Please analyze: am I too narrow-minded, or is my boyfriend too masculine?

In recent months, my boyfriend and I have always quarreled. After talking for more than a year, I considered getting married. I used to be 100% sure that he loved me, but recently we have often quarreled and read some comments and answers on the internet, which began to waver. Tell me about our situation and want everyone to analyze it for me:

Family: My mother died in college and my father is still alive. His father is a sales manager with an annual income of around 500,000. I am a divorced family. My parents divorced at the age of four, and my father lost contact with my mother. He divorced once, talked with his predecessor for ten years, and divorced after two years of marriage. I just got married. I have talked about three relationships before, all of which are short-lived. He is the longest I have talked to. Appearance: he 180, I168; If he scores, he counts as 7 and I count as 5. Economy: The annual income is 600,000 yuan before tax, and there is a suite in state-owned enterprises, Internet and Shanghai, with a market price of about 4 million yuan and a monthly payment of 7,000 yuan. He bought the house with his ex-wife, and he doesn't intend to add my name after marrying me. My annual income is 200,000 yuan before tax, private enterprise, foreign trade.

Education: He is the ace major of Jiangsu Non-heavy School, and I am the third major of Jiangsu Non-heavy School. Age: He is 30; I am 23 years old.

Three views: outlook on life: he thinks happiness is the most important and has his own plan for his career; I think people need a little self-motivation to have values: pursuing the efficiency of solving problems; I value his performance in the process of communication more than efficiency. Feeling daily behavior: 1. He occasionally helps with housework, mopping the kitchen floor and wiping the water stains on the sink. I wash dishes, cook, collect clothes, wash clothes and fold clothes. Sometimes when I am tired, I refuse to let him help me with the housework. If I talk too much, I will get bored. His reason is: this is my house. I saved you the money for renting a house in Shanghai. There is nothing wrong with you doing housework. Aunt also came to clean up on Saturday. And if you are tired, we can pay the mortgage from another angle, and I will help you with the housework. I can laugh in my dreams. He and his ex-wife divorced because of this, and all the housework was taken care of by his ex-wife. He will often play the coquetry with me, like a little boy. He will hug me when he sleeps at night. There was a quarrel before, and he blurted out: What advantages do I like about you? As long as it is not because of family chores, whoever does more and quarrels less will comfort me. Otherwise, it will only be cold and violent, go to bed by yourself and refuse to communicate. No matter how I cry, anyway, he just sleeps till dawn and ignores me.

He admitted that he was lazy in front of me, but he was diligent when he started chasing me.

7. I am very emotional. No matter what happens, good or bad, I will cry, but it is only a way for me to express my emotions. 8. He is Capricorn and I am Pisces. 9. He told his friend that he was going to get married and hold a wedding with me. Both sides have met his parents and family. 1 1. I gave it to him for the first time 12. He said that his love period is only one week, and I like to stick together. I think I'm still in love 13. He doesn't pay attention to the sense of ceremony, but I pay great attention to the above. The only thing we can quarrel with is that he won't help me with some simple housework. His ideas scare me. He thinks he has borne the mortgage and large expenses at home, and it doesn't matter if I do more housework, but first of all, this house is not. I also make money. If he works harder, it doesn't matter if I share the mortgage with him after marriage. I like him very much and can't let him go. I want to change my mind and adjust our relationship. Can you help me analyze whether I am too narrow-minded or he is male chauvinistic?

From a boy's point of view, I am 30 years old, I have a house in Shanghai, and my salary is balanced. My conditions are not bad, and my marriage is quite moist. Find a 23-year-old lady with a good income, share the family expenses for me, and let me help * * * with housework in Bai Piao. How sweet! I am the winner in life.

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Let it be deeply rooted in people's hearts.

You are only 23 years old, and your annual income is already 200,000. At the age of 30, you may not be worse than him. If you don't get married, it will only get worse in the future. If you don't do housework before marriage and have children after marriage, he won't take care of you and help you share housework when you are most vulnerable. You may still be cooking alone in July ... After the baby is born, you need to get up every night to nurse, and you want your husband to coax the baby, but he sleeps soundly. You can only hold the child by yourself, nurse and coax, while watching your husband sleep in bed, only sad.

Housework is shared, isn't this a * * * knowledge reached between lovers and couples? He haggles over every ounce with you, and his PUA says you are not worthy of his liking. After giving birth, you can't live with him. Does he have to go out and find a p to relax?

In short, put an end to lazy objects who don't share housework, whether they are boyfriends or girlfriends! Who is not the little princess at home? Is he the only little prince? I like cooking for my boyfriend, but I have no obligation to cook for my boyfriend.

I suggest you discuss housework with your boyfriend. If he keeps saying that he will help you free of rent, I suggest you move out. Let him do housework by himself, and let him have his own children and take care of them in the future. Besides, I don't think he really wants to marry you. ...

I don't think he is a male chauvinist, but he calculates carefully. I've been thinking about the rent. If you do housework in exchange for rent, then you should be regarded as a live-in nanny. Not only should we not charge rent, but we should also be paid, and we should not share the same bed. This is not the responsibility of the nanny, but you should be less professional and thoughtful, so I suggest that your salary be halved.

So if you live together as girlfriends and don't want to pay the rent, you can move out and live as you like, without looking at other people's faces. Of course, since people get along with each other, there is always a negotiation process. Most of them won't agree with your actions. Can he rent out the house after you leave? He has to do all the housework by himself, and there is no one to sleep with him, which is a great loss. As far as horoscopes are concerned, I don't think you two are suitable. After all, Capricorn is too rational to understand Pisces' tears.

From your expression, I feel that your boyfriend is a bit male chauvinistic. Forget it. I can also feel from what you wrote that there are still problems between you two. You're not married, and you've analyzed it yourself, unless you think you can accept all his problems after you get married, but I think small problems will become big problems after a long time. Or did you reform him? I don't think it's possible.

Is there a generation gap in age? He is ... selfish.

He is 30 years old. He talked about 10 years of love, married for two years, the romantic era has passed, he has experienced and seen a lot. I feel that I am in good condition and I am not very old. I am 30 years old and mature, and you are 23 years old. I gave it to him for the first time. Now he also knows a girl's mind, how to chase you, his advantages and how to make you inseparable from him.

On the other hand, you have recognized him. I think he has a good condition and is ok for you, except for this little thing.

So, you doubt yourself,

So,

You want to change your mind and adjust your relationship.

In other words, the answer you want to see is that there is nothing wrong with him. Men are like this. It is right that men earn money to support their families and girls do housework. Moreover, he had already changed his mortgage, and his family conditions were OK. As I said, if you don't want to do it, you can hire an aunt without forcing you to do it. Besides, he has been like this since he was a child, and you can't change him at all.

So, you want an answer, so that you can serve him willingly!

but

In my onlookers' opinion:

You said that after marriage, your name would not be added to the house. At the age of 23, he didn't provide you with good protection. In my opinion, he doesn't want to spend his life with you wholeheartedly. Yes, maybe you would say that he was divorced once, which is more defensive. Then, I want to ask, where does he give you a sense of security? Where is your sense of security after you get married? If the quarrel leads to divorce, are you sure he won't divorce easily? Writing the names of two people on the house is a kind of sincerity for both parties and a guarantee for you. It's not that you will divorce, but that it's easy for him to get away with it without worries, which means his retreat is smooth all the way. What about you? You've lost a lot ... I won't tell you one by one, you know.

Besides, he won't coax you or help you with the housework at your request. You said he would do housework occasionally. In my opinion, I just can't stand it? Or make him feel a little guilty and never let you do it? How about we give you the answer you want? Because for me, my boyfriend is about my age. He won't coax me if he is angry. Well, that's hard to say. Maybe it's a personality problem … but when you asked him to do housework, he was so perfunctory and said he would save you rent. This is? You live together, right? His abacus is clever, isn't it? Even if he thinks so in his heart, he is not married, and he can't reveal his true nature so obviously. It seems that you can't live without him.

Under normal circumstances, for today's era, the mortgage couple pays the mortgage, or the one who earns more pays it back. What's more, compared with people who already have a house and don't have to repay the loan, the man should repay the loan. That is still the same property of both parties. You, this house has nothing to do with you? You don't want to be a full-time nanny to prove that you are not renting a house, and you have to help him pay the mortgage together? I'm afraid to think carefully ... what about housework? You are not a full-time wife. You have your own job, so you share housework unless you want to, but you don't want to do housework now. How is he? I have saved money for your rent. What's wrong with you doing housework? Well, after you get married and have children, you'd better not give up your job. It's still a bit of capital. If you become a full-time wife, can you complain about being tired, whether you have an aunt or not? People are raising your mother while paying the mortgage, and you still complain? But, but, again, he paid back the money of the house, raised a daughter-in-law and raised children, but he still accused you from a moral point of view. I'm afraid to think about it ... Were you going to repay the loan for him? You live in his house and he has company every day. To the outside world, he is still a 23-year-old girl. After all, he got divorced, and there was no loss, but but what about you? I found a second-hand old man and had to be a nanny when I was with someone else. Don't be so ugly because of love? He said he's only been in love for a week? What do you like?

What the hell does he take you for? Have you ever been single-minded? Is there equality between you? Are you in a weak position? After being sold, you still count money for others?

Sorry, I can't give you the answer you want …

Knowing that it may be hard to let go, discuss whether you can add your name to the house, whether the mortgage can be paid together, and whether you can ask your aunt for housework. This is not a problem. What matters is not whether you have your name or not. When you get married, you will definitely not have the intention of divorce. You just want an attitude to prove that he doesn't just find a woman to live with him, but he wants to spend his life with you wholeheartedly, just to give you an equal relationship, not how much you take advantage of him.

A man who can be cold and violent, no.

Stay away from men who are selfish before marriage.

The difference between most men and women is that women care too much before marriage and devote themselves to the family after marriage. Men compromise step by step before marriage, show their true colors after marriage, and even get worse.

Before marriage, he is the best for you. If you think he is not good before marriage, I suggest not getting married.

23-year-old, financially independent, with a delicate mind, and a kitchen under the hall, is definitely a good companion for girls.

I won't talk about the shortcomings of men. Anyway, I think you are better than him.

You think your boyfriend is male chauvinist between the lines, but you don't have to ask others. You know the situation best, no matter how you describe it, others can't know it like you, so don't ask, this is your boyfriend's male chauvinism.

The point is that he is selfish.

Personally, I don't think this man can do it Communication between two people is the most important thing. Cold war, refusing to communicate, communication is fruitless. No matter how good the relationship is before marriage, everything after marriage will make you quarrel endlessly. You are so young, why do you find a man who is so old and stubborn and refuses to change? Men have matured too late. If a man who divorced at the age of 30 is still immature, then this is basically the case in his life. Before you say you like him, ask yourself what he has.

I feel that your abacus for men's tickets is quite good.

Find a young woman to take care of him and give birth to his children later. That's true. A man wants to do this, but he doesn't respect you and doesn't know how much he loves you. Otherwise, he wouldn't say anything like saving your rent. From this, we can see that this person is quite calculating. He has nowhere to go, no house and no car. Your income is not low every year. After having children, you must also spend money for your own children. I think a man like him may not know how to feel bad.

You said he didn't understand the sense of ceremony, but I don't think so ~ Now social software is so developed, he has never eaten pork or seen a pig run, and his annual salary is so high that he can spend a few dollars on the anniversary. It's not that he doesn't know, but that it's not worth it. There is no need to make excuses for him. This man is a little stealing chickens.

Moreover, he said that you have any advantages that he likes and obviously looks down on you. Although I don't know what capital and confidence he has to say such a thing, I think if I were you, I would seriously consider him. After all, it's just being in love, so arrogant. If you get married in the future, you will become a yellow-faced woman, and you don't know what will happen to him.

I think you'd better pay attention. If you want to have your own savings, you'd better buy your own house and repay the loan yourself, so that he won't look down on you and praise you with this in the future.

I think you are too critical of yourself and feel narrow-minded. Does he think you are narrow-minded Do you think he is a qualified boyfriend? Ask yourself, is this the life you want? After marriage, you may face him who is more perfunctory and lazy. Do you think it's acceptable? Won't you choose his ex-wife's path?

I think you are still young and as old as me. My ex-boyfriend is similar to your current boyfriend. He is male chauvinist, haggle over every ounce with me, and does not know how to cherish and understand me. He is selfish. I don't think I will be happy with him. I am also a more enterprising girl, and I like more generous and considerate boys, so I think girls of our age can improve themselves without spending too much time on men ~ Come on (_? )?

I think your boyfriend is a shark carving.

Divide it.

I don't need to watch the rest of the performances, just watch one. What's wrong with doing some housework and putting on airs? Will it break your hands and feet? Do you shit or not clean the toilet?

I can't understand love at all in your relationship. I can even say "What's wrong with letting you do some housework" and "What advantages do you have that I like". . . This is ridiculous. That's pua.

I think the subject wrote a "one" because it made the subject hate the most, but he thought he still believed in love, so he said that his boyfriend would be spoiled. But on second thought, it's still a little annoying, just say that my boyfriend said something ugly and quarreled. I think it is the mentality of the subject. I know the problem, but I'm still reluctant.

Come on, this is not male chauvinism, this is not love. Male chauvinism is:

Do not do housework. What? Nobody cleans from 1: 00 to 5: 00? Ok, I invite an aunt from Monday to Friday.

False male chauvinism: do everything.

What male chauvinism: do nothing.

Divide it and let yourself go. You will get a dog that day.

You are so much younger than him. Give it back to him for the first time. In my eyes, you two are quite suitable, but the fourth one, I really can't stand it. What is this, suddenly saying such a thing? You should also discuss it with your family. You're not married. That's it. You said you didn't like anything, and you haggled over what made you save money on renting a house (exo me). Living together is because of love. Why does he talk like someone else has taken advantage of him? Who will tell you the truth? Your conditions are excellent, and you are still young. I hope you will think it over carefully, and I'm afraid you'll regret it later.

Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You see, he thought he was good-looking, but in fact he only gave himself five points. You think too much of him and feel a little inferior. This is unacceptable. Besides, you said you would cry when you met something. How come... Before you get married, you always quarrel and make you cry. . Again, you are still young, think about it and calm down! ! ! There are so many questions to get married? Only good for an old man like him. What is good for you? In my opinion, there is a complete risk of divorce. Breaking up in time is definitely better than being a second-married woman.

Seeing "he told his friends that he would marry me for a wedding", he co-wrote that you were not married and he didn't even propose to you.

What's bothering you?

From this perspective, your boyfriend is actually quite right.

He gives you a house to live in, saves you rent, and gives you gifts according to your mood.

What about you, doing all the housework, and ... well ... how to describe it ... sleeping with you (not derogatory)

You are only 23 years old, and you can earn 200,000 a year. If your ability and dedication are good, it is not impossible to earn 400 thousand at the age of 30.

If I were you, I would find a boyfriend with similar conditions in all aspects to save a down payment and help each other. At the age of 30, I should be no worse than your current boyfriend.

Even if you want to be a cow and a horse, at least you are at home.

There is no doubt about male chauvinism, but there is still some ability. Actually, your housework is nothing. If it's hard, please take a part-time job. Husband Capricorn, I am Pisces. I am much more rational than him.

This man is too calculating! And I don't respect you from the bottom of my heart. If you find someone to pay your rent and a stable and safe bed partner, that's good. If you are running for love and a beautiful marriage, forget it. You are not narrow-minded, he is not male chauvinism, he just doesn't love you.

No, I am eager to marry a divorced man at the age of 23. Think it over. I read the description and felt that he was not very kind to you. Be careful.

From what you said, I didn't see that he is a person who pursues the efficiency of solving problems. He has no attitude to solve these problems.

The annual salary of the Internet is 600,000, so the work should be very busy, which is just self-motivated.

Love you is expressed by actions, not words. Your other half is tired and unwilling to reach out. Can this be called love?

Both! You too! No one is perfect! You know that. To put it bluntly, marriage is cohabitation. Men are more understanding and women are more tolerant. Nothing happened.

When you get older, you will always have different ideas. You should never have been together in the first place. You like him only because he is mature and his life experience far exceeds yours, so he can make you like him. From your point of view, he may not have true love or friendship for you. After a long time, it will definitely deteriorate. Suggest finding someone of the same age. Because you have your own ideas, you shouldn't be bound.

It is not male chauvinism and narrow-mindedness, but that what they want and feel are different.

The most important thing is to let the other person feel the need, the need, not the requirement.

Your boyfriend was married once, including what you said, and his previous marriage was also because of these trivial things. To put it bluntly, he knows what kind of marriage life he wants, so when you raise all kinds of dissatisfaction, he will subconsciously resist, which is normal.

In addition, don't ignore the influence of birth. Although his mother died in college, time will make him have an illusion. He will feel that life is still the same without women at home, or what life should be like without women. That's why he suggested that as a man, it is my duty to save rent and get money. Of course, the development of a person's temper can refer to his father's temper.

On the other hand, you divorced your parents when you were young, regardless of specific reasons. Usually, children who live with their mothers after divorce will be influenced by some views on men, and even have some lack of fatherly love. When you get involved in this relationship, you may subconsciously want to try to get the missing part from the other person. You may even try to ask the other person to give you the love you once dreamed of, and when the feedback given by the other person is lower than your psychological expectation, you will think that he may not love you so much, or even think that he is only with you because he can control you.

The fundamental reason is that he didn't consider some problems from the other side's standpoint. What he thinks may be that at this age, Shanghai has a house and a stable job, and his girlfriend can do housework. Is this a tall order?

As for you, she seems to need your function more. Your contribution is not proportional to the feedback you get. Like you said, the house doesn't have your name!

In fact, to tell the truth, sister, putting forward these factors shows that you feel a little insecure in your heart, that is, two people, or yourself, have careers in their hearts and are afraid of getting the final result, otherwise, whether you are idiots or not, you will not be like this.