage. Jing Li.

Y: Jing Li likes dancing with lights out?

Guo: Black ball, he loves it.

Y: really?

Guo: Good point. Besides, to tell the truth, the child who took the wrong medicine got a headgear, made it look like a woman, and danced in black. How interesting ~

Y: hi!

Guo: Jump. Turn on the light after the jump, ~ oh, why do you ~ ~?

Y: who is it?

Guo: The man spoke: Interesting.

Y: Wang Wenlin!

-

Duanziba

Guo: There are three old gentlemen backstage. Zhang Wenshun, Li Wenshan, Wang Wenlin. Three old men are the most cola. Let's go to the show and watch eternity. Soak in the bathhouse all day. Okay, this. I know that Yu Qian's father is also good at this. Old people like to take a bath.

Y: Old people like this.

Guo: But bring your own food and soak for a day.

Y: bring your own food?

Guo: Hmm. At noon, sitting on the edge of the pool, two feet flapping on the water, click click. Take a lunch box to eat fried cakes, and brush the lunch box after dinner.

Y: hey, there is no such brush!

Guo: It's too clean.

Y: What is clean?

Guo: Take out an apple. ...

Y: oh, dear!

Guo: It still needs washing!

Y: one bite and one wash?

Guo: You can eat more.

Y: eat more!

K: OK. Our three old gentlemen backstage are also good at this, Zhang Wenshun, Li Wenshan and Wang Wenlin. Zhang Wenshun's suggestion.

Y: Mr Zhang.

Guo: Come on, take a bath. It's interesting that Mr. Wang is willing.

Y: everything is interesting.

Guo: Li Wenshan also went. Three people wash, one person washes for a day. Go in at nine o'clock in the morning and leave at twelve o'clock in the evening. Here comes the man: Third, it's time. It's closed Let's leave now. Three people came out. They charge 10 dollars for washing this one day. Take off your clothes and throw them into the basket. At first glance, the clothes were gone and stolen.

Y: no?

Guo: These three people only wear glasses.

Y: Hey, the right place can't be blocked.

Guo: Not naked. The other mask counts as three points.

Y: hi! What a mess.

Guo: What should we do? Zhang Wenshun had an idea. Let me tell you something. Our house is across the street. It's twelve o'clock at night, and there's no one there. The three of us go to our house, and crossing the road is victory. I'll get the clothes, you two put them on, go home, and I'll go back to my own house. Ah, all right. Three people came out. Wang Wenlin said: If we want to leave, the three of us must hold hands, and no one can abandon anyone. Ha, Lin Wen, you are a chicken thief. The three old men were naked, naked.

Y: I walked away.

Guo: There are street lamps on both sides of the road, which are very bright. But no one, no one in the dead of night.

Y: nobody.

Guo: That day happened to be the day when Beijing successfully applied for the Olympic Games. More than 14,000 people come from here.

Y: wow!

Guo: Wave the flag and shout: Oh! Beijing's Olympic bid is successful!

Y: They just saw it.

Guo: More than 10,000 people are stupid, and no one speaks. After five minutes of stalemate, Zhang Wenshun spoke: Wow, so the earth is like this!

Y: aliens!

-

Duanzijiu

Guo: Three old people have coke, and so do the children. That man, Mr. Zhang from Zhang Wenshun, has an apprentice who has a bunch of sons. Xu Deliang is his apprentice and Gao Feng is his adopted son.

Y: These are dry relatives.

Guo: These two have cokes. Don't look at a door. Zhang Wenshun's apprentice and Zhang Wenshun's adopted son are still at odds.

Y: Oh, there are contradictions.

Guo: They had cross talk, but they didn't get along. Two people go to a restaurant for dinner, and each has his own plan.

Y: Oh, not my deskmate.

Guo: Gao Feng sits here, sit here. Take what you need. I'll tie it for you. number

Y: no

Guo: No, here, in a restaurant, I ate and ate, and finished eating. Gao Feng, when I checked out, I touched my body and didn't have any money with me.

Y: what should I do?

Guo: If you want to talk about us, hey, you can help me finish this. He, uh, couldn't say it. How to do this? Dude, please, I have no money. Dude, my face just fell off. You see, everything is easy to order. Stare if you have no money: I don't know if it's windy or rainy, and I don't know if I have no money in my pocket. There really isn't. Come here, come here, pull your ears, pull to the door and pout! The peak is at the cat's waist. That guy, hey! Go away! Kicked away.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: I'm glad. Wipe your mouth when you are full, throw chopsticks, stand at the door and pout: Dude, check out!

Y: still kicking!

-

Duanzishi

Guo: Not to mention the tenth. Remember, it is the tenth. This,/kloc-more than 0/00? See you later.

Y: This sentence gave me a fright.

Guo: It's snowing. In fact, I want to say one more thing, just afraid that everyone will not go back. I almost had an accident in the driveway when I came here today. I hit the Beijing-Tianjin Expressway, and on the way, the Beijing-Tianjin Expressway was blocked. I'm in a hurry, I'm afraid it's too late. How?

Y: that's right.

Guo: A group of policemen are busy there. Come down quickly. I think I know that policeman. That fat man, the traffic police.

Y: I know, I know.

Guo: I walked over: What's the matter? Hey, Mr. Guo, why are you leaving? I said I'd go to the show right away. What's the matter with you? Look at this. You know this man.

Y: who is it?

Guo: I went over and saw a man lying on the ground. Ah, I'm not alive, I'm dead! All right, Wang Yang.

Y: Oh, just the host?

Guo: The host studied Ma and Wang Yang. I said, what's wrong with this? What's wrong with that? I said fatty, what's wrong with him? After returning home, the couple fought. Speaking of going home, his wife is sleeping with others at home. Then his daughter-in-law was anxious and asked him why he broke his word and didn't say he would come back that day.

Y: Is there such an unreasonable wife?

Guo: The man beat him up and asked him to stay with 10 million. He just shouted there for a long time: I'm not alive, I'm dead! I'm going to burn myself! I'm going to burn myself!

Yu: Self-immolation?

Guo: I want to pour gasoline on myself and burn myself to death. Isn't this the problem we have to solve? All drivers collect money here. Oh, I said how much money should I raise? 300 liters of gasoline, right?

Y: Still burning?