Professor Liao Xin: What are the core elements of gender attraction?

1. Sexual attraction, does the first impression matter?

It is still very important. Love at first sight only happens at the first meeting. Once you miss it, you will miss it forever.

The moment you meet a boy for the first time plays a decisive role in your future. At that moment, there was a "continue or not" decision. The seeds of love often germinate within minutes of the first meeting.

Once you look at each other, your lover will unconsciously read your body language.

In these critical minutes, he will subconsciously make a decision: whether to start a romantic trip with you or give up the idea of falling in love with you.

Next, his brain, like a computer control, will quickly make decisions related to you during your first date and conversation.

But it doesn't matter if a boy has a bad first impression on you. As I said before, if you can't attract him in the short term, then fight a protracted war and make friends first. If you don't want a boy who is not interested in you, you can hack him. This is the stupidest thing to do.

2. The principle of gender attraction equivalence is to tell everyone that everyone has value in the marriage and love market.

Everyone has a price tag, such as: What does he do? What is his annual salary and status? How much power does he have and what can he bring me?

In fact, love is not blind A very kind person will make some vulgar considerations when choosing a lifelong partner. Everyone actually asks himself: What's in it for me?

Some people say that love is pure and full of warmth. The content of love is caring for each other, thinking for each other, attaching importance to emotional communication and sincerity and selflessness. That's true, but it only happens in the late stage of your relationship, when you really trust and love each other.

At the beginning of the early stage, in fact, everyone was very selfish and always only considered: what can he bring me? Why should I be with him? What do I want from him?

Therefore, if you want a boy to fall in love with you, you must make the other person believe that it is a very cost-effective thing to fall in love with you. Many girls' operations are wrong. They will only keep asking for it and let the other party satisfy themselves in all directions, and never consider: what can I bring to the other party?

3. Why are you so excellent, but few boys pursue you? Because boys have strong self-esteem.

In a relationship, everyone has self-esteem. If you are too good, boys will be afraid of rejection and hurt their self-esteem. If you really like a boy, what you have to do is not to hurt your self-esteem, but to satisfy your self-esteem.

It is actually not difficult to satisfy the self-esteem of boys. It doesn't take much. You only need to do one small thing and you will get endless feedback.

You can make him feel smart, handsome, energetic, charming and lethal. These are all ways to satisfy his self-esteem.

Constantly cursing men, accusing men, saying that men are poor, stupid and ugly are all ways to hurt self-esteem. If you don't like this boy, you should leave him.

Blaming a man will not make him progress, because some men are born. If there are people who are born smart, there will be people who are born stupid. If you choose the wrong man, you will really suffer for a lifetime. The gap between men is too big.

What kind of lover are you looking for? In fact, you want to find a lover just like you. This is the similarity principle of two kinds of attraction.

We are always looking for similar people with similar world outlook and values. Similarity makes us feel comfortable, because it gives us a kind of affirmation and makes us believe that our choice in our last life was right.

We like to find like-minded people, so that we can share and have a good time together.

Similarity is an excellent runway for intimacy to take off normally.

But if two people are too similar, they will inevitably feel bored. In addition, we also need someone to make up for our shortcomings. Some girls are so poor in science and engineering that they are at the bottom of every exam, so she wants to find a master's degree in science and engineering.

Therefore, when looking for a partner, we also want the other person to have complementary characteristics with us, not just any complementary characteristics. We need those interesting souls.

So when we are looking for a partner, we should be similar and complementary.

Your competitive spirit and the idea of conquering any boy will make you lost in love.

I have met many girls with very good conditions. When they meet a high-quality man, they want to get rid of him. She doesn't think it's a problem to win this boy on her own terms.

What is the final result? Finally, she was decided by this boy, and it was because you wanted to decide what any boy thought that you were decided by this boy.

She got stuck, she became a spare tire, she studied this boy all day, she had no bottom line to please this boy, they neglected their own construction and lost themselves. A person who has lost himself cannot attract the opposite sex at all.

Finally, the boy told her that we should be friends. She didn't understand why she had given so much, and the final result was still so sad.

She doesn't understand the truth that love is a process of two-way giving and positive feedback. You just pay unilaterally, but there is no positive feedback. You're not called love, you're called narcissism.

She doesn't even understand the truth. Real first-class masters in love never want to dump any boy, because they think it is meaningless, they are just constantly screening their goals.

Not all men can win a master's degree in love. Many girls say that Wendi Deng is very powerful. Hurry up and publish a book to teach me. Wendi Deng may have failed many times before, but she just didn't tell you. If you really want to learn, can you afford to fail? Can you take risks?

6. True love is a two-way effort and positive feedback. I don't encourage you to take from men without limit, nor do you encourage you to give to men without a bottom line.

He who takes and gives infinitely is a man who doesn't understand love. Both of them are extreme, and neither will have a good result, because it affects the ecological balance of love.

People who take infinitely will eventually lead to the imbalance of the mentality of the object they take, and those who pay infinitely will eventually lead to the imbalance of their mentality. Unbalanced love will not go on, they will definitely find the right object separately and establish a new balance.

I have met people who ask for unlimited pay, and none of them have a good result.

7. One of the biggest mistakes many girls make when they don't find a good man is that they think they should improve themselves first, and then the good man will fall from the sky.

Many parents have this idea, and their horizons and patterns are really limited. They must wait for their daughter to graduate from college before allowing her to fall in love.

As a result, my daughter didn't understand anything, and she was crushed by a girl who fell in love all the way.

This concept is essentially the concept of feudal arranged marriage. Arranged marriage has no step of falling in love. Just leave your daughter at home and find a suitable person to marry when she is old.

Now is the era of free love. Really knowledgeable parents have long allowed their daughters to fall in love at the age of 65,438+05-6. What can she do if she doesn't fall in love at the age of 65,438+05?

Let her fall in love when her daughter 13 years old. If she doesn't fall in love, I think her social skills are not good.

Don't suppress human nature. As a result of suppressing human nature, many people seem to be very conservative, but in fact they are very open in secret, because some things can't be suppressed, and they can only come secretly for fear of being told.

8. Many girls say that he doesn't want to find Ma Baonan, but he can't avoid Ma Baonan invisibly.

For example, if you want to find a family with good family conditions, this family was founded by his parents. It is impossible for the boy to rely on his family and not listen to his parents. He must be under the control of his parents.

Unless he is completely independent, works alone and has no resources at home, there will only be fewer and fewer such boys in the future, and many boys will definitely become mothers.

If a boy is not financially independent, he will become a passive treasure. For example, a boy likes you, but his mother doesn't like you. His mother tells him, "You can't be with her, or the real estate won't be given to you." Do you think he listens to you or his mother?

This is Ma Baonan's helplessness. If you don't want to find a man, you can only choose the self-made generation, or the phoenix man in the countryside.

Phoenix men in rural areas are the most independent and the least precious. It is impossible for such a boy to listen to his parents, but you have to dislike him.

What am I trying to say? There is no perfect object, what you want, you will definitely lose.

9. One of the most common mistakes some girls make when looking for a partner is that they regard looking for a partner as recruiting employees.

There are really many such girls. I often go deep into the front line and find many such girls. They look for partners as if they are the boss, and all the boys are freely chosen by her.

When they are looking for a partner, they are strict with boys' blood type, constellation and age figures. Anyway, I don't remember any more wonderful requirements.

Some girls even ask boys to wear red underwear, which I really can't understand.

The more you ask, the more you can't find a quality object. High-quality men will think you have a problem. This wonderful request will only attract more wonderful boys, even girls who are abnormal and masochistic like this.

What do really smart girls do? Their first consideration is what they can bring to the future object, not what they want.

What you want, others may not give you. When you can bring great value to a boy, he will naturally meet your requirements.

10. One of the biggest mistakes of girls in sexual relations is that they can't define their own position and don't know their own advantages.

Some girls are born to rely on men to eat, to develop and to achieve their life goals. They are good at this and are willing to pay the corresponding price, such as Wendi Deng and Gambi.

You are wasting their talents by asking them to follow the normal girl model and work honestly.

Some girls are born by themselves, not by men. She doesn't have the talent, like Dong Mingzhu. Her gift is to be a strong woman. If she thinks about how to rely on men all day, she may be mediocre all her life, and she won't be Wendi Deng.

Some girls are suitable to struggle and grow together with men. This process is also very happy, but some girls don't understand this truth. She wanted to find a ready-made and successful boy, but she couldn't find him and finally left herself.

Then, why can't a lot of emotional knowledge help you, because it treats all women as a kind of women, but every woman is different, their advantages and characteristics are different, and the patterns and trajectories they choose are definitely different.